Villains Don't Do Time! (Night Terror Book 6)

by Mia Archer

  "Of course Miss Fialux," he said. "We’ll do everything in our power to make sure everything here is to your liking."

  "Please," she said with a warm smile that didn't quite reach her eyes. "You can call me Fialux."

  “Of course… Fialux."

  I would've put good money on him being about to call her Miss Fialux again when he trailed off there. He looked like the kind of bureaucratic puke who’d kissed a lot of ass on his way up. Maybe even done a little bit of tongue action on some of that ass because wasn’t that what obsequious bureaucrats were for?

  Basically your typical servile bureaucratic asshole who was a spineless puddle of jelly in front of the people he thought could advance his career, and a real hardass to everyone below him.

  Sure I hadn't even talked to the guy, but I knew the type. His kind was as eternal as the sun rising in the morning.

  "I have a new shipment for you to take care of," Fialux said. "I trust you can find accommodations for them as well?"

  "Of course… Fialux," the warden said.

  He swallowed. This guy looked really nervous. I was starting to wonder if maybe the pressure of having to constantly remember he was on a first name basis with the new half-ruler of the world was going to kill him.

  It would serve the bastard to sweat a little. Son of a bitch quisling. Collaborating with a bunch of asshole aliens trying to take over the world.

  No, not a bunch of asshole aliens trying to take over the world. These were a couple of assholes backed by aliens who’d taken over the world. Or at least they’d taken over Starlight City and were getting ready to take over the world.

  And unlike, say, a certain mousey duo, these jerks had actually managed to complete their attempt to try and take over the world. In one day they’d accomplished more than I had in my entire villainous career.

  It put a lot of things in perspective. Like why I even bothered to go around calling myself the greatest villain in the world if I couldn’t accomplish in years what Fialux, her new girlfriend, and the alien wonder bunch had accomplished in a day.

  "Bring the others in,” Fialux shouted as the forcefield hero she’d brought in with her was carted off by prison guards.

  Some of those alien shock troops that’d been floating over the city firing indiscriminately on anything that moved marched in. They moved in an impressive lockstep. At least it would’ve been impressive if it didn't look like something straight out of Triumph of the Will. Or maybe one of those old movies of the the Red Army parading in front of Red Square showing off their red missiles with their red this and red that.

  Basically what I'm getting at is the whole thing would’ve looked way more impressive if they weren’t already imitating the worst hits of humanity with that lockstep marching.

  A bedraggled group shuffled behind those shock troopers with more of the shock troops behind them. One of the aliens took off their helmet and I held my breath. I’d been waiting for the big reveal. What did these jerks look like? The fact that they were vaguely humanoid was disappointing enough.

  I’d always been one to argue that true aliens wouldn’t look anything like the humans in heavy makeup that scifi trained humanity to expect when we made contact, and I knew a few old school Internet flame warriors who were probably smugly patting themselves on the back even though the flame wars had long since been deleted from whatever ancient servers they’d taken place on.

  The alien turned revealing blue skin with jet dark hair. Son of a bitch!

  9

  Spaced Invaders

  I leaned as far forward as I could with these reinforced bars blocking me from getting closer.

  I tried to hide the glee I felt at seeing a blue humanoid alien. After all, that was something straight out of one of my favorite Timothy Zahn books ever. There’d only ever be one sequel trilogy to Star Wars for me, and it started with a big blue alien menace fucking shit up. Not a bunch of whiny mopey teenagers trying to take the torch from the characters we loved and failing miserably.

  I stood on my tiptoes. Tried to get a better look, but the alien turned away.

  "Okay you alien assholes," I whispered. "What's your game here?”

  I watched the individuals being brought into this high tech high security prison facility with interest. Because it looked like a bedraggled group of very heroic people who’d just had their asses handed to them.

  They had the shell shocked sort of look of people who’d gone into a fight they’d expected to win and quickly been disabused of that notion. It was a feeling I could identify with.

  Some of them were young. Like they were just getting started. Maybe they'd been laying low while all the nastiness was going on between me, Fialux, and Dr. Lana. Or maybe they'd being doing bush league stuff on the outskirts of the city rather than trying to take on the big leagues Fialux and I had locked down.

  But there were other heroic types in that crowd who were even more interesting. I'm talking a guy whose gut was so big that his tight shirt didn’t fit over it. I could see in his belly button, and the rest of his stomach looked like something NASA might send back from the surface of a strange world on the outlying regions of the solar system.

  Others weren’t in quite as bad a shape as that guy, but they wore costumes that looked like they hadn't seen much use in years. Like their fashions were ‘80s or ‘70s hero chic. There was one older woman with silver hair who wore something straight out of heroic high fashion in the ‘60s, as impractical as that’d been for women back then with the skirts and high heels and all.

  It looked even more uncomfortable on her now in her obviously aged state. It was like they'd all decided they were going to suit up and get out there to save the world one last time. Even if they’d been out of the business for decades.

  "Damn," I said. "I don't even know who half those people are."

  "I recognize that lady with the silver hair," Ron said.

  That was the woman in the outfit straight out of the ‘60s. A skirt that didn’t look all that flattering on a grandmother and high heels that put a woman of her age in serious danger of tripping and breaking a hip.

  But she moved with confidence. She moved like she wasn’t in danger of breaking anything, let alone a hip. And if she was with that crowd it meant badass grandma had been out there dusting it up with the best of them.

  "You recognize her?”

  "Sure thing," he said. "Firebrand was one of the best in this city. Years ago, though. I haven't seen her out and about since… Well I think since I was a little kid."

  He stared at the old lady with clear worship in his eyes, but I found myself wondering what the heck there was to worship there. After all, she looked like somebody's grandma who'd obviously kept herself in shape. Which meant she looked like she had no business doing the whole super hero thing even if she did carry herself with confidence.

  "Yeah," Ron said, his voice getting wistful. "Firebrand was the hotness back then."

  "Way back then?" I asked.

  "You could say that," Ron said. "You know I used to have one of her posters over my bed growing up? She still had it in the ‘70s and it really…”

  "The less I know about what you did with the posters you had up over your bed the better our relationship is going to be Ron," I said.

  "Sure thing Miss Terror," he said.

  I stared at that old woman with her silver hair. She looked around and she was defiant. Even when she looked at Fialux. Though there was something else in her expression when she looked at Fialux.

  It was the kind of expression I’d expect from a disappointed grandmother.

  I could understand a little bit of disappointment. After all, here was a woman who'd been a heroine back in the day. Back before I was born. And now she saw someone standing before her who'd taken every ideal she'd upheld when she was working and thrown it all away.

  "Heroes," I scoffed.

  "Funny you should say that Miss Terror," Ron said.

  "Why would you say that Ron?" I as
ked.

  "That's simple," he said. "Everything you were doing right before you get knocked out and taken to this place looked pretty heroic.”

  "I'm just trying to protect my territory," I said. "That's villainous through and through."

  "Whatever you say, Miss Terror,” he said with a twinkle in his eye that I didn't care for.

  I rolled my eyes. The last thing I needed was an overweight cop who was basically a glorified security guard for a glorified prison to tell me whether I was heroic or not.

  "What seems to be the delay warden?” Fialux asked.

  "No delay," he said. "We’re merely having difficulty finding a place to put these heroes. There were so few heroes and villains coming into our facility after…"

  The warden went quiet. His eyes darted towards my cell. I got the distinct feeling he was talking about how their numbers had gone down after I'd come onto the scene and imposed the Pax Night Terror.

  "I don't care what you have to do," Fialux said, sounding very unlike her.

  Then again trying to take over the world was already so very unlike her that it's not like there were many other lines for her to cross.

  "But we would have to…"

  “You don’t need to worry. We will take care of the overpopulation problem for you,” Fialux said. “In the meantime it would be a good idea for you to remember who is in charge now and do what needs to be done. I don't care if you have to double up prisoners or throw heroes in with villains. If they fight it out then they'll take care of some of those population problems for us."

  She paused. Put a hand to her chin and looked around at everyone. I really didn’t like that look. Like an awful terrible idea had just occurred to her, and she loved it.

  That wasn’t the Fialux I'd known and loved. The Fialux who wouldn't hurt a fly if she could avoid it while she was trying to destroy a superpowered being attacking the city.

  "Very well," the warden said. "It will be as you say."

  "Of course it will," Fialux said, her tone saying there was never any doubt in her mind that he’d do exactly what she demanded. Fialux combined with whatever mental mojo that crazy Sabine woman had worked on her was a very terrifying thing.

  Fialux turned on her heels and clicked out of the room. Heels were new. She'd always been practical about her fashion choices when she was working. Well, except for the whole crop top and miniskirt she always wore, but what was the point in worrying about covering herself entirely when her skin was invulnerable?

  At least that’s how she’d phrased it when I asked her about her fashion choices.

  The fashion changes as much as the fascistic change to her attitude told me we were in a very dangerous place. There was a superpowered being on this world who was not only willing to seize the levers of power, but was more than capable of doing it while crushing any and all resistance.

  Fialux walked right past my cell. I opened my mouth to call out to her again, but then thought about the near prison riot I’d caused. It's not like I was particularly concerned about causing a prison riot so much as I didn't want to listen to that loud and angry shouting all over again.

  Besides, I could yell at her until I was blue in the face, but I had the feeling it wasn't going to matter a damn bit. Not when I'd already screamed at her and it clearly had no effect.

  That was disturbing. There had to be some sort of mind control working on her. It was the only thing that made sense, and it made me want to punch that bitch Sabine until she was black and blue in the face, then throw her into a medbay to heal her up and start punching her face until she was black and blue all over again.

  It might take a little bit longer than with Dr. Lana who could mysteriously heal up almost immediately without medbay intervention, but I’d go to the trouble just to make Sabine regret the day she mind controlled my girlfriend.

  My ex-girlfriend, if the way she was acting these days was anything to go on.

  "Well damn," I said. "Talk about the second nastiest response I've ever gotten from an ex.”

  Ron blinked a couple of times. From the dawning realization that crossed his face he clearly hadn’t known that Fialux and I were knocking boots.

  Come to think of it I really wasn’t sure how much of the world knew about our secret. It wasn’t something that’d ever really become public knowledge. Some of the gossip rags had speculated, of course, but a few visits to remind some of those rags that I didn’t have to protect their first amendment rights had been enough to shut that down.

  "Really?" he asked. "You and Fialux?"

  There was an unspoken "nice" to his words that made me want to reach through the bars and throttle him. I didn't do that, of course. I wanted Ron on my side. Besides. Without my strength augments I wasn't sure I’d be able to pull his considerable girth close enough to throttle him in the first place.

  "Again, Ron," I said. "I don't need to know what creepy things are running through your head."

  "Sure thing Miss Terror,” he said. "But if you don't mind my asking?"

  "Go ahead," I said with a sigh, sure that I was going to regret giving him permission to ask whatever it was he was about to ask.

  "What's the worst thing that ever happened between you and an ex?” he asked. “Because having an ex throw you in this place seems like it should be pretty high up there on the list of bad things to happen after a breakup.”

  I looked up at the HDTV in the common room. They were showing more shots of Sabine riding around on that ridiculous giant throne. She fired on anything and everything that stood in her way. Like she took a perverse joy in causing as much disruption and destruction as she possibly could, and she didn't care that she was hurting people.

  Clearly she didn't have the same rules against collateral damage that I'd developed since I rose to power. There was a good chance that could come back to bite her in the ass if she wasn’t careful. Once the populace turned against you it was nothing but work keeping them in line.

  Then again she did have an entire army to help her keep the populace in line. Something I’d never had at my back when I was running the city.

  "I'm pretty sure I forgot about her," I said. "It wasn't exactly my fault, but it pissed her off to the point that she's come back and is going to conquer the world."

  Ron chuckled and shook his head.

  "Sort of makes the time my high school girlfriend Debbie Sue scratched up the hood of my pickup truck seem pretty tame in comparison."

  "You’ve got that right Ron," I said. "Now if you'll excuse me, I think I'm going to go sink into a catatonic funk for a little bit."

  "Go right ahead," he said. "We get that all the time around here, but I'm always here to talk if you need it."

  “Thanks Ron," I said.

  10

  Riot

  Death and destruction surrounded me.

  Flames shot through the air. It was like an old World War II video of a flamethrower going off, or maybe a movie depiction of a bunch of fast-moving jets creating the smell of napalm in the morning that certain military types claimed to love so.

  Guards screamed in terror, but they weren't in much danger. Not really. Not when they were all wearing flame retardant suits and holding up riot shields made of a special reflective material they probably got from those crazy bastards who voluntarily fought forest fires on the regular.

  I didn't care about any of that though. I only felt a small stab of irritation as the flames moved past the television. That woman and her crazy attempt to escape was blocking my one lifeline to the outside world.

  It was crazy. I was coming down with a serious case of Stockholm syndrome. I was actually watching the Starlight City News Network and looking forward to their broadcasts because they were the only way I could see what was going on out in the world.

  At the moment they were doing a special report on the drones, my drones, that had attacked the invading alien army en masse. I smiled as I watched the clear evidence that CORVAC was still in the game, though that smile
wasn't there for long.

  After all, the reporter was holding up the charred remains of one of those drones which showed just how well the attack had gone.

  It turns out the shielding CORVAC put on those drones wasn't quite enough to stand up to the weapons the invading aliens sported.

  From the efficient way the aliens had taken over the city, set up checkpoints, basically turned the place into it their own little city state as they continued pumping more troops into the city proper through those portals, I got the feeling they were very used to the whole waging war thing.

  Then again humanity was also used to the whole waging war thing. I guess it was just a matter of which species had the better weapons at this point, and so far the bastard alien invaders were winning on that count.

  The jerks.

  "Down in front!" I yelled as a villain went down under a gout of flame and screamed.

  I frowned. That wasn’t right. This was supposed to be a prison riot, so why would she hit someone who was a prisoner here? Shouldn’t she be going for the guards?

  Firebrand didn't even bother to turn and look at me. Why should she? She was a big bad hero from a couple of decades ago. Even her fighting style seemed retro. I kept expecting word balloons to appear over her head telegraphing her attacks. She clearly had no use for a washed up villain who'd had her ass handed to her within the first half hour of the alien invasion.

  Not that I had any interest in joining a super powered fight when I was very normal without my stuff. Yessir, I was happy to be safe behind my bars. No way was I wading out into that bullshit and risking life and limb.

  I was almost glad for the distraction. After all, if there was a party on the whole cell block then I had a convenient excuse not to watch the TV and the horrors being visited on my city up there.

  Those horrors were a study in contrasts to how I'd run things when I was in charge of the city.