“A week, Ava. I’ll contact you in a week. Take my number and give me yours. I want to be able to contact you. If I have to look for you, Ava. It won’t be nice. Don’t run.”
Was he threatening me?
Really?
Really?
For real? I glared at him in disgust. “I’m not the runner. That’s you.”
He had the audacity to look embarrassed. He didn’t care. If he was truly embarrassed, he would have never shown his face again.
He wanted to be able to contact me. I found it amusing. Last I remembered, he never wanted to contact me ever again. Things truly changed.
Glaring at him, I snatched the phone that he was holding out to me. I entered my number and pressed send.
I stormed toward the house trying to calm down before I reached my daughter. I almost cried when I saw my baby at the front door.
I was positive she had heard everything.
Shit. Ryan and I had done an awful job at parenting. We should have never gotten together in college.
Maybe, she hadn’t heard me screaming like a damn fool for the whole neighborhood to hear.
“Hi, my love,” I said watching Mercy’s face to see if she heard the conversation I just had with Ryan.
“Did you hear the conversation that I just had outside?” I asked warily.
She nodded her head. I was not surprised. Mercy was a very observant kid.
I sighed. I hadn’t ever told Mercy about her dad. She had known that Adam wasn’t her Dad, but he had been good to her from the moment that we got together. Adam was one of the good black men that the world said didn’t exist. He had been good to me. Loved me when I needed someone to love me. He hadn’t acted like he minded the fact that she wasn’t his. He participated in her life. I loved him for that alone, just not the way that he wanted me to.
“Was that really my Dad?”
“Yes,” I murmured while reaching toward her.
“Ryan Cruise is my dad?” she asked in awe. I guessed no girl, woman, or child was immune to his charm. Asshole.
I was sure it was surprising for an almost seven-year-old to learn that her dad was a world known actor. That he made millions on his pretty face and acting skills.
Yeah, like acting like the wanted to be a damn father.
Yes, I was stupid enough to watch Ryan movies with Mercy and Adam. He was a pretty good damn actor. He should be a good actor since he had done a pretty good job of convincing me that forever had been a possibility.
And the Oscar goes to Ryan Cruise for fucking over Ava Sinclair.
“Mom, I didn’t know that you knew him,” Mercy said with a look of astonishment on her face.
Sorry, Ava, I didn’t know him. There had been a time when I thought that I had. But, I was wrong. I only knew what he wanted me to see.
“I met your dad way before he was the Ryan Cruise,” I answered instead.
“What happened, Mom?” She gazed at me with curious eyes. I knew I should just tell her that her Dad didn’t want her. That he kicked me out while he screwed another girl, but I didn’t. I wouldn’t destroy her heart because he destroyed mine. I was a Mother. The last thing I wanted was for my daughter to have daddy issues. Mothers didn’t get to kill their children’s hopes, dreams, and obviously their crappy fathers because they had screwed them over as women.
I would protect my daughter innocence at all cost even if it meant pretending that Ryan Cruise wasn’t a douche.
“It’s a long story. I’m not quite ready to tell you yet,” I sighed running my fingers through her hair. She was still my baby.
“You won’t be mad if I say that I want to meet him. Will you?”
Right, because she heard me screaming outside that I didn’t want him to see his daughter. Way to drive in the knife Mercy. Ryan couldn’t have scripted his confrontation better. By allowing Mercy to see him, it placed me in an unattainable situation.
I closed my eyes because I wanted to say that I would be mad if she wanted to meet him. Wasn’t I enough for her? I had given up my life for her. He had sacrificed nothing but his sperm. It wasn’t fair that he would get to meet her and make my daughter love him. Make her fall for his good looks, charm, and money. I couldn’t compete with Ryan on any level not that we were competing. I just didn’t want him to turn into a good guy before her eyes when he didn’t deserve that title.
I kissed her forehead. “No, I won’t be mad if you want to meet your Dad,” I lied.
The truth was too messy and painful to tell my daughter.
“Are you sure, Mom? If you don’t want me to meet him, I won’t.”
I felt awful because that was exactly what I wanted. I wanted to leave Ryan in the past just where he always wanted to be.
“No, you should meet your father,” I lied a second time.
Mercy wrapped her arms around my waist. “I love you, Mom.”
I knew this. This was my little girl. She had saved me when I couldn’t save myself. She gave me the room to breathe when I thought I was dying. Everything that I had ever done was for my daughter. Every sacrifice was worth it.
I’d never known that love could be this pure. This all-encompassing. We would get through this. The worse had happened years ago. We were both survivors.
I sighed. “Let’s finish packing. We’ll put our stuff in storage. Then, I’ll call him. I’ll let him know that we’ll be ready in one week.”
I hugged her to me. This was going to be hard, but I could do this. I refused to turn our lives upside down. No, I didn’t want the paparazzi ripping this beautiful girl’s life apart.
I didn’t want to think about the past, but I couldn’t help it. He was everything to me a long time ago. But, he hadn’t want me. He hadn’t wanted us.
He was trying to rip my life apart again. I wouldn’t let him. I’d learned to be tough. He’d taught me that I wouldn’t break.
Man Enough Now
Chris Bandi
I lost her, but I wanted her back. I wanted both of them.
I knew I was hurting her by coming back after all these years demanding to see my daughter. It had taken me years to gain the courage to approach her. She didn’t understand how hard it was to drive up to the front of her house and demand to see my daughter.
I had agonized over that decision for years. My friends had finally convinced me that I should just bite the bullet. I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t been scared shitless.
Ava had handled it better than I thought she would have. I thought she would punch me or slap me. I deserved all of those things and more for the shit I pulled.
She wasn’t the only one that hadn’t forgotten that moment in my dorm. I had been immature. The whole time she had stood looking down at me on the bed I had felt like shit. So many times, I have wanted to beg for her forgiveness. Through the years, I had even dialed her number. My investigators had provided me pictures of Mercy and Ava through the years.
I had watched through a camera lens all the moments that I should have been a part of.
I had bared witness to Ava’s wedding knowing that I should have been that guy. I should have been the one walking beside her, but I had screwed up so royally.
Even after I had become a movie star, I should have come for them. I was just too embarrassed, too ignorant, too foolish to beg for her forgiveness.
Early on, I was worried about the media and the paparazzi. The news media would have had a field day with the story. Famous white actor left pregnant black college girlfriend and refused to see his child. They would have eaten me alive. Back then, I had cared. Now, I was just too old to worry about what the world thought of me. Living the rest of my life without them just didn’t feel like an option anymore.
I had made millions in movies. I didn’t care if the media found out about them. I just wanted them both back.
Shit, all those reasons were just excuses. I still should have taken my ass back and begged for her forgiveness years ago. Every day that I hadn’t gone back was like
a cancer that ate me up inside. I had been unable to totally move on.
Through the years, I wished that she had took me to court for child support after I started making millions. Then, I could have started building a relationship with them years ago. But, true to her word, Ava had never contacted me.
Mercy and Ava were always on my mind. Any woman that the public ever saw me with was just a temporary placement holder for her until I worked up the courage to return to her with my hat in my hand begging for her to take me back. To let me see my daughter.
I didn’t deserve her forgiveness, but I was going to fight for it anyway. It had been hell trying to convince myself to come back and ask her to give me a chance. Now that I had made the first move, there was no going back.
I was not quite sure how to go about winning her back. I didn’t think that any words I had to say would ever be good enough. I walked away from her, and she had every right to be mad and upset with me.
I was finally man enough now to go after what I wanted.
I never got over her. Yeah, I had been with several different women, but none of them made me feel like she did. At this point, I wasn’t sure if everything I remembered about us together was fact or fiction. I needed to see if the memory of her lived up to the reality.
Had I made her into this untouchable female because of the dick move I made? The only way I would ever find out for sure was to get to know her all over again. I took a year off from making movies to win her back and to get to know my daughter.
My daughter that I still hadn’t seen in person. I was nervous, but I had waited years.
I shook my head at myself.
What type of man walked away from his own daughter? I couldn’t even blame my movie career because I wasn’t even acting back then. Acting was something that sort of fell into my lap. I went to do a commercial on a dare. They ended up liking me, and the rest was as they say “history.”
But even through all the movies, I couldn’t run from my feelings for her.
Now, I just wanted a redo. I screwed up, and I just wanted to clean it all up.
How do you convince someone that you messed up to give you another chance? It wasn’t going to be easy. I hated that I had to resort to telling her that I would take her to court. But, I would have. I wanted my shot. I wouldn’t let her stand in my way. I would have allowed the paparazzi to crawl all through her life as much as I would have hated it.
I needed this. I was selfish. Hell, I was selfish when I let her leave. I hadn’t wanted to give my life to a wife and child. Now, I was being selfish because I was refusing to let her go. Refusing to give her what she asked for. If I was a better man, I would walk away, but I stopped being a better man when I let her walk out my life. Why change it now?
I wanted her to remember how we were together because I couldn’t forget. I wanted to touch her like I used to back when were in love.
There was nothing I was going to be able to do to make this easier on her because letting her go was all that she wanted. I refused to give her that.
“I’m bringing my daughter to Beverly Hills.” I told Connor as soon as he answered the phone. Connor Adams had been my best friend since college. He was currently playing as a professional hockey player in Tennessee, but we kept in touch constantly. He had supported my decision to reach out to Ava and find out about my child years ago. I should have listened.
“How did it go?” he asked.
I cringed when I thought about the pain and anger I had seen on Ava’s face.
“About as well as could be expected.” I guessed it could be considered good since she hadn’t stabbed me in the heart with a fork.
“Did you see your daughter?”
“No, I didn’t see her.” I pinched the bridge of my nose.
“I had to threaten her.” I was embarrassed that it had come to that, but I knew Ava wasn’t going to give in. She had blocked me up against a wall. She had left me no other choice.
Connor whistled. “I’m sure that pissed her off.”
He had no idea. I was sure if she could have, she would have ripped my balls off. She was still filled with passion that her body didn’t know how to contain. Passion that used to be mine.
“I had to. She refused to listen to me. How else am I supposed to get to know my daughter if she won’t even let me see her?”
“I know. Man, you’ll have to do a lot of groveling if you want her to forgive you. You’re going to have to eat a lot of crap. It won’t be easy. I hope you’re ready. Don’t let her run you off. This is your one opportunity to show her you’re a changed man. Dude, don’t fuck this up. You may never get this chance again.”
My stomach muscles tightened. I knew he was right. If she ever forgave me, that would be my one and only get out of jail free card. I could never fuck up again.
I inhaled. “I’m ready. I don’t mind working hard.”
“I support you no matter what. You owe it to your daughter to get to know her.”
I dropped my head back onto the couch in the hotel. My daughter. It was so odd to even think about it. Over the years, I had talked myself out of contacting Ava over and over again. I was too scared to think about what she was going to say. I knew too much time had passed. But, I had finally decided to shoot my shot. I wanted a chance to meet my daughter. Waiting more years wasn’t going to make it any better. At least, Mercy was still young enough for me to build a relationship with her without bitterness. The older she was the harder it would have been for her to forgive me. Her mother was a different story.
“Just, don’t give up even when it feels like it’s not actually working. She’s going to make you pay for what you did, and you can only take it. It’s going to suck. I’m not going to lie. You’re going to deserve all the shit she is about to throw at you.”
Right. It had already started. She hated me, but I felt like I still loved her. It was a horrible feeling to realize you had fucked up something that you didn’t even know how bad you even wanted it. I couldn’t change my screw up. But, I still wanted the impossible. I wanted her back.
“When do you see her again?”
“She told me to give her a week. It’s going to be hard, but I’m going to give her that.” But, I wasn’t a fool. I had my private investigator watching her house. I didn’t want her to run, not that I thought she would. But, I wanted to prepare for any eventuality. I wanted to be able to locate her again if she ran.
“I know it’s going to be hard. But, if you get what you want, it will be well worth it.”
I had so much to gain by being patient. It would be hard, but I would take this week to plan everything for when I got them on my own turf. It would be easier to win them over in California. I needed the home field advantage. I didn’t want anyone interfering with our reconciliation.
I hung up the phone and made one more call. I wanted my manager to know that Mercy and Ava were staying with me for the summer. I was dropping something on her that she needed to be aware of. I was sure that Ava hadn’t really thought everything through. No matter what I told her, the paparazzi was going to be all over this. There was no way that I could bring a little girl and her mother to my house without any speculation. I was going to have to make sure that security was always around them. I was sure that it would only piss Ava off even more.
“Ryan, are you sure that this child is even yours?” Alex Montgomery my manager of four years asked me.
Alex was a great manager. I loved everything that she did for me and the roles that she managed to snag for me, but I never let her control anything about my personal life. That was one part of my life that I took total control over.
“Yes.” I hoped she respected the finality in my voice.
“This child is almost seven years old?” she asked cautiously.
I glared at the phone. “Her name is Mercy, and yes, she’s six years old.” I cringed every time I said her age. I couldn’t figure out why I let so many years pass before I tried to do anything. It was
inexcusable.
“You were like 18, right?” she continued to bait me.
My face tightened. I knew what she was getting at. I got that she was trying to protect me. It was her job, but I didn’t need her help in this.
She was quiet for a minute. “You know in college people date around a lot. The child.”
I growled.
She cleared her throat. “Sorry, Mercy might not be your child. I know you don’t want to hear it, but there could be a possibility.”
“Let it go, Alex. She’s mine. I always knew she was mine.” I didn’t even know how to explain to her the gut punch I had felt when Ava had first told me she was pregnant. We had just really started college. We had rarely used condoms because I was irresponsible. I should have protected myself and her.
She had floored me. My life hadn’t even begun, and she was talking babies and happily ever after. I just wanted to be free. I hadn’t wanted the responsibility. At the time, I had strong feelings for Ava. I just wasn’t sure if they were the forever feelings.
She sighed sympathetically. “I understand how you must feel, but you should really get a DNA test to protect yourself.”
No, she didn’t know how I felt. She didn’t have kids. She hadn’t knowingly denied her own child for selfish reasons.
“No, you don’t know how I feel. What I want you to do is stop commenting on things you don’t understand. You do the business aspect of my life. Let me handle the personal,” I snapped.
She was silent again. “So, why did you call me?”
“I called you because they’ll be living with me for the summer. I don’t want business bothering me. I need to spend time with my daughter.”
She sighed. “I’ll move around everything that I can. I still think that you need to do some of your charity events because once this hits the news, you’ll need something to help with your image. A lot of people will not be pleased that you hid a daughter for years.”
I frowned at the phone. Was that what people were going to think? That I hid my daughter. I wasn’t going to go along with that assumption. It wasn’t anyone’s business what happened with my daughter, but I didn’t have the right to go around looking like I was protecting my daughter when I had really just been an ass instead.
Mercy Page 3