The Hungry Dragon Cookie Company

by L. G. Estrella

  She shuddered. Sam had attempted to bring what passed for food in his dimension into their world, so they could understand why he thought cake was so much better. Alas, all he’d managed to do was tear a gaping hole in reality that had oozed unearthly energy and threatened to drive everyone in the castle insane. “I remember.”

  “Good. Because if you put one of those sacks inside another one, you get something a lot like that.”

  “Oh.” Katie gulped. “I guess we won’t be doing that then.”

  “Indeed, we won’t.”

  “Anyway,” Katie said, changing the subject to avoid thinking about Sam’s mistake. “You seem to know a lot about raiding tombs, master. How many have you raided?” She giggled. “Maybe you’re more of a tomb raider than a necromancer.”

  He chuckled. “Katie, raiding tombs is an ancient and noble profession, which has helped countless necromancers achieve their financial ambitions. You can’t really call yourself a necromancer until you’ve raided a tomb or two.”

  “Whatever you say, master.”

  “Plus, there’s nothing like some ancient gold to help pad out the budget.”

  Katie gave him another dry look. Her master was very good at making money, but the castle needed a lot of repairs. Tomb raiding might be the only way they could afford it without resorting to some of the more unsavoury methods that were available only to necromancers. If only her master’s master hadn’t been so stingy, the castle wouldn’t have fallen into such disrepair. True, cutting back on maintenance saved money in the short term, but it was almost always more expensive to repair something than to simply keep it well maintained. Besides, what sort of necromancer allowed their castle to fall into ruin? Her master could be a bit odd at times, but he could certainly appreciate the importance of a properly maintained and appropriately menacing castle. Turning her attention back to the books and scrolls, she used her shadows to pluck promising titles off the shelves before placing some of them into the sack and stacking others into different piles. Since she only had one sack – her master had the other one – she’d have to prioritise.

  As Katie continued to work her way through the library – it was such a pity they couldn’t linger here for a day or two – her mind drifted to one of the most important things she’d learned from her master. Power was a nice start, but knowledge, wisdom, cunning, and planning could lead to victory, even against overwhelming odds. The problem with power was that there was always someone more powerful, but power backed by knowledge, wisdom, cunning, and planning was far more difficult to beat.

  He’d also taught her that victory wasn’t always possible. Knowing when to retreat and cut her losses was something she’d learned by playing various games of strategy against her master, the castle’s zombie librarian, and some of the servants. Admittedly, most of those games were bizarre variants of traditional games that been heavily altered to push her creativity, adaptability, and powers of analysis to their limits, but they were fun, and there were some lessons that even the best book couldn’t teach. Staring across a game board at her master after realising she’d been playing right into his hands for the better part of an hour was a lesson worth its weight in gold, even if she had grumbled about it for days afterward. She never had been a good loser, and her master had been annoyingly smug for someone who’d beaten a child in a game of strategy. Then again, she had spent much of that particular game warning him about his impending defeat. Perhaps some smugness had been warranted.

  Katie wasn’t stupid. She was actually exceedingly – her master would say obnoxiously – clever for her age, and her magical abilities and senses were similarly advanced. Her master had a lot of magic. He was a Grand Necromancer, after all, but there were others who had much, much more. He’d faced several of them since she’d become his apprentice, and she’d heard stories of his encounters with even more of them. He’d beaten most of them, eked out draws against several others, and retreated without suffering any permanent harm from the rest. It wasn’t always glorious, but her master was absolutely brilliant at either winning or at least avoiding a decisive defeat. He always lived to fight another day, and when that day came, he would have a plan, a backup plan, and a backup plan for his backup plan.

  Not long after she’d become her master’s apprentice, someone had decided to target her. She was the weak link. She had a lot of potential, but her potential wouldn’t matter if she got killed before she reached it. Her master had whacked the would-be assassins over the head with his shovel before ushering Katie out of the room and letting his zombies finish dealing with the immediate problem. He had then quietly informed Katie that he would be going on a short trip to deal with the source of the problem. She’d been worried – she’d even told him as much – but he’d simply ruffled her hair and told her to make sure there was enough cake for Sam while he was gone.

  He’d returned two weeks later, limping and looking very much the worse for wear. She hadn’t even known whom he’d gone after since he hadn’t told her. She’d only found out when she’d read that month’s edition of her favourite necromancer magazine. Three powerful necromancers had formed an alliance. They had taken up residence in a castle protected by powerful magic and thousands of zombies, and someone had reduced it to a big, misshapen lump of molten rock. She’d asked her master how he’d managed to do it, and all he’d done was smile and tell her that anything was possible with enough time to plan, a good knowledge of geology, runes, and seals, and opponents who hadn’t yet realised that their castle was built on top of a massive reservoir of magma that fed a nearby semi-dormant volcano.

  Needless to say, attempts on her life had decreased markedly although her master had upped her training to ensure that even if she couldn’t beat her assassins – she was still a child – she could live long enough to either escape or get help. In a castle filled with their zombies and creatures like Sam, help would never be far away.

  “Is your sack full?” Timmy asked.

  “Almost, I think. I’m putting all of the most important ones in it, so they can go up on the first trip. It took us a while to get down here, but our zombies should be able to make the trip back much more quickly.”

  “Good. We’ll do two… maybe even three trips before we move on. We’ll head to the reliquary next. It’s on the other side of the tomb, and if we’re lucky, we’ll find plenty of nice, harmless, and extremely valuable artefacts.”

  “And if we’re unlucky?”

  “Then the artefacts are part of a gigantic golem that will attempt to murder us.” Timmy put another book in his sack. “Remember, Katie, gold doesn’t make the world go round, but it definitely makes life easier.”

  Katie made a sound of agreement as she continued to search the shelves. As necromancers, they weren’t always able to rely on strictly legal sources of income, and repairing and maintaining the castle wasn’t cheap. Her master had noticed her proficiency with numbers and had begun to introduce her to the economics of owning and operating a castle. It was fascinating and extremely expensive although his use of zombies, as well as runes and seals powered by the things that lived underneath the castle did help to keep costs down. It also helped that he didn’t spend vast sums of money on overly complicated plots to assassinate members of the Council or to try to take over the world. Apparently, the latter was a rarity amongst necromancers since there was an alarmingly strong correlation between necromancy and megalomania.

  Their trip to the reliquary was every bit as fun as their trip to the library. Clearly, whoever had designed this place believed in making things symmetrical. From the central area, there were exactly as many traps on the way to the reliquary as there were to the library. Alas, the designer’s love of symmetry hadn’t extended to using the same traps. No, that would have been too easy. Instead, the reliquary’s side of the tomb seemed to be full of projectile-related traps, and Katie got plenty of practice with her shadows as she blocked or deflected knives, daggers, arrows, crossbow bolts, and what she strongly sus
pected were frying pans. Even her master had been caught off guard by the frying pans although, to be fair, what kind of maniac built a trap that shot frying pans at people? It must have been another one of those eccentricities that ancient kings were so famous for.

  But even the frying pans couldn’t compete with the zombie cobras.

  “Duck!”

  Katie ducked as a serpentine blur shot over her head. “Was that…?”

  Her master raised the decapitated body of a zombie cobra. “It was.”

  “So that trap…?”

  “Just shot a zombie cobra at us.” The only thing bigger than the smile on Timmy’s face was the smile on Katie’s. “You know what this means, right?”

  Katie batted another zombie cobra aside with her shadows as their zombie warriors locked their shields together to deflect a hail of zombie cobras that promptly met their ends courtesy of the weapons and boots of the zombie warriors. “We need to build a trap that shoots zombie cobras at people when we get back to the castle.”

  “Yes, we do, Katie. Yes, we do.” Timmy cackled, and it wasn’t long before she joined him. True, cackling inside a tomb like this wasn’t the smartest thing to do, but if they couldn’t cackle at the thought of building their own trap that shot zombie cobras, what could they cackle about?

  Unfortunately, the frying pans and the zombie cobras were the highlights of the journey to the reliquary. However, she was able to get in some more practice with her shadows. Why have a zombie carry her over a pit that was too big to jump over when she could use her shadows to build a bridge sturdy enough to stand on? In a pinch, she could even anchor her shadows by digging into the walls or roof before using them to swing across. It made her glad for all of the times her master had come up with seemingly crazy training exercises to improve her control over her shadows. Her magical power might still be growing, but her shadows were already incredibly versatile.

  In front of the reliquary was a long, broad corridor lined with metal statues. Katie stopped. What were the odds that a place like this would have a corridor lined with harmless metal statues? Practically zero. This had to be a trap.

  “I’m glad you stopped.” Timmy smiled. “This is obviously a trap. Those aren’t statues. Those are metal golems. We could try to avoid triggering them, but from experience, it’s usually better to deal with them now rather than be caught off guard later when we’re carrying something valuable. Trust me, tombs like this always have multiple levels of redundancy when it comes to activating their main traps. Our best bet is to get it over with since our zombies should be able to handle them.” He took a pebble out of his pocket. “Oh, and always bring some pebbles with you. They’re good for setting off traps. Now, get ready.”

  He rolled the pebble across the floor between the golems. The golems sprang into motion. They jerked out of their positions and took up a defensive formation. The smallest of them towered over both her and her master, and the largest was even bigger than the zombie hydra-chameleon they’d brought along. As per her master’s instructions, the zombie hydra-chameleon had yet to revealed itself. Instead, it was doing its best to blend in with the walls and shadows. Given how deadly a hydra could be, even a single moment of surprise could swing a battle in their favour.

  “What do you think they’re made of?” Timmy asked, not the least bit bothered by the plethora of weaponry aimed in their direction. Most of the golems had swords and shields although there were a few with spears and more exotic weapons. The golems had yet to advance. They were most likely designed to stay close to the reliquary.

  Katie studied the golems intently as some of their zombies moved forward, not close enough to engage the golems but close enough to keep the golems from attacking them. “Well, they’re made of metal, but it’s not one of the usual metals like copper, tin, bronze, iron, or steel.”

  “Correct. Think about what we’ve seen so far. Do you think whoever built this place would go for something so pedestrian?”

  Katie shook her head. “No. They’d use something more exotic, which could stand up to the common methods of fighting a golem.”

  “Exactly. Heat and acid are two of the most common ways to destroy golems, and I’m willing to bet that neither will work very well on these golems. Oh, people do make mistakes, so it might be worth a try. However, I wouldn’t get my hopes up. Send a zombie in and watch how the golems react. If you can, get a feel for any magic they might be using.”

  Katie sent a zombie warrior forward. It was crushed underneath a gigantic war hammer. Ouch. Her necromancy definitely couldn’t fix that. Moreover, the golem hadn’t used magic. Its war hammer wasn’t enchanted. It was simply a big, big piece of sturdy metal.

  “Golems typically rely on magical crystals or something similar to operate. Sometimes, my magic can affect them since crystals and other gemstones are often vulnerable to earth magic unless the proper precautions are taken. Do you think that would work here?”

  “No.” Katie sent her next zombie warrior in. It smoothly evaded the golem’s war hammer, only to turn into a smear on the wall when one of the other golems lashed out with its mace. These golems were good. “I doubt it. You would have done it by now if you could. But trying, even if it doesn’t work, can still tell us something. If they’re using runes and seals or some other form of protection, it should be revealed when you try to use your magic on them.”

  “Excellent.” Timmy pointed his shovel at the nearest golem. Runes and seals flared to life across its body. It lurched forward, and a trio of zombie warriors beat it back. Despite the weight of their blows, it remained standing although it was unable to get past them.

  “So they are using runes and seals…” Katie murmured. “Which means they aren’t made of anything highly resistant to magic. But if they can resist heat and acid… could they be made of an alloy with orichalcum in it?”

  “Not a bad guess, Katie, but orichalcum alloys tend to look similar to copper. These golems don’t look like they’re made of anything similar to copper.”

  The golems were made of dull, reddish metal, not unlike faded rust. One of their zombie mages stepped forward, and a buffeting gale filled the corridor. Their zombie salamander took a deep breath and then spat a long tongue of flame. The wind caught fire, and a shockwave of intense heat slammed into the golems. The golem at the front began to glow, but it held its position. Her master nodded at the other zombie mage, and a jet of water struck the golem. The construct recoiled and raised its shield in a belated attempt to ward off the attack, but it was too late. Cracks spread across its body, and it stumbled to its knees. One of the zombie warriors landed a heavy blow with its sword, and the golem’s entire upper body shattered to reveal the intricate mechanisms within.

  Timmy grinned. “What does that tell you?”

  Katie considered what she’d just seen. Extreme heat followed by rapid cooling, leading to cracking and fragility. Alloys made of orichalcum and other ‘legendary’ metals tended to be highly resistant to such attacks. But what about – she gasped. “They’re made of an alloy with powdered hydra scales in it!”

  “Correct.”

  Her master grinned and reached forward to ruffle her hair. She almost managed to duck in time, but he got her anyway. She scowled. One of these days, she’d be quick enough to avoid getting her hair ruffled. Even Sam liked to ruffle her hair, but avoiding him was even harder than avoiding her master. Her master only had two hands to ruffle her hair with. Sam had more than a dozen tentacles, and he could easily extrude more if he wanted to.

  “Powdered hydra scales increase the durability of most alloys toward heat and acid. However, alloys containing hydra scales are often vulnerable to rapid heating followed by rapid cooling. Orichalcum is better overall since it doesn’t have this weakness, but it is difficult and expensive to make. In contrast, hydra’s naturally shed their scales. From what you’ve told me, master, most tomb raiders are thieves looking for an easy profit. Few of them are as prepared as we are.”

 
Timmy gestured again, and their zombies changed tactics. They closed ranks and used their shields to create a solid bulwark to hold the golems back as the two zombies mages and the zombie salamander attacked again and again. Recognising the danger, the golems abandoned their defensive formation and pressed forward, but their zombies held firm. True, several of their zombie warriors were crushed by the thunderous blows of bludgeoning weapons like war hammers and maces, but their shields did a fine job of warding off the swords and spears of the golems.

  “In this situation, we have the upper hand. Our zombie warriors can’t beat the golems on their own, but the golems don’t have an answer for our zombie mages and our zombie salamander.” Timmy pointed and the zombies mages and the zombie salamander began to target the largest golems, which were the ones armed with bludgeoning weapons. “As long as they can’t get to our zombie mages and our zombie salamander, we win. That is why I’m targeting the golems with bludgeoning weapons. They are the only ones capable of breaking through our zombie warriors.”

  Katie paid close attention as her master continued to direct their zombies. This was what separated a good necromancer from a great one: the ability to coordinate groups of zombies of varying types to maximise their effectiveness. Once the golems with bludgeoning weapons went down, the golems would have no way of breaking through the shield wall their zombie warriors had put up. Sure enough, the unrelenting attacks from their zombie mages and zombie salamander began to take their toll. Golem after golem went down, and her master finally gave the order for their zombie warriors to advance. Outnumbered and badly damaged, it didn’t take long for the remaining golems to be completely overrun.

  “Is it worth salvaging the remains of the golems?” Katie asked. Even if they couldn’t be fixed – and maybe they could be repaired since her master did know a bit about tinkering with artefacts and machines – a broken golem could still be melted down and sold. It was actually the most common fate for golems made of more mundane materials. Indeed, her master had confessed to her that the chandelier in the dining room was actually made out of the remains of a particularly vexatious golem he’d encountered while raiding a tomb. It had taken him almost an hour to beat it into scrap metal with his shovel, so he’d decided to commemorate his victory by turning it into a chandelier.