Rewriting Stella

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Rewriting Stella Page 30

by Tuttle, Dan;


  housemate included. In the comments his

  emojis ranged from cross to righteous fist,

  the first for dropping references to nuns

  and second as a sign he’d too resist

  the insularity it argued shuns

  transparent dialogue over opaque

  so that we’d all together this world make.

  196.

  That ‘friend’ of whom she’d written fit the beat

  but complicated later tales to come.

  It felt much easier and, well, discreet

  to craft a narrative of only one.

  She climbed out on the roof and sat a bit,

  her favorite spot to let her mind off-leash.

  Great sagas looked up to did not omit

  supporting characters. A good pastiche

  would do as such. Perhaps she’d kill two birds

  with one verse, if she stole first eyeballs then

  minds from Tee’s hangers-on with crafty words;

  and also come to peace with self again?

  Important would be pacing of the clues

  such that no one suspected long-con ruse.

  CHAPTER 23

  197.

  That week, the weather forecast warm and still,

  they chose to move the meeting spot outdoors.

  Stel didn’t mind they’d picked the drugging thrill

  of hookah bar near Geary. New routes, tours

  among the city’s many hangouts came

  because they found that getting table at

  Deluxe was harder every week. The fame

  of Darla’s selfie post weaved fable that

  hot spot to be on weeknight was that bar.

  Though bittersweet to leave a place they’d liked,

  they recognized more business meant its star

  musicians might get tips deserved, were psyched.

  It also sanctioned group to range, explore

  what manifold metropolis had stored.

  198.

  The night was late for weekday, early for

  the other things that fueled the Tenderloin.

  Across the street were chicken wings (‘galore!’);

  at corner stood a group transgender. “Coin

  to spare?” asked limping, nappy blanket-wrapped

  man walking by. “No, sorry,” Tee replied.

  “GODDAMMIT! Fucking arrogance,” he snapped.

  Tee wasn’t rattled, knew that he’d subside

  and watched him stumble back to cloaking night.

  “Well, that was awkward,” Benny said. “Eh, it’s

  a part of SF. Can’t be too uptight.

  To him we’re ATMs. It kinda fits:

  he’ll ask, sometimes he’ll get, sometimes he won’t.”

  “I’ll give him something,” Benny said. “Please don’t.”

  199.

  Joe: “Why? Aren’t you some socialist?” “In part.

  But it’s a thing of practicality.

  Made this mistake before. He’s gonna start

  harassing more. The act – er, gallantry –

  will sink our evening. But if you’re inclined

  to give once we’re all done and heading home

  then go for it.” Benita in a bind,

  she nodded, backed down. Homelessness syndrome

  presented symptoms similarly all

  across the city: cussing, restlessness,

  and stench and drugs, sometimes graffiti’s scrawl.

  Some voters wanted to invest less, kiss

  them all goodbye by pulling services.

  Tee: “I think what makes rich folks nervous is

  200.

  their inexperience, not knowing what

  a homeless guy is going to do because

  where they grew up was segregated, shut.”

  “Uh, Tee, you know long back those Jim Crow laws

  were struck down, right?” But Benny in defense

  piped up, “Wrong point, Joe. Technically they were.

  Repeal’s not full repair. Use common sense.

  You know life’s more complex than that.” “But her

  whole point’s that we were separated.” “Yes.

  We were.” “We weren’t.” “You’ve heard of redlining?

  Some basic hist’ry shows that we’ve compressed

  together racial groups, whites headlining

  the flight to like communities with gates.

  Then taxes otherwise that modulate

  201.

  school quality and opportunity

  fly too. Think back to how you grew up, Joe.

  Your peaceful neighborhood community,

  SoCal McMansion tract grid tan château

  was populated by professionals.

  I bet it didn’t have the working class.

  You’re not on hook for some confessional

  of racism. Point’s that no poor trespassed,

  and so you lived in bubble, couldn’t know

  in any way about the other half,

  caught in a personalized Truman Show

  staged all by where your parents lived.” He laughed,

  dismissing Benny’s point without reply,

  a maddening reaction from the guy.

  202.

  “Across the street there, Nazareth Hotel,”

  said Tee, of building run-down at first look.

  “You think if you grew up there you’d excel?

  You’d have a place to study, read your books?”

  She paused to let it sink in. Man-bun heard.

  The windows barred in iron, broken screens,

  and doorstep feces spoke louder than word.

  “The name aside, I don’t see Nazarenes

  too plentiful ’round here.” Joe nodded, said,

  “But kids don’t grow up in hotels.” “Oh no?

  It must be hard to dream from featherbed,

  but that right there’s what’s called an ‘SRO’.

  Think dorm room,” she said, waving off his phone

  procured to look it up. “With methadone.”

  203.

  It then was Stella’s turn to check the web

  and figure out the reference. Heroin

  addiction, Google said, was often ebbed

  by methadone, drug fairly narrow in

  its application. Café waiter came

  to get their order, said the minimum

  was pipe per sidewalk table. Joe asked, “Name

  best-selling flavors sir, please.” “Mint with some

  small bit of bitter apple’s pretty good.”

  “One mint, one bitter apple, then. We’ll mix.”

  Man left. Tee said, “Geez… think what parenthood

  would be like with your neighbors turning tricks.”

  Tee spoke with some authority, immersed

  in humanizing stories as a nurse.

  204.

  Or rather, she was studying to be

  one, and she clocked her hours of practicum

  as aide at nearby clinic. “One, two, three…”

  the waiter counted to exacting sum

  as he set down each apple tea and wrapped

  bright colored plastic mouthpiece, sanitized.

  Next door in nook a lumpy figure napped

  on cardboard fresh from Amazon, man-sized.

  In absence of another subject, Tee

  continued musing, “I don’t get how both

  the cities here, inhabiting same wee

  landmass, but forty-nine square miles, are loath

  to interact. It’s like same footprint holds

  creased heaven, hell, and purgatory folds.”

  205.

  Stel thought about how life at study desk

  contrasted with what Tee described went on

  across the street, kids left in Kafkaesque

  depressing halls to grow up, shared-floor johns.

  Adults could try controlling where they went


  and who they interacted with, but when

  in such tight quarters couldn’t circumvent

  their thin shared wall with halfway-housing men.

  Kept far from danger, close to textbooks moored,

  Stel didn’t have a basis to compare.

  Both she and they had much they had endured.

  Won’t everyone have items to forswear

  from any, every past? To have regret

  is simply to be human, Stella bet.

  206.

  Hydraulic Cadillac from sixty-two

  refurbished in a candy apple red

  rolled by with JBLs on Changes, Tu-

  pac’s single wondering when he’d get dead.

  The part about if cops cared cued car chant:

  “Philando! Sterling! Garner! Clark! Brown! Rice!”

  all murdered black men. Tee said, “Sucks I can’t

  do much to help in clinic. Doc’s advice

  was try to put up barriers, protect

  ourselves from patients, so to better care

  for them. I can’t. That feels more like neglect.

  There’s lots of moms our age in doctor’s chair.”

  The waiter brought both water pipes with hell’s

  own inner fire beneath coals gray ash shells.

  207.

  With hookah passed around and topic hard,

  excuses went unspoken as to why

  most Opposition quieted. Safeguard

  for difficulty’s often to be shy.

  As silence played with minty apple fumes

  their normal buzzing hive was dully fogged.

  Their thoughts were skyjacked by the swirling plumes

  that densely danced from bowl pipes waterlogged.

  “Cade, you grew up ’round here, no?” “Not nearby,

  Joe. More The Richmond, downhill from the park.

  You know that slope Arguello has? Steered my

  phat yellow black Big Wheel down in the dark,

  completely wrecked it, broke a collarbone

  and spent six weeks of kindergarten home.”

  208.

  “Ha!” “Yeah. With no one home I had to go

  down to the ER by myself. Dad worked.”

  “Good god.” “Ain’t that bad, everyone’s got woes.

  It’s mostly funny,” Cade said as he smirked,

  “And if there’s one thing rap has taught me, it’s

  that all of us should thank like whoa the fact

  that we ain’t living where we’re blown to bits

  by bump stocks, rockets, IEDs, or smacked

  by cops, or dealers, bullies, all that stuff.

  You wake up breathing? Treat it like a dance.”

  Except, Stel thought, when waking calls the bluff

  of dreams lost childhood might get second chance.

  She chose not to go down that rabbit hole,

  and poked to turn the ash-entombed charcoal.

  209.

  That night they had the privilege yet again

  of being graced by YouTube’s homemade queen,

  young Darla (less Hong Kong and more Shenzhen

  in person, contrast to her life onscreen).

  No one in Opposition would admit

  to telling her where this week’s meeting was

  since Cade had made it clear she didn’t fit

  and didn’t like how she did what she does.

  “We’re live from Nile Cafe,” she said to cell,

  “where apple-mint is on the menu, and

  though you may want to show up as a belle

  avoid high heels ’cause this is crack pipe land!”

  The group aghast, her bright composure’s wrath

  smacked of the empathy of sociopath.

  210.

  Dar’s camera angled so the group was cut

  out, showing only her and neon sign.

  “Dar, what you’re doing’s illegitimate.”

  “Cool off, I’m joking, Tee.” “It’s beyond line

  that anyone of decency would draw.

  You’re making advertising money from

  a joke about folks so fucked up they gnaw

  their own teeth out to cope.” “Well, they’ve succumbed

  to drugs, their choice, they know what happens.” “Dar,

  you’ve never met an addict, never talked

  to one, and never understood streets scar

  with more abuse. You think if you were stalked

  and lived out here the cops would give a shit?

  Crack use begins ’cause folks have gotta quit

  211.

  all sleep at night, for safety. Nap? Get knifed.

  Or rather, the alternative’s a drug.

  And so in fear she’ll choose to save her life.

  Then you show up stilettoed, looking smug

  to smoke and joke and midnight toke. Get out.”

  With selfsame plaster smile protecting face

  Dar stood to leave, no sign there’d been fallout,

  dropped five bucks on the table, turned with grace

  and strode away toward cocktail bars. “Hear, hear!”

  said Cadence, toasting apple tea to Tee,

  “for driving incubus who’s insincere

  away!” Mugs raised to hostess. “Tee, truth be

  forever spoken so to power.” “Her? Dar

  was hardly power.” “Her fans in numbers are.”

  212.

  “Let’s not go back to power talk, friends. We’re here,

  we’re liberated from our parasite.”

  “Still here!” said man-bun Joe, grin ear to ear.

  “She’s worse, Joe. We see you in fairest light,

  and even some day might give tiny think,”

  Tee grinned to match, “to cutting you some slack.

  But not tonight.” She finished with a wink

  on face-dark side not seen by most of pack.

  “Well, I, for one, am suffocating,” he

  said to the group, “and I don’t mean by smoke.

  San Fran’s too much sometimes. Airbnb

  of interest soon? Drive north toward Cali oak

  and cypress territory, Mendo coast?”

  They’d text through deets if Joe would play the host.

  CHAPTER 24

  213.

  A fact Mo mostly glossed over before

  was long-held fondness for all Disney flicks.

  Stel couldn’t know if Mona heretofore

  had loved them or if she’d played politics

  on sly with Cade while dating. Anyway,

  in evenings all too frequently they now

  dropped princess films instead of Dr. Dre.

  With stereo recovering, Cade vowed

  to keep up Stella’s education in

  most useful life insights in canon rap.

  In meantime, they’d watch Ariel and Gwyn

  and Alice. Stella liked the more madcap

  and, since she hadn’t seen them as a kid

  sat in to watch when not by Cade forbid.

  214.

  “You’re kidding, Stel. You really never watched

  a single one of these on VHS?”

  “Not kidding, Mo.” “That’s nuts. By four I’d notched

  through all of them. Loved every sorceress!”

  Stel settled on the well-worn couch, the stuffed

  green armchair held up Yeye too. They’d stopped

  pretending he was present. When he huffed

  it gave a little signal life still bopped

  somewhere inside. It would be comforting

  except for that it happened loudly, twice

  a minute. Cade sat too. “My bum hurting

  you here? No? Good.” “Your hips, to be precise,”

  said Mo. “Ain’t no one here got hips except

  you, babe.” She rolled her eyes. “He’s still inept.”

  215.

  Arrayed on Roku�
��s screen on long timeline

  was every cinematic masterpiece

  (and every dud) since 1939,

  when Snow White first appeared. Soon rasters fleeced

  the household through invented CRT,

  aired color prime-time broadcast MGM

  produced of Wizard’s Oz. To see art be

  alive in technicolor, gleaming gems

  of emerald to poppy fields bewitched.

  Home’s glowing box made place to gather ’round,

  a transfixed cell that advertisers pitched,

  a group that coexisted sans own sound.

  From 1950s hence, boob tube equipped

  producers to keep mass opinions gripped.

  216.

  The trio’s watch list that night sidestepped time,

  not chronologically laid then to now.

  Tonight they picked between Steven Sondheim’s

  Dick Tracy songs and Menken’s score that wowed

  from start to finish, snagged Academy

  Award, and fueled Aladdin fandom far

  into the future. “Don’t look bad to me,”

  said Cade, regarding green eyes of Jafar.

  “I’ll pass on a detective story, Mo,”

  chimed Stella, hoping votes of two cult fans

  would let her let them watch grouch Iago

  connive with Grand Vizier against Sultan,

  watch one-time urchin rising from the streets,

  from magic carpet wishes to elites.

  217.

  Cold open introduced a story told

  by merchant who himself had not been part,

  of ordinary bronze lamp, dullish gold

  whose magic changed the fate of one upstart.

  A young man who, like lamp, was more than seemed,

  a diamond in the rough. A scarab’s flight

  to start Saharan moonlit second scene

  unmasked hid cavern treasure, entrance site

  imposingly betoothed. To enter there

  required a soul of rightest kind to spelunk,

  zigzag down pitfall stairs to belly lair.

  Within, to find among the priceless junk,

  amid bejeweling gems that stole the eyes,

  the object of true power required the wise.

  218.

  A chase right after that showed viewers who

  protagonist would be, Aladdin. He,

  denied a basic education, food,

  or housing, had to pilfer what he’d eat.

  When chased by guards, he took a hint and faced

  the facts, that you’re my only friend, Abu!

  He tiptoed ’round the law, each step erased

  that sign that he’d existed. Nom de plume

  where needed was so used. The Golden Rule

  in Agrabah was: who has gold, makes rules.

  The royalty immunely ridicule

  the urchins who had neither bread nor jewels.

  Fantastic Genie helped illuminate

 

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