The Hungry Dragon Cookie Company

by L. G. Estrella

  The Hungry Dragon Cookie Company

  The Hungry Dragon Cookie Company – it sounds crazy, but it might just be Timmy’s ticket to financial security and a fully renovated castle.

  To earn a pardon and avoid prison or execution, Timmy, Grand Necromancer and Lord of Black Tower Castle, has been completing missions for the Council with the help of an elite team of truly heroic individuals.

  There’s Katie, his apprentice. She’s brilliant, cunning, and maniacally devious. She’s also ten years old, extremely adorable, and loves billowy robes and the colour pink.

  There’s Avraniel, the pyromaniac elf who is responsible for more property damage than anyone in Everton’s history (including dragons, natural disasters, and demon gods).

  There’s Gerald, the hyperventilating bureaucrat who is at the top of every monster’s menu.

  There’s Old Man, a retired legendary swordsman whose hobbies include bonsai trees, fishing, and the occasional duel to the death.

  There’s Amanda, ancient vampire and sophisticate who knows all about the Council’s founding because she was there when it happened.

  And then there’s Spot. He’s cute, cuddly, and friendly. He loves tug-of-war and fetch. He’s also a fire-breathing dragon who can devour an entire cow in about thirty seconds.

  The Hungry Dragon Cookie Company is a collection of fourteen short stories that take place before, during, and after the first three parts of The Unconventional Heroes Series. Each story hopes to answer important questions like:

  How does a company involving cookies and dragons even work?

  How did a trans-dimensional, protoplasmic horror and a Grand Necromancer become friends, and how did that horror develop an addiction to cake?

  How does an ancient vampire acquire the comely, young virgins she needs to maintain proper vampiric health without looking like a total weirdo?

  Answers to all of these questions and more will be revealed. With unconventional heroes like Timmy and the gang around, life is never boring.

  The Hungry Dragon Cookie Company

  L. G. Estrella

  The Unconventional Heroes Series Side Stories Part One

  Kindle First Edition

  Copyright © January 2018 L. G. Estrella

  Table of Contents

  Title Page

  Table of Contents

  Tomb Raiding

  The Hungry Dragon Cookie Company

  Food Supply

  Uncle Gerald

  The Bank

  Research and Development

  The Rules

  Impostor

  Piracy

  Adventure Time

  First Meeting

  Gardening

  Mr Sparkles

  The Beach

  About the Author

  More From L. G. Estrella

  Copyright and Disclaimer

  Tomb Raiding

  (Set Before Two Necromancers, a Bureaucrat, and an Elf)

  Timmy climbed off his zombie wyvern and then reached up to help Katie. His precocious apprentice could easily have used her shadows to dismount, but he wanted her to conserve as much of her magic as possible. He couldn’t be certain of what they would encounter, and Katie had yet to get very dangerous without her magic. Oh, she could glare quite menacingly for a seven-year-old, but glaring wouldn’t incapacitate her enemies unless she was secretly part gorgon. On the upside, she was only seven years old. There was plenty of time for her to learn how to wield a staff, a sword, or even the noblest weapon of all – the shovel.

  “I can climb off myself, master,” Katie grumbled. She directed that glare of hers at him, and it took every bit of his willpower to keep from ruffling her hair. She was so adorable when she tried to terrify him. Unfortunately for her, he’d been glared at by far bigger and scarier people than her – including two gorgons. Compared to them, being glared at by Katie was like being glared at by a fluffy, little duckling.

  “I’d rather you didn’t trip over and knock yourself unconscious before we even get to the tomb.”

  Katie looked utterly scandalised at the mere suggestion she could trip over. “I would never!”

  “Do you remember when you tripped on your robes last week and almost fell flat on your face? You’re lucky Sam caught you, or you might have broken your nose. And let’s not forget the time you were dancing a merry jig to celebrate one of your zombies when you tripped over and nearly fell into the trapdoor we use to make cleaning your laboratory easier.”

  Katie huffed. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

  “If you can’t remember, it’s probably because of how many times you’ve tripped over your robes. There’s no telling how much brain damage you’ve suffered.”

  “Master, my brain is in perfect condition!”

  “It won’t be for long if you don’t start wearing more practical clothing. You can wear robes – we are necromancers – but you need to get them cut more practically.”

  Katie scowled ferociously before nodding. It was one of the things he liked about his apprentice. She could be incredibly stubborn at times, but she wasn’t afraid to admit she was wrong. Well, that wasn’t exactly right. She would never admit she was wrong, but she would heed advice and do her best to avoid repeating her mistakes. And it was a good thing she did. He was not about to let his apprentice become yet another clothing-related statistic, something which was depressingly common amongst necromancers. Who could have guessed that wearing overly elaborate and billowy robes with long sleeves and hoods could be so dangerous? Anyone with common sense, but necromancers were not renowned for their common sense so much as they were renowned for their villainy and their ability to create nightmarish abominations.

  If Katie were going to continue wearing black robes, then she would need to have them more sensibly cut. It wasn’t like anyone would really notice, and it would dramatically reduce the odds of her tripping over. In fact, he’d already altered the robe she was currently wearing. It wasn’t hard since the servants who did her laundry were his servants. He’d also convinced her to start practicing moving around in her robes instead of simply hoping for the best. Practice made perfect, and the best time to learn was before an angry monster tried to kill her. Perhaps one day he’d be able to convince her to stop wearing black robes, but it could take a while. For now, making her robes slightly more practical would have to do.

  “Do you have all the charms I gave you?” Timmy asked.

  Katie gave him another grumpy look. Hopefully, she’d lighten up as she got older, or she might have to worry about getting wrinkles before she finished puberty. His apprentice was practically covered in protective charms, and he’d sewn protective runes and seals into her clothing as well. “Yes, master, I do. But do I have to wear so many? It’s like you think I’ll fall straight into the first spike pit we come across.”

  Timmy let some of his usual levity slip out of his voice. “Katie, this is the first time you’ve come with me to raid a tomb that might actually be dangerous. You’re my apprentice. I’ve invested a lot of time and effort into training you, and I actually happen to like you. I am not going to let you die because of some random trap. It would ruin all of my hard work.”

  “Wow.” Katie’s lips twitched, and he could tell she was trying very hard not to smile. “I’m glad you care so much, master.”

  “Don’t be sarcastic, Katie. You’re too young, and it’s rude.” He frowned. “You’re not picking up sarcasm from any of the servants, are you?”

  “I think sarcasm can be funny,” Katie replied. “And I’m not learning from the servants. I’ve been learning from some of the ghosts in the castle.”

  “Why am I not surprised? I should
have sent some of them off to the afterlife years ago, but I wouldn’t be much of a necromancer if my castle didn’t have ghosts in it.” Timmy looked heavenward. He had to be the only person in the world who had to worry about impolite ghosts turning his apprentice into a pint-sized fountain of sarcasm. “Double check all of your charms and equipment. We’re not likely to be separated, but if we are, you need to remember what to do.”

  “I know, master. Stay calm. Try not to get killed. Grab anything valuable if it’s safe to take.”

  “Exactly.” Timmy commanded some of the zombies they’d brought along to follow them. The others, including the other zombie wyverns they’d brought, would either stand guard near the tomb or patrol the area. There was nothing worse than doing all of the hard work only to be ambushed and robbed on the way out. “What about your zombies, Katie? Are they ready to go?”

  “Yes.” Katie gestured, and her zombies fell into step behind them. Her gaze shifted to the zombies he’d brought, and her green eyes took in every detail. “You brought a lot of different kinds today, master.”

  Indeed, he had. The zombies that Timmy would be bringing into the tomb included two zombie mages, a zombie salamander, and a zombie hydra-chameleon to go with his zombie warriors and zombie gecko-drake. It was a veritable menagerie, and it left him with plenty of options.

  Timmy chuckled and ruffled Katie’s hair, which earned him another vicious glare. She could glare all she wanted. It only made her more adorable. It was like being growled at by a puppy. “You never know what you’re going to run into in an ancient tomb, so it’s generally better to have too many zombies than too few, and don’t have only one type of zombie. Different types of zombies have different strengths and weaknesses, so having only one type available can leave you vulnerable if you’re up against something they’re weak against.” He pointed at the zombie salamander. “For example, if you run into a fire dragon, a zombie salamander isn’t going to help. Then again, not much will help against a dragon.”

  “I guess.” Katie had brought her own zombie warriors, a zombie bear, and a pair of zombie trolls. It was an impressive group for a child her age although she still had a long way to go before she could command all of them at the same time with the same precision and coordination he could. However, being able to support all of them with her magic for an extended period of time was impressive. Timmy wasn’t ashamed to admit that her reserves of magic were at least two or three times larger than his had been at her age, maybe more. “How are we going to do this?”

  Timmy sent some of his zombies ahead and motioned for her to follow him. Sending zombies ahead was common sense. If there were any traps, ambushes, or hungry animals, it was better for the zombies to take the brunt of the damage. If they ran into something truly threatening – like a dragon – the zombies could also buy them time to retreat.

  “Tomb raiding is a noble necromancer tradition, Katie. The tricky part is finding a tomb that hasn’t already been raided. The one we’re raiding today has only recently become accessible. Prior to a volcanic eruption a few days ago, this whole island was buried under several hundred feet of turbulent water. Luckily, I happen to know some people who run smuggling routes in this area. For the right price, they make sure to tell me about anything interesting before they tell anyone else. In this business, all you need is to be a day or two faster than everyone else.”

  “So that’s why this island wasn’t on any of our maps.” Katie glanced back. “And that’s why you’ve got your other zombies on patrol. You’re worried someone else might come while we’re in the tomb.”

  “Exactly. I was hoping you would notice. Raiding a tomb can be tiring, and people often let their guard down on their way out. Don’t be one of them. You do not want to be surprised.” His expression grew serious. “If you ever have to choose between treasure and your life, choose your life. There’s plenty of treasure in the world, and if someone steals your treasure, you can always steal it back later. You can’t do anything if you’re dead.”

  “I know, master. I don’t plan on dying any time soon.” Katie frowned. “You said the tomb used to be underwater. What if it’s still full of water?”

  “Then we’ll have an advantage over regular tomb raiders. Zombies can operate underwater, and they don’t need to come up for air. If the tomb is flooded, we’ll send the zombies in to do what they can. It won’t be ideal, but we can make it work. Most tombs are designed to hinder magic from outside sources, so we might still have to go inside to keep control of our zombies. There are also usually puzzles and traps that are hard to deal with if you’re not there in person.”

  “Traps?” Katie twitched. “Like the ones you make me practice against?”

  Timmy grinned. Katie liked to complain about all the training she had to do, but she wouldn’t if she knew what his master had put him through. At least, his traps wouldn’t actually kill her if she made a mistake. “Yes, except you might be seriously wounded or even killed if you make a mistake here.” He gave her a reassuring smile. “But don’t worry. I wouldn’t have brought you if I didn’t think you were ready. So long as you listen closely and pay attention, you’ll be fine.”

  They continued to make their way across the island toward the tomb. For a place that had been underwater until only a few days ago, there was a lot of plant life on the island. Even more strangely, Timmy couldn’t recognise any of the plants. They didn’t resemble seaweed or any other kind of aquatic plant life, and they bore no resemblance to the plants common to islands in this part of the ocean. Then again, magic could do a lot of weird things, and ancient tombs often leaked magic into their surroundings. Allowing weird plants to grow with unnatural speed would not have been the most unusual thing he’d ever encountered around an ancient tomb. But just to be safe, he ordered the zombies ahead of them to clear a path. If these plants were poisonous, he did not want to touch them any more than was absolutely necessary.

  Finally, they reached the tomb. It was surrounded by large, cracked walls of grey stone, and there was a wide courtyard filled with statues and sculptures. Timmy shivered. There was something unwholesome about those statues and sculptures, something ever so slightly wrong with the proportions of the people and animals they depicted. There was something disquieting about the buildings too. The geometry of them both drew his gaze and filled him with revulsion. It was as if the architect had decided that right angles and flat surfaces were the enemy. Katie must have noticed it too because her zombie bear moved closer to her, drawn by her unease.

  “See the statues and the architecture?” Timmy asked as his mind made the connection. “Based on some of the other tombs and ruins I’ve been too that looked similar, I’d guess this place is around three thousand years old. There was a line of mage kings that lived in this area back then, and many of them preferred this style. Most of their tombs have already been robbed, but this might be our lucky day.” He pointed. “The entrance to the tomb is usually in the central building, but we need to be careful. There will be traps around it.”

  “Understood, master. I’ll be careful.”

  “Good. Finding another apprentice would be far too troublesome.”

  Timmy led them into the central building, past more rows of sculptures that had been worn smooth by so much time underwater in a turbulent part of the sea. The massive stone blocks that had been used to build everything were a marvel. The builders hadn’t used any mortar, but he would have been hard pressed to fit the blade of a knife in between any of the blocks. They passed underneath a vast arch, and Timmy bit back a chuckle as he read the badly worn words chiselled into it: behold the eternal splendour of the king. Splendour was overrated and far from eternal, even for kings.

  They stopped at the top of a broad staircase that led underground. The carcass of a whale was in the way. It must have been caught inside the building when the volcanic eruption forced the island above water. Timmy ordered his zombie hydra-chameleon to deal with it. As he and Katie waited for the zombie’s
potent acid to dissolve the carcass, Timmy activated a small crystal attached to his clothing. Light spilled out of it, and Katie hurriedly activated her crystal too.

  “Always make sure you have several different sources of light with you when you go tomb raiding, and always check them before you go into the tomb. Having to wander around a trap-riddled, pit-filled tomb in the dark is not fun. Trust me.”

  Katie grimaced. “Do I want to know?”

  “Probably not. Just know that it was extremely unpleasant.” The carcass had all but finished dissolving, and the zombie hydra-chameleon shoved the last remnants of the whale aside. Katie moved toward the stairs, but Timmy put one hand out to stop her. “Always send a zombie down first. You’d be amazed by how frequently staircases are booby-trapped.” He pointed at the stairs. “Now, before we send any zombies ahead, I want you to send some of your shadows down the stairs first. Don’t worry about making them too solid. You don’t want to waste magic. Instead, I want you to focus on whether or not anything feels unusual.” He gave his zombie hydra-chameleon an affectionate pat. It was a handy zombie to have around. “Consider this practice. You won’t always have zombies, but you will almost always have your magic.”

  Katie’s brows furrowed, and several tendrils of shadow extended from her robes and made their way down the staircase, spilling down each step like folds of ebony silk. “I can’t feel anything strange, but the staircase goes a long way down.”

  “It’s the right staircase then.” Timmy knocked a stray chunk of whale out of the way with his shovel. “It’s not unusual for tombs to have shorter decoy staircases with traps at the end, usually a spike pit or walls that move and crush people.” He sent a pair of zombies ahead, and they waited a few moments before following them down the stairs. “Your magic is very versatile, Katie. Get into the habit of monitoring your surroundings with your shadows. If they get damaged or destroyed, it’s not a big deal. You’ve got a lot of magic for your age, and you’ll have even more when you’re older. It’s better to lose some magic than your life.”