by Fanny Finch
This still left him worried.
But he didn't want to marry just anyone. He didn't want to seek another woman who would be a good match like his wife had been if there was no love between them.
With Miss Caulfield, he truly believed he could grow to love her. And if she was able to return his deep affections, why should they not be happy?
When he heard a knock on the door, the Earl was relieved to have a new distraction.
“Come in,” he called.
Mrs. Andrews walked in the door with her typical bitter expression.
“Ah, Mrs. Andrews, what can I do for you?” he asked.
“It’s that maid. Miss Amy. I know she’s taken to believing she is a governess, but, my lord, she’s no such thing. In fact, when she needed to…I mean…she had need of…the facilities,” Mrs. Andrews said awkwardly. “And she just left Miss Grace with me. I have other things to do, my lord. I cannot babysit the child. I’m your housekeeper.”
The complaint came in a rapid speech and the Earl tried not to sigh in irritation. Mrs. Andrews always needs something to complain about and his daughter was the easiest target.
“Has Miss Amy returned? From the facilities?” he inquired patiently.
“Well, yes. But that’s hardly the point now, is it? She cannot just be running off and expecting me to look after the child. I’m a housekeeper. I have a house to keep. If your governess cannot do her duty and passes it along to another, that is not my mess to clean,” she continued in irritation.
“Mrs. Andrews, I understand. I shall speak with Miss Amy and give her alternative options. I think we can hardly expect her to ignore a simple need, however. And I would ask you to try and be patient for the time being as I do not like staff to complain about my daughter. She is more important to me than any employee,” the Earl said in a warning tone.
He could see that Mrs. Andrews was appalled by this information. She had fully anticipated that the Earl would take her side and come up firmly against the inconvenience. But he had surprised her and given her pause and reason to recognize that she was not his priority.
It was a lesson that Mrs. Andrews had been needing to learn for a long time and he was relieved to finally teach her. While he expected little change from her, at least she now had the thinly veiled threat of dismissal should she continue to complain about his daughter.
Once Mrs. Andrews had left the study, the Earl stood and made his way up the stairs and into Grace’s study room.
“Hello, Miss Amy. Hello, my dear,” he greeted them both. “I just wished to check how everything was getting on?”
“We are getting on very well!” exclaimed Miss Amy. “Del-I mean, Miss Caulfield, of course, left me grand notes. I am following the very plan she had and Miss Grace is doing splendidly with her reading and comportment. She has continued reading one of her French books as well, and while I cannot confirm that she is correct, it certainly sounds like French,” she laughed.
“That is very well,” the Earl said with a grand smile. “I am not a French speaker myself, so I fear that I cannot help. But I am glad to know that she has continued in her study of the language despite the absence of Miss Caulfield.”
“Miss Amy has been very nice to me, Papa,” Grace said in a proper tone.
“Really? I ought to have a word with her then. I thought I would prefer an angry, mean governess for you,” he whispered in a darkly teasing tone. “Someone like…Mrs. Andrews!”
With that, he reached out and grabbed Grace in a playful way and caused her to laugh heartily.
He was not used to this and playful behavior with his daughter was entirely new. But he had observed Miss Caulfield and was attempting the same acts. It felt strange and awkward, but it also seemed to be working.
Grace was joyful enough and he saw that Miss Amy was laughing as well. These things boosted his confidence and helped him to feel that he truly could be a father.
When Grace had settled, the Earl turned to his maid, knowing he had to address the issue.
“Now, Miss Amy, you should know that Mrs. Andrews has made a complaint against you in this matter,” he said quietly, not wishing Grace to hear.
Miss Amy’s face turned pale and he saw that she was deeply concerned.
“I cannot take her words to heart as I know her character. So do not be concerned. However, should you have need to leave Miss Grace for any moment, please do not ask our housekeeper to watch her. She has…delicate sensibilities,” he said slowly as a means of communicating that the woman was rather demanding.
“Yes, my lord. Forgive me,” Miss Amy replied, still nervous.
“There is nothing at all to forgive. As I said, I know what she is like. However, if you do need to depart, please feel free to bring Grace to me. If I am in my study, I should be happy to spend the time with her. And if I am not here, such as this evening when I shall be dining out, you are more than welcome to sit her in the chair with a book,” he instructed.
“Yes, my lord. If that is your wish. Miss Caulfield does not like to leave her unattended. She worries that something could happen or that an accident might befall her. So I feared the same thing,” Miss Amy told him.
The Earl had not known that his governess was so careful. He was glad for it, but also thought about the strain it must put on a woman to have to be so worried.
“I do not think anything will happen to her if you are gone only a few moments. Do not worry, Miss Amy. If she is seated with a book, I believe she will be perfectly content. She is much like her father in that way,” he laughed.
“Yes, my lord. Thank you, my lord,” she said, bowing her head.
The Earl sensed her nervous respect and wished that he could ease her worries. But he thought that for the time being, the best thing he could do for Miss Amy would be to simply leave the room and allow her to handle Grace as she was comfortable.
He returned to his study and thought about what Miss Amy had told him.
If Miss Caulfield was that anxious about leaving his daughter for even a few moments, he wondered what it must have felt like for her to go away for a whole two weeks. She had cared for Grace so magnificently and was such an excellent governess that she might as well already be the child’s mother.
Of course, the Baron had been correct when he pointed out that Grace had a mother. Anyone else could not be considered in quite the same position. Any other would have to be merely the woman who cared for her and married her father.
And yet when he saw Grace and Miss Caulfield together, they might as well be mother and child for all the care and love that was evident between them.
He could hardly take his mind off it. And the circle of thoughts continued as he wondered once more about whether or not he might ever be able to make Miss Caulfield his wife.
He ought to have been embarrassed for considering it so thoroughly. He was not in love with her, and he had no knowledge of her affections. But he knew that he could easily love her if he was given the opportunity. Was there any chance that she might be able to love him in return?
Perhaps he might try to gauge her interest when she returned from her sister’s home. Perhaps then, he could push a little further and learn whether or not she would ever consider such a position as being his wife.
Or perhaps he ought to forget it entirely and move on. He could settle for a life as a single man. He had done just fine so far. It had not been until meeting Miss Caulfield that he began to forgive himself for his late wife’s death and had begun to consider the possibility of loving again.
Chapter 23
Delia awoke to the sun coming in through her window. Cambridge was delightful. She had been there for three days and the time spent with Thea and Andrews had been a joy. Whenever the Duke was around, she was able to entertain him as well, although he had a great deal of business out of the house.
Delia stretched her body and stood from the bed, looking out the window over the beautiful gardens of the estate.
It was nice
having the city so close, but here in the countryside, it was peaceful and calm. The horses were being walked by the stable boy. Birds were flying around, making noise.
The home of the Earl of Dulshire was similar. On the outskirts of the city with plenty of space and peace. But it was not so grand as this. The air was not so fresh. The land was not so green. They were closer in to London and that was enough to keep them at bay.
Readying herself for the day, Delia was looking forward to spending more time with her sister.
When she reached the dining hall, Thea was already there with Edward on her lap. She looked up with her beautiful smile and gestured for Delia to take a seat.
“How was your night?” she asked.
“It was wonderful, thank you. And yours?” Delia replied.
“It went quite well. But this little one woke up a few times,” Thea noted.
“Oh dear…”
“Yes, he was hungry,” Thea explained.
“Are you regretting the decision to not have a wet nurse?” Delia asked, knowing that the majority of wealthy women preferred to hire someone else to breastfeed their children.
“Not in the least. He is my child. Mother fed us and we grew just fine. I do not need to pay someone else to do it for me,” Thea replied, sounding annoyed that any woman might hire another for the job.
Delia agreed with her sister. She understood that because they had grown up far from this lifestyle, it was only natural to do these things themselves. For women who had grown up wealthy, the idea of hiring another woman to breastfeed seemed the better option.
“Are you missing your charge at all?” Thea asked.
Delia realized she was talking about Grace, although it was the Earl’s face that popped first into her mind.
“Oh yes, a great deal. She is the loveliest child. I do so wish you could meet her,” Delia said.
“As do I. But I imagine your employer does not know much of your family?” Thea prodded, understanding that Delia was in a unique position.
“No. No, he does not know any of it. He does not know about mother and father. Nor does he know that my sister is a duchess. I think he should be very confused if I tried to explain it all. And it should be very embarrassing for me to explain our beloved parents,” Delia added.
Thea nodded at this. The two of them were still unhappy with how their parents had come to behave since gaining their wealth and how their two eldest daughters, already gone from the house, meant so little to them now.
“Tell me more of this new employer. You said he pays you quite well. But how does he treat you?” Thea asked, showing a slight concern on her face.
“He treats me very well,” Delia said, unable to stop the corners of her mouth twitching into a smile.
“Oh dear, I can see that he must. Has he done anything… improper… to elicit such a look from you?” Thea asked.
“Why does everyone make that assumption? Why can people not simply allow him to be a good employer without believing that he is somehow licentious?” Delia asked out of frustration.
“I was not aware that anyone had accused him. I merely ask because your face lit up with such delight that I cannot help but wonder. I am in very different society now, Delia. I hear stories. Some men are very immoral with their governesses,” Thea explained.
“Yes. I know this. I am told this constantly. But he is not. He has never misbehaved towards me. He is nothing but a gentleman. Better than that. He is kind and good and humble. You have no idea what sort of man he is,” Delia defended him.
Thea looked as if she might cry from joy for a moment.
“Delia, are you in love with him?” she asked quietly.
Delia swallowed hard, unable to answer.
“I do not deny that I find him intriguing. He is a man of good character. And his demeanor is…oh but it doesn’t matter at all. He is a good man, that is all there is to it. I needn’t say anything more because truly, there is nothing more than needs said,” she replied, wishing she could tell Thea everything.
“Please, Delia. I am asking you genuinely. I am not going to judge you or speak cruelly to you. What do you think of him? You have mentioned such impeccable qualities, you cannot blame me for wondering if you have stronger feelings for the man,” Thea noted.
Delia was quiet. She knew that she needed to answer her sister, but it was difficult to do so. Would Thea understand?
“I confess that I wish there was not such a gap between our stations. I know that there is no reason at all to hold onto hope. But it is true, I do care for him. I cannot help myself. I have tried time and time again, but I am simply at a loss for him. Every time I see him, I am awed by him,” Delia confessed.
“I am thrilled to hear you say this. I am glad that you have found a man who brings you so much joy,” Thea remarked with a look of utter happiness.
“Don’t be a fool. It is entirely one-sided. I have noticed him. I care for him. But I am a governess. He is an Earl, Thea. He is a man of great means. He would never see me that way,” she said bitterly.
“Do you not remember to whom you are speaking? I married a Duke, Delia. No offense to your Earl, but my husband is of a higher station. And at the time, my family were mere merchants. So if you believe that you are so worthless, remember that your sister was worth far less when she married a man of great means. And he loves me in a way that I never believed I could be loved,” Thea pressed.
Delia knew all of this to be true. She thought that perhaps it was why she finally decided to confess to her sister. After all, if Thea could marry a Duke, then why shouldn’t she have hope?
“All I am trying to say is that everything is possible,” Thea addressed.
“Yes, perhaps it is possible. But still, I cannot imagine him wishing to consider me. I am merely a governess in his home. I do not think that he would ever see me as anything more. Why should he? I have done nothing to warrant noticing,” Delia added.
“Tell me truthfully,” Thea interjected. “Have you never once noticed his eyes lingering on you?”
Delia thought for a moment and knew that she had caught him countless times. Even as she departed, he had been eyeing her with that pained expression. Of course she had seen him eyeing her. But what did that mean? He was a man and she a woman. He could have noticed her without caring for her.
“Perhaps he merely finds my posture to be exquisite,” Delia laughed, trying to come up with an excuse that might satisfy her sister.
“Ha! So you know that he sometimes watches you. You have noticed this and you cannot deny it,” Thea said.
“Yes, but it still means nothing,” Delia replied.
“There is nothing I can say to you that will convince you of the truth. You believe that because of your station, he will never see you as anything more, and yet you confess that he already looks at you as though he might,” Thea expressed.
“It means nothing,” Delia repeated, slower this time.
“Has he ever spoken with you alone? Just to try and learn more about you?” Thea then asked.
“I am his daughter’s governess. Of course he has. He needs to know about the woman who is taking care of his child. It would be irresponsible for him to not learn about me,” Delia reasoned.
“He shouldn’t care. You have references. This is not your first time as a governess, so why would he need to question you on such things?” Thea inquired.
Delia still could not tell her sister the truth. She didn’t want to confess what had happened with her previous employment or to share that she had lied to the Earl about it. Thea would be terribly disappointed in her.
So she simply nodded and did not respond.
“Well, I cannot think what may have you still in denial about all of this, but I do believe it is quite clear that your Earl is as fond of you as you are of him. I wish only that you would confess it to yourself and give yourself a chance to truly be happy. I believe you are deserving of it, Delia,” Thea urged.
“Perhaps I am. B
ut if I find happiness, it shall not be with the Earl of Dulshire. I shall never have such an opportunity as being…as knowing him better and being cared for by him,” she said, stopping herself from saying that she could never be his wife. Thinking about marriage with him was too painful. It would never happen, so why ought she to torture herself thinking on it?
Thea continued to eat her breakfast and Delia tried to feed herself even though she had no appetite. She wanted only to go back to her room and lie down. Thinking about the Earl and her feelings for him was exhausting.
Having this time away was extremely important and she was realizing it more and more every moment. She needed to break free from being in that house and surrounded by rumors and gossip. She needed to be away from the man who had captivated her and left her so twisted inside.