Remember the Stars

by Carraine Oldham

  Using a spatula, I take a hunk and plop it down on my plate next to the latkes.

  “We’ve had this slow-cooking since this morning. It should be nice and tender now,” Ani says, lifting the lid on a crockpot. “This is cholent. It has beef, potatoes, carrots, and onions, with special spices. It’s a lot like beef stew, but can be made with chicken, which is what I think we have in this pot, and lamb.”

  As we walk down the length of the table, Ani continues to explain the history of each dish, and by the time we reach the end, my plate is so full, I have to use two hands to carry it.

  We go back to where Oma sits, and I place my plate on the table near her.

  “This all looks so good. I can’t wait to dig in,” I say and smile at everyone around me. “Thank you all so much for going to all this trouble for me.”

  “It’s our pleasure. We love eating,” Lila says.

  The sisters and Helene excuse themselves to join the others in the dining room, leaving me alone with Oma.

  I take a bite of everything and can’t help the “Mmm” that comes with each bite.

  “What do you think of Jewish food?” Oma asks.

  “I could seriously get used to eating this way,” I reply. “Your family cooks so well.”

  “Thank you. I’m glad you’re enjoying it.”

  I finish everything on my plate, and Oma insists I go back for more. After a second serving of everything, I’m unable to breathe comfortably, but I can tell I’ve pleased my hosts.

  Dabbing a napkin at the corner of my mouth, I clear my throat and ask the question that’s been weighing on my mind.

  “How did Estherly pass?”

  Oma gently smiles. “One night, she went to sleep and didn’t wake up. She was old, too. It still amazes me that I’m still here and she’s not.”

  “I’m glad she didn’t suffer. She did enough of that already.”

  “Oren assured me that if she had suffered, he would’ve known. They went to bed together as they always did, and when he went to wake her in the morning, she was gone.”

  “And, Oren?” I ask.

  “Oren loved my sister so much that he couldn’t bear a life without her. He did the same thing. Went to take a nap one day, and I found him the next morning. I didn’t think anything of him sleeping through the entire night.”

  “I’m so sorry.”

  “It’s okay, dear. We all have to go at some point in time. I assume my time is near as well. Are you full?”

  “Very.” I smile.

  “That fills my heart with joy. So, tell me more about this Sam. He’s your neighbor, but is there more to your relationship than that and Estherly’s diaries?”

  I blush. “I have a terrible crush on him.”

  “Have you expressed your feelings for him?” Oma asks.

  I shake my head. “I couldn’t do that. He’s way out of my league.”

  “You’re a beautiful woman. You’re kind. You’re intelligent. What’s not to love? How can he be out of your league? No one is out of anyone’s league when it comes to matters of the heart. You should tell him how you feel.”

  “I dare say I might be in love with him,” I admit, for the first time. “When we started reading Estherly’s diaries together, I thought it was only a crush, but after the time I’ve spent with him, I’ve fallen.”

  Oma nods. “You need to tell him. Life is too short. You have to take risks, or you’ll regret not doing so in the end.”

  “That actually sounds like something Sam would say.”

  “Why didn’t he come with you?” Oma asks. “He seems to be as invested in all this Estherly business.”

  “He had two very important jobs he had to oversee. He owns his own construction company.”

  “Is he a dreamboat?” Oma smiles.

  “He’s unbelievably attractive.” Whipping out my cell phone, I show Oma a photo that Sam and I took together the last time we went out for lunch.

  “Oh, yes. He’s a looker, alright. A real dish. You need to snatch him up.”

  “He told me he missed me, and I can’t stop myself from making more of that than there is.”

  “How do you know there’s not more to it if you don’t tell him how you feel?” she insists.

  I nod, knowing she’s right. “Oma, I feel awful that I keep going on and on about Estherly.”

  “Why? She’s what brought you here.”

  “Yes, but you endured as much as she did.”

  Oma pats my leg. “What I went through in the camp was nothing compared to what Estherly suffered. I appreciate your concern, but I assure you, although Auschwitz was a nightmare, at least I didn’t lose the love of my life and my child. I had it a little easier than most because the Nazis felt they needed me. I worked hard and did what I was told, despite my ornery attitude. I was beaten a few times and lived with vermin and disease but managed to come out intact. Not only my body, but my mind, too.”

  “Auntie Oma, can I steal Ferrin?” Helene asks from behind me. “Everyone wants to meet her, and we’ve got about twenty family members to show her off to.”

  Oma shoos us away, but not before I can give her another hug.

  I spend the next hour getting to know all Estherly’s family, then rejoin Oma. When I approach her, the beautiful diary with the roses on the cover sits in her lap.

  “Do you see?” Oma asks, and I’m confused as to what she refers to.

  “Do you see that Estherly was surrounded by love? Oren gave my sister a life she could embrace and a happiness beyond measure. Even though Meir was missing from Estherly’s life, she had a very content and fulfilled one. She was always encircled by loved ones. We’re a very close family.”

  “Oh, yes, I do see.” And I do. I not only see the love but feel it in a grand measure.

  “This is for you,” she says, lifting the diary and handing it to me.

  “Oma, I can’t—”

  “You can and you will. I won’t have it any other way. I trust you. You’ve done well, keeping my sister’s belongings in good condition. You must finish Estherly’s story, and that’s what’s in this book. Once you’re done, hold onto them until you can come and visit us again. I know you’ll take care of them.”

  I want to take the book, but feelings of unworthiness overcome me.

  “Come on now, dear. I wouldn’t offer them if I didn’t trust you.”

  I accept the diary. It’s light, but elegant, and I’m dying to know the story waiting inside.

  “Kate tells me you’re leaving us tomorrow.”

  “I got in trouble at work and have to head back,” I say. “I wish I could stay longer.”

  “You have to do what you have to do. Be grateful for the time we’ve had.”

  “I am. I’m so very thankful.”

  Looking around, I notice the family gathering their things and it seems they’re saying goodbye. When I glance at Oma, tiredness shows in her eyes. I don’t want to leave but know that my time here has come to an end.

  “Oma, it’s been a blessing meeting you.”

  “Sweet girl, you’re the blessing,” she says, taking my hand.

  “I will come back and see you very soon and return the diaries. Thank you for the photos, sharing your and Estherly’s stories, and for your hospitality today.”

  “You’re family now, Ferrin.”

  Placing my hand over my heart, I grin. “I didn’t think it would be possible that I’d find you. I’m so glad I took the risk and tried.”

  Oma winks. “Now, take a risk and tell Sam how you feel about him.”

  I laugh. “Okay, I’ll do it.”

  “Remember what I said: life is short. Not everyone lives to be ninety-six like me. Think, if you hadn’t taken a chance in coming to Virginia, we wouldn’t be such good friends now, would we?”

  I shake my head. Standing, I lean in and place a kiss on Oma’s forehead. As I do so, Estherly’s daughters come up behind me.

  “Are you taking off?” asks Lila.

&nbs
p; “I’m afraid I have to. It’s getting late, and I have an early flight.”

  “Thank you,” says Kate.

  I fight back the emotions from the moment. I could stay with these people forever and be happy. Being around them makes me appreciate my family even more. I make a promise to myself that I’ll call my mother and grandmother as soon as I get home and let them know how much they mean to me.

  Coming in for a hug, Ani says, “Thank you for finding us.”

  Unable to control them, tears collect in the corners of my eyes. “You’ve all been so wonderful,” I say, squeezing her.

  I take my time hugging each of Estherly’s family members before I say goodbye.

  On the phone with Sam, I tell him all about my day with Estherly’s family. I don’t take Oma’s advice and confess my feelings for him, but I do think about how I’ll tell him once I arrive back at home. After I finish describing all the wonderful foods I tried and recount all the facts I learned, I open Estherly’s diary and read:

  10 May 1945

  It’s been two years since I’ve written in you. After giving up Meir, everything inside me died. Words no longer came as easily as they once did. Each day, it took all the effort I had to survive. Now, life has completely changed. We have been liberated. The war is over. The Nazis are no longer in power. Their reign of terror has come to an end, and I’m finally free. I’ve met a wonderful American doctor who’s caring for me, and as soon as I’m well, I will find Meir.

  Chapter 22 – Estherly

  10 May 1945

  “What if they’re wrong?” I say, running my hands over my growling stomach, feeling each curve of my rib cage. I can’t remember the last time I ate, and my body wears down.

  “But, what if they’re right? It’s a chance we have to take,” Klara says, grabbing my hands trying to pull me from the ground.

  “I can’t. Please leave me,” I grumble, as I pull my hands from hers.

  “We’re not going to leave you. We will help you walk,” Oskar says.

  “This could be what we have been waiting for. The war may be over, and we may be saved,” Klara says.

  Bringing my knees to my chest, I curl up into a ball, hoping they will give up and go without me. I can’t bear the thought of trying to walk. Even with rumors of liberation, I can’t muster up the strength to move from the shack floor. I wouldn’t be the first person of our group to die of starvation. I have long since accepted my fate, and almost welcome it. What have I got to live for anyway? I think, as Oskar puts his arms around my back and under my legs, lifting me. Pulling me close to his chest, he carries me.

  “You’re coming with us, Estherly,” he says, as he walks towards the door. He wobbles, and I know that even in my frail state, carrying me is too much for his enfeebled condition.

  “Please, put me down. I’ll try walking,” I say, and Oskar lowers me to the ground. “Grab my coat, please. I want to take all my things with me.”

  Wrapping it around me, Oskar puts my coat on. Klara follows our lead and then grabs our belongings. I stuff my diary and my little pencil into my pockets. Each of them tucks an arm under mine and holds me as we walk out of what was our home for the past three years.

  Dragging me through the forest, my ankles buckle with every step I try to take. Knowing I am slowing Klara and Oskar down fills me with guilt. I try my best to keep up with their pace, but my legs feel like rubber bands that have been stretched to their limit. My breath catches as pain surges through my bones with each movement. Everything in me wants to give up, but Klara and Oskar refuse to let me.

  “A bit farther, you can do it. We’re almost to the field,” Klara says.

  Looking up, the sun shines through a canopy of trees. I’ve lived without hope for years now, and the rumors of liberation haven’t done much to give me any. We’ve heard stories before that turned out to be nothing more than rubbish. The trees spin, and bile rises in my throat. Even though it’s freezing outside, sweat beads on my brows. I look at my hands in the light of day, and my skin is translucent.

  I’ve come to love the smell and sounds of the forest over the years. Looking around, I search for the little bird tweeting in the trees, but I’m unable to spot it through the branches.

  I stare at the ground while Oskar and Klara drag me over it. The condition of my shoes worries me about the sore on the bottom of my left foot that won’t heal.

  “Oskar, I think she’s going to faint,” Klara says, and her voice sounds like it’s coming from a tunnel. My eyes roll up to my head, and I gather that Klara is correct.

  Stopping, they lower me to the dirt, and the bones of my bottom hit hard on the forest floor.

  “Ouch,” I say, barely able to breathe.

  “I don’t know if she’s going to make it,” Oskar says. “I fear she’s too weak, darling.”

  “Estherly,” Klara takes my chin into her hand and scolds me with a stern tone. “You need to get up. We’re so close.”

  “I can’t do it,” I say. “I’m sorry. I can’t move. Please leave me. Go see if it’s true. Go and see if we’ve been liberated. If so, come back and bring help.”

  “Klara, I think she’s right. We should go get help for her if it’s available. She’s fading fast.”

  Klara looks from me to Oskar. She takes a deep breath and lets it out. Her eyes narrow and sadness touches her gaze. Bending, she places a kiss on my cheek. “We will come back for you. I promise,” she says.

  Grabbing one of my hands, Oskar presses his lips to my cold fingers. Taking off his coat, he drapes it over me. Klara rises, and she and Oskar set off running towards the field.

  The sound of leaves crunching under their feet becomes distant as I lay on the ground, unable to move, shivering. My body, once aching, numbs as my jaw quivers. Even with Oskar’s coat and mine, the coolness of the breeze chills me to my bones. I stare up at a tall tree. The branches sway as the wind catches them, and dry leaves float down around me. I wonder if Oskar and Klara will come back for me and worry for their safety. I know my time is up. This is the end. My life slips away with each passing moment, like the leaves that break from the trees. Closing my eyes, I see Meir’s face and remember tracing his tiny lips with the tip of my fingers. My heart breaks when I think, I’ll never see him again. The thought motivates my will as I open my eyes and roll onto my side. I won’t let that happen. I will find my son.

  Pushing up, I get on all fours and fall on my face. The impact sends sparks of pain through my body. Determined, I press my palms into the dirt and thrust myself up again. Nearly passing out, I use the tree to steady my legs. With my will as my only drive, I take steps to the next tree… and then the next. Crashing to my knees, I lift myself again, tears streaming from my eyes. Locking my gaze on another tree for stabilization, I move my feet. I reach trunk after trunk until, finally, there’s nothing else to grab onto.

  Sinking to the forest floor, I gaze at the field before me. Oskar and Klara speak with a soldier. The soldier doesn’t wear a Nazi uniform, and it’s one I don’t recognize. Klara throws her arms around the man, and I know the rumors are true. With all my might, I pull myself along the ground and try calling out Klara’s name. Nothing but a weak breath comes from me.

  Digging my nails into the dirt, I pull myself. The muscles in my arms scream in agony as more tears gather in my eyes. “Help,” I cry, but know that no one can hear me. I crawl through the meadow and everyone seems miles away. Collapsing, I curl into a fetal position. I can’t make it. I have no strength left, except for that which lives in my heart. Freedom is so close I can taste it, but I’m afraid I’m going to die in this field. The same place my parents perished.

  Two arms slide underneath my body, and I’m lifted. Pressed against a strong chest, I snuggle into its warmth.

  “Henry?” I ask with my last breath, and my world goes dark.

  When I come to, I find myself staring into the bluest eyes I’ve ever seen. I never thought anyone could have such bright-aqua eyes besides Henry.
But, these aren’t Henry’s eyes, a realization that smacks me in the face.

  Leaning near me, with kindness in his eyes and a smile, a man speaks German. “Hello, Estherly, I’m Medical Officer Oren Rose with the United States Army. You’re safe. You’ve been transported here to the hospital. Your friends are here and safe, as well. They’ve updated me on your history. You fainted when I found you in the field. I’ll be looking after you while you’re here.”

  “Is it true? Is the war over?”

  “Not yet, but we’re close. The Soviets have liberated Poland and the Allied forces are working to in other countries.”

  Elation comes over me, and tears of joy pour from my eyes. I grab the doctor’s hand and clasp it with my other one. “Thank you. Thank you.”

  “There’s no need to thank me, ma’am. Rescuing you and seeing that you’re taken care of is all the thanks I’ll need. We’ll be treating you for malnutrition, and I noticed you have a wound on your left foot. I’d like to start you on antibiotics for the wound and symptoms of a severe infection. We’ll get you a light meal and water. Nurse,” he calls.

  Five women stand in the corner of the room with scowls on their faces.

  “They’re Nazis,” I say, noticing the insignias they wear.

  “Yes, they are. You don’t have to be afraid, though. Do you see that soldier standing over there?” he points to a man holding an automatic weapon. “He’s going to make sure that they take very good care of you.” Still holding onto his hand, he gives mine a squeeze. “I promise you, you are safe. We will not let anyone harm you. You’re in the care of the American Red Cross and the Soviet and U.S. Armies. We’re here to help, but we don’t have the manpower or medical staff to do it alone.”

  One of the nurses approaches with fear in her eyes.

  “I need you to bring this patient hot soup and a glass of water right away,” says Oren.