Awakened

by HELEN HARDT

  Strange.

  Yet not strange.

  After the intensity of Dale Steel, I’m not sure I’ll experience my senses in the same way ever again.

  “You going to answer me?” he asks.

  What was the question again? “What more do I want? I guess I want—”

  Then he’s walking past us. Briskly walking.

  The man I want.

  Dale. Brock and I are in a little alcove off the path between the main house and the guesthouse.

  I jerk.

  “You okay?”

  “Yeah. Someone just walked by.”

  “It’s Dale. Probably going back to the party.”

  “You think so?”

  “Yeah. Classic introvert. He needs his down time. He always comes back, though.”

  “Oh.” I honestly had no idea he’d come back. Of course, he hasn’t paid me a lick of attention all evening. “We should get back,” I say.

  “I gave it my best shot.” Brock shrugs. “Oh, and Ashley?”

  “Yeah?”

  “I don’t give up that easily.”

  “Neither do I,” I reply.

  But I’m not talking about Brock.

  He grabs my hand, and we walk back onto the path—

  Crap.

  Dale stands in our way. I was wrong. He did see us.

  “Hey, cuz,” Brock says. “Going back to the party?”

  “No.” Dale shakes his head. “I need to talk to my dad.”

  “Cool.” Brock nods. “We were just—”

  “It’s pretty clear what you were doing,” Dale says.

  “No,” I say. “We weren’t—”

  “Spare me the gory details. I don’t give a shit.”

  His words slice right into my heart.

  So cold. So utterly cold, but still, in his voice, they’re the color of the deep Syrah I love.

  My synesthesia hasn’t taken a vacation after all. Apparently I only respond to Dale Steel now.

  I don’t give a shit.

  Yeah, he’s made that clear.

  The problem? I do give a shit. I care. I care so damned much. So much that I’m letting a perfect stud like Brock slip through my fingers.

  “Dale,” I say, “please.”

  He turns, meets my gaze. “What is it?”

  “We didn’t—”

  “I just said I don’t care, Ashley. I don’t care. I have stuff to do.” He turns abruptly and continues walking toward the main house.

  “Man, he’s in a mood tonight,” Brock says.

  “Is he always like that?”

  “Sometimes. He’s a great guy, but he’s always been a loner. Since he’s the oldest cousin, he got stuck watching Brad and me when we were younger. I think part of him still resents it.”

  “Uh-huh.”

  Except Brock is wrong. Whatever’s eating Dale goes far beyond resentment over babysitting younger siblings and cousins when he was a teen. I instinctively know this. A man who finds peace among grapevines, rather than people, is a man who’s hurting.

  Dale is hurting, and I want so much to help him.

  If only he’ll let me in.

  Chapter Thirty

  Dale

  My dad is still at the pool. He’s sitting on a lounge chair talking to Diana. Her lips are downturned.

  “You okay?” I ask her.

  “Yeah, just having some cold feet, I guess. I’m fine.”

  “Your sister is having a hard time being second choice.” Dad smiles.

  I open my mouth, but Diana gestures for me to be quiet.

  “I know, I know,” she says. “I’ve heard it from Dad. I’ve heard it from Mom. I’ve even heard it from Ashley.”

  My groin tightens at Ashley’s name. Even with this PI and my alleged birth father at the forefront of my mind, even though I caught her making out with Brock, Ashley still affects me.

  “I’m being ridiculous,” Diana continues.

  “You’re not ridiculous,” I say.

  She forces a smile. “You’re always so kind to me, Dale. I don’t think you’ve ever said a cross word to me in my life.”

  “Now you know that’s not true.” I return her smile. “Remember when you finger-painted my term paper when I was a senior?”

  That got her. She laughs. I’ve always loved to hear Diana laugh. The first time she laughed, she was three or four months old. To a troubled preteen boy, it was the most joyful sound in the world.

  “Or when you broke that bottle of Château Lascombes he was saving?” Dad adds.

  “That was an accident,” she says.

  “Still, Dale got pretty angry with you,” Dad goes on.

  “Uncle Ry’s gift to me on my twenty-first birthday.” I rake my fingers through my hair. “Yeah, I was pretty pissed, Sis.”

  She frowns. “I haven’t thought of that in years.”

  “Neither have I. It’s over.” I smile. “You okay now?”

  She nods. “I’ve gotten the requisite Talon Steel pep talk. Hey, have you seen Ash?”

  “She’s with Brock.” Though I try to sound nonchalant, I’m not convincing anyone, least of all myself.

  “I may never find her, then,” Diana says.

  “No, they’re over on the pathway to my place. At least they were a few minutes ago.”

  She sighs. “I’ll find her. Thanks, Dad.”

  “Anytime, sweetie.”

  “And you too, Dale.”

  “What did I do?”

  “You reminded me that no matter what happens in Denver, I have a big brother who adores me. Even if I break a three-hundred-dollar bottle of wine.” She gives me a quick hug and then walks off.

  The party is dying down. Only Uncle Joe remains in the pool. Brock got his love of water and swimming talent from his dad. A few others remain, talking and laughing at the bar. Bradley and his girlfriend are snuggling together in another lounge chair.

  I so don’t need to see that right now. God only knows what Brock and Ashley are doing in the dark.

  “I need to talk to you,” I say to Dad.

  “Sure. What’s up?”

  “Inside. In your office.”

  “Really? Is everything all right?”

  “Honestly? I’m not sure. Let’s go inside.”

  Dad enters his office after changing into lounge pants and a T-shirt. His hair is damp and slicked back. He closes the door. “What’s going on, Dale?”

  I hand him the crumpled letter and wait as he scans it.

  “I see,” is all he says.

  “I called the PI. He’s willing to give me the name of his client if I meet him tomorrow morning in Grand Junction.”

  Dad says nothing.

  “So…what do you think?”

  “I don’t know what to think, Dale. Why would he be coming out of the woodwork now?”

  “I don’t know. For money, is my guess.”

  “That’s my guess as well.”

  “Dad…”

  “Yeah?”

  “Did you ever try to find our father?”

  He doesn’t answer right away. He rubs his temples and then the graying stubble on his jawline. “No,” he finally says. “I didn’t.”

  “Why? I mean, I’m not complaining about how things worked out, but if Donny and I had a father out there, you certainly didn’t need to take responsibility for us.”

  “Maybe I wanted to take responsibility.”

  “I don’t understand.”

  “No.” He sighs. “You probably don’t. Your mother was dead. Neither of you remembered your father. What good would it have done to find him? He’s obviously a lowlife who abandoned his sons.”

  “I’m not arguing that point.”

  “No father is listed on either of your birth certificates,” he continues. “Just your mother.”

  “We know we’re full blood brothers,” I say. “The DNA tests show that. Obviously there’s a man out there who fathered us.”

  “Because there was no father listed on the birth c
ertificates, we didn’t need to get his okay for the adoption.”

  “Were you afraid he wouldn’t consent? Why wouldn’t he? He obviously didn’t want us.”

  “He probably would have consented. The fact is, legally we didn’t need him.”

  “You and Mom took on a huge burden.”

  “We did. And we agreed it was the best thing for you boys.”

  “Living here? Of course. Donny and I never wanted for anything. You’ve been wonderful. You got us into therapy after a horrible experience. But I’ve always wondered… Why? Especially for Mom. She was only twenty-five, and she became a mother of three practically overnight.”

  Dad pauses again, fidgeting with his fingers. Then, “Do you want to meet this man?”

  “Only out of curiosity.”

  “I’d like to go with you.”

  “Of course. I was hoping you would.”

  “Your brother should have the choice as well.”

  “Yeah. But we don’t have to tell him yet. He’s leaving to go back to Denver tomorrow. He doesn’t need to see the PI with us. If this client of his turns out to truly be our father, I’ll tell him.”

  “Good enough. The letter came to you. Do you think Donny got the same letter?”

  “I doubt it. The letter came a week ago. I just decided to look through my personal mail tonight.”

  “Why tonight?”

  To get my mind off the Brock and Ashley show. This letter got my mind off everything but Ashley.

  “I don’t know,” I lie. “I hadn’t gone through it in a while. Seemed like the thing to do.”

  “Fine, Dale. I won’t push it. The contents of the letter are what’s important here. I’ll go with you to the city in the morning to meet this PI.”

  “I offered him a grand for the name.”

  I expect a stern lecture, but instead my father chuckles.

  “What’s so funny?”

  “Nothing. It’s just interesting to know that my son isn’t above using the same tactics I did in my day. I’m not condoning it, but sometimes money talks. Okay, money always talks.”

  “You did something similar?” I ask.

  “Many, many times.”

  “Why?”

  Again, he pauses. Then, “Dale, there are things about me you don’t know. Things my brothers, sister, and I have kept from our children. For their own well-being.”

  “What kinds of things?”

  “You ask why I wanted responsibility for you and your brother.”

  “Yes. I’ve always wondered. I remember you and Uncle Ry rescuing us from that terrible place. Is that why you took responsibility?”

  “Partially.”

  “Dad—”

  “I’ll tell you the whole truth, Dale. It’s time. But not until after we get this stuff about your alleged father settled.”

  “Dad, please.”

  “That’s my offer. If this man is your father, we need to know what he wants.”

  “He’s no threat. Donny and I are adults now. It’s too late for him.”

  “Which is why it’s strange he’s surfacing now.” Dad sniffs. “I smell a rat, Dale. A big rat.”

  Chapter Thirty-One

  Ashley

  Diana is gone. She left for Denver an hour ago with her brother Donny. It’s only eight in the morning, and already I miss her. Brianna is hustling about, ready to drive back to Grand Junction for her senior year of college. I’m just trying to stay out of the way.

  Talon isn’t here. He left a little while ago as well. I have no idea where he went, and I didn’t ask. Not my business.

  Brianna finally leaves, and the house is empty. Darla apparently has Sundays off, so only Jade and I are around. I have no idea where she is. She hugged and cried and waved Brianna off, and then she disappeared.

  Tomorrow I begin my internship.

  Tomorrow I work with Dale.

  Still his voice haunts me—colors my whole existence, literally.

  He’s so close, just at the guesthouse. A short walk from the main house.

  But he doesn’t want to see me. He probably thinks I fucked Brock last night. Not that I owe him any explanation, but I want to explain. Need to explain that I didn’t do anything. I let him kiss me, but I stopped it. It went no further.

  I don’t want to kiss Brock.

  I only want to kiss Dale.

  Maybe it’s time we have it out. I put on my running shoes. I’ll just jog the half mile to the guesthouse. If Dale isn’t there, I’ll go to the vineyards. I have a car to use. Talon and Jade gave me the use of one of theirs while I’m here. They’ve been great.

  I head to the kitchen to leave by the back door—

  “Hey, Ashley.” Jade is sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee.

  “Oh. I didn’t realize you were in here.”

  “I need a little more caffeine,” she says.

  I nod. “I hear you’re the coffee connoisseur around here.”

  “Oh, yeah.” She laughs. “When I first came here, Marjorie told me the Steels made such amazing coffee. It was like brown water! I educated them quickly. I’m in charge of all coffee for the Steel family.”

  “Marjorie is Talon’s sister, right?”

  “Yeah. I’m sure it’s hard to keep everything straight.” She cocks her head. “Funny, I was your age when I came here. Marj and I were best friends all during college. I came here the summer after I finished law school.” She closes her eyes. “Wow. I haven’t thought about this in years.”

  “My age, huh?”

  “Yeah. Sit, please. You want some coffee?”

  “I don’t drink coffee.”

  “What?” Jade drops her mouth into an O in mock surprise.

  I can’t help but laugh. She’s so sweet and likable, just like Diana. “Never did like the stuff. I’ll get some juice.”

  I may as well sit with Dale’s mom for a few minutes. Maybe I’ll learn something. I grab the pitcher of juice out of the refrigerator and pour myself a glass. They’ve made me feel so at home that I think nothing of helping myself after being here only two days. I sit down at the table next to Jade and take a sip of the tangy beverage.

  “I look at you,” Jade says, “and I see myself twenty-five years ago. Except you haven’t been left at the altar, I hope.”

  My eyes shoot open. “Left at the altar?”

  “Yes. I was supposed to get married that summer, but my fiancé didn’t show up to the wedding.”

  “But you’re…you.”

  She smiles. “He had his own issues, and obviously it turned out for the best. Marj invited me to spend the summer here on the ranch. I actually stayed in the same room you’re staying in.”

  “Dale’s room,” I say more to myself than to her.

  “Yes, it was Dale’s room when he lived here. Now it’s a guest room again.”

  “So you came here and met Talon?”

  “Yes. Quite a shocker after being humiliated on my wedding day.”

  “A shocker?”

  “Oh, yes. Everything turned out great in the end, but Talon and I had a rocky start.”

  “Really?”

  “Really,” she says. “Talon was…difficult to reach at first.”

  I’m not sure what to say to that, so I take a drink of juice.

  “I was so young, like you are. I’d been dumped in the worst way possible, and on top of that, I was waiting for my bar exam results, which any lawyer will tell you is nerve-racking. Then, right into the middle of my turmoil walks this amazing, beautiful, troubled man.”

  Troubled? Am I supposed to ask for clarification there?

  But Jade continues, “He was like wildfire, and I was the moth drawn to the flame.”

  I so get it. “You were my age, huh?”

  “Yes. And Talon was ten years older.”

  “Thirty-five.” Again, more to myself than to Jade.

  Dale’s age. Dale and I are the same ages as Jade and Talon were when they met.

  She smiles
. “And now here you are. Diana’s friend. Twenty-five years old. Funny how things come full circle.”

  Again, I’m not sure what to say.

  She sighs and then takes a sip of coffee. “I haven’t thought about those days in a long time, but seeing you brings it all back as if it were yesterday. It’s almost like history’s repeating itself.”

  “Repeating itself?”

  “Oh,” she laughs. “I know you weren’t left at the altar. You’re not running away from anything by coming here. You’re running toward something. Your internship. Your career. And you’re not meeting a young Talon Steel.”

  Except I kind of am. I met his son, who’s also amazing, beautiful, and troubled.

  “No,” I say boldly. “I’m meeting a young Dale Steel.”

  She smiles, and I see the motherly love in her eyes at the mention of her son. “So you are.”

  “May I ask you something?”

  “Of course.”

  “Why do you say Talon was troubled?”

  A shadow crosses her face. “Perhaps I shouldn’t have used those words. I look at you, and all of a sudden, those memories become so vibrant in my mind. But the details are…personal.”

  “Of course,” I say, my cheeks warming. “I’m sorry.”

  “Talon didn’t have an easy life.”

  “Growing up here?”

  “Money doesn’t buy everything,” she says.

  “Oh, I know that. I…”

  “What is it?”

  “It’s just…that came out all wrong. Suffice it to say, I didn’t grow up like this.”

  “Very few people do.” She smiles. “Anything you want to talk about?”

  She’s so kind, I find myself wanting to spill everything to her, despite the fact she’s keeping personal details from me.

  “I never told Dee this, but I… When I was a kid, my mom and I were homeless for a while. We lived in a tent in San Francisco.”

  She touches my hand. “Ashley, I’m so sorry.”

  “Don’t be. I’m fine. I learned to depend on myself and to go after what I want.”

  She nods. “I grew up modestly as well. I’m lucky that I always had a roof over my head, of course, and I was never hungry.”