by TJ Klune
“And I believe we discussed live music as part of the package you ordered,” Sophia continued. “We do have the string quartet that can play before and after the ceremony, but there is also a DJ who will play dance music for the reception.”
“Yes,” Sandy said. “Quite. Indeed. Tell me… ah, what was it? Oh yes, Sophia. This… quartet. Do they take requests?”
“I believe they do,” Sophia said, looking perplexed.
“Don’t you do it,” I warned Sandy.
Sandy and Corey snickered. “So,” Sandy said, “they’ll do Brohan Sebastian Bach?”
“How are you thinking of all these things?” I demanded, unable to sound completely unimpressed.
“Dude,” Corey said. “We’re awesome. Like Broseidon, god of the brocean.”
“We’ll halve the room,” I said tightly to Sophia.
“Good choice,” she said. “You would be surprised how quickly it can go from grand elegance to warm and close. It’ll be perfect for the size of your wedding.”
“Size does matter to Paul,” Sandy said.
“A lot,” Corey said.
“So much,” Sandy said.
“And this opens up to the large sun terrace,” Sophia said. “As you can see, these doors fold out and open, creating an indoor/outdoor space, which only adds to the ambience. And since it’s the beginning of spring, it will be comfortable enough when the sun is up, and cool enough at night to allow the stone fireplaces out here to be lit without anyone getting over warm.”
“Exactly,” Corey said. “Wouldn’t want anyone feeling like they’re in a broaster oven.”
God help me, I almost laughed at that one.
And they saw it.
Which meant only one thing.
They were going to try and get me to break.
“Looks perfect,” I said, voice slightly strangled. “I do like ambience.”
“And I know you said you won’t necessarily need the space for a rehearsal,” Sophia continued, glancing down at her clipboard. “And I made a note here that said you had a photographer?”
“Our friend Charlie wants to do the photographs of before and after the wedding,” I said. “But he’s in the wedding party, so we’ll need yours too, just for that part.”
“I can swing that,” she said, making an addendum. “We’ve already discussed the catering and the bar via e-mail, so we’re set there. The tables will be set up inside and out here, barring any inclement weather. You and Vince already decided on the place settings and the tablecloths, so I think that about wraps it up for the ballroom. Did you want to see the garden again where the wedding takes place?”
I nodded, and she led us down a set of stone stairs, talking at us over her shoulder. “You’ll have to excuse the setup,” she said. “There’s a wedding here this afternoon, and it’s not going to be how yours will be, but it’ll give you a better idea of what the space could look like aside from just seeing the photos. This wedding has a different color scheme than yours. Theirs is heavier on reds and blacks. You and Vince decided on greens and golds, correct?”
“Yeah.” Vince had decided that, and I’d just smiled and gone along with it, unable to do anything but agree with the shy look he’d given me. He’d told me that green and gold were his favorite colors, and he thought how nice everything would look. I couldn’t have agreed fast enough.
The garden was wide open, with palm trees rising high all around. Flowers were blooming, brightly colored and full. A man-made waterfall spilled down into a creek that flowed around the entirety of the garden. We crossed over a small wooden bridge into the garden. There was a gazebo set at one end, white lights wrapped around the wooden beams. Chairs had been set up on the grass, decorated in red and black. It looked slightly ominous, and I was glad we didn’t go with a look so dark.
“That’s the way you’ll come down if you plan on walking into the ceremony after everyone is seated,” Sophia said. She pointed down a divide between the chairs. “And you’ll walk up to the gazebo where the ceremony will be performed. We have the gazebo fitted with speakers should you need to use a microphone so those in the back can hear. Will either of you be walking down the aisle?”
“We both will,” I said faintly, still staring at the gazebo. “Him first with my mom. Then me with my dad.”
“Sounds lovely,” she said, squeezing my arm. “And I know that you may think it’s my job to say this, but I can assure you I mean every word when I say that I don’t know if I’ve ever seen someone look at another like Vince looks at you. You’re very lucky.”
I was so going to lose this goddamn bet, because even now, I felt my chest hitch at the thought of us standing in front of everyone, binding ourselves together for the rest of our lives. Maybe I was naïve in thinking it was going to be forever, but isn’t that what the promises made in a wedding are supposed to be about? I couldn’t see myself with anyone else. I couldn’t see myself loving anyone but him.
And it sort of fried my brain.
“Uh, Paul?” Sandy asked. “You okay?”
“Fine,” I breathed.
“And… Sophia, was it?” Corey asked, putting his arm through hers. “Can we give Paul a moment? You can tell me all about the flowers here. I think I see broses and daffodudes.”
“Ah, okay,” Sophia said, sounding confused. “I can do that, C-Rock.”
“Great!” Corey said cheerfully. “Just want to make sure of what we have so we can crosscheck it with any allergies.”
And then he pulled her away.
They were out of earshot when Sandy spoke, fingers curled around my elbow in a loose grip, but enough to anchor me down, to let me know he was there. “You okay?” he asked, dropping the bro persona. “You got quiet there all of a sudden.”
I nodded, swallowing thickly. “It just… it hit me, I guess. This whole… thing. What I’m doing here. What I’m going to be doing here. It…. I don’t think I understood until this moment.”
“Are you having second thoughts?” he asked with absolutely no disappointment in his voice, which made me love him all the more. “Cold feet?”
I shook my head. “No. It’s—I guess it’s the exact opposite. I am so ready to do this. If I could do this today, I would. If he were here right now, I’d probably be demanding the coordinator move us up so we could take over the goth wedding that’s apparently happening.”
Sandy laughed quietly. “Yeah, not a fan of the black and red either. But I’m happy to hear that you aren’t having doubts. If you were, I was going to have to kick you in the balls and tell you to shut the fuck up, because Vince is the best thing that’s ever happened to you.”
I turned my head to look at him. He smiled at me, that smile so familiar that I thought I knew it maybe even better than my own. “You’d do that for me, wouldn’t you.” It wasn’t a question.
He made a little humming sound in the back of his throat, sliding his arm through mine, hands clasping around my wrist. He laid his head on my shoulder and we looked at the gazebo a little while longer.
“I am scared, though,” I admitted after a time.
“Of what?”
“Things changing.”
“Why would they change?”
I shrugged, feeling a little embarrassed. “I’m getting married. You’re… you’re with Darren. And I’m happy for you. God, I’m so happy for you. It’s just… what if this changes everything, you know? What if you have your thing and I have my thing, and then those things drift apart and we don’t….” I let out a shuddering breath. The thought alone was enough to make me shaky.
He didn’t speak for a long time, and I thought maybe it was because I was being stupid. It wouldn’t be the first time, and most likely wouldn’t be the last. I didn’t even know that I’d been feeling this way until this moment. And now that I was thinking about it, it was all I could focus on. Sandy wasn’t just my best friend. He was my brother, my sister, my self-esteem. He was my biggest critic and my biggest supporter. He would kill f
or me. He would die for me. He would scratch a motherfucker’s eyes out if they tried to fuck with me. He’d do anything for me, and I’d do the same for him.
He sighed and turned his head slightly, brushing his lips against my neck briefly. “This isn’t an ending.”
“It isn’t?”
“No. This is a beginning, Paul. For you and Vince. You’ve found something I’ve always wished for you. You’ve found the one person you’re meant to be with, and I know with all of my heart that you two will be the happiest you could possibly be.” He stood up straight and leaned over to bump his shoulder with mine. “And I’m gonna be there every step of the way.”
“Yeah?” I said, feeling extraordinarily relieved.
“You think you can get rid of me?” he asked, cocking a perfectly sculpted eyebrow. “I’ve got my hooks into you, Paul. I have for years. You couldn’t escape from me, no matter how hard you tried. And on the off chance that you do, you best believe I will drag you back kicking and screaming and will shove a ball gag in your mouth while I make you my bitch. Understand?”
“I understand completely. And I don’t know what that says about either of us.”
“It says we’re amazing,” Sandy said. “I love you, you know? I’m not going anywhere. Things are changing, yes, but they’re changing for the better. We can’t be who we were at seventeen, with me sucking on a ring pop and you sneezing your mustache onto Charlie’s face.”
I snorted. I’d forgotten about that. “The twink and the leather cub. God, we were fucking idiots.”
“Maybe. But look where it got us? If we’d never done that, if we’d never gone down that day, who knows where we’d be right now? You and I would still be friends, obviously, but maybe I wouldn’t have met Vaguyna. Maybe I wouldn’t have become a queen. We wouldn’t know Charlie. We might not know Corey. We may not have met the homo jocks. Vince. Darren. Our stupidity gave us a lot, if you think about it.”
“That’s… almost depressing.”
“But strangely not, right? Funny how that works out. You done being all maudlin now? It’s like an Edgar Allen Bro story up in this bitch.”
“Jesus Christ.”
“What do you call to dudes who eat each other out all messy like?”
“Sandy.”
“Sloppy bros.”
“I hate you so fucking much.”
“Liar,” he said fondly. Then his eyes narrowed. “Speaking of Charlie, did I tell you I couldn’t find out a damn thing about his secret boo? He’s being extremely tight-lipped about the whole thing, which is annoying as shit. I am going to break him, or my name isn’t Sword.”
“We’ll meet him at the wedding, right? And Daddy already made me promise that we’ll go easy on him.”
Sandy stared at me.
“I promised him no such thing,” I assured him. “It’s Daddy. We have to make sure he’s in good hands.”
“Damn right. I haven’t gotten to threaten someone in a very long time.”
“Uh, you threatened me this morning when I told you we didn’t have time to stop at Starbucks.”
“Oh, please. That didn’t count.”
“You threatened Corey with death if he didn’t let you sit in the front seat.”
“I’m a queen. I always get to sit in the front.”
“You told me that you threatened Darren this morning that if he didn’t give you a blowjob before you left, that you would, and I quote, ‘fuck your shit up, motherfucker, now choke on my dick and don’t forget to tug on my balls.’”
“I’m very forthright with what I want.”
“I adore you.”
“You should.”
“I feel better.”
“Do you?”
“Yeah.”
“This is a happy fucking time, baby doll,” he said, eyes bright. “We should be celebrating. We will be celebrating. And all of this?” He nodded toward the gazebo. “This is what waits for you at the end of that celebration. This… it’s gonna be good, Paul. I promise you. It’s gonna be so good. You’ll see.” He hooked his arm in mine again. “Now, should we go rescue poor Sophia? I’m sure Corey has already discussed the broses and daffodudes to death.”
“Yeah. Sounds good. By the way, if you guys don’t stop talking bro, I’m kicking you out of the fucking wedding, so help me God.”
“You wouldn’t dare.”
“Watch me.”
He tilted his head back and laughed and laughed and laughed.
Chapter Five: The Bachelor Party
March 19, 2016
T-Minus 7 days
I AWOKE to the smell of bacon.
I didn’t think there was a better smell to wake up to.
I loved bacon.
I opened my eyes and stretched. The bed was empty next to me, the covers pulled back, the other side cold. I heard Vince saying something quietly and Wheels barking happily in response.
I smiled up at the ceiling.
It was a great life to wake up to.
The man I loved and boned was making breakfast while talking to our dog.
I was getting married in a week.
Sure, I still had no idea what I was going to say in my wedding vows, but I’d figure it out. I had plenty of time. I could probably make some headway on it today. That sounded like a good idea. I could—
My smile began to fall as I remembered what today was.
The unholiest of all days.
A rite of passage for any man getting married.
Darkness and debauchery.
The bachelor party, hosted by Helena Handbasket.
Sandy had refused to tell me what we were doing, and everyone around me aside from Vince had been secretive. Vince didn’t know shit about it, nor did he know what Darren had planned for his own bachelor party. Vince and I had agreed to specific stipulations, much to the chagrin of Darren and Sandy. There would be no shenanigans that could result in getting arrested, no strippers, no dicks hanging out, no nudity in general (the look of outrage on Sandy’s face had been hysterical), no hookers, no drugs (“Well there goes my plans on snorting coke off the asshole of a prostitute,” Sandy had said, rolling his eyes. “Whatever shall I do now?”), and Vince and I wanted to end the night together.
“Are you kidding me?” Sandy had exclaimed. “The whole point of the bachelor party is to do things separately. And they’re probably going to end up at a sports bar, Paul. A sports bar. Watching sports. You know I’m allergic to that. Why, I’m already breaking out in hives at the thought.”
“We’re not going to a sports bar,” Darren had said, arm around Sandy’s shoulders. It would have been sweet, except for Darren’s resting bitch face. “Don’t get jealous because we’re going to have more fun than you will.”
Sandy scoffed. “I highly doubt that’s going to be true, bae. You’re essentially a straight guy except for the way you like my dick up your ass. You know nothing about how to throw a good shindig.”
“At least I don’t call it a shindig.”
“Don’t blame me because your vocabulary is lacking. Maybe you should read more.”
“Sandy, the only reading material in your house is Us Weekly.”
“It has words. It counts.”
“Keep telling yourself that, boo.”
“You can get so bitchy. God, I love you.”
“Not as much as I fucking love you. And not as much as I love fucking you.”
Then they’d started macking all over each other while Vince and I had stared on in horror. That hadn’t been a good time for anyone. Darren was hot, sure, and Sandy attractive, but Sandy was like my much older sister, and Darren made him make this really weird noise when he did something with his tongue, and I threw up a little bit in my mouth. We tried to leave but then remembered they were in our house, so we kicked them out. I almost had to spray them with a hose like they were dogs in heat. It wasn’t until Vince pointed out twenty minutes later that Darren’s SUV was still sitting in our driveway, windows fogged up and rockin
g back and forth, that I realized I hated both of them with all my heart.
So, yes. Tonight was probably going to be a train wreck.
But for now, Vince was being all domestic in the kitchen and I really needed to get up on that.
I pulled myself out of bed, popping my back, wincing slightly at the soreness in my ass from where Vince had fucked me up against the couch the night before. We had a healthy sex life. We were young, Vince was hung, and I liked having my legs over his shoulders. We were compatible that way. But the closer we got to the wedding, the more… amorous we seemed to be. I didn’t know what it was about the approaching date, but it made me horny all the goddamn time. Luckily for me, Vince seemed to feel the same way. I figured this out when he decided he needed to jack me off in the parking lot of Safeway on one of our usual Thursday-night grocery shopping trips. I hadn’t complained about that, though I was sure I couldn’t look the guy rounding up the shopping carts in the eye ever again, since we’d forgotten the window was rolled down and I’d been shouting, “Yeah, gonna give you all my semen, you just take it all.”
I thought we needed to go to a different Safeway from now on.
I made my way down the hall toward the kitchen and made a choked-off noise at the sight before me.
Vince, wearing a pair of basketball shorts and a tight tank top, the back of which was wet from the sweat of his morning run. His tanned shoulders were broad, the sun having brought out a few more freckles than normal. I could see the muscles in his back shifting as he moved in front of the stove, humming quietly to himself. His hair was damp, like he’d dunked his head under the faucet. Wheels was at his feet, looking up at him adoringly, obviously waiting for more bacon to “accidentally” drop to the floor.
“I want to put a baby in you,” I breathed.
He looked over his shoulder, a soft look on his face when he saw me. “Hey, you. What did you say?”
I coughed. “Uh. Nothing. Nothing at all.”
“You sure about that?”
“Pretty sure.”
“You look good.”
I looked down. I was wearing ratty boxers and a T-shirt with a hole in the armpit and a stain of what I thought was probably barbecue sauce near my nipple. My hair was sticking up in a thousand different directions, my breath was bad, and I had what felt like crust in the corner of my left eye. “Really,” I said dubiously. “You think this looks good.”