The Hungry Dragon Cookie Company

by L. G. Estrella

  Okay. That actually made some sense. Timmy took a proactive approach to dealing with anything dangerous near the castle. Villagers had a knack for wandering off and getting eaten and/or mangled, which only drew unwanted attention. Necromancers were not the most popular people, so it was standard practice to blame them for whatever misfortune happened to occur despite the vast, vast majority of necromancers not being cannibals and mangled corpses not being much good for zombie creation. It was also unwise to let threats go unchecked. The last thing Timmy needed was for a minor nuisance to grow, perhaps literally, into a major threat.

  But why did Gerald have to be there? Spot, Mr Sparkles, and Chomp ought to be enough to deal with any random hydras, wolves, bandits, or basilisks that might be lurking in the forest, and he was hardly the most combat-ready individual in the castle. Couldn’t they have taken Avraniel? Although maybe it was better that they hadn’t brought the elf. If whatever they were hunting managed to get her mad, they might not have a forest after today.

  Follow Chomp. Spot nudged Gerald with one of his wings. Close. Quiet.

  Gerald didn’t have to be told twice. He enjoyed living, so he’d simply have to follow Spot’s instructions and hope for the best. They continued deeper into the forest, and Gerald’s breathing grew ragged as he struggled to keep up. At least, he’d managed to switch his bunny slippers out for a stout pair of boots although they hadn’t stopped for long enough for him to replace his dressing gown with something more practical. Despite his ungainliness on the ground, Spot was surprisingly fast, and Chomp was a dog the size of a warhorse. Mr Sparkles had no problems keeping up either. In fact, he was the quietest member of the group as he sort of crept along the ground, his roots and vines barely making a sound. If Gerald hadn’t frequently looked back to check where Mr Sparkles was, he wouldn’t even have known the plant was there, which was not the most reassuring thought in the world. Nothing that big and that deadly should be able to move around so quickly and quietly.

  Finally, they stopped.

  Snake. Spot gave a low growl as his eyes narrowed, gleaming like silver stars in the twilight cast by the towering trees around them. Big snake.

  Gerald tentatively peeked around the tree they were hiding behind, and he had to cover his mouth with his hands to keep from screaming. Big was an understatement, a big, big understatement. He’d heard stories of snakes like this, massive and ancient serpents that dwelt deep within the earth, slumbering for years, even decades, at a time before emerging whenever hunger or a foolish adventurer awakened them. This one was still mostly concealed in its burrow, a vast tunnel that surely stretched deep underground. However, the shadowy outlines of its form were still terrifying. The snake’s body had to be at least fifteen feet thick. If it had the proportions of a normal snake, then it had to be absolutely enormous. He swallowed thickly and ducked back behind the tree, summoning a paper bag in a desperate attempt to keep himself from hyperventilating. It worked – barely.

  His mind raced. This was a bad, bad idea. Even with Spot, Mr Sparkles, and Chomp, he didn’t like their odds. Snakes like this were supposed to be extremely dangerous with scales that could stand up to the fire, claws, and teeth of younger dragons, and Spot was a very young dragon. The snake would have to be dealt with, but they didn’t have to be the ones to do it. They could go back, get the others, and let them handle it. He was sure Avraniel could burn it, or maybe the demolition rats could drop some kind of giant bomb on it. Failing that, he was certain Old Man could cut off its head, and there had to be something Amanda could do. She was an ancient vampire. And then there were Timmy and Katie. They had to have a zombie that could handle the snake, and if they didn’t, they could ask Sam to –

  He turned to say something to Spot when the dragon leapt out into the open, drew back his head, and roared.

  “RAAAARRRRRGHHHH!”

  If dragons could be said to have one weakness – and it was really more of a metaphorical or rhetorical weakness than an actual weakness – it was their pride. Dragons were more than mere reptiles. They were the ultimate reptiles, winged harbingers of doom that were feared throughout the world. They were the unquestioned rulers of the skies, their speed, strength, and agility in the air unmatched by any other creature. Their fire could devastate cities and set entire kingdoms ablaze. Their claws and teeth could carve through mountains. No dragon would ever, ever allow something as common as a snake, even a giant one that could smash towns without breaking a sweat, to invade their territory. Spot, despite being a very young dragon indeed, had claimed the castle and its surroundings as his territory. He was not about to let some stupid snake live there without his permission.

  With another roar that was more adorable than terrifying, Spot unleashed a blast of flame that was hot enough to melt a house and had enough force behind it to turn a grove of trees into kindling. The recoil alone nearly knocked Spot off his feet, and the snake was enveloped in black fire. The snake’s scales crackled, and the air burned. Serpentine eyes opened, and the snake lifted its head as the flames began to subside.

  The snake wasn’t mad.

  It was furious.

  And it was still very much alive.

  Spot took a slow step back. Uh oh.

  The dragon frantically took to the air as the giant snake surged forward with unbelievable speed. The force of the snake’s charge obliterated several trees, and its head whipped back around so quickly that it almost managed to seize Spot in its jaws. The dragon banked sharply and tried to get more height, but the thick canopy made it impossible for him to put any real distance between himself and the snake. Spot grimaced. Perhaps he should have listened to the paper pusher before trying to set something so big on fire. But it wasn’t fair. Setting things on fire always worked for his mother although her fire was still stronger than his. He circled the snake and fired off several more blasts of flame, but the other reptile simply shrugged off the attacks and tried to grab him out of the air again.

  Help! Spot yelped as the snake demolished a trio of trees before hurling one of them at the dragon. Spot dove, and the tree smashed into several others before breaking apart and sending bits of wood flying everywhere. Help!

  Gerald huddled behind a tree as Mr Sparkles and Chomp entered the fray. The snake surged forward again, disguising each lunge with smooth hypnotic movements. He wasn’t the best strategist, but even he could see that this wasn’t a good situation. The trees and canopy kept Spot from gaining too much altitude, and the snake’s sheer size and strength meant that the little dragon would be in a lot of trouble if the snake managed to grab him. The trees also gave the snake plenty of things to throw, and a brief twist of the snake’s coils was enough to tear a tree out of the ground and then hurl it at Spot.

  Move! Spot barked.

  Gerald’s eyes widened, and he dove out of the way as the snake ripped the tree he’d been hiding behind out of the ground and threw it at Spot. The dragon blew the tree apart with a blast of fire and then jerked to one side as the snake lunged forward again. As bits of broken and burning wood rained down, Gerald hastily summoned a shield and ran for it. If only there was something better to use for cover, but there wasn’t a single thing in the area that the snake couldn’t destroy with ease.

  Chomp slammed into the snake’s side – and bounced right off it. The three-headed dog typically relied on his ferocity, strength, speed, and endurance to win fights. The snake was simply too big. Mr Sparkles wrapped some of his vines around the snake and dug his roots deep into the ground in a bid to hold the snake back as Spot launched another wave of attacks. Apart from cracking a few of the snake’s scales and making them glow with heat, all Spot seemed to be doing was making the snake madder, and now the snake was pulling Mr Sparkles out of the ground. A moment later, the plant went sailing through the air although he was able to use his vines to grab onto a nearby tree and break his fall.

  Gerald gulped as he got a good look at the snake. It was more than two hundred feet long. No wonder Spot,
Mr Sparkles, and Chomp weren’t having any luck. This snake might even be able to give Roger a run for his money, and the zombie shark-hydra-drake was huge.

  As the snake tossed another tree at Spot, Gerald found another, sturdier tree to hide behind. What should he do? What was he supposed to do? What could he do? He wasn’t a great warrior or a powerful mage. But he had to do something. He couldn’t just hide behind a tree while the others tried to fight the serpent off, not when they were so obviously outmatched. He took a deep breath and reached for something with his magic. A crossbow appeared in his hands. Okay. He could do this. He wasn’t an elf, but the snake wasn’t that far away, and a crossbow bolt to the eye would probably hurt it. With painstaking care and far more effort than he expected, he got the crossbow ready. Taking a deep, calming breath, he peeked out from behind the tree, took aim, and fired.

  Twang.

  The crossbow bolt shot through the air about a foot from Spot, and the dragon rounded on him with a hiss. Aim better!

  “Sorry!” Gerald cringed. Okay, he’d almost hit Spot. In his defence, Spot hadn’t been that far from the snake, and it wasn’t like the crossbow bolt would have done that much damage. It most likely wouldn’t even have left a scratch on the dragon’s scales. If he’d hit Chomp, the dog might actually have felt it.

  Gerald readied another shot as Spot continued to circle the snake, peppering it with bolts of fire and weaving in and out of the trees as the snake lunged after him and hurled trees, boulders, and whatever else it could get its coils around. Chomp and Mr Sparkles were doing their best, but the snake shrugged off their attacks and focused its attention on Spot. Gerald didn’t know how smart snakes like this were supposed to be, but this one was smart enough to realise that Spot was the only real threat out of the four of them.

  “Okay…” Gerald lifted the crossbow. “Here goes nothing…”

  He fired the crossbow again, and through some miracle, the crossbow bolt hit the snake right in the eye. The massive reptile gave a roar of fury, and Gerald did a little dance in his head. He’d managed to wound it. Maybe now he and the others would be able to run away while it was blinded –

  Any joy Gerald felt drained out of his body as the snake opened its eye. The crossbow bolt fell to the ground. The snake had managed to close its eyelid just in time to block the attack. But not only was it not blind it was also looking right at him and the crossbow in his hands. It was not happy.

  Gerald took a slow step back. The snake’s eyes narrowed.

  He ran.

  * * *

  Timmy was on his way to one of his laboratories when he bumped into Avraniel. Actually, it was more like she bumped into him. She was like that.

  “Have you seen Gerald?” he asked. “I need to ask him about some paperwork. I’d ask Katie, but she measured her height again this morning, and she’s always grumpy after she discovers that she’s still short. I don’t think the rats trying to comfort her by telling her that at least she’s taller than them helped much.”

  Avraniel threw her head back and laughed. “Once a twerp, always a twerp. I should go stand next to her or something. Besides, who cares if she’s grumpy? What’s the worst she can do?” Clearly, Timmy thought, Avraniel had never dealt with a motivated Katie who had a cadre of elite ninja rats at her disposal and time to plan. “But, yeah, don’t worry about the paper pusher. He’s out on a hunting trip with Spot, Mr Sparkles, and Chomp. I told them to grab him since he’s been cooped up in here all week. He might be a damn bureaucrat, but he needs to go outside a bit more. He’s pastier than a ghost.”

  “He stays indoors because he has a tendency to attract things that want to eat him,” Timmy pointed out. In fairness, Gerald’s apparent deliciousness to monsters made him perfect bait whenever they needed to draw a monster out into the open. On the other hand, it couldn’t be fun being bait although it wasn’t as if Timmy would ever let anything happen to the bureaucrat. Setting aside the fact that Gerald’s continued survival was essential to him and the others earning pardons, they were also friends, and friends didn’t let friends get eaten. He was about to send one of his zombies to look for Gerald when one of the zombies he had on patrol reached out to him after noticing something unusual. He opened his mind to the zombie and sighed. “Come on,” he said. “We need to go help Gerald. He’s about to get eaten by a giant snake.”

  Avraniel’s eyes gleamed. “How giant?”

  “It’s more than fifteen feet thick and more than two hundred feet long.”

  Avraniel smirked. “Sounds fun, idiot. Let’s go.”

  * * *

  Mr Sparkles didn’t see the world the way most people did. He was a plant. However, even he could see that Spot and Chomp weren’t having much luck against the snake. It was simply too large and too tough. Spot was the only dragon Mr Sparkles had ever met, but his species could pass some of their memories on to their offspring. Somehow, he knew that if Spot had been just a little bit older, this wouldn’t even have been a fight. It would have been an absolute massacre in favour of the dragon. Mr Sparkles had done his best to help – he was strong enough to restrain a hydra – but he didn’t have the strength to slow the snake down for more than a second or two.

  When the tall man – Spot called him paper pusher or Gerald – had run away, Mr Sparkles had gone after him. From his memories of chasing after him, Gerald couldn’t run very fast. It wouldn’t take more than a moment or two for the snake to catch him, and then Gerald would be dead. Despite how tasty Gerald would be, Mr Sparkles had received clear instructions from the others – Spot, Chomp, and even his carer, the fire-wielding elf – to keep him alive. It was ludicrously easy for him to overtake Gerald and then grab him.

  “Ah!” Gerald screamed as he threw his hands up in a futile defensive gesture. “Please, don’t eat me!”

  Mr Sparkles didn’t bother trying to reply. Gerald couldn’t speak plant. Instead, he focused on covering as much ground as possible. His species were ambush predators, but they could move with remarkable speed when they had to. By using his vines to catapult himself from tree to tree, he was able to stay just ahead of the snake. Given its size and strength, he had no chance of beating the snake in combat. If it caught him, it would tear him to pieces. Indeed, it wasn’t even bothering to dodge the trees in its pursuit of them. It was simply smashing right through them.

  His carer would be sad if he died, so Mr Sparkles had no intention of dying. However, just to be on the safe side, he began to prepare a secondary bud. As long as it was discovered intact, he could be regrown. The same could not be said of Gerald. Hopefully, he could outrun the snake long enough for Spot to swoop in and take Gerald. Even with the trees and canopy in the way, the dragon should be able to outpace the snake.

  As he hurled himself past the next set of trees, something crashed right through the canopy and smashed into the snake. Mr Sparkles had no idea what it was, but he could sense his carer’s magic nearby.

  Help had arrived.

  * * *

  Gerald wasn’t sure how he was still alive, as opposed to plant food or snake food, but he wasn’t going to complain. However, the fact that even Mr Sparkles couldn’t outrun the giant snake did not bode well for his continued existence. And by the gods, Mr Sparkles could move fast. Gerald did his best to summon whatever he could to help with his magic, but it was hard when he was being jostled around so much. Worse, the few obstacles he did summon – caltrops, a pogo stick, some acid, and even an angry badger – did little to slow the giant snake down.

  And then help arrived.

  Roger came crashing through the canopy and rammed the snake as a strange mist surrounded him and Mr Sparkles. They blurred into motion, and when the world came back into focus, and his stomach stopped trying to exit his body through his mouth, he realised that it was Amanda’s doing. The ancient vampire had used her gaseous form to get them out of harm’s way. At the same time, Timmy and Katie had taken up a position nearby as Avraniel and Old Man flanked the snake and waited fo
r an opportunity to strike.

  “Try not to damage it too much,” Timmy said. “This snake would make a great zombie.”

  Katie cackled. “Yes, it would, master. We could add some salamander parts, and we’d have a giant fire snake!” She punched the air for emphasis. “Or how about some frost giant parts? Then we’d have a giant frost snake. Or what about both –”

  “Focus, Katie,” Timmy said, grinning. “After all, you’re the one in charge of Roger.”

  The snake hissed and lunged at Roger, but the massive zombie was surprisingly quick for his size. He dodged the blow and rammed into the snake, driving it back with his bulk. The serpent thudded into the ground, and the pair rolled over and over, knocking down trees and ripping up the earth. Spot and Chomp might have been incredibly strong for their sizes, but they didn’t have the bulk and might to contest the snake on a physical level. Roger did, and he had the element of surprise on his side too as he found his footing and drove the snake through tree after tree, his wings beating mightily to add to the force of his charge.

  The snake reared up, and Old Man saw his chance. Gerald blinked, and Old Man was suddenly soaring past the snake’s exposed throat. There was a flash of light, and the swordsman landed on the branches of a nearby tree. He flicked his sword to one side, and Gerald saw that it was bloody. The snake tried to roar, but it could only gurgle as a gaping wound opened up just below its jaw. Roger bellowed, and the zombie shoved the snake back as blood poured out of the wound. Old Man had somehow managed to cut its throat.

  “Are you all right?” Timmy asked. He tilted his head to one side. “And do you realise that you’re wearing a dressing gown?”