The Redemption of the Puzzling Governess: A Clean & Sweet Regency Historical Romance

by Fanny Finch

  “I could never have imagined this from a woman like you. Of all the things that others warned me of governesses, I should never have imagined that I would learn something like this about your character,” he said with distress.

  “My lord,” she began.

  “I gave you no leave to speak,” he raged again.

  She was quiet, feeling the thumping of her heart within her ribs. There was nothing else. No other thing that she might be able to do or say.

  Delia had ruined everything.

  And the Earl would never believe the truth about the Baron now. She had no hope of protecting him and keeping him safe from this terrible enemy.

  The Earl grew quiet, unable to speak further and Delia knew she had but one option remaining.

  Falling to her knees and weeping openly, she raised her eyes to him and clasped her hands.

  “I beg of you to forgive me for my lies,” she pleaded. “I know that you’ve no reason to trust me. I know that I have made the worst of mistakes. I know that you must cast me out from your home. But I beg that you forgive me!”

  The Earl looked away then and Delia saw a glisten in his own eyes, as if he could not bear to look at her for his own heart breaking. She didn’t know what would bring him emotion, but Delia knew that she would not be granted any mercy.

  “Get out from my home,” he ordered in a hoarse voice, keeping his eyes away from her.

  “My L-”

  “I said leave! Did you not hear me?” he shouted, turning back to her.

  Quietly, as she turned, she heard him begin to speak once more. Softly, this time, painfully. And those listening intently outside might not have been able to hear him.

  “You have betrayed me, Miss Caulfield. Not only as your employer…but as a man who cares for you….”

  She turned back to him and took a step forward, tempted to draw closer to the Earl, tempted to touch his shoulder. She wanted to tell him, then, everything that was in her heart. She wanted him to know that she cared for him as well.

  But it was too late.

  “You must go from here,” he said in a choked voice.

  Delia turned once more, now to leave. Now she had to truly be gone from the man who had made her feel so much and the home that had given her everything.

  Delia saw from the corner of her eye that Amy and Grace stood listening now, both frightened. Frightened by the rage of the Earl and also frightened for the sake of Delia.

  She tried to hide her face from them, but coming through the narrow door with nothing to shield her, Delia walked out into the crowd of the entire staff.

  The Earl followed again, but rather than exiting the study he slammed the door in the faces of everyone. Delia felt its force at her back. She felt the anger in it. She felt the blood boiling in his veins.

  She had ruined everything. That was the only thing she knew. She had destroyed every chance for happiness that she had ever been given.

  Delia walked shamefully through the murmurs and Amy followed after her.

  “It wasn’t your fault-”

  “Of course it was. I ought to have told him everything sooner. I was a fool to wait until that horrible man learned the truth. And once he knew, I ought to have told the Earl my mistake and the Baron’s as well. I had every opportunity and every reason to get it out sooner. But I didn’t, and I failed,” Delia answered in a direct, emotionless tone.

  She felt numb inside. The agony and pain from moments before had been replaced with a self-disgust that would not allow for further emotion.

  Amy fell behind and Delia knew that she was too hopeless to care. She didn’t need anyone’s pity. She didn’t want it. She wanted only to return to her home and be rid of everything.

  Except she had no home to return to.

  Delia made her way up the stairs and to her bedroom where she slowly, agonizingly packed up her belongings.

  It was silent outside the room, but Delia knew that maids were passing by, trying to get a look in on her. She knew that the gossip was just too delicious.

  No matter how she might try to fight it all, she had destroyed her own life. She had forever lost her relationship with Grace. She would no longer have leave to talk with Amy at whim. And she would never again have the trust of the Earl.

  All the affection that she felt for him was meaningless. All of the care that she had, the dreams for the future that she had only just begun to allow herself, all of it was gone.

  He detested her in very way. He was furious with her and it seemed as though it would not end any time soon.

  And why should it? She was his employee. Nothing more. And she had lied to her master about something quite serious. She was undeserving of any more chances. She was undeserving of ever getting to feel such joy again.

  It didn’t take long to pack her things. And soon, Delia emerged from the room, knowing she was still being watched, knowing she would be denied any goodbyes.

  She made her way down the stairs and out the door, to the road that led beyond.

  Chapter 32

  The Earl of Dulshire remained in his frustrations and the pain he could not help but feel. How could she not have told him any of this? How could she keep a secret so deep and important and vital to Grace’s safety?

  Putting the safety of a child at risk? By not telling him about her previous experience, that was exactly what Miss Caulfield had done.

  The Earl was stewing in his study. He tried to replay everything that had occurred and to think about all of the possible consequences.

  What if he had not found out? What if Miss Caulfield had been careless with Grace?

  And yet he knew such a thing would never come to pass. The Earl knew well that Miss Caulfield was better than that.

  He knew that accidents happened and that mistakes could occur. He knew that she was not a neglectful woman.

  The real reason he was so wounded was entirely other. Indeed, he was angry that she had not trusted him. He was angry that she had not been honest but had lied to him.

  He couldn’t imagine what had been going through her mind when she made the decision to tell him she had never been employed. He could have handled the truth of her past. If she had explained, if she had been honest, he would still have hired her.

  And yet, even as the Earl tried to justify that to himself, he knew it was a lie. A woman with a smear like that against her reputation would never find work again. No man would hire a woman who might put his child at risk.

  And it wasn’t because of his care for his children. It was because of the shame of having one that was imperfect.

  An ugly truth of society was that no man would accept the thought of having a child with visible flaws. No man wanted to admit that it brought him a little shame.

  Society was ugly and that was a key evidence.

  But he would love his daughter no matter what. The Earl was certain of it. And he had only learned that as a result of Miss Caulfield being present and showing him just how to love Grace so deeply. It was that very woman who had enabled him to be the father that he was. It was she who had shown him what it was worth to care for her.

  And here he was, without a governess at all for Grace.

  Yes, he could try and pretend that he was angry at her for putting Grace at risk, but he knew the truth.

  He was hurt that Miss Caulfield didn’t trust him.

  “My lord?” came a small, hesitant voice at the door.

  “Come in, Mrs. Andrews,” he called.

  The woman slowly opened the door and walked through.

  “Just to tell you that the coach is ready, my lord,” she informed him.

  “Thank you, Mrs. Andrews. I shall come in just a moment,” the Earl replied, clearing his throat.

  She left and he stood, taking his hat and making his way towards the door with only the slightest of limps. He had been trying to prove his strength, but it was still an agony to walk on.

  By the time the Earl arrived at the church. he was dreading the
visit more than ever before.

  But he remained dutiful, he remained devoted to his guilt and his shame, so he exited the coach and walked towards the grave.

  Falling before it, the Earl immediately began to weep. He could not speak, could not share his self-hatred or apologize that day. He could only give his emotion governance over himself. He could only soak the earth with his pain.

  “My lord?” came a voice from behind.

  The Earl tried to gather himself, knowing it was the Reverend.

  “Mr. Rogers,” he finally managed to say.

  “My lord, what it is that has you in such a state? Please, do tell me that we might seek the counsel of our Savior?” Mr. Rogers urged him, kneeling down beside the Earl.

  “I am a terrible man,” the Earl confessed.

  “Yes. We all are. That is precisely why we need a Savior. But tell me why it is that has you weeping?” he continued.

  “I never loved her,” the Earl said in agony. “I never loved her. We fought and fought until finally she died from the fight. And now I have gone on to love another. Not only to love, but to be betrayed by,” the Earl told him.

  Mr. Rogers sat still and stiff, and the Earl had worried that he might not know what to do with such a sinner as he.

  “You have fallen in love again?” Mr. Rogers asked.

  “Yes,” he confessed painfully. “I am the worst of men.”

  “Hardly. I am thrilled to hear that you have loved another. Now, tell me about this betrayal,” Mr. Rogers instructed.

  With that, the Earl of Dulshire told him everything. He confessed to loving his governess and how she had lied to him to protect her reputation. He shared how he could not entirely blame her for it and yet he was so wounded by her dishonesty.

  He shared about how his friend had told him and that it was the very friend who had been so close to his wife and so suspicious of the governess in the first place.

  In all, the Earl shared his shame and his agony.

  The story took the better part of an hour by the time the Earl had completed it. Mr. Rogers remained silent the entire time, listening and taking in all the details. It was clear that the Reverend had no desire to interrupt and fix the situation or give solutions.

  He wanted to learn, to hear, and to be there for the Earl during his time of need.

  But once the Earl had finished, Mr. Rogers cleared his throat to speak.

  “You have shared a great deal with me. But I must ask you one question,” Mr. Rogers began. “Do you believe it was wrong to love after your wife passed away?”

  The Earl hesitated. He knew that it wasn’t. And yet it had felt so wrong. It had felt entirely wrong.

  “I see,” Mr. Rogers continued. “And do you believe it was wrong because you were once married to another? Or do you believe it was wrong because you never loved your wife?”

  The Earl sighed. That was it, entirely. He would not have felt so ashamed of loving Miss Caulfield if he had loved his wife. He would have been perfectly fine with it. But not having loved his first wife, how could he even consider loving another?

  “Well, now that we have cleared up that distinction, till we try to figure out how we might ease your guilt?” Mr. Rogers asked.

  Just then, when the Earl was considering that it might be possible for his guilt to, indeed, be eased, he saw figure in the graveyard.

  Coming towards them, knowing which grave he was to visit, was Doctor Halls.

  “Mr. Rogers, my lord,” he greeted.

  “D-Doctor Halls,” the Earl said back. He had not seen the man in eight years.

  The Doctor looked at the stone and saw that the Earl was visiting his late wife. The Earl of Dulshire watched him and waited for the man to make eye contact again.

  The Earl and the Reverend both stood to shake the Doctor’s hand and greet him properly. Rubbing at his eyes, the Earl was aware that his emotion was probably quite evident.

  “Now, what a coincidence to see you here,” the Doctor said. “I was just thinking of you this week.”

  “Oh?” the Earl asked in surprise.

  “Indeed. I was remembering your poor wife. I have recently had another such case and have been looking into advancements being made on treatment options,” the Doctor said.

  The Earl was slightly confused. After all, surely it could not be so common for a husband to cause his wife death by early labor. Surely there was no reason for science to study loveless marriages.

  “Treatment options?” the Earl inquired.

  “For…well…” the Doctor hesitated, apparently not wanting to hurt the Earl by the discussion. “Excessive bleeding.”

  “Yes, but…there was more to it in my wife’s case,” the Earl said back shamefully.

  The Doctor looked at him in slight confusion, then a sudden knowing.

  “My lord, are you referring to the gossip?” he asked bluntly.

  The Earl swallowed hard. “Yes, Doctor Halls. It’s not mere gossip. I am the reason my wife went into labor early. I am the reason she died.”

  The confession nearly brought him to weeping again. The Earl had never spoken so bluntly about all of this, so casually. But the situation warranted easy dialogue. It warranted openness and he was in too much pain to try and remain vague.

  “Have you believed this for the past, what is it, eight—nine years?” Doctor Halls asked.

  The Earl stared at him for a moment, trying to figure out why that was so incredulous.

  “Well, of course. It is true, is it not?” he asked.

  The Doctor sighed. “My lord, I fear you have been much deceived. This is anything but true. Your wife would have passed no matter what. This is not uncommon. Hemorrhages are a common occurrence in pregnancy,” the Doctor said, shaking his head and seeming frustrated that anyone should take on the guilt of such a thing.

  “You mean it would have happened no matter what?” the Earl asked.

  “Of course. There was nothing that could have been done to prevent it. My hope is that no one should have to suffer it in the future. But I am still sorry for the loss you experienced,” the Doctor said, confirming the truth.

  The Earl nodded silently, in shock of this information.

  “And how is the child?” Doctor Halls asked.

  “She is very well,” the Earl of Dulshire replied, trying to force himself to smile. He was hardly able to speak for the news he had just received.

  “I am glad of it. And I am glad that she has a father who cares so deeply. But do not allow the rumors of society determine your medical information, my lord. Society knows nothing,” the Doctor said decidedly.

  “Yes. Yes, I suppose you are right,” the Earl replied.

  “Now, if you will excuse me. I have a brother to visit,” the Doctor said, making his way towards another tombstone.

  The Earl stood dumbly. He could not believe the events of the previous few days. The agony of learning the truth about Miss Caulfield and the peace of learning the truth about his wife? It was all too much.

  “Well, my lord. I suppose that was why you really needed to hear, more than anything I might have said,” Mr. Rogers said to him.

  The Earl looked at the Reverend and was still unable to respond.

  “Why don’t you head home and spend some time with your daughter? I imagine she could use you right now, in the absence of her governess,” the man said.

  The Earl nodded, shaking the Reverend’s hand silently and walking away from the graveyard.

  It had not been his fault. The death of the late Countess would have come whether he had fought with her or not. Her labor would have come. The hemorrhage would have come. She was destined to die that day and he could have done nothing to stop it.

  The years of guilt had been for nothing. He could have been living free and at ease.

  And that was just how he intended to move forward. He would overcome the beliefs that he had been overwhelmed by. He would grow into freedom.

  And he would be happy. He would r
aise his daughter in the knowledge that he loved her more than any woman who had ever entered his life.

  Chapter 33

  The room was cold and dark, but Delia was getting used to it. She hadn’t been in the warmth for quite some time. Nevertheless, the cough that she was developing concerned her.

  London smog caused such an atmosphere for the mold to grow in her room and Delia knew that it wasn’t healthy. She wished that she could get through this easily, but it was only growing more and more difficult every day.