“Honestly, I do, too. Maybe we can try some other resources. I know you have to work, but if we could finish the diaries, we’d gather more clues.”
“I can probably stay an extra hour tonight. I’m not too tired yet,” I say.
“Let’s see how long this account is and if you’re tired after it.”
“Sounds good. Oh, I bought a photo album today for us to put all these old photographs in. I figured, if we ever do find Estherly alive, we can return them.”
“You’re not only beautiful, intelligent, and funny, you’re also a very thoughtful woman.”
What I say next shocks me. “Be careful, Sam Landry. You’re liable to make me fall head over heels in love with you.” I’m even more surprised that I’m not ashamed by my words.
Neither of us remarks about the word vomit that shot from my mouth, so I open Estherly’s diary to the next passage.
15 October 1941
The most unimaginable thing has happened. My heart is torn into shreds, and I do not know how my family will recover. My mother has been crying nonstop, and none of us can console her. Not only has this horrible event happened to my family, but I’ve received terrible news about Mae.
Chapter 8 – Estherly
15 October 1941
It has been one week since I’ve seen Henry. I wait for him every night in our special place, but he has not come. I spend my nights with the little barn cat, who I’ve finally named Luna, which means “dweller” in Yiddish.
“Hand me that basket,” Oma says, interrupting my thoughts.
Standing in the garden, I grab the handle of the wicker basket and give it to my sister. She picks the ripe tomatoes off the vine and places them inside. Sitting on the ground, I’m little help to my sister with tending to her garden. In the dirt I draw hearts and stars with my index finger, all in different sizes. Catching myself starting to write his name, I erase it with my palm before Oma has a chance to see it.
“Are you just going to sit there?” she asks, shaking her head.
Rolling my eyes, I lie back on the dirt.
“I guess that’s a ‘yes.’” Turning back to her plants, she leaves me to my wallowing.
Looking up at the sky, the clouds dance with each other. Birds fly by, and the wind rustles the trees, creating a song on the breeze. Thinking of Henry sends my heart fluttering. I turn on my side towards Oma and prop my head up on my hand.
“How would you describe love?”
“What do you mean?” Oma asks, as she puts down her basket and moves towards me. She sits down next to me with a thud. I imagine my question caught her off-guard by the look she gives.
“If you could use one word to describe love, what would it be?” I ask, trying to be clearer.
“One word. That’s tough. Let me think.” She crinkles her nose and tilts her head to the side. “Devotion. What about you?”
“Tenderness… adoration… passion,” I say, smiling.
“That’s more than one!” Oma laughs.
Pulling her to the ground with me, we giggle. Even in this trying time in our lives, I find comfort that we can still share a moment of laughter together.
“What are you girls doing?”
Looking up, Gavi glares down at Oma and me.
“Nothing,” we say in unison.
“I need to talk to you,” Gavi says with his eyebrows narrowed as he kicks at a rock on the ground.
Oma and I stand up, brushing off leaves and dirt from our dresses.
“What is it?” I say, looking at him wide-eyed.
“We can no longer have a garden. According to the decree that was put out today, Jews are no longer allowed to have plants,” Gavi says, as he glances at Oma, then me.
Turning towards my sister, I find her mouth slack and her eyes full of tears.
“This is not fair! How will we eat?” Oma asks, throwing her hands in the air as droplets find their way down her cheeks.
“I think that’s the point,” Gavi says, his hands curled into tight fists.
“We still have the goods the stranger brings.” My heart skips a beat when the words leave my mouth. I think of Henry and all the sacrifices he makes for me and my family. They have no idea who comes at night and brings us food; I alone know how generous he is. Our love affair is a secret that he and I share.
“We can’t rely on that. We don’t know how long it will last,” Oma says.
“Well, regardless, having this garden is a death sentence, so we have to dig it up,” my brother says, as he heads towards the barn.
Reaching for my sister, I pull her into a hug. My heart saddens at the thought of how hard she has worked for this little garden and the sense of pride it has given her to provide for our family.
“I’m so sorry, Oma,” I say, resting my chin on her shoulder.
We break apart, and my brother makes his way back over to us, carrying two shovels and a rake.
We spend the remainder of the day picking the ripe vegetables for eating and then demolishing the picturesque garden my sister cherished.
The house feels eerie tonight as wind howls outside. Tiny gusts make their way in from around the windows, creating a haunting moan. I worry the wind will wake my family as I make my way out the back door for my nightly trip to our barn. For a moment, I hesitate, but the thought of seeing Henry overwhelms me and off I go. I run through the grass. The wind whips my hair in every direction and grabs at my coat. Slipping through the barn door, I catch my breath and then close it behind me to lock out the blustery weather.
Slivers of moonlight illuminate the barn, seeping in through the cracks in the wood. Luna wraps around my leg, purring. I’m grateful she made her way back to our safe place before the wind picked up.
“Estherly,” he calls, nearly causing me to jump.
“You scared me to death!” I say, as I rush towards Henry.
Taking me in his arms, his lips kiss the top of my forehead. Moving my head back, I glance up, gazing into his aqua eyes. For a moment, it’s as if the world stands still. Henry lowers his head and places his lips on mine. We linger as our tongues intertwine with one another, circling and twirling in perfect rhythm.
Letting me go, he grabs my hand and gestures for me to sit on a stack of hay. Sadness creeps across his expression, and in my gut, I know he has bad news for me. I take a deep breath and sit, preparing my emotions.
Henry takes a place in front of me and grabs both of my hands. Lowering his head, he clears his throat. “I’ve got news I have to tell you.”
“What is it? What’s happened? You’re worrying me.”
His voice deepens. “It hurts me to the core to have to bring you this news.”
My eyes tear because I know he’s got something bad to tell me. “Has something happened to Mae?”
“I’m sorry… she and her family have been killed.”
I shake my head, unable to believe the words he speaks. My chest tightens, and I’m unable to breathe. He pulls me into him, and deep sobs escape my lungs. Letting my grief overcome me, I sink my face into his chest. Tears soak the fabric of his shirt. Caressing my hair with one hand, he holds me close with the other.
“Why did this happen?” I ask, choking the words out through sniffles. “Why is this happening?” I yell, as I break from his embrace.
He reaches for me, but I’m up and on my feet before he can grasp me. Moving towards the barn door, I turn to see him stand and walk towards me. His face looks pained as he reaches out a hand to me. I don’t take it.
“What is wrong with you people? How could you do something like this? Monsters!” I scream at him, then bury my face in my hands. Sensing him close to me, I take a step back, and then feel his hand brush mine. The tenderness in his touch makes me drop my hands to my sides. He takes his palm and places it to my cheek.
“I didn’t do this. Please don’t be angry with me.” He leans in and places his forehead to mine.
“But, you are one of them, Henry!” I move away from him aga
in, and he grabs my wrist.
“This is not what I signed up for. I didn’t know when I enlisted that the war would lead to this. I’m ashamed of what is happening.” He tugs at my arm. Unable to resist, I give in and let him pull me into his arms. “I didn’t know there would be killings like this. I knew Hitler wanted to relocate the Jews, but I never thought innocents would be killed. Now that I’ve fallen in love with you, my entire outlook on this war has changed. I would never hurt you, Estherly. I will do anything I can to protect you, but some things are out of my control.”
“You couldn’t do a thing to save Mae and her family. What makes you think you can save mine?”
“I don’t know for sure that I can save you or your family, but know this, my love, I will die before I let anyone harm you. I’d stand before a firing squad if it meant saving your life.”
I shove away from him and push my tears down. “I love you, but I need time. I need answers. Why is this happening?”
“I don’t know the exact details of what transpired,” he soothes. “All I know is they’re all gone.” His eyes fall to the dirt floor. “Even the baby.”
Unable to control my emotions, I burst into tears again. I can’t bear looking at him any longer. “I think it’s time for you to leave.”
“Estherly—”
“I need time. Come back tomorrow night.” I turn for the door, push it open, and head into the blustery night.
A loud knocking raises me from sleep. I rush to Anika’s room, where I find her crawling out of bed with wide, frightened eyes. Oma and Gavi meet us in the hall as Anika and I come out of her room, making our way to our parents. My father goes down the stairs first, waving for us to stay at the top. I recall how Mae’s family was taken from their home and fear grips my heart.
When my father opens the creaking door, sunlight brightens the hallway.
“Simon Krauss?” A voice booms.
My heart sinks at the mention of my father’s name.
“Yes?” my father questions.
“Where is the rest of your family?”
I tug Anika close to my body as Gavi and Oma wrap their arms around my mother.
“They are upstairs sleeping,” my father says.
“Get them now!”
My father makes his way to the bottom of the stairs and, with fear in his eyes, reluctantly calls us to join him. Together, we take each step to our doom. Once we’re all downstairs, the SS asks if this is the whole family. We nod, and then he demands to see our papers. My father hurries to the living room. His hands shake as he pulls the papers from a desk drawer.
Handing the papers over to the man, we all wait in silence as he looks them over.
Turning towards my brother, the SS looks down at the top paper in his hand and looks Gavi up and down.
“This is my son,” my father says.
“You were not asked to speak!” the soldier yells.
My father takes a step back and lowers his head. My mother laces her fingers with his, and the look of horror on each of their faces crushes me. Anika burrows into my side when the SS bends and looks her square in the eyes.
“And you’re the youngest child, Anika?” he asks.
My heart finds its way into my throat as I wrap my arm tighter around her.
Straightening his back, the soldier then focuses on Oma. I don’t like the way he looks at her bosom, and I can tell by her downturned eyes that she’s uncomfortable. The room goes quiet as the man stands and stares at each of us.
He raises a finger and points it at Gavi. Tilting his head back towards the other SS standing behind him, he screams, “You!”
The other soldiers push past the man, pointing at Gavi and grab each of his arms. My brother struggles until his eyes meet my father’s, and he ceases moving. The look on my father’s face begs him not to fight. Gavi stands tall but doesn’t resist as the men lead him from our home. My mother covers her mouth in an attempt to stifle her cries. I look at Oma, and her lips part. I ask her with my stare not to say a word, for surely if she does, they’ll kill her.
“If you resist,” the head soldier says, looking at Gavi, “I’ll shoot you dead in front of your family.” He turns his gaze to us. “If you make one sound, I’ll kill the little girl first, then the rest of you.”
They walk through the door with my brother and before they shove him into a car parked directly outside our home, Gavi peers up with terror surging in his eyes. We stand perfectly still as we watch them drive away.
My mother falls to her knees as my father tries to hold her up. Together, they huddle and sob. Their loud cries echo through the house and bleed together with those of me and my sister.
We are helpless. They’ve stolen my brother from us, and I may never see him again.
Chapter 9 – Ferrin
“We are helpless. They’ve stolen my brother from us, and I may never see him again.”
Resting the diary on my leg, I look at Sam. His perfect lips drop as he looks down at his hands, which are clenched into fists. “I can’t believe they took her brother,” he says. “What other hell will this family go through?” Sam gets up from the couch and paces his living room. “Knowing that this is real makes it harder to read than, say, a fictional novel.”
“I think I’m going to be sick,” I say.
“Do you need to use my bathroom?”
“I feel so bad for Estherly and her family. They were literally ripped apart. Do you think they’re going to kill Gavi?”
“Honestly, from the little I know of the Holocaust, I would venture to say that Gavi didn’t make it.”
A tear trickles down my cheek. “The Nazis took men sometimes to… to a ditch. They’d have them walk or run to the ditch, and once they had them positioned where they wanted them, they would gun them down. Once I read that a Nazi soldier asked another at what age did they begin shooting men, and the other soldier told him fourteen years old. So, with Gavi being twenty-one, they could’ve taken him to murder him. What’s weird is that they didn’t take her father Simon. Maybe they took Gavi to a camp because he was able-bodied. He could’ve made it if that’s the case.”
Sam lets out a deep breath, and I know exactly how he’s feeling because my insides twist with pain and anguish for the Krauss family. I have the overwhelming urge to comfort Sam, so I rise from the couch and go to him. Placing my hand on his shoulder, I stare into pained eyes. “Are you okay?”
He nods, keeping his gaze locked on mine. “What about you? You really struggled reading that experience.”
“It’s devastating, but I’m hopeful that there’s more to Gavi’s story.”
Sam shakes his head, as if telling me to let go of my hope. Still inches away from me, not breaking our mutual stare, Sam says, “It’s 10:30.”
My heart sinks at the thought of going back home to my lonely house. With Sam so close to me, I wish he’d kiss me. Even if it were a short peck on the lips, that would make me feel a little better. Realizing my hand still rests on his shoulder, I go to remove it, but he stops me. Sam slides a hand around my waist and pulls me to his chest. I cave against him and sob. I cry for Estherly. I cry for her poor parents. I cry for Mae’s entire family. I cry for all the Jewish people lost during the Holocaust. I let out emotions I’d been holding in for days and fall apart in Sam’s arms. He squeezes me, and the warmth of his soul lingers in his hug.
He calls my name softly, and I look up into his reddened eyes. “Yeah?”
“Are you okay?”
“It’s so unfair. The lack of humanity astounds me.”
“It does me, too. But, are you okay?”
I fold my arms around Sam. “This helps. I don’t know how you knew I needed this.”
“Because I did, too. We’re reading some of the most emotional passages a person ever could. It’s affecting both of us in so many ways.”
“You don’t want me to stop reading to you, do you?”
“No. I started this with you and I’m going to finish it. I t
hink that we need to be honest with how we’re feeling. Talk it out.”
I tighten my grasp on him, taking in his musky scent. Kiss me, Sam. Kiss me and take away the aching in my heart. “You’re an amazing man.”
“You’re an incredible woman. I’m so glad we’re friends now.”
The word stings, but at the same time, I can’t agree with him more. As it stands, besides a couple of women from college that I rarely talk to, Sam is my only companion, other than Otis.
“Me, too,” I mumble, resting my head back on his chest where I listen to the rhythm of his heartbeat.
I could stay like this forever.
“All done crying?” he asks.
I sniffle and nod.
“Would you like me to walk you home?”
I break away from him, even though it’s the last thing I want to do. “You don’t have to. Maybe watch from your porch?”
“I don’t mind walking you.”
So I can spend more time with him, I nod. Walking away from Sam, I grab my purse, keys, and sweater from the chair, pick up Estherly’s diary, and wrap it in my sweater in case it’s sprinkling. Sam opens the front door, and I follow him outside. The air is crisp, and it cools my lungs when I take in a deep breath. My heart weighs heavy from all we’ve read in Estherly’s diary about Mae and Gavi.
“It’s chilly. Don’t you want your sweater on?”
“I’ll be okay. We’re a few more seconds to the door,” I say.
We walk in silence and I wonder what’s on Sam’s mind. Feelings of shame creep over me when I think that I thought he would kiss me when I was in his arms. What a fool I am.
“You’re still coming over tomorrow night after work for dinner and to read the next entry, right?”
“Yes. I’ll be over every night until we finish the diaries, unless of course you have plans.”
“Nope. You and Estherly’s diaries are my plans. I have to inspect a job my crew is doing, but I’ll do that during the day tomorrow while you’re at work.”
Remember the Stars Page 7