Insane Possibilities
Page 3
Chapter 3 - The Test
Three days passed since Paul first spoke with Kristine and he arrived at work at his usual time. Checking his list of appointments for the day, he saw that he had a 10:30 cancellation that Kristine had filled as discussed.
As the morning passed and her appointment approached, he reviewed his notes although his discussion with her during the recent session was still very clear in his mind.
Greeting her in the waiting room, he found her dressed much more casually compared to her previous visit. She was wearing a colorful sundress and her hair was down in a very carefree style whereas before she had it tied up in a bun.
Paul noted personally how much of healthy glow she radiated in her appearance. With a familiar smile and joyful expression she walked back to his office and settled in for today’s session.
“So Kris, I feel like we just spoke a few days ago, oh wait…we did.”
With a short giggle she glanced down with a nervous smile.
Paul added,
“Seriously, how have you been doing since we spoke last?”
With an almost carefree expression she replied,
“I’ve been doing pretty well, but as you said it’s only been a few days. I have to say that I actually looked forward to coming to see you today.”
“That’s good to hear and I’m happy to see you as well, but what made you look forward to it.”
She appeared happy as she continued,
“No disrespect intended to Dr. Keeler, but I think I’ve talked more with you in one visit than in all my visits with him combined. I get why that is, because you’re the talk therapist and he’s the drug dealer,” she giggled.
“The thing is, it’s the talking part that makes me feel better.
Is talking things out mostly a girl thing? Probably is right?”
Paul smiled,
“The need for intimate discussions is most definitely a girl thing, but I would not classify your enjoyment of our discussions as gender related in this case. This is a really positive aspect of who you are to want to talk about it. It’s not always the norm.
Was there anything that you wanted to start us off with today?”
She sat quietly for a moment, then rolled her eyes in frustration.
“Oh my god, I had so many questions after I left last time but now I’m drawing a blank. I’m sorry.”
“Don’t apologize for that, I can assure you that we’ll never have awkward silence in this room. I have enough questions for both of us. In fact, I have one now that I didn’t have time to ask you about last week.”
“Take it away.”
“Alright. You made reference last time about your interest in yoga and how it began a few years back. It almost seemed like you were implying that yoga was connected to the onset of your hallucinations and trips through time that you spoke of.
Do you think it’s connected?”
“Oh absolutely without a doubt! You see, the yoga is what refined my ability to learn meditation. Like I told you before, zoning out helped me find connections between the equations I’m working on. Unfortunately, that was also when the hallucinations, and out of body time travel journeys kicked in.”
Paul nodded,
“Ok, now I’m getting it. Would it be logical for me to assume that if you stopped meditating, the symptoms would be eliminated?”
The peaceful expression disappeared from Kris’ face and she began to appear sad. She even spoke in a quieter tone.
“It would be logical for you to assume that, but in my case, well I tried to stop but things would…”
Her voice cracked as she tried her best to hold back her emotions. Paul could see that tears were now filling her eyes and her voice quivered as she spoke.
“I’m sorry. I guess we hit the real problem didn’t we.”
She took a deep breath and pulled a tissue from the box on the table to wipe her eyes.
“At first, I enjoyed the ability that the meditation gave me, but at some point these things started to happen on there own. I could be sitting quietly or trying to fall asleep at night and then I just checked out, like I went into a trance. Somewhere I lost the ability to control it and now I hear voices and see things everyday and it’s scaring me.”
She began to cry again looking agitated.
“Damn it I don’t want to be schizophrenic! Why is this happening to me? I‘ve been fine my whole life, why this?”
Paul sat quietly letting her vent out her emotions. He felt sincerely bad that someone so vibrant and happy was at this moment reduced to a state of utter sadness and desperation.
“Kris? Can I get you anything, some more water or a cool cloth?”
With her eyes red and moist, she gave her best effort of a smile.
“Do you have any Cognac in that little fridge of yours?”
Paul laughed,
“For as many times as I had that craving, having it available would probably make me an alcoholic in no time. Sadly I have nothing like that to help you through the pain, not that it would. What I do have is an endless amount of patience and desire to get to the bottom of what’s really going on with you. It must have been hard for you to hear the diagnosis you were given.”
She blew her nose and nodded,
“Yeah, it sure took the wind out of my sails.”
“See Kris, now that’s something that does make me sad. From what I can see, you’re the type of girl whose sails are set at full mast and you live for windy days.”
She laughed a bit over her tears in response to his comment and a smile returned to her face.
“Don’t let the diagnosis make you feel worse that the symptoms.
Dr. Keeler said he tried to treat you with some medications that usually have immediate results. Not always mind you, but in your case I heard they had a negative effect on you.”
She nodded.
“Oh god that was horrible, I felt so lifeless and blah!”
“Alright, so I guess what I’m saying is, there is a certain amount of uncertainty about this. Just to put it into perspective, are you a supporter of the Heisenberg uncertainty principal?”
Kris’ face lit up and she began to laugh again.
“Paul, I’m sorry to keep laughing at you, I just can’t get used to you knowing anything about quantum mechanics and physics, but the answer is yes, I do support it. I’m just trying to figure out how you’re making a connection to this.”
He smiled and replied,
“Think of yourself as visible light, both a particle and a wave right?”
She nodded with a grin.
“Good, now think of Dr. Keeler and me as the observer. When we review the history and events of your experiences and the symptoms you describe, you resemble someone with the onset of schizophrenia. But when we sit and observe you directly and run tests and experiment with medications, you look completely different.
I guess my point is you may be one or the other, or maybe your both or neither. We really don’t know, and neither do you.
Does that make sense?”
Kris looked at him for a moment almost amazed by the comparison and began to smile.
“Wow, I’m now officially impressed. That was an amazingly relevant comparison of something that in both of our professions is so abstract.”
Then she looked directly in his eyes.
“You also made me feel a whole lot better than I did a few minutes ago. I didn’t think that was possible. Thank you.
It’s nice to know nothing is carved in stone yet.”
“Your welcome. I’m also happy that you aren’t expecting my assumptions to be carved in stone because that may never happen. I personally hold opinions that always have a shade of gray, even when many people see them as black or white.”
She nodded,
“Me too, but hearing you say that makes me curious about something. Would you mind if I turn the tables and ask you a question for a change?”
“Anything�
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“Have you ever asked yourself why? Why do you need to see things as gray instead of black and white?”
“Now I’m impressed, that’s a very compelling open ended question.
I suppose I could give you a list of reasons and blame it on anything from my profession to my upbringing. A lot of things contribute to it, but I think the real reason is because it gives me hope.”
“How so?” she asked.
“Many people perceive the answers to life’s questions as black and white. I just can’t see things that way. For me they don’t seem like answers at all and more than not only stand as blockades to the undiscovered complexity of the real truth.
When I see things as gray and open to interpretation, it’s like an open doorway I can use to move forward. Knowing that life has no absolutes, means that no matter how black things get, or how blinding the white light is in your eyes, there’s always hope. That’s comforting, don’t you think?”
Kris sat silently sitting watching him speak, then she smiled in a warm peaceful way.
“We have the same philosophy you know. Not everyone has the courage to look at the world the way we do. To a lot of people a world with no absolutes is terrifying.”
She paused and added,
“Yet, I could never imagine a world without hope.”
Paul chuckled slightly.
“Now that would be terrifying, and you’re right, it appears we do share the same philosophy about that.”
Paul sat quietly maintaining his professional demeanor. Inside of his mind however, he was in absolute amazement of his patient. He was surprised to find himself in a unique situation trying to treat someone who seemingly had such a healthy cognitive process, yet still showed the symptoms of a severe mental illness.
Even more disturbing to him, he was beginning to find her personally likable in a way that went beyond his professional comfort level but quickly regained his focus and took control of the session again.
“Kris, I want you to do something that may be difficult, but I think it’s necessary to give me a clear understanding of what’s going on with you.”
She appeared slightly apprehensive.
“OK, What is it?”
“I want you to narrate exactly what happens in the evening when you have your time travel experiences. That means I want you to tell me what hallucinations take place and what leads up to the point where you feel like you leave your body. Can you do that?”
She took a deep breath and replied in a joking tone,
“In other words, what do the voices tell you to do Kris?”
“Well, no that’s not what I..”
“Sorry , I’m kidding and I guess I shouldn’t mess around like that.
Of course I can tell you about it. Did you want me to just start now?”
“Please, if you feel up to it, yes.”
She repositioned herself in the chair and closed her eyes for a moment to gather her thoughts.
“I think my evenings start like most teachers. I leave the school around 4:30 and walk home. It’s a loft apartment about a half mile away from the campus and if I have papers to look at I just take them home on a jump drive rather than to stay in the classroom. I usually have something to eat and put on some music. I don’t watch much TV.
If I don’t have schoolwork, I usually head up to my room and put on pajamas.
That’s usually about the time I’ll get the urge to start working on my equations. You won’t believe this, but I have a wall in my room painted with that special paint that you can use as a dry erase board.
A friend of mine in the art department actually mixed a color shade so it wasn’t that blinding white color. If I had a stressful day, I usually do some yoga to unwind.
Not so much anymore because, well, you know why.
As far as the events leading to this whole time travel thing, they never go exactly the same, but I can describe one of the more recent nights I had two weeks ago OK?”
“That’s fine.”
“Alright, after my routine. I ended up running this idea I had comparing a few equations. I used six dimensions as a constant, then converting some of the conceptual ideas and working it within M-theory to see if….”
She looked up and stopped,
“You know what that’s irrelevant.
Let’s start with me running some equations on my board.
After a short time, I started to become frustrated with the way things were going so I decided to relax for a moment. It was then I heard the sound.
It’s like voices.
I couldn’t understand them.
It sounds like a radio or a TV is on quietly but yet it it’s different.”
Appearing almost embarrassed, she pointed toward her head.
“It was coming from inside here.”
Paul made some notes.
“Did they sound like male or female voices or was it just a garbled sound?”
“I can’t tell. When this started, I used to walk around my loft to see if it was a radio or something left on, but as soon as I made the slightest noise the voices disappeared. Yet if I stayed quiet, they would get louder and louder until I….Well it would make me melt into a sort of trancelike state. It’s kind of hard to explain.”
Paul was making notes very quickly to keep up with her description of the events. He then asked,
“Kris, has anyone else been with you when this happens?”
“No, and to make it more weird it only happens when I’m at home and at night.”
“Why do you think these things only happen to you when you’re alone? Do you have an opinion on that?”
Kris stared at him with an almost alarming intensity becoming emotionless in her expression.
“You think I’m making this entire story up don’t you?”
Paul put his note pad down in his lap.
“I never said that to you. Why are you asking me that?”
She looked down.
“I don’t know I..well I guess I do know why.
Realistically if someone told me this story I don’t think I would believe it. It was also the way that you asked if I have an opinion on that.
I don’t know it sounded pointed and accusing.”
Paul nodded.
“Maybe it was meant to sound that way? Maybe I just wanted to see how you would react to being challenged on it.”
She smiled and gave him a playful glare.
“Oh so that’s how this is, now I’m the lab experiment?
Well I guess I’ll have to accept that considering. So did I pass your test?
He smiled back at her,
“I’m not sure. After all, you never really answered the question.”
Kris let out a short laugh and looked at Paul with a very playful grin.
“You’re a worthy opponent. If you weren’t my therapist I might…I,”
She paused for a moment
“Um, well I would think twice about debating you.”
She held back her original desire to be flirtatious realizing that it was painfully out of place, yet she was beginning to feel a fondness and admiration for him that becoming apparent the more he spoke.
“The answer to your question is no. I have no opinion or theory that would explain why no one else has seen my little trips other than I‘m usually alone at night.
I used to it had to be silent to hear the voices and usually when people are around, it’s never quiet. Recently though, the voices and trances happen even when I turn on music or have the windows open and the city noise is blaring.”
Paul continued to take notes.
"Would you be open to being part of an experiment?”
“Are you kidding? Experiments are what live for.
I am of the belief that we are all tiny little parts experiments happening everyday of our lives. Still, before I say yes, what did you have in mind?
Is this some group study because I’m not sure if I
could do that?”
“Oh god no. I would never ask you to do something like that.
No, this would be an experiment to see if we can get you to experience these hallucinations in the presence of an observer.
You said they only happen at night and in your loft, so I think that’s where the observation needs to take place.”
She appeared a bit nervous.
“Wow, this is not what I expected. So how is this going to work? I mean is there someone who would travel to my home and just observe me?”
Paul laughed slightly.
“Kris, I was talking about me unless you would rather have someone else do this of course.”
“Oh my god no, of course not. I’m sorry, I don’t know why I thought that it would be someone else, I just thought that …oh I don’t know.
I’m just relieved it’s you.”
“Well thank you, I will admit that it’s not something that I usually do but I’m very curious to see what happens when you go into these trances.
I will need to video tape the evening’s events, not only because I want a visual record of your symptoms, but for the other obvious reasons I’m sure I don’t have to explain to you.”
She glanced down with a shy grin.
“Are you worried that I’ll tell everyone you took advantage of the crazy lady when I was in a trance?”
Paul began to explain why he needed video tape the evening I very clinical terms. She interrupted him with a giggle,
“It’s all right, you can cool it on the clinical details. I understand protocol and face it, you never know what someone will do.”
He nodded,
“You are exactly right, it is protocol for something like this.
So did you have a time convenient for us to do this? If it’s easier with you being on spring break, we can plan to do it on Friday or Saturday if you like.”
“Surely you don’t want to ruin a Saturday by working. Let’s go for Friday, Friday sounds like a better night.
We could shoot for 8:00 o’clock if that works for you.”
Paul made some notes on his pad and said,
“8:00 o’clock on Friday. I know roughly where you live but I’ll finalize things with you that day in the event anything comes up unexpectedly and we need to reschedule.
Also, while it’s on my mind, I did have some other questions for you today.”
“Sure go ahead.”
“When you were walking out of my office after our last visit, you said something curious about you claim of being able to travel back in time.
You told me that you can prove it.”
She nodded confidently.
“Yes, that’s right.”
She smiled and shook her head.
“And yes I know how crazy that sounds as well.”
“Fair enough. Then my next question no doubt obvious?
How?
How would a brilliant agnostic girl who lives her life in pursuit of science convince me of this?”
Kris replied in a joking tone.
“What? Do you mean me just saying it’s true isn’t good enough? Just kidding, really I think the deciding factor in your belief will rest on what type of proof you need to believe it. What would convince you that I can really travel back in time?”
Paul nodded and thought for a short time. He considered that this would be a good opportunity to begin chipping away at her delusional belief.
“This ability is going to be difficult to prove don’t you think. Since you can only travel backward in time, you can only see events that have already happened. How do you plan to prove you were there to witness those things?
If you could travel to the future, then it would be easy because you could tell me something that was about to happen. Then we would just have to wait and see if it came to be and that would be proof.
In your case however that’s not an option.”
Kris shrugged her shoulders.
“When is life ever easy? Alright, obviously you’re right. If I were to travel back in time and tell you that I saw a plane crash or some newsworthy event, it wouldn’t prove anything. I could research a story in the news after the fact and make up the story about how I was there and saw it when it happened.
In the other type of scenario, if I said that I saw some random meaningless past event that happened in someone’s life, there would be no way to prove it. Even if that person confirmed it, how would they prove I traveled through time to get to them or are they even telling you the truth about what happened?
There is no way to really know and I totally get what you’re saying.”
As Paul listened to Kris discuss the seemingly impossible challenge of proving her delusion, he was surprised to see how well thought out and accepting she was of the reality of the situation.
She was nothing like an average patient with delusional thought patterns.
He usually observed patients of this type working to reject cognitive reasoning that threatened their reality and he was intrigued by her unique reactions.
He also experienced once again, the same unsettling thoughts and emotions plaguing his own mind regarding his fondness for her.
There was a unique quality to Kris in both her feminine mannerisms and appearance as she spoke that personally moved him in some way. He was becoming personally attracted to her in a way that concerned him from the degree of emotional connection he felt. His rapidly growing admiration for her was not only confusing for him, but highly inappropriate as her therapist.
He refocused on her words as she made a suggestion,
“Paul, I think I have an idea that will prove my time travel ability with almost nothing left to doubt, that is if you interested.”
“Lay it on me professor.”
She leaned forward in her chair appearing excited with her idea.
“What if we set up an experiment that has to do with an event in your life?”
“What do you mean by that?”
She appeared almost giddy as she explained.
“What I mean is, let’s pick a past event in your life that I would have no clue about. Face it, since I know nothing about you other than what you’ve shared in our sessions, that shouldn’t be too difficult. All you need to do is pick a special moment in your life although it would have to be something that you hold a clear memory of.
You just tell me when it happened, and I would visit you during that event and then come back to share what I observed. This is the only way I can think of proving to you that my claims are accurate.”
Paul appeared slightly confused.
“Wait, are you saying that you can pick and choose times and places to visit and bring back a vision of that moment in time for anyone you choose?”
She nodded,
“It’s weird, when I choose to do it I can only act as an observer. It’s completely different when I get pulled back against my will.”
Paul began to write copious notes again as she spoke.
“When I get pulled back in a trace against my will, it’s like I’m really their body and all. I mean I can talk to people, people recognize me and it’s just as real as this conversation we’re having now. That’s also when I get very frightened because it feels like I won’t get back and reality becomes a bit fuzzy when I do return.
What I had in mind to prove it to would be me choosing to go back voluntarily.
I just need to visualize the person I want to visit in my mind and imagine that I’m with them. I can see things that they experienced as if I’m in the room with them, just floating in the air but I can’t interact with them. It feels more like a vivid dream.”
As Paul listened to her describe her delusion, he decided to make an attempt to see if her experiences were detailed and real to her, or if she was fabricating it in some way. Still writing he asked,
“Describe to me what it looks like when you choose to do this. Are you just there in an instant?”
&nbs
p; He looked up to observe her body language as she spoke, checking for small facial clues that she was being dishonest in her answer or making this up.
She thought for a moment,
“This could be difficult to give you the entire experience because there is a lot going on at once but here goes. I start by doing some very deep meditation. I do a yoga technique with breathing and mental imaging where I make myself feel lighter and lighter and then I actually feel myself leave my body. It’s like I’m a ghost apart from myself. Then it’s just a matter of concentrating on where I want to go.”
Paul placed his note pad in his lap.
“So if I told you to go back and see what I was doing on February 3, 2003, you could tell me?”
She shook her head and looked as though she was trying to think of a way to explain.
“No not exactly. I don’t know the date and time, but I can guess if you tell me what event it is just how far back I need to go. If I had to explain what it looks like to me I would say it’s more like...”
She paused for a moment.
“Let me ask you something. When you were a little boy and went to the clothing store with your mother or father, did you ever play near the mirrors by the fitting rooms?”
Paul smiled at the randomness of the question and said,
“Absolutely, it was my favorite thing to do. I can’t stand shopping for clothing now and I’m a grown man, so can you imagine my boredom as child?”
Kris laughed.
“Perfect! Then I know you must have seen something similar to what I’m about to describe. Did you ever stand between two mirrors that were facing one another so you could see what you looked like from the back? You get this pattern of a reflection of one mirror against the other mirror over and over again. It looks like a one hundred reflections of you in an endless hallway that goes on forever until it gets darker and smaller and disappears.”
By now Paul was nodding his head excitedly.
“Oh sure! Yes, when I was a kid that was my favorite distraction in the stores. I used to think that was so cool. I have to admit, I still think it‘s intriguing to look at.”
She nodded and smiled warmly.
“I was hoping you knew what I was talking about. Well that’s what it’s like when I’m time traveling. I’m floating like a ghost and all I have to do to travel is to think of the person whose life I want to see. Then I can float into them and the whole world around me looks like that endless hallway of mirrors, only it expands everywhere do you understand? The mirror is my whole field of vision. The thing is, I can move down the hallway of reflections. Just imagine it as if you could step into the mirror when you were a kid and fly down the endless hallway.”
“Alright, I can visualize that, so then what happens?”
“Then I can go back in time. Every frame of the mirror is a moment back in time and I can move as fast as I like. When I get to where I want to be I just move out of their body and I’m in the room with them at that moment in time.”
Paul sat quietly waiting for her to continue but to his surprise, Kris began to appear as though the happiness and excitement was being drained from her soul.
“Sorry but I’m starting to feel really strange again talking about this. I am very aware of how really messed up this is and how insane I must sound.
Seriously, I’m surprised you’re even listening to me go on like this as long as you have.”
Looking into Paul’s eyes she said,
“Sincerely it’s just so real to me I…well...Damn, I lost my train of thought and just feel embarrassed now.”
Paul seemed saddened and spoke with compassion in his voice,
“Kris, for me personally, the worst part about what you shared is knowing how much pain and fear it’s causing you. We’ll get some answers once I can actually see what’s happening to you first hand.
He smiled warmly.
“It’s going to be Ok.”
His confidence and kindness made her feel very secure and safe at that moment. Unknown to Paul, Kris was frequently having many of the same inner conflicts about the growing attraction she was feeling toward him. She found him to be fascinating and compassionate and kept trying to convince herself that she was suffering from an all too common crush that patients can develop for their doctors and caregivers.
She then noticed a palpable heat from her face that was turning her skin a blushing pink color and began to felt embarrassed by what she now believed to be a girlish infatuation.
“Kris, you asked me earlier what would convince me that you could really travel back in time. Now that I know you can pick and choose where to go, I thought of a test that would leave no room for discussion or doubt in my mind.”
She smiled.
“What? I open to anything!”
“When I go home tonight, I am going to go through my usual routine with one difference. I’m going to sit down at my desk at home in my bedroom, and write something on a piece of paper at precisely 9:00 PM.
If I understand what you told me about your time travel ability correctly, after today you should be able to become an invisible third party in my room and see what I wrote on that paper. When I come to observe you on Friday night, I’ll bring that paper with me in a sealed envelope.
You’re job on Friday, is to travel back in time and visit me at the moment I wrote that note. Since our plan was to see what happens to you when you go into these trances, we might as well test your ability at the same time. What do you think?”
He fully expected her to come up with the standard set of excuses that accompany delusional thinking such as; it’s not a consistent ability, or the excuse that she can’t do it all the time. Even a story about how it doesn’t always work unless she would go way back in time over fifty years or whatever time would prevent the test from being successful. Over the years, he had heard patients give every excuse imaginable when they found their delusional special abilities didn’t work correctly from blaming the weather to evil spirits, yet all were just examples of desperation to keep the security of the delusion real in their minds.
To his amazement Kris said,
“That’s a perfect idea, you know you really have a very scientific mind, this is a well thought out experiment.”
He nodded.
“Alright, great.”
He then looked at the time on his computer.
“I also see that we are coming up on the hour mark for today’s session. As far as us getting together on Friday, I’ll call you during the day to confirm and review the plan. Alright?”
She nodded with a very happy expression on her face.
Paul asked,
“Is there anything you want to discuss before we break for the day? Do you have any worries or concerns?”
Kris smiled and shook her head.
“No, I’m just really happy that I’ll finally get a chance to prove this to someone.” Then she dropped her head and seemed apprehensive to say what was on her mind
“Kris, are you doing alright? If you want to talk about something else, we still have some time.”
“No, it’s not that. I just wanted to say how much I appreciate what you’re doing for me. Coming to my house in the evening is taking up your personal time and I know you don’t have to do that. I mean it’s not like you don’t have a life of your own so the fact that you are doing this means a lot to me.”
With an expression of unconditional gratitude in her eyes she said,
“I know helping people is what you do for a living, but you sincerely make me feel like you care about me. I just wanted to say thank you.”
Paul was very touched by the sincere heart felt manner in which she spoke those words and responded in emotionally driven sincerity.
“I do care about you Kris, you’re important to me, your very…”
He froze in complete shock of what he was saying, then he paused for a moment and regained his professional demeanor. “I
care for all of my patients, you’re very welcome.”
She nodded and gave him a half smile feeling a bit foolish.
She sincerely wished that he really did care for her more deeply than as a patient, but then realized how silly she was acting.
In reality Paul was in in mental turmoil at that moment in disbelief of his lack of judgment. He also knew how accurate his comment about caring for her personally was becoming more real by the moment. Looking at her partial smile, he felt concerned that it was the result of the discomfort of his momentary display of attraction.
He very calmly put down his note pad and said,
“Well, I think we’re done for today. I’ll call you on Friday and we can talk more then, alright?”
She got up and shook his hand with a confident nod.
“I’ll talk to you Friday then. See you later.”
“Take care of yourself and just like I said last time, if you need to talk to be before then. Just call me.”
As Kris left his office, he sat back down in his chair and leaned forward with his head hanging down in response to his lapse in judgment. He was quickly forming a personal attachment to Kris and was desperately trying to decide what traits she had or personal connections existed to affect him in this way. Going on with his day, he finished his other appointments in his usual routine, and left around 4:30 in the afternoon. It was very common for Paul to stop and pick up something to eat on the way home and then park at a nearby nature area to relax from the day’s turmoil.
During his first year of being a therapist, Paul found out just how emotionally draining a day spent listening to patients tragedy and unhappiness could take its toll on his own peace of mind.
It was difficult many days staying mentally balanced and emotionally fit to play the roll of the person trying to help them. His short stop on his way home to relax and connect with the natural world was his way of unwinding. He chose to sit and eat at a picnic table that was close to the lakeshore.
The sound of seagulls flying above him hoping for a leftover morsel of food made him feel peaceful. After finishing his dinner, he chose to take a short walk on the beach. The sound of the surf and the fresh gentle breeze calmed his mind of the days stress. It was at that moment he had a random vision of Kris that filled his mind. The feelings that troubled him earlier in the day returned as he thought about her not as a patient, but as an object of desire. Letting his mind wander, he pictured her smiling, laughing and he recalled all of her mannerisms he found to be endearing.
He stopped walking and stood staring out at the water and picked up a few small stones to toss into the surf. Contemplating his unusual attraction he spoke out loud to himself.
“Come on Paul, what’s up with you? This girl is your patient, you need to get your head together.”
He threw another flat stone into the surf, skipping it across the surface of the water. “I know what it is. She is just so damn intriguing and intelligent, not to mention lovely. Still, you need to shape up and stop thinking about wrapping your arms around her when she’s sad. Time to get your head together before you see her again, it’s not a date.”
He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. Then he turned and began to walk down the beach again.
Arriving back at his car and still considering his self targeted advice, he was swept away yet again by thought of her in his head. He felt himself looking forward to see her on Friday evening. He also considered how difficult it would be to coach her into the realization that her belief in time travel was just a fantasy.
One of the techniques he used when trying to work with delusional patients was to create a predictable set of events that fed their fantasy, and then change the variables. It resulted in them getting angry at times, but over time, he found it effective at eroding the belief in their delusional thinking in many cases.
His plan with Kris was to change the basic version of events that he described to Kris during her appointment. At 9:00 PM that evening, he planned on sending her a text message in which he would inform her that the note he told her he would write was completed. His variation to the plan was to compose the note earlier in the day, and he began to write it while sitting in his car. He opened his bag and pulled out some paper and an envelope. With pen in hand, he turned on some music and began to write.
His idea was to write a simple message that was random yet not likely for her to guess, and he thought of the perfect idea. Paul wrote the mathematical equation for the Heisenberg Uncertainty Principal that he knew she would recognize in a moment being the math and physics expert she was. He verified the exact the equation from an internet physics website to make sure it was accurate and placed the note in a sealed envelope to bring with him to her loft.
The theory in varying the plan in this was to show Kris that if she truly could travel in time, she would be able to pass his test no matter what had been changed about it. A person who really had her ability, would be able to travel to visit him at 9:00 PM and see that he didn’t write the message at that time.
After seeing nothing in writing, she would follow time back to the moment he really did write it like she claimed she could do at will.
Paul would use these comparisons and failures of her ability in future discussions to question her belief in her own delusion. Over time it would hopefully create adequate doubt for her and give him credibility to transform her thought patterns.
Placing the letter in his bag, he started his car and drove home for evening. He also felt much better clearing his mind of the day’s events. At precisely 9:00 PM that evening, he sent a text message to Kris that read.
“Hi Kris, this is to inform you that the note is written, and now a piece of history.”
As she received the text, she was laying on her bed in her pajamas having an evening snack. Seeing who it was from, she popped up in her bed and smiled as she read his words. Her message back to him said,
“I’ll see what it says on Friday. Have a lovely night!”