City of Second Chances

by Jane Lacey-Crane

  Kate gave me a disgusted look and then got up. ‘I’m going to get more wine. Want some?’

  I picked up my empty glass. ‘Always.’

  She wandered out to the kitchen. ‘Any more word from the kids?’ she called out.

  ‘Not since this morning. They’re probably both busy having fun. That’s a good thing.’

  When I’d told Grace and Sam that I was coming home with Kate and not spending Christmas in New York, they’d both immediately offered to cancel their plans to be with me, but I’d told them not to; I’d insisted actually. I knew I wasn’t really going to be in the mood for festivities – all I wanted was to hide away and eat cornflakes in my pyjamas. It was like hibernating. I was just waiting for spring, so I could emerge from my cave and start living my big, new life.

  *

  The morning after that disastrous committee meeting, I was woken by the sound of someone banging on my front door.

  Wrenching it open, I found my sister clutching a bottle of wine and a suitcase. Her car had been left askew on the road outside.

  ‘You’re here!’ I exclaimed. ‘How are you here already?’

  ‘I checked the forecast yesterday, it said snow was on the way, so I thought I’d better get over here before it arrived.’

  I stood there, looking at my amazing sister, and I felt the tears pricking my eyes.

  ‘I’m glad you’re happy to see me but can you let me in? I’ve been busting for a wee for the last twenty minutes.’

  ‘Oh, God, sorry.’ I stepped back to let her in and then closed the door behind her. I made a move to hug her, but she held up her hand.

  ‘Wee first, hug after.’ She thrust the bottle of wine into my hands and scuttled off towards the bathroom. I heard the bathroom door slam shut. ‘Oh, God, that’s much better,’ she cried. Smiling to myself, I headed into the kitchen to put the kettle on. I bustled around, setting two mugs and the teapot on the table. When Kate came in, she found me putting eggs on to boil.

  ‘I’m starving,’ she said. ‘I hope one of those is for me?’

  ‘Of course. Now sit down and tell me what you’ve been up to.’

  ‘Nothing much, just getting my business up and running.’ Kate was now working for herself, hiring out her considerable expertise at a fairly hefty rate. She was happy being her own boss and she only worked with companies that she liked. No more having to deal with the likes of Ryan Farina. I’d not seen her this happy in a long time. I poured our tea and fished out our eggs.

  ‘Can you get the toast out for me?’ I asked.

  ‘Are you making soldiers?’

  ‘What else do you eat with a boiled egg?’

  I buttered and sliced the toast and plopped the eggs into eggcups, setting the plates down on the table.

  ‘Are we all going to fit around this table on Christmas Day?’ She looked dubious.

  I laughed. ‘No. We’re going to eat downstairs. In the shop. There’s more room down there. I’m going to cook the food up here and then carry it downstairs. It’ll be lovely. I’ve got some gorgeous Christmas decorations up in there and by the time I’m done setting up the table, it’ll look like a Christmas card.’

  ‘That’s very organised of you. I love it – it’ll be wonderful.’

  I tapped the top of my egg, lifting off the fragment of shell and dumping it on my plate. ‘How’s everything with you, then? How’s work?’

  ‘It’s good, business is going great, very busy.’ I watched her dunk a toast soldier in her egg and then stuff it in her mouth. I knew she had more to tell me; I could see it in her face.

  ‘Spill the beans, little sister. What’s going on?’

  She swallowed her toast and then took a sip of her tea. ‘I met someone. Someone really nice. And not married.’

  ‘He sounds perfect already.’

  She took her phone out of her bag and showed me some pictures of the two of them together. She looked so happy.

  ‘That’s us in Hyde Park, Jason packed a picnic and we spent the whole day just lying on the grass and reading and talking. It was amazing. He’s just so lovely, so kind and considerate and so funny. He makes me laugh all the time.’

  ‘How long have you been together?’

  ‘A few months.’

  ‘How come I’m only hearing about him now?’

  ‘I didn’t want to jinx anything. It’s been going so well, and you know that it’s at that point I usually do something stupid to fuck it all up and stop him from getting too close.’

  ‘But you haven’t?’

  ‘Nope. And I’m not going to either. I’m done with all that keeping people at arm’s length crap.’

  ‘I’m so happy for you, I really am.’ We went back to eating our breakfast, but I knew what would be coming next.

  ‘What about you? Have you met anyone since you’ve been here? No hunky intellectuals perusing your shelves?’

  ‘How do you manage to make that sound dirty?’

  ‘It’s a gift. Don’t change the subject.’

  ‘No. I haven’t really been bothered with all that. Setting up the shop and sorting out the flat has kept me pretty busy. And I’m still writing.’

  ‘That’s wonderful, you should keep writing, you’re really good. But books won’t take you on a picnic or hold you in their arms until you fall asleep.’

  ‘I’m fine, really.’ I reached out and squeezed her arm to reassure her and then started clearing the table.

  ‘I have another confession to make.’

  ‘Oh, yeah, what’s that?’

  ‘I went to see Daniel’s play, in London. Jason got us tickets as a surprise. I couldn’t say no.’

  I took a deep breath and tried to keep my voice steady. ‘Of course not, I wouldn’t expect you to.’

  ‘He was brilliant. I couldn’t believe how good he was. All those crappy movies he’s made and then you see him on stage. He was just… mesmerising.’

  ‘I remember.’ Every little thing.

  ‘He won an award for it the other night – the ceremony was on the telly. Did you see it?’

  ‘No, I must have missed it.’

  That was a lie; I had watched it. And I’d cried when Daniel’s name had been announced as the winner, only to be disappointed when he wasn’t there to collect his award. I hadn’t realised until that moment how much I wanted to see him, even if it was only a quick glimpse on the telly.

  ‘I’m happy for him. He deserves it. It’s a great play.’

  ‘She’s not in it any more. Maria, I mean. Did you know that?’

  ‘No.’ I tried not to show any interest; I think I failed because Kate gave me her best knowing smile.

  ‘Apparently, after the first few weeks, some guy she’d been sleeping with sold his story to the press. She’d dumped him to come to London and he wasn’t happy. He spilled the beans on how she’d been shagging him whilst she was still with Daniel. Anyway, the press had a field day with that one and she just upped and flew back to LA. Her understudy stepped in and took over. Didn’t you know any of this?’

  I shook my head. ‘I don’t read newspapers any more. I’ve had enough dealings with the press to last me a lifetime.’

  ‘What about the Internet?’

  ‘Nope. I stick to reading books. I listen to the radio occasionally but that’s about it.’

  I’d developed a phobia of newspapers and Internet sites. The story of me and Daniel had followed me back from New York and, for a while, things had been tricky. But then a rather prominent politician had got caught with his trousers down, literally, and suddenly I hadn’t been front page news any more.

  ‘Probably just as well,’ said Kate, with a worried look on her face.

  ‘Why?’

  ‘You won’t have seen the pictures of Daniel and his new girlfriend doing the rounds.’

  I felt as if the ground had just slipped away from under me. Stop being stupid – you told him to go out and find someone and he did. ‘Who is she? Not that it matters, obviously.�
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  ‘The actress who replaced Maria in that play. Keeley Cutler. Stupid name. They were snapped at a restaurant the other night, looking very cosy, and then they left together.’

  I felt a bit sick. ‘I’m happy he found someone,’ I said, with a conviction I didn’t feel.

  ‘You are?’

  ‘Yes, why shouldn’t I be? I left him, remember?’

  ‘Yes, absolutely. As long as you’re really all right?’

  ‘I’m really all right. Now, I have to get ready and open up the shop.’

  I made it to my bedroom before I broke down. What the hell was wrong with me? Why was I so upset? Pull yourself together, woman. You made your choice, now live with it. I got dressed quickly and left Kate talking to a client on her phone; I was glad I didn’t have to talk to her about Daniel and his new romance.

  I went downstairs to open the bookshop. I didn’t think I’d ever get tired of the comforting smell of old paper that filled the air inside, or the sound of the bell tinkling above the door as it opened. I turned the shop sign around to ‘Open’ and then I sat and waited for my customers. Trade was slow but not bad. It had been better in the summer, but I wasn’t complaining. I always knew I was never going to make my fortune here and that was fine with me. I spent the morning fiddling around with my Christmas window display. I strung more fairy lights around the window frame. Mercury glass baubles of all shapes and sizes were suspended from an old tree branch that I’d sprayed white and hung in the window. I completed the look with a liberal dusting of fake snow; I was very proud of myself.

  I’d just finished serving a customer when Mrs Porter bounded in, the chunky beads of her necklace clacking in time with her steps.

  ‘You are a dark horse, Evie Grant.’

  ‘I’m sorry?’

  ‘It’s taken me a while, but I finally worked it out. I knew you looked familiar. The day you moved in I remember thinking, I know her from somewhere.’

  No, no, no – this can’t be happening. Not again.

  ‘You’re the woman who was having an affair with Daniel Roberts! I can’t believe you kept that quiet, all this time.’

  I took a deep, calming breath. ‘We weren’t having an affair. We were just friends. I’ve known him for a long time.’

  Mrs Porter looked disappointed. ‘But the papers said—’

  I interrupted her. ‘You shouldn’t believe everything you read, Mrs Porter.’

  I’d obviously taken all the wind out of her sails. ‘Well, I only mentioned it because we were talking the other day about trying to find a celebrity who’d switch on the lights at the festival. Maybe you could ask your friend?’

  ‘We don’t keep in touch any more, I’m afraid. I wouldn’t know how to get hold of him.’ This wasn’t a lie. I’d deleted his number and I had no way of getting in touch with him, even if I wanted to. Which I didn’t, obviously.

  ‘Well, that’s a pity. It would have been great fun to meet a real live movie star.’

  ‘Well, life is full of little disappointments, don’t you find?’ I came around the counter and practically shoved her out of the door. I checked my watch; it was almost four. Bollocks to it, I thought, I’m closing up early today. I flipped the sign over to ‘Closed’ and I pulled the blind down. By the time I’d cashed up the till, I was dreaming of a nice hot bath and a good book in bed. This dream was shattered by the sound of someone rattling the door handle. I stood completely still. I didn’t want them to hear me. They rattled again. It was no good, I was going to have to open the door.

  ‘Hang on a minute, I’m coming,’ I yelled, unable to hide the annoyance in my voice. I yanked the bolts back and then wrenched open the door.

  ‘Would you happen to have any good books about Ernest Hemingway?’

  It was Daniel.

  Twenty-Six

  ‘What are you doing here?’ I asked. Was I dreaming this?

  ‘I told you, I’m looking for a book.’ His smile made my heart feel as if it were about to burst.

  ‘Come in, quick, before someone sees you.’ I hustled him inside; the last thing I needed was for Mrs Bloody Porter to see him. Especially since I’d just got done telling her how I wasn’t even in touch with him any more.

  ‘The shop’s really great,’ he said. ‘I love it.’

  ‘Thanks. It’s not much but it’s home.’

  ‘You live here too?’

  ‘In the flat upstairs. It’s very handy for work. It suits me.’

  ‘You live alone? Sorry, that was rude. It’s none of my business.’

  ‘Yes, I live alone.’

  He nodded but didn’t speak and I took the opportunity to have my first proper look at him. He looked tired but still handsome. He had the collar of his coat turned up against the cold and he was wearing glasses. Now that was what I called a hunky intellectual, I thought, allowing myself a little smile.

  ‘What are you doing here, Daniel?’ I asked.

  ‘I don’t really know, to be honest. I was supposed to be going to the airport to catch a flight to Prague. I’ve been making a TV show there, for the BBC.’

  ‘That’s why you couldn’t pick up your award the other night,’ I said.

  ‘You watched that?’ He seemed flattered.

  ‘I had it on in the background whilst I was reading. I may have caught a few minutes of it.’

  ‘Right. What were you reading?’

  ‘Jane Eyre. For the umpteenth time.’

  ‘“I am no bird; and no net ensnares me: I am a free human being with an independent will.” One of your favourite quotes, I seem to recall.’

  ‘Nicely remembered, although I think you’d be better suited to playing the enigmatic Mr Rochester rather than the young Jane Eyre.’

  ‘You’re right.’ He walked around the shop, peering at the books, occasionally pulling one out to inspect it more closely. I watched him as he moved, so confident and at ease.

  ‘Why didn’t you go to the airport, then?’ I asked.

  He stopped moving and turned to face me.

  ‘Because it’s almost Christmas and everywhere I go I’m reminded of you, of what happened between us last year.’ He stepped closer to me and I became acutely aware of how small the bloody shop was; there was no escaping from him. But you don’t really want to escape from him, do you? He was so close I could have reached out and touched his face, but I stopped myself. What good would it do?

  ‘Tell me you haven’t been thinking about it too. Tell me that and I’ll go, right now.’ His eyes searched my face, looking for a reply. Stop this, Evie, stop it right now. I stepped out of his reach and he looked hurt.

  ‘I see you took my advice. About finding someone who was better suited to your way of life.’ Why was that sneer in my voice? Daniel looked surprised.

  ‘No, there’s been no one since you.’

  I laughed. ‘No one for a whole year?’

  ‘No. You?’

  ‘No.’

  ‘Still haven’t found anyone to compare with Tom?’

  How dared he? ‘That was a cheap shot. I think you’d better leave now.’

  He grabbed my hand. ‘God, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean that… bloody hell… this isn’t going the way I thought it would. Please, I shouldn’t have said that. I’m so sorry.’

  ‘It’s fine. But I think you should go. I don’t know what you want from me, Dan.’

  ‘I need your help.’

  ‘With what?’

  ‘I need you to run some lines with me.’ He gave me a serious look that belied the twinkle in his eyes.

  ‘Okay, now you’re just taking the piss.’

  ‘I’m not. I’m starting rehearsals for a new play at the National Theatre and I thought, who better to help me with my lines? You’ve done it before.’ He was grinning like an idiot; was he serious?

  ‘What’s the play?’ I asked.

  ‘Cat on a Hot Tin Roof.’

  I couldn’t help myself – I punched him on the arm. ‘No way!’

  ‘Yep.
That’s how we first met, remember?’

  I did, I remembered every minute of all the time we’d spent together. I hadn’t realised it until that moment. I’d kept it all locked away, afraid that by bringing it out into the light, I would be disloyal to Tom. But I didn’t feel that way any more; my acknowledgment of my feelings for Daniel wasn’t a betrayal of my feelings for Tom. It didn’t diminish their importance if I finally acknowledged that Daniel had found a place in my heart long before I’d even met Tom.

  ‘So, will you help me? No one knows this play better than you do.’

  ‘Won’t Keeley help you?’ The words were out of my mouth before I could stop them.

  ‘Keeley who?’

  ‘Your girlfriend.’

  ‘Have you been reading the papers again? I told you before, I only need to be pictured stood next a woman and the story is I’m shagging her. The pictures of us currently doing the rounds were from a dinner we went to for the whole cast and crew when we finished the play. Everyone was there, including Keeley’s husband. Who’s a very nice chap and a former Royal Marine, so there’s no way I’d want to be doing anything to upset him.’

  ‘Oh,’ I said, sounding pathetic, ‘I just thought that…’

  ‘I told you, there’s been no one since you.’

  I could tell he meant it and the sense of relief that swept through me when I realised only served to strengthen my feelings about something I’d been trying to deny for a long time. I didn’t want him to be with someone else; no matter what I’d told him before. And I didn’t want to lie about how I felt any more. ‘I need to tell you something, ‘I said, ‘I think I’m—’

  ‘Evie! What’s for dinner? Are we going out?’ Kate’s voice preceded her as she came down the back stairs that led into the shop from my flat above. ‘Oh, sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt…’

  Daniel turned to face her, and she stopped mid-apology. ‘Wow!’ she said. That was all she could manage.

  Daniel went over to her and shook her hand. ‘Hi, I’m Daniel.’

  ‘Yes,’ she squeaked, ‘it’s lovely to meet you.’ She looked over to me and then back to him. ‘I’m… um… God, who am I?’ She giggled nervously and I rolled my eyes.