by Kenneth Wise
Chapter 12
Three weeks later, Andrew and Steven were called into a meeting in the Directors Conference Room. They were seated facing the director. To the sides of the Director sat Dr. Landon, Dr. Ledderman, Mr. Philips, and two men and one woman from the state office who were responsible for the operation of The Center. The Director introduced everyone including the two boys so that everyone had heard each other’s names.
The Director spoke. He would be the only one to speak during the meeting except for the boys’ responses to the questions he asked.
“Andrew Chambers and Steven Cross”, he looked at each of the boys, “this meeting has been convened to discuss the recent incident in which the two of you attempted to take your own lives. As you know, The Diagnosis Center was opened to conduct scientific analysis, through conversations with Psychologists and Social Workers and through the use of certain types of testing all with the goal of trying, to the best of our collective abilities, to determine why essentially good teenage and preteen age young men and women get into serious trouble at a very important period of their lives. We hope to use the information we glean, from the participation of some of those young men and women working with our staff, to develop programs that may help young people, like the two of you, to avoid trouble, to divert the energies that caused you to get into trouble to more constructive efforts and activities.”
Steven looked at Andrew and saw that he was thinking the same thing he was, “What the hell!”
The Director continued, “Every one of those involved in The Center feel a shared sense of guilt that we did not see signs that the two of you were so severely depressed that you would want to take your own lives. For that we offer you our most sincere apology.”
The Director paused and drank from his water glass before he continued. “As you are well aware, the courts sentenced the two of you to the Boys Correctional Facility for an undetermined length of time. By law that time could last until your eighteenth birthday. The courts have agreed to set aside those sentences under certain conditions and to expunge those convictions providing you agree to and abide by the conditions that we will outline here.”
Steven could not believe it; they were not going back to the Hill. He wondered how bad the conditions were going to be.
“The Director continued. “The State’s Attorney General has reviewed several cases, including yours. That office will be addressing the abuse of the system by some Juvenile Authorities and the courts. I am sure they will be in contact with you, and your families.”
All Steven could do was yell “WOW” to himself when he heard that.
“Within a short period of time you will be returning to your homes and families. The conditions I mentioned earlier will go into effect when you leave here.
“Andrew, Steven, the two of you are not to contact each other by telephone, or written correspondence or by personally meeting once you are discharged from The Center. You are not to discuss any of the methods employed here nor the events that occurred culminating in your suicide attempt. These conditions will be in effect until your eighteenth birthday.
“Do you understand these conditions?”
The boys protested for a short time but realized their protests were falling on deaf ears. They could see that the people in this room had not set the conditions. Finally they agreed.
The two boys agreed to meet at a little stone wall near the trash dock the day they were discharged. The officials had agreed to give them thirty minutes to say good-bye.
They did that; they met, and they said good-bye. For Steven, it was a moment he would carry with him for life. In the few short months since he arrived at The Center, he had known great friendship. He had experienced love on the grandest scale, and he now felt pain so intense that throughout his life, just the mere passing thought of these few minutes of farewell would burn as if a red hot poker had been driven through his heart.
Epilogue
A cool breeze barely kissing the back of his neck woke the old man from his thoughts and as his mind slowly returned to consciousness of the world around him, he realized that the sun was nearing the western horizon where it would soon dip into the unknown and that a blanket of darkness, dimly lit by millions of stars, would soon descend upon him and transform the landscape and his perception.
He knew he should leave soon or the walk to his car would be a long, dark one. He hesitated to leave. He thought “maybe if I stay here I will just dry up and be carried on the wind to wherever the wind goes.”
He tried hard not to have these nostalgic journeys into the past because the memories, both good and bad, always left him with a feeling of emptiness that nothing would ever fill and of a hunger that nothing would ever sate. Steven fought off the little catch in his throat that always accompanied his memories. After all these years he still became emotional when he thought about how thankful he was for the people who had helped him when he was a “troubled teen”; people who probably saved his life and gave him hope. But most of all he remembered Andrew.
He smiled as he thought about the concern so many people had that he and Andrew had been homosexuals and had wondered if we had engaged in homosexual relations. Our refusal to discuss the subject likely stoked the fire of inquiry that had never been extinguished. Had they known the truth, they would have been shocked. “How they would have stood in disbelieve if they knew that Andrew and I had personal contact, other than in gym class and the like, exactly four times. We kissed once, we held hands once and we hugged twice, once in our little room and once when we said goodbye. Of course, if one included the time when our left arms cradled each other as we waited for our last breath; that would be five. Never once did sex cross our minds; we loved in a very different way.”
He looked into the sinking sun and spoke: “I have loved and been love by two wonderful women. I have met hundreds of different characters during the years of my education and my career; some I have even called friend. Countless people have either directly or indirectly touched my heart. But there has never been a day or an hour of my life that a corner of my heart has not cried out, ’I love you Andrew Chambers.’”
The old man stood and though a little wobbly, started down the path to the parking lot. He stopped and looked back at his recent perch on the hillside and swore he saw Andrew.
“I love you Andrew, even so Bird Brain, indeed it’s time to go.
Two thousand miles away, an old man sits, slowly rocking in an antique rocking chair that he had rescued from one of his neighbor's trash heap. As he watches the beginning of another beautiful autumn sunset, the sun seemed to notice him and stop. He would swear that, for just a moment, the sun stared at him as if it were seeing an old friend. As quickly as it had stopped, it continued its descent into the peaks of the mountains that blocked the far off horizon. He softly spoke, "I love you Steven Cross. I wish we could have spent our lives together, but they made us go. So once again, as much as it hurts Brainy Boy, indeed, its time to go."
The end