MERLOT AND DIVORCE AND DEADLY REMORSE

by Jodi Vaughn

  We had already missed Sunday School when we pulled into the parking lot. Secretly, I was grateful. I wasn’t sure I could sit in a confined space with people I had once considered my friends and pretend that I was okay.

  I cringed as I stepped out of the car, without my wide-brimmed hat. I did wear my oversized sunglasses and a cream-colored dress with long sleeves to protect my arms. I’d straightened my black hair and let it hang around my face, and I’d carefully applied my makeup and chose a muted palette. I wanted to blend in and not draw too much attention to myself. Maybe people would just leave me alone.

  The girls got out of the car, and we hurried to the front door of First Baptist Church of Charming.

  A few other people were still going inside, so I knew we weren’t late for the church service.

  I gazed up at the gold cross sitting on top of the ornate steeple. Suddenly, my mouth went dry.

  Khalan had already told me that a cross wouldn’t hurt me, but he’d never really clarified about me going into a church itself.

  What if I couldn’t go inside? What if I needed an invitation? What if I was stuck outside like an idiot while people filed past me?

  All the late-night vampire movies I’d watched swirled around in my head.

  A bead of sweat popped up on my upper lip, and I felt like I was melting.

  “Hello, Rachel.” Bran Clemons, our Sunday School teacher, stood at the door. He must have gotten pulled for welcome duty today.

  “Hi, Bran.” I forced a smile. “We seem to be running late. Sorry we missed Sunday School.”

  “It happens. We barely made it here ourselves. Please come in.” He smiled and waved me inside.

  I relaxed when he didn’t try to make more small talk and hurried inside with my girls.

  I glanced down at Arianna, who was wearing a pretty cream and pink maxi dress and flats. I never really had a problem trying to get Arianna to dress up for church. But Gabby was another story.

  She was wearing a gray, cotton dress with a cat face on the front. It was cute but not very dressy. I had learned to pick my battles, and clothing was one thing I had to compromise on.

  We walked into the sanctuary, and I was glad for the big stained-glass windows. It made the place a little darker.

  The church was already crowded, and people were sitting in our usual row. I was forced to walk up the aisle to a pew in the second row.

  “I hate sitting in the front. The preacher can tell I’m coloring,” Gabby groused.

  “Shush.” I herded them into the pew and sat. An elderly woman I couldn’t put a name to was seated at the end of the row and smiled at me.

  It was official. I was in the old people seating area.

  “Ugh. Smells like Bengay.” Arianna grimaced.

  “Arianna, keep your voice down,” I whispered loudly. I had caught a whiff of the smell, as well.

  This was going to be one long sermon.

  I was uneasy the whole time we sang hymns. I felt like I shouldn’t be here. That I didn’t belong anymore.

  My foster parents had always taken me to church. I had grown up in the country, and I was taken to church twice on Sunday and once on Wednesday. It was where I learned to be accepted for who I was. Back then, the church seemed different. When someone was sick or there was a death, the people in the church always rallied around the family. I could remember my foster parents even taking care of the neighbors’ cows for them when the husband was called up for duty and had to go overseas.

  It seemed to be a place of understanding and acceptance, but more than that, it was a family.

  I shoved my sunglasses into my purse and snuck glances at the people around me.

  The choir wore bright purple robes with gold sashes. They were all singing with smiles on their faces. Just last month, Carla had been among them. Last month, Carla had had a reason to smile.

  As I looked around the large sanctuary, it made me wonder: were people just really good at pretending to have the perfect life?

  After the singing, we all sat, and Gabby snuggled into my side. I smiled and wrapped an arm around her, pulling her close.

  Arianna stifled a yawn behind her hand, and I wondered just how late she had stayed up at her friend’s house.

  The preacher stepped forward and told us to turn to our Bibles.

  I reached for the one in the back of the pew since I had forgotten mine.

  As my fingers found the right verse, I closed my eyes, said a prayer, and hoped that God could still hear me.

  Chapter 29

  The sermon ended. I had struggled to keep my eyes open the entire time. I had not, however, made it through the service with a couple of yawns and the overwhelming urge to lay down on the pew and go to sleep.

  We walked down the aisle towards the door. Only a few more steps until I could get in my car and drive home.

  My heel snagged on the carpet. I stumbled and felt myself launch forward. I grabbed the side of the nearest pew before I could faceplant.

  “Are you all right, Mommy?” Gabby frowned at me.

  “Yes.” I looked down at the carpet but didn’t see anything that might have caught my heel. “I just caught my heel on something I suppose.” I looked around, thankful that the majority of people had their backs to me and hadn’t witnessed the humiliating scene.

  I was more tired than I realized. I needed to get home and get some sleep.

  As everyone filed out of the church, I held Gabby’s hand.

  “Ah, Rachel.” Pastor Kittle smiled and reached out his hand for me. I shook it. “So good to see you in church.”

  I bristled at the comment. We rarely missed church except for sickness or me having a breakdown over the exposure of Miles’ affair.

  “Gabby had a fever last weekend. That’s why we weren’t here.” I lifted my chin.

  “Well, I see she’s feeling better now.” He rubbed the top of her head. She frowned and tried to duck away.

  “Yes, well. Have a good day,” I said before urging my children out the door. I slid my sunglasses over my sensitive eyes before stepping outside.

  I yawned again and headed to my car. Once inside the safety of the Volvo, I sank into the seat and closed my eyes.

  “Are we going out to eat today?” Arianna called out from the backseat.

  It was our custom on Sundays to eat out after church. Usually, Miles and I would take the girls to a restaurant, visit with friends, and have a meal where I didn’t have to cook. Then we would go home, the girls would play or watch movies, and Miles and I would have an adult nap.

  “I’m not feeling so good right now, honey. Why don’t we go home and order a pizza and watch movies?” I rubbed my temple as I started the car. I put it into drive and pulled out of the parking lot.

  “Can we order whatever kind we want?” Arianna asked.

  “Yes.”

  “Anything?” Gabby asked slowly.

  “Yes, anything.” I was barely hanging on. I needed to get home, and quick.

  “Don’t say that,” Arianna huffed. “The last time you told us we could order anything on our pizza, Gabby asked for a pepperoni pizza topped with dragon scales. They hung up on us, and I had to call back.”

  “Anything but dragon scales, honey.” I glanced at Gabby in my rearview mirror. She crossed her arms and frowned.

  “But I want dragon scales. If I eat them, maybe I can turn into a fire-breathing dragon and slay all my enemies with my breath.”

  “You can do that already when you wake up in the morning,” Arianna retorted.

  “Arianna is in charge of ordering the pizza. You can have whatever, just nothing weird.”

  Arianna smiled, pleased with my decision.

  Gabby frowned at her sister but didn’t continue to argue. For that, I was grateful.

  I yawned as I pulled into the garage. Thankfully, Arianna had pulled out her cell phone to order the pizza while we were driving home. I knew I wouldn’t have to wait long before it arrived, and then I could fall in
to bed.

  “Why don’t we watch TV?” Gabby said.

  “Everyone change out of your church clothes first. I’m going to put on my comfy clothes.” I managed to make it to the closet before crumpling to the floor in a heap.

  The next thing I remembered was Arianna calling my name and trying to shake me awake.

  I forced my heavy eyes open and looked up at my daughter.

  “Mom, are you okay? Did you faint?” Her eyes were wide with worry.

  “No, honey. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you.” I yawned again. “I think I might be coming down with something. I’m just so tired.” I pushed myself up on my elbows and took a deep breath.

  I needed to get it together before I sent Arianna over the edge.

  She needed to feel safe and secure, not scared and vulnerable.

  I got to my feet just as the doorbell rang.

  “Do you want me to get the money out of your purse?” Arianna asked.

  I pushed through my tiredness and gave her what I hoped was a reassuring smile. “No, honey, I’ll pay for it. You and Gabby go find a movie for us to watch.” I grabbed my purse off the kitchen table and pulled out some bills.

  I opened the door. Startled, I froze.

  “Carla? What are you doing here?” My gaze drifted down to the pizza she was holding in her hand. “Did they deliver my order to your house by mistake?”

  She held out the box, and I took it.

  “No. I’m working part-time delivering pizza.” Her face turned red with embarrassment. “Since Cal’s been in jail, I’ve had to spend our savings on his defense. So, I decided I needed to start bringing in some income if I don’t want to be homeless.”

  Despite my overwhelming urge to fall down and take a nap, my gut clenched for the woman.

  “Oh, Carla.”

  She looked at me and shrugged. “I figured it would be better for me to deliver on Sunday, so I didn’t have to go to church and face everyone.”

  “But what about when people get home after church?”

  She shrugged. “Oh, everyone usually goes out to eat on Sunday. Except you, Rachel.”

  Her words hit home.

  She was right. Both of our lives had changed so drastically over the last few weeks. She was married to a murderer, and I was married to a cheater.

  In a way, I thought that Carla had it easier. At least she didn’t have to see Cal if she didn’t want to.

  I, on the other hand, had to suck it up and play nice with Miles. At least until the divorce was over and everything was settled.

  “Thanks, Carla.” I dug around in my purse and gave her another forty dollars for a tip.

  “But this is too much.” Her mouth dropped.

  “No, it isn’t. If I had more, I would give it to you.” I smiled and shut the door.

  At least I had made one person’s day a little brighter. If only for a brief moment.

  Chapter 30

  I checked the clock on my cell phone again. The house appraiser was supposed to be here thirty minutes ago. It was getting close to ten o’clock, and I had to get some rest before picking the girls up from school.

  I was on the last of my cow’s blood and would have to make a trip to Happy Acres tomorrow. I had already called, and Earl had assured me he would be home.

  “Finally.” The doorbell chimed, and I hurried to the front of the house.

  I opened the door. I was meet by a very handsome older gentleman with salt and pepper hair. He was wearing a gray suit and a black tie. Under his arm was a clipboard.

  “Hello. I’m Stanley Mayer. I’m here to appraise your house, Mrs. Jones.” He held out his hand.

  “Nice to meet you, Stanley. Please, call me Rachel.” I shook his hand. I opened the door wider and allowed him inside. “Come on in.”

  “Sorry I was late. I had to fix the flat on my wife’s car.” He wiped his forehead with a white handkerchief that he pulled out of his suit pocket. He seemed to be the kind of man who wore a suit and tie every day to work.

  “Completely understandable. Would you like some coffee or water before you start?”

  “That’s very kind of you. But no, thank you.”

  I crossed my arms over my chest. “I’ve never had the house appraised before. Is there anything you need me to do? Follow you around? Answer questions?”

  “That’s not necessary. I prefer to go around the house from room to room on my own.” He gave me a smile. “I’ll just begin so I can get out of your hair quicker.”

  Sounded good to me. I had better things to do. Like sleep.

  I headed into the kitchen while he went to my bedroom. I had warmed up some blood and put it in my Starbucks cup to sip while Stanley was here.

  After what seemed like an eternity, Stanley walked into the kitchen. He smiled as he walked around and examined the countertops and the wood floors. Then he went into the girls’ rooms to continue his examination of the house.

  I downed the blood and rinsed out my cup. The paper crumbled under the water.

  “Damn.” I had been using the cup whenever I went out in daylight, and I had known it wouldn’t last long with washing it out all the time.

  It was the last cup I had. I would have to make another run to the coffee shop to get another supply of paper cups to hide my substance abuse.

  When Stanley walked back into the kitchen, he peered out of the kitchen door and then scribbled something on his clipboard.

  When he was finished, he turned to me and nodded. “Okay, Mrs. Jones. I think I’m finished.”

  “Can you tell me how much the house appraised for?”

  “I’m afraid I can’t do that. But I’ll give my report to both of your attorneys. I’m sure they will be in touch.”

  I walked him to the door.

  After he’d left, I fell into bed.

  Chapter 31

  I dropped the kids off at school and headed to Happy Acres to pick up some more moo juice. It sounded better than admitting that I was drinking blood. Even animal blood.

  I pulled up to the front of Earl’s house and killed the engine.

  There were cars in the front yard that I had not seen before. I slapped my hat on my head along with my sunglasses and slid out of the car.

  I frowned when I heard loud voices coming from the barn. I started walking in that direction. When I reached the structure, I came to an abrupt halt. There was a small crowd of animal activists with picket signs marching in front of the entrance to the barn, and they were all chanting.

  “STAND UP FOR FARM ANIMALS”

  “THERE’S NO EXCUSE FOR ANIMAL ABUSE.”

  “FREE BESSIE.”

  I half expected Khalan to be among the group.

  Earl peered out from the safety of the barn. His face was pale, and his eyes were wide with fear. His wife, Emma, was a little more fearless. She stepped out from behind Earl and propped her hands on her hips.

  “This here is private property. Y’all need to git!”

  The group was determined and continued their chanting while holding their signs with a cartoon cow and a big circle with a line drawn through it.

  This was not good. And it was messing up my opportunity to get some of Bessie’s blood.

  I stepped forward, and one of the activists stepped out of line and made their way to me.

  “Are you from the TV station? We called the TV station to tell them we were on our way over here.” The woman had mousy brown hair in a bowl cut. She wore tiny glasses that she kept shoving up on the bridge of her nose, and she was dressed all in black.

  “I’m not from the TV station.”

  Her eyes narrowed on me. “Are you with them?” She almost hissed like a snake.

  My gaze skittered over to Earl and his wife.

  “You must be here to slaughter those poor, innocent animals.” The woman looked over her shoulder at her peers. “Everyone, we have a cow killer.”

  Everyone stopped chanting and began rushing towards me.

  “Wait
, what? I’m not a killer.” I took off for my car, but I was flanked by two angry-looking people who were holding out their picket signs like swords, ready to strike me down with one whack.

  I changed direction and headed towards the house. I made it to the porch and reached for the front door. Thankfully, it wasn’t locked.

  I slammed the door in the crazy woman’s face.

  “You crazy people get off my property before the cops arrive.” Emma came running around the house with a pitchfork.

  “We’re not leaving until you free the cows. They are nature’s land whales!” one man cried out.

  I turned the deadbolt and leaned against the door.

  My heart was pounding in my chest like a jackhammer.

  I was tired. Deprived of blood. And trapped in a house full of animal activists who wanted to skewer me alive.

  Not exactly how I’d planned for the day to go.

  “Here’s our chance! Free the cows!” someone cried.

  I tugged the lace curtain aside and peered out the window.

  The crowd had vacated the porch and were now running over to the where the cows were fenced in. Emma chased them with her pitchfork. I assumed Earl was still hiding in the barn. Someone unlocked and swung open the gate.

  “Run free! You are all now free!!”

  “Get away from my cows, you idiots!” Emma chased around a man who was swatting at the pitchfork with his picket sign.

  I looked back at the cows, expecting them to stampede out of there. Instead, they stood inside the fence, chewing on grass and watching the whole thing go down.

  Approaching sirens turned my attention back to the dirt driveway. Two patrol cars pulled up with their blue and red lights flashing.

  I ducked away from the window and tried to calm my racing heart. I heard Earl yelling, and then his wife. I snuck another glance out the window.

  “You’re free! It’s your destiny to be free!” Two of the activists were trying to urge one of the cows out of the fenced-in area. One was trying to pull it by its head, while the other was shoving its backend.

  The cow mooed and then kicked the person doing the shoving. The guy went flying a few feet and landed with a thud on the ground.