Dirty Like Zane: A Dirty Rockstar Romance (Dirty, Book 6)

by Jaine Diamond

  “Yeah,” I agreed. “Or something.”

  He eyed me sidelong. “But you’ve been doing really good. You know, giving up pot.”

  “Thanks.”

  “And if Maggie’s gonna put up with you, hey, you’re one lucky son-of-a, right?”

  “Yup.” We’d already talked about that, actually. About a week after I’d kicked weed, when maybe he felt certain enough that he wasn’t gonna send me spiraling off a cliff by coming down on me, Jesse had told me exactly what he thought of me marrying Maggie in Vegas and keeping it a secret from him all this time.

  And putting Maggie through what I did the night I took off into the desert with Seth.

  And all the times he’d seen me at some party with some chick who wasn’t Maggie in the time since I’d married her.

  If memory served, he’d dropped the word asshole a few hundred times.

  Not sure what else there was to say about it.

  “So, uh… what I’m saying is…” he went on, looking anywhere but at my face, “I know you’ve been working hard. Taking care of yourself. Going to meetings and keeping clean and taking shit seriously. We can all feel it, and it definitely shows onstage. To be honest, I never would’ve thought you could get any better than you already were at what you do, but you actually have.”

  I stared at him, taking that in, and he finally looked me in the eye. “Thanks, man.”

  “You miss it?” he asked me.

  “What, the devil’s lettuce?”

  He smirked at the term.

  “Yeah. Sometimes. The ritual of it. The habit, more than the high, maybe.”

  He nodded like he understood, but I was pretty sure he didn’t. Jesse had never had any issues with drugs or booze.

  “Clean and sober is good on you, Zane,” he said after a moment. “And when I think about it, I can’t really remember the last time you showed up somewhere with some random chick on your arm. It’s been a long while. And from what I gather from Katie, Maggie wants this. She wants you. So you must be doing something right there. I guess I’m trying to tell you I’m proud of you… and all that stuff.”

  Wow. Watching Jesse Mayes squirm his way through a heart-to-heart? Awesome and painful at the same time.

  “Thanks, brother. You really don’t have to say all this.”

  “Sure I do.”

  I put him out of his misery and gave him a damn hug. Which felt pretty awkward in the back of a car. Plus, he was wearing his sexy-ass leather pants, and we were both in short sleeves so there was some definite skin-on-skin. Only saving grace was I knew it was more awkward for him, so I made sure it lasted a little too long.

  “You’re shit at this,” I told him. “You know that, right?”

  He pushed me away. “Just want you to know I love you and all that shit. Always have.”

  “Yeah. Same here.”

  “I know I rarely say it. But it doesn’t mean I don’t feel it. You know, half the time I’m pissed at you because I envy you.”

  “I know that, brother.” I punched him lightly on the shoulder. Sure, I’d taunted the dude relentlessly over the many years of our friendship, goading him to admit just that. But hearing him say it out loud? I could let him off the hook. Truth was, I’d always envied him, too. “Guess we can both be douchecanoes.”

  “Huh?”

  “That’s what you called me this morning, right?”

  “Uh, that was uberdouche. Can’t really take credit for that one, though. Katie called me that, few days ago, when I looked at her sketchbook without asking.” He rubbed the back of his neck the way he only did when he was anxious. “She hates when I do that shit.”

  “So stop doing it.”

  “Yeah. She was, uh, pretty mad.”

  I stared at him. He actually looked pretty bent out of shape about it. “I didn’t think you guys fought like that.”

  “We don’t. I still feel bad about it.”

  “So, go tell her you love her and you’ll do anything to fix it.”

  He blinked at me, looking halfway stunned. As if I had no clue how to talk to a woman or something.

  “What? It’s not hard. You just look in those big blue eyes of hers and admit you made a mistake.”

  “Christ. Are you giving me relationship advice now?”

  “Yeah. Think I just did.”

  Jesse groaned, maybe realizing his love life was in serious danger. He looked out the window as we moved through traffic. After a moment, he said, “They’re blue-green.”

  “What?”

  “Katie’s eyes. They’re blue-green. They’re kind of like a turquoise color.”

  “Uh-huh.”

  He looked at me. “You never noticed that?”

  “Would you want me to notice that?”

  He just shrugged and looked lost.

  “What’s up with you?”

  “Nothing.”

  Right.

  “She’s, uh, been kinda moody lately,” he said.

  And I actually got a bit worried. Something was definitely off.

  “What’s going on between you two?”

  “Nothing. She’s gonna kill me for telling you, but… she’s pregnant.”

  I stared at him. Maybe I was waiting for the punchline for a moment or two… until it kicked in that he was serious.

  And the fucking relief hit me.

  “Holy shit. Jesse, man.” I gave him another hug. “Thought you were gonna tell me your marriage was falling apart or some shit. But… shit.”

  “Yeah. You can stop hugging me, though.”

  “Is this a good thing?” I let him go with a little shove, and a smile crept slowly across his face.

  “Yeah. It’s a very good thing. She just doesn’t want to talk about it yet. We just found out yesterday, and she says she wants to get through the first trimester before we tell anyone. She’s only six weeks along and she’s pretty paranoid something’s gonna go wrong because it took us over a year to get her pregnant. I keep telling her that’s not gonna work on tour, that everyone’s gonna find out somehow. You know, close quarters and all that. She already cracked and told Maggie yesterday.”

  “Maggie knows?”

  “Yeah. She gave Katie a bottle of champagne, and since Katie couldn’t drink it, she totally broke. Girl can’t lie to anyone. She’s gonna keep cracking for sure.” He sighed and rubbed a hand over his face. “Anyway, I’m a shit husband. I already broke and told Jude last night, and I’m pretty sure when we get out of this car I’m gonna go blab to Brody.”

  I laughed and gave his shoulder another shove. “Shit, brother. Everyone’s gonna know by the end of the night. You know that, right?”

  “Yeah. Probably. Just don’t tell anyone, okay? I’m hoping Katie will just keep caving so it’s not all my fault. She’s been emotional lately and I don’t want it raining down on me. I’m still hoping to get laid sometime before this baby comes…”

  I shook my head. Normally, I might’ve loved to hear about Jesse Mayes’ problems getting laid, but I was pretty fucking sure he was kidding about that. “Jesus. It’s raining babies…” First Brody and Jessa, then Seth and Elle… and now Jesse and Katie? “Some crazy shit in the water around here, huh?”

  “Yeah,” he said, kinda smirking at me. “Think it’s called love.”

  That night at the Detroit show, I was beyond stoked. By the time we were about to play our final pre-encore song of the night, the crowd was all hyped up and my spirits were through the fucking roof. As soon as we finished “Come Lately,” I told the audience, “We’re gonna wrap up here with a special song tonight, for a special woman.”

  Then I gave Jude the cue; he was standing at the back corner of the stage where I could just see him.

  “We’re gonna play a song right now by this little band called The Beatles, who influenced me in a big way when I was young and pretty sure I’d never end up in a place like this, singing for all you beautiful people.”

  The crowd roared their approval, and I looked out
over the audience, where what looked like a million cell phones were lit up in the dark.

  “Some of you may have read some shit online or wherever that I got married two years ago in Vegas.” The crowd answered with a mixture of screams and cheers and boos. “And it’s true. I married this incredible woman.” More screams. “This is gonna embarrass the shit out of her. But too bad, right?” I turned toward the back of the stage. “Come on out here, Maggie.”

  She was standing in the shadows at the edge of the stage, Jude standing behind her so she couldn’t bolt. He’d managed to get her out here, even though she was shaking her head at me.

  At least she looked too embarrassed and petrified to be mad at me right now.

  Katie and Amber were right there with her, flanking her, which wasn’t my idea, but it was a good one. Katie took Maggie’s hand and pretty much dragged her out onstage, Amber following, clinging to Maggie’s other hand and looking about as uncomfortable as Maggie did.

  I waved them over to me, center-stage, as a couple of crew guys ran out with folding chairs, setting them up in a row for the girls. The three of them held hands while the crowd roared. Katie was grinning, Amber was wearing the hint of a nervous smile, and Maggie had her fist to her mouth.

  “You ready for this, babe?” I asked into the mic, and Maggie just shook her head once… No.

  Katie giggled and put an arm around her. There was a sparkle of tears in Amber’s eyes, but she gave me a little nod of approval as she gripped Maggie’s hand.

  “Take a seat,” I told them. The crew had disappeared and the girls sat down, Maggie in the middle.

  I walked around behind them so they couldn’t hide behind me, and I stood behind Maggie. I lifted my hand high over her head and pointed down at her. “This is my lovely wife, Maggie.”

  My wife was definitely covering part of her face with her fist, and Katie laughed as the crowd screamed and applauded.

  I pointed down at Katie next. “If you don’t know who this is, you’ve been living under a rock or something. This is Katie Mayes.”

  Katie gave a little wave and Jesse played a hot little riff on his guitar that made Katie laugh again.

  “And this,” I said, pointing at Amber, “is Dirty’s tour photographer, and girlfriend of this guy named Dylan Cope.” Dylan did a little drum roll and a couple of cymbal crashes.

  The crowd thundered their excitement, people clapping and whistling for the girls as anticipation of the final song built.

  I walked around beside the girls, so Maggie could see me, and said, “This one’s for you, Maggie May.”

  I glanced over at Jesse, who grinned at me. Seth and Matt and Dylan were all in position, waiting.

  Then I belted out, “OOOH! DARLING…!” and the band launched into our cover of The Beatles’ “Oh! Darling.”

  Katie and Amber applauded as I serenaded Maggie, smiling all the way. Maggie just sat there with her fist pressed to her mouth for pretty much the whole song, her gray eyes glistening.

  Seth and Jesse came over and stood on either side of the girls as they played. Through the whole song, I sang my ass off for Maggie with heart, soul, and tongue-in-cheek, and I put everything I felt for her into it.

  We were in a stadium with over forty thousand people… but for a few moments there… it was just us.

  Maggie.

  Me.

  I sang until Katie was crying though her smile and a tear streaked down Amber’s cheek. They both had an arm around Maggie, who just sat there looking stunned.

  At the end of it, the roar of the crowd was pretty much deafening. Katie flung herself into Jesse’s arms and Amber bolted in the direction of Dylan’s drum kit.

  Maggie got up a little slower, looking unsteady. I scooped her up into my arms as the stage lights went down.

  “You mad at me?” I said into her ear. I knew it was a risk, that she might be. We didn’t talk about this. We never agreed this was the way we were going public.

  But fuck it. This was a huge part of who I was, and she was just gonna have to get used to it.

  Maggie made plans, and I loved her for that.

  But sometimes… I just had to go rogue.

  Not like she didn’t know it when she married me.

  She snuggled into me, holding me tight. “No, Zane,” she said in my ear. “I’m not mad.”

  Well thank fuck…

  We headed offstage and I pulled her into a dark corner backstage, ignoring everyone else. She was still clinging to me. I slid my mouth over hers, and we just stood like this for a long time. We kissed and kissed, murmuring I love you back and forth, until I had to go back out onstage.

  “I gotta go kick ass on ‘Blackout,’” I told her. “But I’ll see you here after the encore.”

  “Yeah,” she said. “See you here.”

  Then we kissed again, and I let her go, heading back out to the stage. When I glanced back, Maggie was still there. She gave me a little wave and a look of raw wonder with tears in her eyes.

  Pretty sure it was the first time my “rock star” status had ever actually dazzled her.

  I just grinned to myself.

  It was also the first time I could remember ever walking out onstage feeling so damn happy… I didn’t even have any room left to feel self-doubt or any of that other mindfuckery.

  Just happy.

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  Maggie

  Six weeks later…

  “Katie, seriously. Let’s get this show on the road.”

  I glanced back at her but she was playing on her phone, yet again.

  Fuck me.

  I sat down on the stairs this time.

  We were at the Crystal, on the fabulous sweeping staircase in the hotel lobby that led up to the second floor and the ballroom, and Katie had stopped again. It was taking us like ten minutes to get up half a flight of stairs.

  “Just a sec…”

  “Who the hell is it?”

  “Um. It’s Jessa.”

  “Please don’t tell me she’s running late.”

  “Nope.”

  “Good.” I sighed and checked my phone. Seven-thirteen.

  I was supposed to have Katie here at seven o’clock, and for some reason she was really dragging her heels.

  As the guest of honor at this thing, she was acting really weird.

  Now that Dirty had reached the end of the North American leg of the tour and we were all home for a few days following the Vancouver show, we were having a little party for Jesse and Katie, to celebrate their big news—that Katie was pregnant. She was three months along now and everyone had known for a while, but it just seemed like a good time to celebrate it.

  Jessa, being Katie’s sister-in-law, had the honor of handling most of the planning, including booking out the beautiful ballroom at the Crystal for the party. Probably a bigger room than was necessary, but I was sure the party would be top-notch.

  I mean, I could only guess.

  I was still trying not to be disgruntled about the fact that I wasn’t asked to help plan the party.

  At all.

  Because, you know, it wasn’t like planning was my thing or anything. Seemed like everyone had forgotten about that particular talent of mine, because no one seemed to want my input. On anything.

  I wasn’t hurt about it, but I was kinda hurt.

  At least I’d been able to keep myself busy.

  Officially, we all had a few days off before we left for Europe, but the women’s shelter I volunteered at whenever I was home didn’t exactly take days off. I was always welcome there, and I’d put in some long hours the last few days—which had helped keep my mind off the whole party thing.

  Still killed me just a little that all that planning was going on and I wasn’t a part of it.

  “Okay,” Katie said, finally. “We’re good to go.”

  “Alrighty.” I got to my feet and up we went the last several steps to the big hallway outside the ballroom. Giant set of ornate double doors, closed, a
nd total silence from inside, but maybe the doors were soundproofed? Definitely didn’t sound like there were a few dozen people in there waiting for us.

  And no sign whatsoever of Jesse. Wasn’t he supposed to meet us at the door?

  It was more than a little weird, actually, that we hadn’t run into anyone on our way in. Not one party guest in the lobby.

  And I was starting to get this horrible feeling on Katie’s behalf…

  What if everyone was running late? Or something had gone wrong?

  They really should’ve had me involved in planning this thing. Maybe they’d know better now, for next time. Good thing; if I was shut out of planning Jessa’s bridal shower this summer, it was gonna get ugly.

  I paused just outside the doors, feeling weird about this. Where was Jesse? Zane was supposed to bring him.

  “Just a sec, okay?”

  “Sure.” Katie stood dutifully by while I typed furiously on my phone, sending a text to Zane: Where the fuck are you?

  He replied almost instantaneously, at least.

  Zane: we’ll be there

  I showed the message to Katie and she smiled a little awkwardly.

  Fuck. This party was all fucked-up. I could feel it. Something was way off, and it wasn’t my fault, but now I was gonna have to help fix it. I just hoped Katie’s feelings weren’t hurt when it all fell apart…

  I sighed to myself and opened the door.

  And stared.

  Okay…

  So maybe it wasn’t falling apart?

  The room was full of people. Like, many dozens of people. Way more than I thought were coming to this thing.

  I’d stopped short, and Katie nudged me into the room. I stood aside to let her in, but she hooked her arm through mine and we walked in together.

  And… wow.

  Apparently they didn’t need my help planning.

  Everyone was on their feet, staring at us. I could see catering staff standing by at the edges of the room in crisp uniforms, and some of Dirty’s security team in the shadows. Antique furniture, tables laid out with food, and twinkly lights all over the place…