Underland, #1

by Rebecca Goodwin

  “I don’t know what to do but I know I have to go back.”

  She patted my shoulder. “The white queen’s blood runs in your veins. The right decision will come to you in time.”

  Later, when my insides weren’t twisting into a hard knot, I was going to grill her on what had happened all those centuries ago with the white queen and the rules of this place. For now, I had to say goodbye to Hadden, Chaz, and Rob. But the idea of that sent my heart plunging into my feet and bile rising in my throat.

  “Sure I can’t change your mind, Grams?” I half hoped she would and then I wouldn’t feel so alone.

  “Sorry, sweetie.” She gave me a hug that made me yearn to never let go again. “I’ll be here for as long as you need me.”

  I nodded, not trusting my voice. The joy of her being alive tangled with the fact that I couldn’t tell anyone and had to leave her here. I gave her a last squeeze. “Goodbye Grams. I love you.”

  “Love you too, Alicia.” She wiped at her eyes but squared her shoulders.

  A row of guards cleared their throats as they turned the corner.

  “If you’ll excuse me, I need to help these men.” Grams smiled. “Please come back and see me when you visit Underland again.”

  “Of course.” I shuffled down the hallway in search of Chaz, Hadden, and Rob in order to tell them goodbye too. I couldn’t stay here. My mom wouldn’t be able to handle me disappearing so close to Grams’ funeral. The least I could do was go back and let her know Grams was okay. She knew about Underland so she’d understand.

  “Hey, gorgeous,” Chaz whistled. “Why the sad face?”

  “I-I have to go.” Longing ate my insides making me feel raw and empty inside.

  He stiffened, his face pulling into a neutral mask. “I see.”

  “It’s not like that.” Sorrow choked me and I grabbed his hand and pressed it to my heart to ease the pain. But my throat felt like I’d swallowed glass shards. “I don’t want to leave.”

  “Then don’t.” His features softened. The adoration in his eyes slammed into me. He didn’t deserve to be attracted to me because we’d never have a relationship together. Me with three guys no less.

  If only it were that easy. Just walk away from everyone and everything like Grams had done. But she’d set her affairs in order. There was no one who had been waiting for her to return like me. And what about Rose and Blanca? They deserved to know I was okay. “I have to.”

  Inside, my heart was dying.

  He growled low in his throat, but the sound didn’t scare me even though it probably would have most people. “When will you come back?”

  “I don’t know.” It was spring break my freshman year of college. Despite not having picked a major, I did want to finish school. I had obligations back home. My skin felt clammy all over like I was getting sick along with the nausea swimming in my gut.

  “Do what you have to do, but know we—the four of us—will forever be linked.” He kissed me so hard and fast I didn't breath for a few seconds. “Goodbye, Alicia.”

  He left me standing in the hallway taking a piece of my heart with him as he left.

  For a long time, I stared after him, debating throwing everything to hell and running after him. But I couldn’t. And that tore me up inside. I turned to find Hadden leaning against the wall watching me.

  “How long have you been there?” I asked. What did he think of my exchange with Chaz?

  “Enough to know that you’re going to tell me goodbye as well and even if the three of us pleaded on bended knee before you, you’d still leave.” His voice was matter-of-fact but his eyes were glassy.

  “So you’re not going to try and talk me out of this?” Part of me hoped he would. Either way though, if I stayed or not, I’d be the bad guy from someone’s viewpoint.

  “Nope.” He pushed off from the wall and sauntered toward me. His long, lean frame accentuated by his purple and green striped pants and lavender jacket. On anyone else, the outfit would look comical. On him though, with his almost a perfect British accent, he looked sexy as hell.

  He tipped his emerald hat to me. “Until we meet again, your highness.”

  “Oh no,” I grabbed his hand. “You’re not going with a goodbye like that.” Before I could say more, he had me pressed up against the wall, his breath mingling with mine and my desire spiked.

  He leaned down and took my lower lip in his mouth and sucked gently. I mewled wanting more. In answer, he pressed his groin into mine, his erection digging into my hip. He released my lip then kissed me like a man starving for nourishment and me his substance.

  I panted, pushing him back slightly so I could run my hands down his chest. “I want you.”

  His devilish smile had my heart pounding. “Good. Then if you want more, you’ll have to come and get it.” With another long kiss that made my knees buckle and he had to hold me up briefly, he set me back on my feet. “Come back to us, luv. Cause I’m really going to miss you while you’re gone.”

  “I know.” I choked on my tears, but I couldn’t stay. Coming back was too complicated. I had a life outside of Underland including college and getting my degree. Inside I was so twisted up that all I could do was sob in his arms.

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  Hadden disappeared around the corner, and I wanted so bad to chase after him. I took several steps before I stopped myself. Leaving would be easier for both of us without strings attached. My stomach knotted when I thought of never seeing him again. Of our hasty goodbye.

  I wrapped my arms around my waist and headed back toward Grams down the stone-lined hallway. Torches flickered down the path. Everything looked brighter than when I was marched down these corridors as the queen of hearts’ prisoner.

  “Your pack, princess?” Chaz’s grin shown against the brick of the castle, then he moved forward and the rest of him appeared.

  “Thanks.” I swallowed against my dry throat. “I-I have to go back.”

  He shrugged and handed me my duffle bag. “I know. But you’ve had a taste of me and you’ll soon come back for more.”

  If I wasn’t going another world, I’d have laughed. Instead, it came out as a chuckle that ended on a hiccup. He pulled me into a hug, and I cried against his shoulder. But too soon, I realized that it wasn’t fair to burden him with my problems. I scrubbed my tears away.

  “Any time you want to cry, let me know. Or if you want a big cat to snuggle up with cause I’ve seen the puny ones your people keep as pets.”

  I let out a real laugh at that one. I’d have to show him a safari sometime. “I’ll take you up on that.”

  He winked, then bowed. “You know where to find me.” Taking my hand, he kissed my knuckles. “Until we meet again, princess.”

  Still wasn’t used to them calling me that. “I’m gonna miss you and Rob and Chaz terribly.” My soul was shredding already, and I hadn’t even left yet. “Where is Rob?”

  “He’s going to see you safely to the barrier, but he doesn’t do goodbyes well.” He lowered his voice in a semi-serious tone. “Whatever you do, don’t get all weepy on him. He’ll turn into his rabbit form and follow you home.”

  “And that would be a bad thing, why?” Having Rob, even as a bunny made me feel slightly better. At least he’d be around, and I could talk to him. And he might be able to find a portal back home and I could retu—

  “If he stays too long, he’ll be stuck as a rabbit forever.”

  “Then he can’t come with me.” Sadness enveloped me, weighing heavily on my shoulders. Honestly, it wasn’t fair to have expected Rob to come with me anyway. I had to let these men go on with their lives and do the same myself. But a cleaver sunk into my heart at that thought. To avoid balling on Chaz’s shirt again, I picked up my bag and went to my grandmother who was talking to a few of the guards.

  “I’m going now, you sure you won’t come with me?” I tried one more time.

  “No, sweetie.” She gave me a quick hug. “But you know where to find me now.
Please visit whenever you’re in town.”

  “Sure,” my voice cracked. Before my junior year, I visited her every holiday and stayed most of the summer. That was when my life was easy. I’d been preparing for college for two years and barely had come and seen her in that time. How was I going to go back to the normal world and finish my degree and know what I was leaving behind here? Yet, I couldn’t stay. No matter how much I wanted to. Mom and Dad would be devastated if they never saw me again. And I had my first year of college finals to get through.

  “Have Rob take you to the quick gate. You’ll avoid the maze and all that nonsense.”

  “How do y—” Right, she’d said she came here a lot. She’d know all the tricks for getting in and out of this place. “Why didn’t Rob tell me about this way before?”

  Grams gave me a leveled look that shouted don’t give me any trouble and eat your Brussel sprouts. “Many of the exits and entrances were blocked from his mind by the red queen. She didn’t want him escaping easily or moving about the kingdom quickly.”

  That made sense. “Thanks.”

  She nodded then went back to talking with the guards about why the white roses hadn’t bloomed now that the queen of hearts was dead.

  Grief wrapped around me like a heavy coat. Rob, already in his bunny form, hopped in front of me to a mirror with etched in gold with roses all around it. “How do I use this to get home?”

  I felt along the edge for a hinge or something.

  Rob jumped into the mirror and appeared on the other side. The hedges from Grandma’s garden in the distance. I frowned and turned back to Grams who stood down the hallway. “Grams? How come the queen never came after you? Couldn’t she have used this mirror and grabbed you?”

  “I told you Alicia, anyone from this world who crosses the barrier is not themselves. The guards here would become merely rose bushes. Rob, as you see, would be a rabbit.”

  “But what about you?” I tried to find the missing link here. “Or you’re not entirely part of Underland, are you?”

  “No.” She walked toward me. “And neither was the white queen’s daughter. A man from our world came here and fell in love with her. They had a child. Both he and the child fled to safety when the red queen killed her sister. The girl, being born part of two worlds, was able to cross without changing.”

  “Ah. Okay, but why does she have a mirror that leads to your backyard?”

  “My house and property were once part of Underland. The white queen and her magicians set it aside into our world so that she could see her husband and daughter as they played from here without having to cross and become a rose bush.”

  “I understand.” The queen must have loved them very much to have created this for them, hoping that she’d be with them again. Longing for my men slammed into my heart and I could hardly breathe. Before I changed my mind, I gave Grams another hug, tears stinging my eyes, and leaped through the mirror. I stumbled onto my knees in the grass. Home. But it felt strange. Everything here wasn’t as bright or colorful. And Chaz and Hadden weren’t here. Rob was, who twitched his nose at me, but it wasn’t the same. Not by a long shot.

  I pushed up to stand, then bent over to scratch Rob behind the ears. “Thanks for showing me the way.” Before I could say more, he jumped down the path and disappeared, taking a piece of my heart with him.

  The house was eerily quiet. Shit! Was it time for the funeral? I’d no idea what day it was but the sun was low in the horizon. Quickly, I ran to my truck and hopped in. Hopefully, I would catch everyone at the funeral home.

  I zipped along the road, weaving through traffic, finally pulling into the church parking lot. A dozen cars were still there but people were standing outside like the funeral had ended a while ago.

  Ducking out of my truck, I raced up the stairs. I pushed open the door and found my mother crying in my dad’s arms.

  “Where have you been?” he hissed.

  “Alicia? Oh my god, we-we thought something happened to you.” She raced to me and hugged me tightly. “Don’t you ever do that again. I called the police, the FBI, everyone who would listen to me.”

  “I’m sorry, Mom.” I hugged her tight, breathing in her scent of vanilla and a slight hint of rose.

  She pushed back slightly. “And what are you wearing? Jeans and a T-shirt to your grandmother’s funeral? Alicia, I thought I taught you better. Have you no respect for the dead?”

  “I-I got lost in the woods but I’m here.” I glanced around for my friends. “Where are Rose and Blanca?”

  “They’re out looking for you with Annabelle.” My dad frowned. “I’ll let them know you’re here and safe.”

  An uneasy feeling sunk into my belly. They weren’t in Underland or I’d have seen them, right? Grams would’ve told me. As soon as we got back to Grams’ house, I’d call them.

  “But what about her dress?” Mom frowned. “She can’t show up at the gravesite in dirty, torn clothes.”

  “So you want to make everyone wait on me?” I asked.

  “Guess it’ll have to do. We’ve got to go now. You’ll ride with us.” It wasn’t a

  “And no more talk of your grandmother still being alive, understood?” Dad whispered to me.

  “Right.” I didn’t need to argue anymore about Grams not being dead because I knew the truth.

  Two months later, I scribbled my name across my test paper and dropped it off in my professor’s inbox. I’d opted to take my finals early. In Grams’ will, the house and her land belonged to me now.

  In my truck, I willed the traffic to move faster. I couldn’t wait to tell Hadden, Rob, and Chaz my plans. I hadn’t seen them since I returned and troublesome worry bugged me that they’d have moved on with their lives or found someone else to love nagged at me constantly.

  Finally, after too long a drive, I pulled up to my grandmother’s house. It sat lifeless and empty with its unruly grass and vines. I wrote out checks for the maid and gardener I’d hired and left them under the mat on the front porch. Then I dashed to the back of the house searching for the hedge I’d come through with Rob from the mirror.

  Butterflies danced in my belly as I took a leap forward to my future.

  Epilogue

  A tingling sensation like that of a warm, spring rain danced along my skin. I inhaled the unpolluted air in Underland. Here I was in a different time, a different place. I’d finished my freshman year of college and transferred to the university in walking distance from Grams’ house. I moved all my stuff from my current dorm room across town to Grams’ home and was living there alone now.

  In case my folks stopped by unannounced or sent me a message, I had paid one of the college guys studying computers to rig a bell on the house. It was on the hedge that showed in the magic mirror back at the palace and the guy had looked at me like I’d lost my mind. Perhaps I had. But even though my studies would continue in the fall, I had to keep my men in my life as well.

  Once school started again, I would take classes twice a week, but spend most of my time here in Underland with Rob, Chaz, and Hadden. If they’d be happy to see me again. I hadn’t seen them since I left two months ago. Did they still want to be with me? Longing shook me inside to pieces. God, I was becoming a basket case.

  The palace was quiet as I walked the corridors, searching for someone. Somehow the castle seemed brighter. Tapestries of the white queen had been put up and only a few remained of the queen of hearts and those were when she was younger. Her and her twin sister sitting on a blanket with rabbits around them. Or picking red and white roses in the next one. Where was everyone?

  A flickering of lights brought my attention down one hallway.

  “Grams?” Walking past these empty rooms felt unnatural. I could imagine them filled with love and laughter and little children scampering up and down them, playing hide-n-seek and tag. I stumbled a step. Kids? I wasn’t ready for any yet but maybe in a few years. And them having three dads to help me brought all sorts of warm fuzzies floating in
my heart. Would they have the shifter abilities to turn into rabbits or panthers? Or would they have magic like Hadden?

  “Hello, anyone here?” I called out, my voice echoing against the stone.

  In the distance, a wooden door had a glowing light underneath it. I crept forward, listening because I didn’t want to barge in on some private palace meeting or something. I tapped against the wood, not expecting anything, but seemed like something I should do before I opened the door and surged inside. Nothing but coolness met my skin, and I let out a shaky breath.

  Slowly, I clicked the lever, pushing the door open. All around the chamber as far as I could see stood candelabras of flickering candles. The scent of rose petals floated around me along with a masculine aroma that reminded me of orange peels and spiced tea.

  Hadden! Before I could say a word, the magician leaped from the shadows, then my grandmother, Rob and Chaz, and dozens of guards jumped out of thin air.

  “Surprise! Welcome back, Alicia!” they cheered.

  Fright and shock gripped me and I pressed my hand to my chest to calm my racing heart. Then I calmed and joy sang through me. “Wow, how did you know I was coming?”

  “A little, white rabbit told me.” My grandmother winked, then drew me into a hug.

  “I missed you, Grams,” I said squeezing her back. In order not to surprise anyone, she hadn’t returned to our world or her home. But then, she was home here in Underland reclaiming our heritage.

  “We’ve cake and ale, come and celebrate with us,” Chaz said behind me.

  I broke off from Grams and hauled Chaz into an embrace. His lips found mine without asking and we kissed until hoots and hollers erupted around us. I untangled myself from him, heat searing my cheeks. Would Grams think this is weird or scold me for having kissed him in public? And she’d known I spent one night with Rob as well. What did she think about that? For that matter, how did Hadden and Rob feel about me kissing Chaz?