Mercy

by Renee Williams

  Look at Ava’s situation, being the experimental black girl had cost her and Ryan years. He had been afraid to be with her. Now, he was damn near groveling to get back with her. I didn’t want any part of that shenanigan in my life.

  “How long are you staying here? Maybe, I can take you out before you leave.”

  My heart thumped one hard time. Not going to do it.

  “Ah, I’m leaving in two days. I came to support Ava. We already have plans,” I said knowing that Ava would follow along. We understood each other like that.

  “Yep, we’ve got big plans,” Ava said glaring at me over his head.

  It didn’t matter. Even if I considered going out with him, he was in a totally different state. Long distance relationships were hell. Biracial relationships were hell too. Mix in rich. We had already struck out.

  He smiled at me knowingly, “Well, give me your number, and I’ll call you when I’m in town.”

  He pulled out his phone waiting for me to tell him my number.

  I licked my lips hesitating. I knew it didn’t matter if I gave him my number. He wouldn’t call. I had nothing to lose. I gave him my number. I was a hundred percent positive that he would never call.

  “I’m dialing your phone now. You can save my number so that you know who’s calling you.”

  “Ok,” I said looking down at my phone.

  “Aren’t you going to do it now before you forget.”

  “Ah, yeah.” I wasn’t going to bother to save his number. I knew he wouldn’t be calling. He was passing time until Ryan returned.

  He smiled at me one last time that made my body clench in response. This was ridiculous. He did not seriously want me.

  He turned toward Ava taking his eyes off me. I sighed in relief because I was finally out of sight of his penetrating blue eyes.

  “Ava, you are all he’s talked about for a while.”

  “Umm, okay.” Ava responded skeptically.

  I smiled because I knew my friend. She didn’t trust what Connor was saying. However, I believed Connor. Everything that I saw from his interactions with Ava and Mercy proved that he wanted his family desperately. Ava was too close to the situation. Ryan had hurt her badly. She couldn’t see his sincerity the way that I could.

  “He missed you,” Connor told Ava.

  “You mean when he ran me off while I was pregnant with his baby? Let’s be honest Connor, Ryan could have found me at any time. I’m not sure if he missed me as much as he claimed.”

  “I just met the man a few years ago. Trust me, he missed you,” Aidan said supporting Connor’s words.

  Connor frowned. “He missed you when you first left too. I’m his best friend. I know Ryan. He screwed up with you and didn’t know how to fix it. I know for a fact that he wanted to find you. He wasn’t sure of the reception that he would receive. He was scared. I encouraged him to find you regardless of what the outcome would be.”

  “Right. It took him seven years to fix it.”

  “Men are not women. We don’t always figure it out as fast you ladies do. But, trust me, he has regrets. He wants his family.”

  “Ain’t that the truth, men do take forever to get their shit together,” I grumbled. I grimaced when Connor and Aidan turned back in my direction.

  “You’re right. We don’t figure it out fast enough, but when we figure out what we want, we go for it with everything in us,” Connor replied to my statement.

  Why was he looking at me making that statement? Woah, this white boy was really spitting game. If I was gullible, which I was not, I would be all over that statement. I’d take it and run away with it thinking that he was actually saying something to me.

  I smiled hesitantly.

  His eyes caressed me causing all sorts of tingles and emotions to flood my body. I couldn’t break eye contact with him. There was an invisible string pulling me toward him.

  I had to gain control. Turning back around toward the pool, I broke our eye contact.

  “He wants you, Ava. You just have to give him a chance. Don’t ruin the future you could have with him worrying about the past.”

  Ava frowned. “That’s easy for you to say, Connor. It won’t be you with a broken heart if things go bad again. This time a child is involved.”

  Connor nodded his head. “I won’t pretend I understand, but I can tell you that the new Ryan won’t hurt you. He hired a private investor years ago. It has taken him this long to approach you. He deliberately cleared his schedule, refusing to do any movies to devote his time to you and Mercy. The scripts haven’t stop coming. He just says no because he wants you to understand that you and Mercy are his priority.”

  Hell, if Ava didn’t take Ryan, some other female would swoop him up.

  “He wants you, Ava. I can tell. You know I would never lie to you.” I told her because I saw the way that his eyes followed her when he thought that no one was looking.

  “You are denying the obvious. I get it. I know what it feels like to have your heart ripped apart too. I wouldn’t wish that on anyone, but I’m sure that tearing your world upside down is not his goal. If you leave and take Mercy, he’ll know what he’s missing. He didn’t know before. Now, he’s a grown man. He won’t let you fall.”

  Ava smiled at me tearfully. I knew that she wanted to believe, but sometimes, it was so hard letting go of all past hurts and pains. I wished that I could be so optimistic about getting over my failed relationships. But, it was always easier to give advice than to heed it.

  “Haley’s right. Once a man finds his good thing, he doesn’t let it go. I know I wouldn’t.” Connor looked at me like his words were geared toward me instead of Ava.

  I needed to take a dip in the pool. This dude was making me hot. I needed to move because I couldn’t have what I wanted. There was no way I was going to even consider that there could be something more between us. He was a blond hair blued eyed hockey player. There was no way he would try to sustain a relationship with me. I would be a temporary thing for him. I was getting older. I was now looking for a lifetime. I was way pass temporary fucks.

  “Think about it, Ava. I agree with Connor. I think Ryan wants to give you the world. A man like that doesn’t come around every day. You might want to take a risk. It’s better to find out for sure than to always wonder. Just think about it; I’m going to go swim.”

  I pulled my braids into a ponytail. I wondered what he thought about my hair. It was my summer hair. He wouldn’t understand it. I didn’t have the patience or inclination to explain to some white boy about black culture and feelings. I would be better off sticking with the black man.

  I felt Connor’s eyes boring a hole into my back. I had to resist puling my bikini bottom up self- consciously. I was a black girl. Therefore, I had an ass. With black men, I felt it was an asset, with him I wasn’t sure how he perceived it.

  I refused to turn around to see if he was still watching me, but I could swear that I felt his eyes devouring every inch of my body. I was glad that I was getting into water because my panties were wet as hell from feeling him eye fucking me from behind.

  As I walked toward the infinity pool, I could hear Mercy talking through the house.

  “Auntie Haley, I want to swim with you. I’m going to change my clothes,” Mercy said charging back toward the house.

  Ryan called Mercy back.

  “Mercy, I want you to meet my best friends Connor and Aidan.”

  Mercy ran back to meet them. “Nice to meet you,” she said shyly. I loved Mercy. I had been around her almost her whole life. I used to babysit her when Ava was married. I adored spending time with her. I wanted to have a few babies of my own. I could almost imagine little tanned babies with blue eyes that looked like Connor.

  Shit. Get a grip. He was not an option.

  Right. Connor was not an option I reminded myself, but I just needed Mr. Right to hurry the hell up.

  Before I could dive in the infinity pool, I felt Connor walk up behind me. I shit you not. My bod
y lit up like the Fourth of July. I had to squeeze my legs together to gain control.

  “I’ll call you when I visit Atlanta. Maybe, we can go to one of Aidan’s games,” he said breathing near my ear.

  Tingles ran down my spine.

  “Ok,” I said breathlessly.

  I knew it wasn’t true, but I didn’t call his bluff. If he wanted to believe it was true, I didn’t want to stop him. Once he was back around his friends, he would forget all about me.

  Getting Over You

  Jackie Lee

  I silently watched Connor flirt with Haley. I shook my head. He was such a ladies’ man. But, he was my best friend. He had supported me when I didn’t have enough courage to contact Ava. He had made feel like she wouldn’t kill me. Through the years, he had helped keep some of my worse depressions at bay. This thing between me and Ava had kept me up a many of nights. I had never thought I would regret my decision to let her go. I had been dead wrong. I had missed her often. Connor had talked me down from a many of ledges.

  “I’m glad you came by. I haven’t seen you in a long time,” I said giving Connor the man hug after he walked away from Haley.

  “What’s up, man? I haven’t seen you in a long time either,” I said giving Aidan the same man hug. I haven’t seen both of them in a minute.

  “I know. I’ve been training. Trying to stay active during the off season.” He canted his head to the side. “So, I see, Ava came.”

  “She did, but it was unwilling at best. I had to tell her that I would take her to court for joint custody if she wouldn’t let me see Mercy.”

  Connor frowned, “Dude that was not the way to get the girl back. Would you have taken her to court?”

  “I know. It was a dick move, but I hadn’t wanted to pull the lawyer card, but she wasn’t budging. She was pissed at me. And, to answer your question, yes, I really would have taken her to court. I’m not mad I forced her hand. As a matter fact, it’s one of the best decisions I’ve ever made. I love being around Mercy. She’s a cool kid. Beautiful, sweet, and shy. I like spending time with her. I hate that I’ve missed so much of her life.”

  I wanted to be with Ava, but I really wanted a connection with my daughter. She made me smile. It also made me sad to think of what my foolish actions had caused me. I missed her birth, her first steps, and every other milestone because I was a stupid ass. I didn’t want to lose any more time with her.

  “Dude, that is so cool. I can’t even imagine what it must have felt like to meet your child for the first time. She looks so much like you.”

  Aidan hadn’t said anything that I hadn’t said myself. Mercy looked like me. Every time I looked at her, I felt the loss punching a hole through my heart.

  Connor hit me on the back. “I’m happy for you. Glad that you are building a relationship with your daughter. It took you long enough to get off your ass and go get the girl.”

  I nodded. “I have my daughter. It’s pretty cool to have her call be Dad, but I haven’t gotten the girl. I want the girl.” I felt like I was making strides with Ava. We had sex a few times, but that did not mean that we were together. Trust me, I have had enough sex with women to know that sex did not make a relationship.

  “Hopefully, the more you’re around her she’ll see that you’ve grown up and changed,” Aidan reached for the beer that I handed him and Connor.

  “That’s what I hoping for. Right now, it feels like a losing battle.” All the fucking hot sex didn’t count.

  Connor shrugged, “I don’t know. It feels like you’re changing her mind.”

  I wondered what he could see that I couldn’t. She ran hot and cold most of the time. I wasn’t ever quite sure how to handle her.

  “What Ava doesn’t understand is that she wasn’t the only one that got hurt. Yeah, I know that I caused my own pain. But, I felt her loss too.”

  I felt vulnerable talking about my relationship with Ava. It was something that men did not usually do with one another. I just had so much on my mind that some of it had to come out.

  “Dude, my Mom used to play a Percy Sledge song that says When a Man Loves a Woman and that sums up how men feel when they fall in love with a woman. Trust me, man, you aren’t the only one that has felt tied up in knots over a woman. All of us have suffered that one heartbreak that made us feel like we would break,” Aidan stated looking down at his bottle intently.

  His remark made me feel like there was some woman in his past that he wished had worked out in his life.

  Welcome to the club.

  “I bet she’d never believe that there was many a night that I stayed up at night unable to sleep because I had been an asshole to her. She’d probably never believe that the night she got married that I broke down like a fucking bitch and cried like I lost my dog.”

  Connor looked at me solemnly. He remembered that night. It had taken me forever to deal with the idea that I had loss her.

  “I don’t know that feeling, but there was girl in high school that had me on my ass like that. Now, I’m going back home to play ball. I wonder if I’ll see her.”

  “Well, if you haven’t learned anything else from me with my stupid shit, I think you should go after the girl if the chance arises,” I told him in all honesty.

  “Right.” He looked down at the bottle as if it had the answers to life. Trust me, it didn’t. But, I hoped he followed my advice if the situation came to pass.

  “Well, on a lighter note. Her friend is certainly on your side,” Connor smirked.

  That was surprising. When I was around, she didn’t act like she was on my side. I mean she didn’t act like she wasn’t against me either.

  “What makes you say that?” I asked with curiosity bleeding through my words.

  “Haley told her to give you a chance.”

  “Really?” That was good to know. I had to make sure that I was doubly nice to her now. Nothing like getting the friend on your side. With women, gaining the friend was a must. They could throw a monkey wrench in your shit quicker than you could say go.

  “Haley seems like she’s nice,” Connor said innocently.

  “Dude, don’t go for her friend. If you fuck up, it will be held against me. I can’t afford to give Ava any more ammunition against me. Keep your dick in your pants, man,” I growled. Connor wasn’t a bad guy. I just didn’t want another white guy to leave a black girl around Ava. It would be a damn nightmare.

  “What makes you think I would fuck up? She’s attractive, sexy, and sweet. Why would I mess up anything?” He frowned.

  I glared at him. “I don’t know. I just don’t want you trying to talk to her friend until I’m a sure I’ve won Ava. If you fuck this up for me, I might rip your head off.”

  I was only half joking.

  “It doesn’t matter right now anyway. I’m in Tennessee. She’s in Atlanta. I need to clear some shit up in my life first. But, I’m giving you fair warning. I’m going to ask her out.”

  “Dude!” I groaned. I did not want Connor to screw things up for me.

  “Man, have you ever just got that feeling from meeting someone for the first time? That feeling that says they could possibly be more?”

  I nodded my head. That was the feeling I got when I first met Ava. There was something about her that called out to me. It didn’t matter what her race was. I wanted her. It was unexplainable. Even when I tried to run from us, something kept pulling me back.

  “Yep, I’ve had that feeling. Just make sure that she feels it too,” Aidan said interrupting mine and Connor’s discussion.

  I frowned at him again. What had happened to him? I didn’t want to delve in it at the moment, but I promised myself that we would talk about it later.

  “I don’t want to sound arrogant, but I think she felt it too.” Connor looked out the window searching for Haley.

  Mercy and Haley were splashing each other in the pool. Haley stopped for a moment as if she sensed Connor’s attention.

  “I want to see if I’m just imagining i
t. I promise. All I’m going to do is go out with her. If I’m wrong, no harm no foul. If I’m right, I promise nothing will stop me from going after her.”

  I had to admit that Connor had balls. I wished I hadn’t been an ass when I found the girl for my future, but I had blown it. Now, I was groveling my ass off to prove to Ava that I was always the man for her. If Connor had found someone that he thought was his destiny, who was I stand in his way. I wouldn’t be the ass that my friends were to me when I first met Ava.

  “Man, as long as you are serious about her, I support you. Just don’t screw this shit up for me.”

  “I don’t plan on screwing anything up. I see how miserable you are. I wouldn’t wish that on anyone, especially myself.”

  Right, because I was the damn fool that screwed over the love of my life. Now, I might be winning her back, but she would never forget what I did to her. The only thing I could do was make sure that I never screwed up again.

  Glancing up, I saw the back of Ava walk back through the living room. I wondered if she had heard our whole conversation. I hadn’t lied about anything as it pertained to Ava. While she said she was struggling getting over me, I had been in the same boat.

  I was glad that she had heard it all. I just needed her to believe the words that I was saying so that we could work on building our relationship.

  Rewind

  Rascal Flatts

  I wished I could just rewind time and go back to when we first dated. I wanted to go back to when she trusted me. When she felt safe giving me her heart. When she would laugh with me about innocent things, but I didn’t have a time machine. All I could do was move forward, and I wanted to move forward with her.

  She had every right to be scared of me. To be pissed with me.

  I deserved all her scorn, but I wanted her back so desperately. I couldn’t think about anything else. I had thought about her for years. Now, she was here, but I couldn’t be sure if she was actually listening to the words that I kept trying to convey to her.