The Secrets She Keeps

by Jolie Moore

  I nearly panicked when Nari’s dad sat down. I couldn’t for the life of me remember his first name. I tried to make my glance in his direction furtive. His face was stern and closed. The guy looked like he never smiled, and he definitely didn’t look like a first name basis kind of dad.

  Sun-Hee hovered around the table without actually sitting. Nari’s breath was a huff of annoyance. Amazing how a person morphed into their teenaged self in front of their parents. “Would you like some soup, Lucas?” she asked me.

  I nodded, grateful I didn’t have any food allergies. She filled my bowl. I recognized tofu, potatoes and scallions. I definitely wasn’t going to ask what it was. I preemptively picked up the pitcher from the table, ready to fill my glass to the brim in case there was some kind of hidden spice like in Nari’s lunch. Nari, her mom and dad reached to take it from my hands. I nearly dropped it on the table. How had I made a social faux pas so early, other than storming out of the bedroom naked? Drinking had seemed a safe bet.

  “It’s considered impolite to let someone fill their own drink,” Nari explained. She picked up the pitcher from across the table and poured me a glass of light brown liquid. Okay, not water. I’d roll with it.

  After they’d all started in on the food, I sipped at the soup carefully. It was kind of salty, I guess. Only a little bit spicy, I thought until I bit into something green. Turned out to be a hot-as-blazes pepper. I tried to sip at the not-water to hide the cough that nearly exploded from my lungs. After I had it under control and my face no doubt was sufficiently red, I shifted in my seat, looking between her parents.

  “I’m sorry for barging in like I did,” I said. “I didn’t know you were coming for dinner. Otherwise…” Crap. I should have thought that through before I spoke. Otherwise—what—I wouldn’t have banged your daughter before the soup course.

  “We didn’t tell Nari we were coming,” her dad said. “We usually don’t have to.”

  Family dynamics minefield. I was afraid to put my foot anywhere. So I shut up and sipped my soup.

  “Actually, Oma, Apa, I wanted to talk to you about that,” Nari started. “I was thinking of buying you guys out.”

  I watched Sun-Hee add rice to her soup. Now that was a good idea. I scooped some rice into the broth while I watched the exchange. Buy them out?

  “Why?” was the only question from her taciturn father.

  “I’m an adult,” was Nari’s terse reply.

  “You’re our only daughter. You’ll get it when we die,” Mr. Yoon said.

  Curiouser. I violated my recently prescribed rule. “Did your parents buy this place for you?”

  “They made the initial down payment and the mortgage payments while I was in medical school and during residency. I’ve been making the payments since,” Nari explained slowly, like I was a patient and she was explaining aftercare.

  My unfinished soup was whisked away and replaced with a plate. Sun-Hee offered me meat, fish and some kind of noodles. I took a bit of everything offered. I looked at the placemat. The soup spoon was gone. Only slim silver chopsticks remained. Great. I’d get to embarrass myself twice.

  “I need you to treat me this like my home. Not come whenever you feel like it. Tonight is case in point,” Nari said. I nearly dropped the slim metal sticks I’d only lifted from the table a moment ago. Curiosity or no, I was wishing I’d walked out the door when her parents arrived. I remember my dad when Brooke had her first boyfriend. The thought that some boy/man wanted to have sex with my sister nearly sent him over the edge. And he was a self-described sex-positive liberal. All that went out the door when a tall, deep-voiced boy showed up with facial hair, tattoos and his own car. It took some fast-talking from Mom to keep Dad quiet and then usher Brooke out the door. My conspicuous presence would only make them want to tighten the leash they had on Nari.

  Nari’s parents didn’t look like they were ready to think about their adult daughter in that way. And she had more than a decade on Brooke.

  “How do you know my daughter?” Mr. Yoon turned to me. I hadn’t expected the first words out of her father to sound like an inquisition.

  “We work together at the clinic,” I answered. From the frown on Mr. Yoon’s face, that was probably the wrong answer.

  “You’re a doctor, like Nari,” Mrs. Ahn said. At least she seemed pleased about that.

  “Can you get fired from this…” Mr. Yoon waved a hand between us.

  “Don’t worry. My job is safe, Apa,” Nari said.

  I needn’t have worried about the chopsticks. I didn’t get the chance to stick anything in my mouth, there were so many answers coming out about where I was from, my education, what my parents did, how old I was. Mr. Yoon all but asked what my intentions were toward his daughter. I was very glad the actual question didn’t come up because that was the one thing I couldn’t have answered if my life depended on it.

  “Should we save something for Eun-ji?” Mrs. Ahn asked. “Is she studying late at the library?”

  I ate the big pear slices from the center of the table and tried to remember why that name sounded familiar. “Oh, your cousin who stopped by,” I said.

  Nari’s face froze. Her leg swung back and forth in wild motion. I think she would have kicked me if she could have reached me. I’d stuck my foot in my mouth, but I had no idea why. My hazy memory came into focus. She’d been giving the girl a fat envelope. I’d thought it money. “She’s probably in her dorm at USC, wasn’t it?” I said, trying to be helpful. The leg swung harder.

  “Dorm?” Mr. Yoon asked. Then the rest of the conversation was lost on me as a spate of Korean flew my way from mother, father, and daughter. It ended when first Nari’s father, then mother, and finally Nari stomped toward the second bedroom. The door was opened and all went in. More yelling in Korean.

  My foreign language skills were shit, but even I could tell that Eun-ji was supposed to be in the room but wasn’t. She surely didn’t live here. She wasn’t here the night I slept off that vodka drunk. I wouldn’t have stripped Nari naked and done what we did with some girl barely out of her teens around.

  Nari came back, leaving her parents in the room, still arguing.

  “Cat out of bag. Thanks.” she said.

  “I have no idea what’s going on.” I threw up my hands. That applied to more than her parents, her cousin, or that extra room.

  “Eun-ji is supposed to be living with me.”

  “You volunteered to have a college freshman live in your apartment.”

  “Sophomore. She lived with me for several months before we reached a mutual agreement that it wasn’t working.”

  “But you didn’t tell your parents.”

  “Or hers. Her dad was the uncle I stayed with,” her eyes flickered around, “back then.”

  It all came into sharp focus. “They didn’t want her in a dorm full of penises. Why not stay with the sexless aunt? She catches on that you have a life or you figure out she does, and you go your separate ways.”

  “A little money greased that wheel—but you’ve got the basics.”

  “Why didn’t you say no? Did you want her here?”

  “No. Who in the hell wants to live with a college student when you’re not in college? My parents waved around their two-thirds ownership. My mother worried her brother-in-law would share with the world or Korea that I had a baby out of wedlock. And voilà, instant roomies.”

  “Now what?” I asked, gesturing toward that other room.

  “As soon as they leave, I’ll call Eun-ji and we’ll figure something out.”

  “I’m sorry,” I said. Didn’t seem like I was good for her in any way, shape, or form.

  “It would have come out eventually. I was just hoping to kick that can down the road.”

  “Should I go?”

  Nari stood there a long moment, pondering the ten thousand dollar question. “Do you want to stay?”

  “Very much,” I said and meant it. I really wanted to stand by Nari, sleep by her side.
>
  “Then I think I need to get them on their way,” she said.

  Chapter 29

  Nari

  “Why do you think this is a good idea?” I was passing Lucas cutlery from his kitchen drawer. He’d set four places at the table. Two for us. One for Laura, the other for William. He was reuniting his parents after twenty-plus years apart. I figured if they’d gotten divorced, it was for a reason. I didn’t think we should be playing God.

  “They agreed. I want to get the whole story once and for all.”

  Agreed wouldn’t have been the word I’d have used. They were guilted, cajoled, coaxed. They could have said no, I guess. “Will you stop, then?” I asked. Madness was what I considered Lucas’ search for truth.

  “Yes.” He nodded.

  Wow. There was an end. I wondered if that meant he’d stop pestering me as well. Our last few weeks had been in a tenuous truce of sorts. He didn’t mention Minnie and I laid off his relentless pursuit of the truth. Instead we had great sex and even better conversation. This craziness aside, I really liked him—for me. How I ever thought he could have been a good match for Daisy, I don’t know. If this were anything like normal, I’d be thinking about the long term, maybe the future. But in our reality I was living day-to-day.

  The doorbell rang, pushing aside my thoughts. Lucas shifted on his feet, but wasn’t moving forward. So I took the few steps and pulled open the door. Laura stood there, wilted flowers in hand. She wore a dress, heels, lipstick. I don’t know why, but her appearance made me sad. Like she was going on a date with her son, dressing to impress. It was the opposite of what I thought a mother should do.

  “I’ll take these,” I said, grabbing for the flowers. Daisies, mums, and some pink–and-white flower graced the bouquet. I pulled an empty peanut butter jar from Lucas’ cabinet and jammed the flowers in. My mom would have cut them and dug up some sugar to add to the water. My domestic skills didn’t go that far.

  “Why don’t you have a seat in the living room?” I said, stretching myself to the limit of my domestic skills.

  Unsure of herself, Laura sat primly on the edge of the couch as if she were afraid of soiling the fabric.

  I brought her a glass of iced tea. “Thanks,” she said. Then she drank like a camel in the desert. Before I could get back to the kitchen to help Lucas, she grabbed my arm. “I’m glad you’re here. I’m not quite ready for dinner with just us and Lucas.”

  I nodded in understanding of his single-minded intensity. Finding a coaster, I put it under her drink, trying to keep my swipe of the condensation beaded on the wood low-key. “There will be four of us. I’m sure it’ll be a nice meal,” I said. “Let me get back to setting the table, okay?” I felt bad leaving her there by herself to stare out the windows, but I didn’t want to be alone with his mother. With this woman who’d made the same choice I had. I was sure five minutes in, she’d sense my secret or I’d spill my soul. All of this time with Lucas had brought my secrets too close to the surface. It was getting more and more difficult to lie with a straight and happy face like I’d done for more than ten years. To pretend I was like everyone else—a serious professional. No marriage, no kids out of choice.

  Before I could school my face and join Lucas in the kitchen, the doorbell rang again. I pulled it open and William Coates was standing there like I’d expected, but he’d come with an uninvited guest. A woman with long graying hair tucked earnestly behind her ears was standing by his side.

  I extended my hand. “I’m Nari. Lucas’…friend.”

  “Nicolette Pennington,” she said, then thrust another bouquet my way. Didn’t anyone bring wine these days? Graciously, I accepted the flowers.

  “William.” I shook his hand again. No one had said a thing about five for dinner. “Please have a seat in the living room. Laura’s already there. I need to help with dinner, set the table,” for an extra place, I didn’t say.

  “Go say hi,” I said, pushing Lucas from the kitchen.

  I heard the murmur of voices as I pulled out an extra fork, knife and spoon and dragged over another dining room chair. I glanced at the pan on the stove. Lasagna looked ready to serve. I set up a trivet and moved it to the middle of the table along with garlic bread and salad.

  “Dinner’s on the table,” I called. Sounding like a TV sit-com mother slightly horrified me. Briefly, they continued their discussion of the perils living downtown so close to Los Angeles’ famed Skid Row. Like a great hostess, I steered them to their seats. I put Lucas at the head of the table, his mother on his right, his father on his left. I positioned myself across from party crasher Nicolette.

  The girlfriend lay the napkin in her lap. As I was about to stand and offer serving spoons and forks to Laura and William, Nicolette clasped her hands and bowed her head in prayer. There was a long awkward moment as we scrambled to be respectful of her silence.

  As soon as Nicolette raised her head, William cleared his throat. “Nicki’s been going to church lately. Learning how to be grateful.”

  I made my way around the table, offering bread, salad, wine. Everyone ate in silence for long minutes. I kept my eyes trained on Lucas, but he was spearing lettuce leaves with gusto. I’d played the role of the happy hostess. But I’d fallen down on the conversation part of the job. Resolved, I dove in. “Lucas tells me you’re in Tahoe,” I said to William. “How do you like the area?”

  “Nice enough.” William said. His tone didn’t invite much in the way of conversation.

  Lucas put down his knife and fork with a loud clink. “How did you guys meet?”

  “I was volunteering at the church. Will was in…one of the programs that meets in the basement,” Nicolette said.

  “I’m sorry I meant my mother and father,” Lucas said, bordering on rude.

  With that, we were off to the races. I’d tried to tell him that he should slow down. I’d tried to advise him to ease into it. You had to do that with some patients. If you asked flat out if a person drank alcohol or took drugs, their initial reaction was to recoil, the first answer no. But if you asked them if they’d gone to the new wine boutique on the Westside, or tried the flight pairing at the newest chic restaurant, the inevitable three glasses of wine a few days a week, or patterns of binge drinking would emerge. Lucas was a good clinician. He knew better. But from the furrow of his brow and the jerkiness of his hands, I could tell he’d tossed his good sense out the window in his quest for answers.

  William looked from Laura to Nicolette and back in search of an answer. Laura took a large gulp of wine and spoke.

  “I was at my family’s place on Reno Lake.”

  “Is that in Minnesota?” Lucas asked.

  Laura nodded. “Will was staying in a cabin with a group of guys. We saw them goofing around. Eventually, my mom and dad, aunts and uncles got tired, went to bed. Me and my cousins would take off in one of the cars and go to the local bar.”

  “Those were good times,” William muttered, bobbing his head.

  “I think we drank bad beer and sang worse karaoke those few nights. Will and I kind of hit it off, though. But he was passing through on leave, and we didn’t keep in touch.”

  I wondered what she meant by “hit it off.” Was she like Lucas and I, who ”hit it off” in bed but nowhere else? I pulled back on the judgment. Maybe they’d had a deeper relationship. More in common than sex.

  “And…?” Lucas prompted, interrupting my thoughts.

  “We met up again at the beginning of the next season. Things were kind of overbearing at home so I went with him when his leave was over.” Laura took a long pause, probably anticipating the next question. “We got married too young, probably. But we could only be together, really, if we were married.”

  “It was good those first couple of years,” William piped in.

  A look passed between Laura and William. For a moment the connection between them crackled. Nicolette sensed it and immediately grabbed for William’s hand. “That’s in the past, though. My man and I are goin
g to get married anytime now,” she said.

  Though I found her very uninvited presence kind of annoying, I had to feel sorry for someone so insecure that the past made her avaricious.

  “Congratulations,” I said, trying to soothe her ruffled feathers, quiet her so that Lucas could hear what he needed, maybe heal that first trauma at least a little bit. Enough to stop him from obsessing about what could and would never be.

  “I think I got pregnant in Norfolk,” Laura said. “We hadn’t been trying, but we hadn’t exactly been not trying either.”

  I watched Nicolette shift in her seat. Her insecurity made me sad.

  Laura continued, “When William got back from his tour on the…USS Albany, was it, Will?” Laura asked, flicking her eyes in his direction. I could see that it was hard for her to look straight at him, take him in.

  “Yep, that was it. Old girl. Got decommissioned not long after.”

  “But you weren’t exactly happy about it,” Laura was speaking directly to Will now. “Coming back to me, I mean.”

  “I’d kind of gotten infatuated with another girl,” William admitted.

  “Who was married as well,” Laura added matter-of-factly.

  I’d heard this kind of story a hundred times in my practice. The details were different, but the basics were the same. I’d made the subsequent referrals to clinics and counselors as patients tried to sort out their lives.

  “My CO caught on and we got assigned to Hawaii. I think he figured he could save my marriage and hers too if we got separated.”

  “Will’s leaving out the fight he and that guy had in the middle of the NX.”

  “Fight?” I asked. “NX?”

  “The exchange. The base grocery store. Will and I were in there shopping for…I don’t remember…but Will looked at that girl…Cassidy…and her husband saw it. Next thing I knew, eggs and milk were flying. The MAs were there in an instant to break it up. And we left Hawaii not long after.”