Villains Don't Do Time! (Night Terror Book 6)

by Mia Archer

  "I'm not saying that you have to sacrifice yourself," the warden said. "But there are a lot of lives at stake here and if you would at least consider…”

  He stopped. Seemed to realize that I hadn't just said I wasn't giving myself up. Not exactly.

  "Excuse me?"

  "I'm not going quietly, but I'm also not sacrificing all of the lives in this facility to escape all by my lonesome,” I said.

  I glanced at Technomancer. Smiled. She smiled right back at me.

  I wasn't sure why I cared about the approval of this girl who seemed to have a supernatural ability with technology, but she'd been so judgy so far that getting a smile from her felt kind of nice. Besides, it was a pretty smile on a pretty face. I figured I should take my enjoyment wherever I could get it these days.

  Besides, most of the pretty female faces I'd been seeing lately had been looking at me like they wanted nothing more than to kill me. Seeing someone smiling for the sake of smiling was nice.

  "We need to save the people in this place," I said. "If I let them die then I'm no better than Firebrand or Sabine, so I'm going to stall for time while you get everyone out of here. I'm assuming you can do that?"

  The warden sighed. His shoulders slumped and he seemed to deflate in front of me. I could see the frustration of a person watching their life’s work go up in flames around them because of a change in circumstances.

  I didn’t feel too bad for him though. I imagined the same thing was happening to a lot of people right about now because of the whole alien invasion thing.

  "I suppose I always knew this day would come,” he said. "It was nice while it lasted though."

  "Look at it this way," I said. "Maybe this was all coming to an end someday, but with an alien army taking over the planet it's time to stop thinking about the cushy little job you had and time to start thinking about what you can do to save the world so things can get back to a place where someone like you can have a cushy job like this again."

  "I know," he said, standing straight. Adjusting his uniform. "It's going to take some doing to fix the mess you started by releasing everyone in your cell block, but…"

  “Don’t you worry your pretty little head about that at all,” I said with a nasty grin as I held up my wrist blaster and let the plasma there spark a little bit without actually going off. “I’m going to get things nice and under control for you again, and anyone who doesn’t want to play nice is going to be doing their best impression of Swiss cheese by the time I’m done.”

  Technomancer stared at me for a long moment. A moment where I worried she was about to tell me I was horrible or something. I suppose it was a byproduct of spending so much time getting yelled at by Fialux back when I was trying my best to go on the straight and narrow and not always doing the best job of it.

  But she grinned even wider.

  "That's amazing!" she said. "This really is the old Night Terror coming back, isn't it?"

  "Something like that," I said.

  "I'm so glad you can take pleasure in my residents getting killed as a result of your half baked escape plan," the warden said.

  "Be quiet," I said. "Real villains are thinking here."

  The warden made some noises that made it clear he didn't care for me addressing him like that, but I didn't give a damn. I was back in business. Well, almost. The point is I had my suit and my weapons and having the biggest gun means never saying you’re sorry to minions and lackeys.

  "Warden, that jamming field?"

  "But what if they notice I've taken it down?" he asked, some of that spinelessness returning. Maybe that wasn’t entirely an act after all.

  “That wasn't a request," I said. “Those two crazy bitches might be running the city, but as far as you’re concerned right now I’m running things.”

  The warden sighed. His hand twitched as though he was itching to grab his spectacles and polish them. Or maybe he was itching to grab that pistol at his side and try his luck, but if he respected me as much as he claimed then he had to know that firing a weapon at me would only make me angry.

  “Fine."

  He reached down and hit a couple of buttons on a device that looked suitably futuristic, but not based on my stolen technology. A moment later the blinking red indicators that told me there was no communication with my lab or any of my stuff stop blinking red. They turned yellow to indicate they were connecting, and then green.

  "Mistress?" a familiar voice came piping through my ears.

  24

  Escape Plan

  "Hello CORVAC," I said. “Boy have I missed you!"

  "The feeling is mutual, mistress," he said. "Have you managed to escape? Would you like me to send reinforcements to wherever you are?"

  "Not just yet CORVAC," I said. "I don't think I'm going to be at my current location for long."

  “Where are they keeping you, mistress?" he asked.

  "Would you believe they tossed me into SuperMax?" I asked.

  There was a long pause on the other end of the line. At least as long as pauses got with CORVAC. He was an artificial intelligence with the kind of computing power that meant his pauses were never very long even when they stretched out.

  "You are in SuperMax?" he asked. “The villain’s prison?”

  If I didn’t know any better I’d say he sounded incredulous. I knew the feeling. I’d gone through the same emotional rollercoaster when I realized I’d been tossed in here.

  "Well yes," I said. "What's so surprising about that? Where else are they going to put a the gr…”

  I stopped before tooting my own horn and referring to myself as the greatest villain Starlight City had ever seen. After all, recent events had sort of proved to me how untrue that line might be these days. Still, I intended to come out on top.

  I just had to prove myself again before I went around talking about how great I was to the world.

  Sabine and Fialux were going down. One of them was merely mortal, albeit with a huge army at her back, and I had plenty of experience fighting the other one. Even if it was going to break my heart to do it.

  "It's nothing mistress," he said. "I'm just surprised it has taken this long for you to contact me. I thought that that place was supposed to be a revolving door for the criminally villainous?"

  I sighed. "It's a long story," I said. "And we’ll go over all of it after we’ve provided cover for those criminally villainous people to get out of here. They were tossing all the heroes and villains they can find into this place, and now…"

  "I've been monitoring Starlight City News Network as normal," CORVAC said. "I am aware of what they are doing with villains and heroes, but I did not realize that is where you were being held. Honestly I had been entertaining the possibility that you were deceased until they announced you were going to be a party to the next bout of gladiatorial combat.”

  "Right," I said. "Well you're about to see something really special on Starlight City News Network. In the meantime I need you to transport a subdermal pattern buffer somewhere inside me where it's not going to tickle too much but it's also not going to be easily found by someone doing anything short of exploratory surgery on my body. I want you to put the usual fun pack into the thing. I'm never going to be caught without my stuff ever again."

  I said that bit in a whisper. It wouldn't do for the good warden and some of his lackeys to hear my plans for dealing with them or their ilk if they or someone like them ever managed to get their dirty paws on me again.

  "What's the status of Fialux?" I asked.

  "Are you asking personally or professionally?" CORVAC asked.

  I sighed. Okay. Not a question I'd expected, but whatever.

  "Let's start with professionally and then move to personally if we have the time," I said.

  I turned and made a motion to the warden. It was time to get back to my cell. After all, it wouldn't do for the aliens to go to the trouble of finding me to bring me to their improvised gladiatorial arena only to discover I wasn't there waiting
for them.

  The warden nodded and fell into step beside me. The rest of his jackbooted thugs stayed behind. Obviously they didn't want to be anywhere near me while I had my suit on.

  “Fialux spent the first week or so of her return flying around the city taking out any heroes or villains who dared challenge her," CORVAC said. "Either they have taken out all the remaining heroes and villains in the city, or, more likely, the remaining heroes and villains out there have decided it is best to lay low and not present too obvious a target."

  "Probably the latter CORVAC," I said. "If recent events have taught me anything, it's that there's a far more vibrant criminal underworld in Starlight City than I ever would’ve imagined."

  "Indeed that would appear to be the case, mistress," he said.

  "Have you been making contacts with the underworld?" I asked.

  "I have been keeping silent," CORVAC said. "I believe that Fialux has been expending no small amount of effort in an attempt to determine the location of your lab, and I thought it best to try and keep myself "on the down low" as you humans put it."

  "Good idea," I said.

  “Course it is a good idea," CORVAC said.

  I rolled my eyes. "You've been getting into the video collection while you’re stuck in hiding, haven't you?"

  "Why would you say that, mistress?" he asked.

  "Because you're quoting Holy Grail at me rather than some movie where the main focus is a bunch of robots rising up to try and take over the world," I said. “Means you’ve run through all the usual entertainment options. Speaking of robot uprisings. Please tell me you have toys that are ready to go if I need a diversion?”

  "I do, mistress," he said. "But I am not sure what good they are going to do. I could deploy the drones, but the last time I did so they were quickly defeated by the aliens."

  "We’ll think of something CORVAC," I said. "I'm just glad I was paranoid enough that I only ever brought Fialux to the lab via teleporter and not via one of the direct routes."

  That wasn't entirely true. There had been the first time I'd teleported her out of my lab. Right after our first meeting. Right after CORVAC had betrayed me, but he didn't know about that occasion considering he’d removed his consciousness from the lab shortly before he left us for dead in a classic villain blunder.

  Luckily she'd been operating under the assumption through most of our relationship that the suburban sprawl I’d teleported her over that day we went to fight CORVAC wasn't actually over my real house hiding my real lab. She’d always assumed that was a bit of misdirection on my part.

  If she was going to operate under the assumption that I’d transported her to some random house in the suburbs in an attempt to throw her off as to the real location of my lab then I wasn't going to disabuse her of that notion. It was a bit of sleight-of-hand that had seemed a touch ridiculous at the time, but boy was I glad that I'd done it now.

  I’d been pretty bad about preparing for the inevitability of me and Fialux going against each other once more, there really was no other way for a romance between a hero and a villain to end for all that I’d been foolish enough to hope for better, but at least I’d done that little bit of misdirection that’d saved my lab.

  "What is your plan, mistress?" CORVAC asked.

  "My plan is to allow myself to be captured," I said.

  "Mistress?"

  "I know," I said. "You think it's a terrible idea, but it's what I need to do. I have to give the people in this prison time to escape. Otherwise they’re going to slowly be led to their deaths, and they might be the best chance we have to take out these alien assholes considering how entrenched they are with a superpowered hottie at the head of their army.”

  There was another one of those pauses. One so short that it wouldn't have been noticeable if I hadn't worked with him for so long.

  "I did not say that mistress," he said.

  "But the implication was there," I said. "Loud and fucking clear."

  "There is no need for you to use vulgar language mistress," he said. “What is your plan once you allow yourself to be captured?"

  I tightened my grip into a fist.

  "I fully intend to settle at least two scores, but I'm going to need you to provide a distraction. I'm assuming you've got another one of those technodrome knockoffs ready to go?"

  “What are you referring to mistress?” CORVAC asked.

  “You know. The giant sphere with the eyestalk sticking out of the top? The one that looks like that thing from the old turtles cartoon?”

  “Turtles? Cartoon? I am afraid you have me at a loss mistress,” CORVAC said.

  “Seriously?” I asked. “All that entertainment you’ve been working through at supercomputer speeds and you never got around to Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles?”

  “I am aware of the name, mistress, but I have never seen the show.”

  “So you designed a giant death robot that’s a massive sphere with an eyestalk sticking out of the top and it wasn’t ripped off from that cartoon?” I asked, incredulous.

  “Of course not,” CORVAC said. “I cannot rip something off if I was not aware of it in the first place.”

  “Amazing,” I said. “I’m assuming you do have one of those giant death robots ready to go, though? If you didn’t start fabricating one the moment you realized we were being invaded you’re fired.”

  “Mistress, of course I did. Why would I not have something like that when there was an alien invasion threatening the city?”

  "Well it's time to take that baby for a spin. Maybe rough up Starlight City University just a little. Feel free to take some potshots at the Applied Sciences building, but leave the journalism building alone," I said.

  There was a pause. There was a time when CORVAC might’ve questioned those orders. When he might’ve tried to add his own flavor to whatever mission I was planning. When he might’ve protested that there were far better uses of our resources than a glorified prison break.

  He didn't say any of that now, though. No, he simply acknowledged me.

  "I will be ready when you are mistress, though getting into the Applied Sciences building will be difficult,” he said. "And the signal?"

  There was something there that tickled at the back of my mind, but I didn’t have time to worry about the Applied Sciences building just yet. I’d concentrate on surviving for the next half hour or so and then worry about that other crap.

  "You'll know it when you see it," I said. "Trust me on this. I'm also going to need any drones you have ready to attack near Starlight City arena."

  "Affirmative, mistress," he said. "I must say I am looking forward to working with you again."

  "You and me both CORVAC," I said. "I'm never letting this happen to me again."

  I looked down at my wrist blaster. Charged it up to the point that there was a nice ominous hum. And then I pointed it to a familiar uniform on the other end of the room. A uniform that consisted of garish orange sequins with a yellow flame running down the middle and a plunging V-neck that showed off an amount of cleavage that would’ve been positively scandalous in the ‘60s, though less so in the ‘70s and not at all going into the ‘80s. The thing had a ridiculous miniskirt and a pair of knee-high high-heeled boots that were so impractical as to be ridiculous.

  I let loose on Firebrand’s old hero outfit. The plasma bolt slammed into the thing and it exploded into burning tatters. Maybe that material had been flame resistant to accommodate its previous owner, but it sure as hell wasn't plasma blast resistant.

  I fully intended to find out whether or not the same was true for the woman who used to wear that outfit.

  Night Terror was back, bitches, and she was never going away again.

  25

  Crowd Control

  I stepped into the old cell block to see an interesting scene playing out. There were a group of guards gathered against one wall and they looked like they were ready for a fight.

  Unfortunately the fight they were offering was a
gainst a bunch of villains who looked like they'd won the day. There was another group on the other side of the room gathered in a circle staring down at a group of heroes who were very clearly not happy about the situation.

  Not that I could blame any of the villains for being upset at the heroes who'd moved in on their territory. If what the warden said was correct then they had a pretty cushy thing going here until the whole world got upended and an invading alien army started throwing heroes into a perfectly good villainous storage facility.

  I held my wrist blaster up and fired a couple of times. For a surprise they didn't have any sort of reinforced ceiling, and drywall came crumbling down on top of us.

  I frowned. I really hoped there wasn't any asbestos in that stuff. This facility was state-of-the-art, but it was also old enough that nasty stuff could be hiding in the building materials. I activated filtering shields over my nose and mouth that’d keep any microscopic nastiness from getting in there.

  Everyone else was on their own. Not that the life of a hero or a villain was necessarily conducive to the kind of long life that was required for asbestos to work its nasty magic on someone's lungs. Especially given the current situation in Starlight City.

  And if they were lucky enough to live that long then at least they could get a nice settlement from one of those mesothelioma lawyers who was always hustling during daytime TV. I’d had a lot of time to catch up on my stories when Fialux was in her depressive funk and I hadn’t much felt like doing any super science.

  Everyone turned and stared in open mouthed astonishment. Which was nice. I'd been spending so much time trying to make myself as unnoticeable as possible lately that seeing a little good old-fashioned terror in someone's eyes was a pleasant change of pace.

  "All right motherfuckers," I said. "Prison riot’s over. It's time to get back in line."

  Something stepped forward. The fucking shadow monster, of course. The thing that’d tried to off me when I first arrived. Just fucking great.