Past Be Damned

by Rebecca Royce

  He ran his hand through my hair. “When you picture the wife, it had better be yourself you’re seeing.”

  I groaned. “I’d be an awful mother.” I’d never said aloud what I thought before. But the carriage was quiet, and I had the hangover that came when a headache left. It made my tongue feel heavy but my mouth loose. The darkness moved toward the sensation, and Brody shook his head, questioning.

  “Why would you say that? I think you’d be a great mom.”

  I rolled over so I could see him, which halted the stroking of my hair. “I never had a mom that I remember. Anne’s mother showed up at the gate. She’d fought giving her up. I have no evidence of that being the case with me. Not that I should complain. I realize you all came out of an orphanage. I’m afraid I couldn’t keep a baby safe.”

  He nodded. “You’re loving, caring, true. You put people’s needs above your own. I think you would be a fierce mother. Not that I’m pushing that. It’s not like making babies is exactly on the agenda at the moment. I’m happy having you. I don’t need more. My mom was beautiful. Her smile lit up the room.”

  I sat back on my elbows. “You remember your mom?”

  “No, but I made her up in my head. I’ve managed to convince myself over the years that she’s real.”

  I moved until I was facing him then leaned up to kiss him. Because I loved him. Because I had to. He moaned against my lips before he pressed me down into the seat, his body on top of mine. Brody had always been the most forceful lover of all my guys. I didn’t mind it at all. In fact, I craved the set of his shoulders and the determination in his eyes when we made love.

  I erected a barrier in my head. This was just for Brody and me. I didn’t want the others with us any more than I’d want Brody with them. Some things belonged to just two of us.

  There was one other thing I hoped to have before I turned over all control of this moment to him. I stared at him, and with a little concentration, I managed to get his eyes turned back to brown. The white vanished, and the color I’d thought of so frequently when I’d been without him returned.

  He narrowed his gaze at me, and my own eyes burned for a second. “Blue?”

  “Blue, gray.” He nodded. “I never thought I’d see them again after they changed during that demon encounter at the farm. The time a second one showed up unexpectedly.”

  I remembered that moment quite well. I hadn’t known I’d gone white, but the looks on their faces when I stared at them had told me enough. That was the day I’d gotten my Sister eyes. Now, with the co-joining, we could play with it a bit.

  His gaze caressed me. “My Teagan with the blue-gray eyes. When I didn’t get to see your face, I saw those through your mask. They moved me to believe in happy endings. I’m a guy who grew up in a hell pit disguised as an orphanage. You make me believe, baby.”

  He kissed me, so gently I gasped against his mouth. From Brody, I expected claiming kisses. Still, I let him lead and happily followed. My sweet Brody. He ran his hand down the length of my body, undoing my clothes as he went. The weather outside was cool, but inside the carriage it was warm. Besides, Brody was like a beacon of heat. He’d never let me be cold.

  I tugged off his shirt, and eventually—after tangling up in each other—I ran my hands through the spray of dark hair on his chest. He had the same six tattooed on him that Aidan did. I ran my hand over it. “I need one. You all have one. I have to have one, too.”

  He rubbed his forehead. “You are not going to ink up your chest. Maybe somewhere else. Nothing goes permanently on your perfect breasts.”

  I could argue with him but right then didn’t seem the time. “Find someplace else on me you’d like to see it.”

  His brown eyes sparkled. “I’ll have to think on it.”

  I had news for him, if I decided I wanted to ink my chest I was going to do so. For now, I’d let him believe the issue was settled. He took my nipple in his mouth. Pleasure surged through my body, and I closed my eyes just to feel it. Brody bit down on my nipple, and my hips came off the seat, pressing against his cock.

  He was hard, long, and erect. My body hadn’t forgotten him—the long years could have been a few days. I remembered Brody and how it had felt to be his lover.

  He bit down on my breast and as I cried out, I knew there would be a mark left there. And he had been the one not wanting me to mark up my chest…

  He moved his mouth, traveling lower, stopping at my belly. He kissed me there, once then twice. I watched him, transfixed with what he was doing to me. It was like he was getting to know my body again. “Teagan, you’re so beautiful.”

  I loved that he thought I was, but physical attractiveness had taken a backseat to a lot of other issues recently. Even in the other Sisterhood, what I looked like mattered very little. “Brody, you flatterer. You’re going to give me a big head.”

  He snickered, which was a fun sound to hear from him. Brody didn’t laugh very often. He pressed a finger inside of me, and I gasped. His gaze stayed glued to my face. “You’re so warm.”

  “Well, I guess that’s better than being cold.”

  Brody rolled his eyes. “And she’s funny, too. I love how warm you are.”

  What I was going to do wasn’t a fair question. Still, I asked it. “What do you love about me, Brody?”

  He pressed a finger deeper inside of me. Electricity shot up my spine. He hadn’t even touched my clit yet. When he did I was going to rear out of the carriage. By divinity, how I wanted this man.

  “The first thing I loved about you, Teagan, was the sound of your laughter.” He reached forward a bit to kiss me on the lips while inside of me his finger started a slow, swirl of my clit. “Sisters don’t laugh. Yet, you did. Regularly.”

  I wanted to answer him. That had been a great response, but he’d started to stroke my clit. I lost the ability to form words. His movements were… perfect.

  “You tripped.” Heavens, was he still speaking? “Right over your own feet. Aidan caught you, and you burst out laughing. It was the greatest sound ever. I told you. Teagan, you made me believe.”

  I grabbed onto his shoulders. It was almost too much. The pleasure, the slight nip of pain, the sound of his voice. “Brody…”

  He smiled at me, a warm, gentle indulgence. “You’re about to tell me it’s too much. But it’s not. You always resist the pleasure at first, like you’re not sure you should have it.”

  Was that true? I didn’t know. Right then, I didn’t care. He added a second finger, and I was glad I’d grabbed onto his shoulders. My body buckled beneath his. I cried out, waves of pleasure moving through me. How could he do this? How could he make me come so hard with only his fingers after so much time?

  I managed to pull his head down to mine. I wanted kisses, needed to feel his mouth pressed to mine while I somehow came down from the spinning world he’d given me moments earlier. “I love you, Brody.”

  He bit down on my lower lip, and I grinned at him. Brody did like to mark his territory. Soon, he pressed inside of me. His body shook slightly, and his face almost seemed pained. “I forgot. I didn’t think it was possible to forget, Teagan, how amazing this is. Yet, I did. Because being inside of you is better than I remembered.”

  I wrapped my legs around him as tightly as I could, and he pressed in deeper. “I never forgot, Brody. I just couldn’t let myself think about this. Ever.”

  He nodded like he understood, and I believed that he did. Brody always accepted me for how I was, even if I couldn’t make sense of myself. He was being very careful with me, like I might break. It wasn’t how I wanted things. By now, Brody should have backed me into the corner of the seat and taken me home with swift moves that left us both panting. Things weren’t moving at the speed I expected.

  I touched his cheek. “Are you okay?”

  “The whole time we were apart, I asked myself if you knew how precious you were to me. If you really understood how much I loved and cherished you. I worried that you might have thought I w
as too rough…”

  I shook my head. “Not possible. I did know. I love you. Take me, my love. I’m here. I’m all yours.”

  I raised my hips to take him deeper, and he moaned, a low sound in the back of his throat. He uttered something I didn’t catch then pressed hard inside of me before pulling out and doing it again. Yes, this was what I wanted. Brody, semi-out-of-control, finding pleasure in my body, giving me the same in return. No thinking. No worrying. Just us. Together. Alive.

  The friction was perfect. Every time he pressed into me, my clit rubbed against him. Already swollen from his attentions, I was soon panting. Breathing become secondary to feeling. The room shifted or maybe it was the Earth itself. I didn’t know, nor did I care.

  Colors passed in front of my vision. I exploded around him. He followed me fast, my name on his lips, the sound bouncing around the carriage, filling the space, making the moment sacred.

  When we’d managed to dress enough that we wouldn’t be embarrassed if someone came inside, I lay across his body. Both of us were stretched out. His heart beat steadily, a beautiful reminder that he lived and breathed.

  I felt the wall I’d stuck up in my brain crumble. The others were there, waiting. No one seemed particularly annoyed to have been shut out. I hoped they understood I’d have done the same for them. My eyes burned. They must have been white again, and when I glanced down at Brody, his eyes were white as well.

  We were returning to the matters at hand. This perfect moment would rapidly become a memory.

  “Teagan, if you don’t take a nap, Thaddeus is going to come down here and scold us.”

  I leaned on my elbow. “How do you know?”

  “Oh, it’s not some link thing. We’re all connected to you, not necessarily each other. I love them like brothers. I’ve known them my whole life. I know Thaddeus. He needs to be sure we’re all fine. That’s how he’s made. So, if he starts to feel the tired I’m getting from you on our link, he’s going to come down here and scold.”

  I snuggled down on him. I could try to sleep. The power surge from the demon had worn me out, and the incredible orgasm Brody had just given me made me warm and fuzzy. Sure, sleep would come. “How did you all meet? I mean, I know the orphanage. But was there a specific time or you just always knew each other?”

  “As far as any of us remember, we hid in a shack together to avoid being possessed. After that, the five of us were kind of a posse.”

  I ran my hand over his arm. “I hate that you were afraid. You should never have been. You should have…”

  “Sshh.” He rubbed my back. “You’re running your words together. That’s Teagan for exhausted. Hush now. I’ll wake you if anything important happens.”

  * * *

  The fire in the circle around me was the only indication that I dreamed. I didn’t even remember falling asleep. But there I was. In the circle I’d hoped to never see again once I’d left captivity. I used to see this place, but I couldn’t get out of it. Anne had come and gone from here, as had Daniella. And I’d been left alone.

  I walked through the fire, knowing it couldn’t burn me… not in sleep. My guards were nowhere to be found, which was a continuance from before. The empty circle. It used to feel like they should be with me, only they weren’t.

  The spirits danced in the sky, and I stopped to glare at them. “What do you want from me? What have I done wrong?”

  I had a destiny, but I was more than capable of screwing it up. Had I done so? Why didn’t they speak to me like they used to?

  “Maybe you’re not listening.” Not anticipating hearing Daniella’s voice, I stumbled and fell. I shook my head. Brody’s memory of me falling was apparently not unique. I did do this a lot.

  I got to my feet then shook my head. “They don’t talk to me much anymore.”

  “Teagan, I’m sorry I didn’t come down to say goodbye before it was too late. The truth is I have failed you many, many times. When I stopped visiting you during your captivity—”

  I held up my hand. “I do believe I told you to go away and never come back.” I’d been to the point of despair where I couldn’t stand to see anyone who wasn’t in pain. That time had passed eventually but I’d lost Daniella.

  She shook her head. “I should have tried harder. And I never should have taken your memory. That was me trying to make up for letting you down when you needed me before.”

  I looked away. “I knew that. It’s why I asked you.”

  I couldn’t have Daniella feeling guilty when I was as much to blame, if not more, for what happened. “Why didn’t you come to say goodbye?”

  She sucked in a breath. “They’re going to take me away soon. Listen to me, carefully. I’m not the Prophet. My visions are limited. But this I know. When you want to say no, say yes. Choose yes, Teagan. Let go of the past. There is no past for those like us. There is only what will come.”

  Just like that, Daniella vanished. I stepped back. My heart raced, and I stared skyward to the spirits. “If you want me to know your plan for me, you’re going to have to do better than that. Speak plainly, and I will listen.”

  All right, child. One of the spirits danced in front of me. You made a choice once. The time will come soon that you will need to die for all of us.

  I jerked awake in the carriage. Brody lay still, sound asleep. He couldn’t rescue me from that dream. Not when it was a vision. Not when everything inside of me knew it to be true. My darkness danced. Its time was coming.

  10

  I maneuvered off Brody to go sit on the seat across the carriage. That had been… telling. I was going to have to die. I put my head back against the wall. I’d never expected to live very long, not after I was taken and, to be honest, not before that either. Sisters made big, careless errors and died young, for the most part. I could be killed anytime I got near a demon. Most people ran away from the evil, and I charged right in.

  But I’d just gotten my guys back. And they were never going to be okay with the idea that I’d agreed to die. For everyone. What did that even mean? And if I said yes to this divinity driven nonsense, shouldn’t I at least remember doing so?

  Brody’s eyes opened, slowly, like he’d been in the middle of a dream and wasn’t really ready for alertness yet. He stretched his arms over his head before he whirled into being awake. I realized in a heartbeat that he was searching for me.

  “I’m here.”

  He sat, nearly hitting his head on the side of the carriage. “What are you doing all the way over there? Was I snoring?”

  “No.” I didn’t even know how to begin to explain. “Besides, if you were, it wouldn’t bother me.”

  He narrowed his eyes. “Did I miss a bad dream?”

  I rubbed my forehead. “When we stop, I’ll tell everyone about it. Don’t be mad, Brody. I just can’t seem to fathom explaining this more than once.”

  Brody hit the ceiling four times, and the carriage slowed. I didn’t know how long we’d been traveling at this point. “Brody, I didn’t mean right this second.”

  “You’re scared. I can see it all over your face, and more than that, I can feel it in our link. They’ll notice any second. That means we don’t wait.”

  The carriage came to a grinding halt. It took seconds, but the door swung open and Thaddeus poked his head in. “What’s wrong? What happened?”

  Brody shook his head. “Not sure. She wants to tell us together.”

  Thaddeus extended his hand, and I took it. Night was starting to fall all around us. In the sky, the raven cawed and dove down before tearing back up. He didn’t move like any regular bird, because he wasn’t one. We’d known that. Now, however, I had to wonder if he was bringing me to my agreed upon death. Goosebumps formed on my skin.

  The guys surrounded me, a warm comfort in an early night that suddenly felt much colder than it already was.

  “You know where we are?” Brody looked around.

  Aidan nodded. “We figured it out about an hour ago.”

&nbs
p; “Fill me in.” I had to keep it together. They were my loves and my responsibility. I couldn’t keep them safe if I didn’t understand everything happening.

  Noah pointed toward light in the distance. “That’s where we’re from. Our orphanage. I don’t know where we’re going, we might drive right past it. But that’s our home. Or what was our home. Until we found you.”

  I nodded. Of course it was. I might be wrong—although I doubted it—but I didn’t see us driving right past that place. We were heading straight for it. Everything was cyclical. We started, we stopped, we went back to where we had been before. Maybe we finally finished there altogether.

  “Well, I always wanted to see where you guys were from.”

  Eric shook his head. “Avoidance?”

  They all glowed in the sunset around us. Every one of them had made a fuss, at some point, with how beautiful they found me. I’d accepted their compliments with jokes and sometimes blushes, depending on my mood and the way they’d said it. I didn’t know if I’d ever told them how truly stunning they all were.

  “You couldn’t see me for almost a year, not without my hood. Then, of course”—I smirked at Noah—“someone took that right off my head. You thought I was lovely when you couldn’t even see me.”

  Aidan rocked back on his feet. “Some of us might have seen you when we shouldn’t have. Almost all of the guards get a peek at their Sisters at some point, unbeknownst to the Sisterhood. That being said, yes, your soul is so pure. It would have been impossible not to love you.”

  “That’s sweet.” So much in fact that tears came to my eyes. And if it had ever been true, it wasn’t any longer. “But I’m not fishing for compliments. I brought it up because I want to make sure you know that, for me, you five have always been the beginning and the end of everything. Imagine me, sitting in my hood, lusting after you and feeling sick about it. I mean, we were supposed to take our guards as lovers. I had never done that, certainly not with the first five I had. Boy, did we hate each other. Then you five walked in, and I thought I might expire from wanting you.”