City of Second Chances

by Jane Lacey-Crane

  ‘I’ve had some issues with newspapers before,’ I said, looking over to Daniel as he stood by the bedroom door. ‘My friend went missing, here in New York, about twenty years ago. It all got a bit messy.’ I didn’t want to go into too much detail in front of Maria. Not that she was listening; she was too busy ranting down the phone to someone.

  ‘I’m sure all the ugly detail will be easy for you to find, if you want to look it up.’ Grabbing my coat from a nearby chair, I made my way over to the door; I needed to get out of the room.

  ‘Evie, please wait. Don’t go.’ Daniel grabbed my hand as I passed him; he looked so sad and desperate.

  ‘I can’t be here, Dan. I have to go. I’ve already caused enough trouble for you, for Maria and the play… I don’t—’

  ‘Fuck the play!’ Daniel exploded. ‘I don’t care about the play, I care about you and I’m not letting you leave here on your own.’

  ‘What are you going to do?’ asked Maria. ‘Leave with her? The photographers would love that.’

  I could see him struggling with what to do for the best; I made the decision for both of us. ‘She’s right, Dan. We can’t be seen together. Not right now.’

  ‘But we need to talk.’

  ‘I know. But not now. You have other things to sort out. Talk to Anthony, make a plan. I’ll call you later.’

  ‘Promise?’

  ‘Of course,’ I said, plastering on a bright smile and knowing that this wasn’t a promise I was sure I could keep. I kissed him on the cheek and he took my hand and kissed me on the inside of my wrist. My pulse jumped, and it took all of my willpower to pull my hand away and open the door. I felt him watching me as I walked down the hallway; I turned and gave him a little wave as I waited for the lift. Thankfully, my wait was short, and I managed to maintain my cheery smile just long enough to get me inside and away from Daniel’s view. I let out the breath I was holding and leaned heavily against the wall. It was all such a mess. I should have known better than to think I would ever be able to get involved with someone like him. And what if I’d ruined his chances of finally making it onstage in the West End? His hometown. His chance to show everyone how wrong they’d been when they’d dismissed him as just a pretty boy who got lucky.

  When the lift doors opened onto the lobby, I was greeted by a smiling Felicia, the android receptionist. Didn’t she ever go home? Maybe they just popped her into a cupboard for recharging.

  ‘Mrs Grant, please come this way. Mr Roberts has arranged a car for you. It’s at the side entrance.’ She gestured towards a door by reception.

  ‘No, it’s all right. I can get a cab outside. No need to go to any trouble.’

  ‘It’s no trouble. I really think it would be best if you followed me.’

  She seemed quite insistent. Looking through the hotel’s doors, I could see why. The photographers were squeezed onto the pavement, all waiting for the perfect photo opportunity. I couldn’t go out there.

  ‘Mrs Grant, if you’ll come this way, please?’ I didn’t argue. Felicia guided me towards to my escape route and I followed. We made our way along a quiet grey corridor until we reached a fire exit. Felicia opened the door and gestured for me to wait.

  ‘The car will be here in a moment, Mrs Grant.’

  ‘It must be annoying for you. Having all those people out there, blocking the entrance for other guests.’

  Felicia turned. ‘We have a lot of famous guests. This is all par for the course. You get used to it.’

  A black SUV with tinted windows pulled up by the exit and Felicia stepped out to open the back door for me.

  ‘Thanks,’ I muttered, climbing in.

  ‘All part of the VIP service, Mrs Grant.’

  I felt very small and very alone in the back of that car. We came to the corner and I saw the crowd that had gathered outside the hotel. They’d have eaten me alive; this was all so surreal. All I’d wanted was to shake things up a bit, try and break away from the past and move on. I’d never imagined that it would turn into this.

  *

  ‘Evie, thank God. I’ve been trying to call you.’ My relieved sister greeted me as soon as I stepped into the apartment. She pulled me into a hug. ‘I was so worried. Have you seen the papers?’ She held me at arm’s length and took in my distraught expression. ‘Stupid question. Of course you’ve seen them. Here, come and sit down. I’ll put the kettle on and we can talk.’

  ‘I want to have a shower and get out of these clothes,’ I mumbled.

  ‘Yes, sure. Go and do that and I’ll make us some tea. Don’t be too long.’

  I nodded and shuffled over to the stairs. My arms and legs didn’t feel as if they belonged to me. I dragged myself up each step with feet like lead. I unzipped my dress and threw it on the floor and then took off my underwear. The memory of Daniel undressing me last night made me shiver; the feel of his body on mine, the taste of him. I stepped under the shower and let the water fill my eyes, my ears, my mouth. The raging sound of the water masked the voice in my head that kept reminding me of what a fool I’d been. I’d been living in my very own romantic movie, a fantasy where the famous actor really did fall for the ordinary girl and they got to live happily ever after. You watch far too much telly, Evie Grant. Stepping out of the shower, I scrubbed my skin dry, pulling on my jeans and jumper, and then went back down to the kitchen. Kate was pouring hot water into two mugs.

  ‘Feeling better?’

  ‘A bit. Tell me something to take my mind off the mess I’ve made,’ I said, sliding onto one of the stools at the kitchen island. Kate pushed a jumbo-sized packet of Oreos in my direction and I took one. Okay, I took three, but I figured I deserved it after everything that had happened.

  ‘Um… you want the long version or the short version?’

  ‘Short version for the moment. I don’t have the energy for much else.’

  ‘Short version – I quit my job.’

  I almost dropped my mug. ‘You did what? Why would you do that?’

  ‘After you left for your date yesterday, Ryan stopped by. He said he wanted to make sure I was okay, but it turns out he’d made a major balls-up with that big client’s account I told you about and he wanted me to help him fix it so he wouldn’t get into trouble. Basically, he wanted me to lie for him.’

  ‘What a twat,’ I said. I resisted the urge to do my ‘told you so’ dance around the kitchen island; I wasn’t really in any position to judge someone else’s romantic life.

  ‘When I told him that I wouldn’t, he got angry, told me I was getting just like his wife. I lost it with him. I told him to go back to his wife and kids and I told him to shove his job up his arse.’

  ‘Wow. I don’t know what else to say, just, wow.’

  ‘Thanks. Actually, I’m feeling pretty good about it. It means I’ll have to come back home though. My employers sponsored my work visa, so without them I can’t stay here much longer. But I’m fine with that. I can spend more time with you and the kids.’

  ‘Sounds good to me,’ I said.

  ‘Your turn,’ said Kate. ‘Spill it. What happened?’

  I told her everything: about the museum, the bar, sleeping with Daniel, about the photos and how they might have ruined his career.

  ‘It was so stupid. I let myself get caught up in this fantasy romance. Why did I think any of this was a good idea? I should have trusted my instinct to run a mile in the opposite direction that first day. In fact, I should never have come here in the first place. Then everything would still be fine. Daniel wouldn’t have ruined his career for the sake of a quick shag with an old flame and I wouldn’t be the top story on the news!’

  Kate didn’t say anything. She drained the last of her tea and then went to put the mug in the sink. Her silence was infuriating. She came back and sat down across from me, putting her elbows on the table and resting her chin in her hands.

  ‘You are such an idiot,’ she said.

  ‘Me? What have I done?’

  ‘He’s Daniel Rober
ts, he has women falling at his feet. If all he wanted was a quick shag he could have picked anyone. He didn’t need to go to all the trouble of setting up a date in the museum, which sounds totally magical by the way. He didn’t need to follow you up and down Fifth Avenue while you acted like a maniac. I think he did all that because he genuinely cares for you. And deep down, I think you know that. You can’t pretend that none of it was real because it makes it easier for you.’

  ‘How does that make it easier for me?’

  Kate raised an eyebrow. ‘Because I know you and I know you’ve already decided that you’re going to run away from this. If you tell yourself that none of it was real, then it’s easier to leave it behind.’

  ‘That’s rubbish.’

  ‘Is it? I’m assuming Daniel asked you not to leave his hotel just now? Begged you to stay with him?’

  ‘Yes, but—’

  ‘Why would he do that if all he wanted was a quick uncomplicated roll in the hay?’

  ‘I don’t know.’

  ‘Yes, you do. Deep down you do.’

  ‘I promised I would call him later.’ I remembered the doubts I’d felt at the time about my ability to keep that promise and I realised my sister was right; I’d run away from Daniel with no intention of ever going back.

  ‘What am I going to do, Kate? I’ve ruined his career and then abandoned him. I’m a horrible person,’ I wailed, putting my head in my hands.

  Kate came around the island and put her arms around me. ‘You’re not a horrible person. You just really, really suck at this relationship stuff.’

  ‘Hey!’ I punched her on the arm.

  ‘Ow! I’m kidding. For what it’s worth I think Daniel really does have a thing for you. I also think that it’ll take more than a few paparazzi shots of him snogging you in the street to ruin his career.’

  ‘You think?’

  ‘I do. But you should have a think about why you’ve chosen to give up on your relationship with him so easily. It’s not like you; you’re a fighter. I’ve seen it for myself plenty of times.’

  ‘Maybe I’m tired of everything being a fight,’ I said. ‘Maybe, just once, I’d like something in my life to go right without having to fight for it.’

  ‘Oh, Evie. I just don’t want you to miss out on the chance of something great because you feel too scared or too guilty.’

  ‘I know. I just need a bit of time to think.’

  ‘Okay. I’m going to do some shopping, I’ll get us something nice for dinner.’

  ‘You’re going to cook?’

  Kate pondered this for a minute. ‘Maybe I’ll just buy a shit load

  of wine and we can order takeaway?’

  ‘Sounds good.’

  ‘You should call Daniel while I’m out. Does he like Chinese food?’

  ‘I’m not inviting him here. You’ll have paparazzi camped outside your building then. Derrick will not thank us for causing trouble like that.’

  ‘You’re probably right. I’ll be back in a bit, then.’ She grabbed her keys from the side and then she was gone. I didn’t want to sit in the apartment; I needed to get out. I left Kate a note saying I’d gone for a walk and I had my phone so not to panic.

  *

  I don’t know if I ever really intended to go for a walk; in my heart of hearts I knew where I was headed, and it was only around the corner. As I pushed open the door to Joe’s diner, I felt the now familiar rush of warmth and comfort, drawing me in and making me smile. I took a seat at the counter, just as I had the very first day I came here. Judy bustled over and wrapped her arms around me.

  ‘How ya doin’, sweetheart?’

  ‘I’m fine,’ I mumbled into her shoulder. ‘Why?’

  She pulled away from me and reached over the counter to grab something; it was her phone. She scrolled up the page and then turned it round to show me the picture.

  ‘I don’t normally pay much attention to this kinda thing but when it’s someone you know, well, that’s different. How dare they invade your privacy? It’s just wrong. Take a seat, honey, and I’ll fetch you some coffee.’ She hustled away, and I sat down at the counter. Some of the things that Kate had said to me were really starting to bug me; mainly because I knew she was right. Daniel could easily have found someone far less complicated, and undoubtedly a lot younger, than me to have a fling with. He’d gone out of his way to pursue me; why? Was it possible that he really did have feelings for me? If that was the case, why was I running away from the chance of something real? I was so confused, and I didn’t like it; it pissed me off.

  Judy came back with the coffee pot. ‘It must be so hard to have a normal life when someone’s watching your every move. No peace, no privacy. I tell ya, I couldn’t do it. Robert Redford could walk in here right now, fall to his knees and beg me to marry him and I’d still say no, thank you. Okay, maybe I’d sleep with him first but then I’d send him away.’

  Picturing Judy giving Robert Redford his marching orders made me laugh; I could totally see it.

  ‘Has there been anyone else for you? Since your husband was killed?’ I asked, perching myself on a stool at the counter. Judy shook her head.

  ‘No, not really. I’ve been on a few dates but nothing serious. I’m not really interested. Andy was the love of my life.’

  ‘I feel the same way about Tom. No one has ever come close.’

  ‘Not even Mr Famous Movie Star?’

  I didn’t have an answer to that question; not one I was comfortable with anyway. The thought of comparing anyone to Tom made me feel disloyal. Judy filled the mug in front of me with coffee.

  ‘But I ain’t saying no to the idea completely. Everyone needs someone, honey, and if your husband was half the man you say he was, he’d want you to be happy. Maybe you should give this guy a chance.’

  I shook my head. ‘His life is not for me. You said it yourself, no privacy, always having to watch what you do or say in case someone catches it on their smartphone and posts it online.’

  ‘I don’t think you’re giving yourself enough credit. You seem like a pretty tough cookie to me. I think you could handle it.’ Judy squeezed my arm and then wandered off in search of mugs to refill.

  Maybe I could handle that kind of attention; the question was, did I want to? I watched Judy go about her business, taking orders, clearing plates, and laughing with the customers. An elderly couple came in and took a seat in one of the booths by the window. The woman was wearing a smart camel coloured coat and carried a walking stick; her husband had on a grey overcoat and trilby hat. He helped his wife out of her coat before he took off his own, and then hung them on the coat rack by the door. He tipped his hat to me as he walked past and then took a seat next to his wife in the booth. Tom and I used to do that; other couples would sit across from each other, but we always sat side by side. It wasn’t a conscious thing, it just felt natural. I watched as the old man leaned in and whispered something in his companion’s ear; she slapped his arm playfully and giggled like a schoolgirl. Their shared joke enclosed them in their own little bubble. It made my heart ache to see them. I knew what I had to do. I pulled out my phone and found Daniel’s number. He answered after one ring.

  ‘We need to talk,’ I said.

  *

  We arranged to meet after the play that night. I told him I thought we should meet at his hotel, in his room, away from any more prying eyes, but as I rode the lift up to his suite I started to question my sanity. Going back to the room where we’d made love just the night before – what a fine idea, Evie, you stupid woman. Too late to turn back now though. The lift doors opened, and I stepped out onto his floor; he was already waiting for me at the door to his suite. I strode confidently towards him, my head held high. Be strong, Evie, I told myself. You know what you need to tell him so just do that and then leave. As I approached, he stepped back to let me in and then closed the door behind us.

  ‘Can I get you a drink or something?’ he asked.

  ‘No. I’m good.’


  He nodded. ‘Mind if I have one? I took the liberty of ordering a bottle of Barolo just in case you fancied joining me.’

  ‘I’m fine, thanks, but you go ahead.’

  I watched him pour a large glass of red and then he gestured for me to sit. I perched on the edge of the sofa.

  ‘You look poised to make a run for it at any second,’ he said, sadly. ‘Can’t wait to get away from me.’

  ‘That’s not it, Dan. I came here because I wanted to talk to you. I’m sorry I ran away earlier – that was childish of me. I need you to know that what’s happening between us is real. I care about you, Dan. I always have. You aren’t the only one who thought about what might have happened if you hadn’t left when you did. I’m not going to pretend I don’t have feelings for you.’

  The look of joy that swept across his face made my heart ache because I knew I was about to ruin it all. He put down his glass and came and sat on the coffee table in front of me; he took my hands in his and lifted them to his lips.

  ‘Christ, Evie, I’ve been going out of my mind ever since you left. I need you to know that you’re all that matters to me.’

  ‘Daniel, stop. Please, hear me out. I need you to understand something.’

  ‘What do you mean?’ He let go of my hands and sat back.

  ‘When those pictures appeared this morning, I pretended that it didn’t bother me, that it made no difference to me that my private life had been plastered across the front pages. But I lied; it does make a difference. I don’t want to live my life like that. I won’t.’

  ‘And being with me means that you’ll have to,’ he said quietly.

  ‘You should be with someone who understands all this.’ I gestured to the newspapers strewn across the coffee table. ‘How it works, how to play the game.’

  ‘I tried that already, remember? Didn’t work out too well.’ He stood and retrieved his glass of wine, taking a large mouthful.

  ‘Maria isn’t the only actress in the world. There’s someone out there for you.’