The thought of losing Heath as a friend further sours my mood.
Every single day, I take from people. In my line of business, being ruthless is the only way I know. It’s what makes me filthy, fucking rich. But some things come with too high of a price tag, one being my friendship with Heath. And for that, I have to make a decision—one where fewer people get hurt.
“What’s got you so quiet? Thinking of ways to violate me in your master shower?” Hazel pulls me back to the present. I bask in the feel of her breasts resting against my chest and her fingernails grazing up and down my stomach.
I run my hands through her hair. “I’m thinking about all the toys I have yet to shove up your pretty little asshole.” Lies. I’m thinking about whether I should keep you or let you go.
Her lips press against my chest, and I memorize the way they feel against my skin.
“I feel a challenge coming on.” Her soft giggle guts me because I know what I need to do.
I need to set her free. Tonight. Because if I don’t, I’ll never be able to let her go.
Hazel
Instead of getting a tour of sex toys, Gabriel insists we go for a swim. My body is already becoming sore, so a dip in the cool water sounds like a great idea.
Like a gentleman, he carries me outside, insisting on zero clothing. He’ll just be tearing it off anyhow.
“Jesus, do you host the water Olympics here?” I gasp at how gigantic his pool is. It has to be three times the size of ours.
“I like big things.” He chuckles and walks us into the pool. I keep hold of him, my arms wrapped around his neck, and enjoy the smell of him.
“I seem to like big things too,” I reply, giggling at the double meaning. He doesn’t respond. He holds me as we float around in his pool. I love the way we’ve become so comfortable with each other. So at ease. I love how perfectly I fit in his arms. How right we feel together. And I know he senses it too. I can tell when I catch him looking at me. Stealing glances. Little does he know, I’m doing the same. As if we can’t get enough. And I never want that to end.
I move my head away from his shoulder, stealing a peek at his beautiful eyes. “How do you think it will be when we’re all together again?”
“What do you mean?” he asks, moving closer to the side of the pool.
“Us. Like my dad and you. How different will it be?”
There’s some pause before he answers. “I highly doubt anything will be the same, little bird. I used to tuck you into your bed at night. Now, I’m chaining you to mine.” I can’t hide the snicker at his truthful response. “Why do you laugh?” He threatens to dunk me, but I hold tight around his neck.
“I don’t know. Just that I know it’s crazy how we came to be together. And I know, God, people will talk… but…”
Before I can finish, his lips fuse to mine in a passionate kiss. It’s not aggressive, but it’s not gentle either. It’s…with purpose. As if he’s silently telling me something.
When he finally pulls away, I ask, “What was that for?”
My nerves coil with worry at his stark expression. He stares back at me as if memorizing my every feature. “It’s for you to remember. In the nights when you hate me. When you hate what I’ve done to you.” My stomach drops, afraid of where he’s going with this.
“Gabriel—”
“It’s something to remind you that there was a part of the beast that fell for the beauty.” He kisses me again. “But in the end, the beast doesn’t win this one. He doesn’t turn into the prince you’re hoping for.”
“Please don’t—”
“And when this doesn’t end as you hope it does, I want you to remember this moment. When I kissed you and gave you a part of me that I’ve never offered another woman: my heart.”
He wipes away the tears that cascade down my cheek. “Why the tears, pet? What did you think would happen? That your father would accept this? That we would walk in his house one day, hand in hand, and have our happily ever after?” He brushes my hair away from my face. “We both knew from the start that that wasn’t going to be how our story ended. As much as you want…” He pauses, swallowing back emotion. “As much as I’m sad admitting this, I have to let you go. I’m not your destiny, Hazel.”
The tears pour in waves down my face. “You don’t know that.” My heart shatters, shards slicing into me.
“I don’t see any other way, pet.”
I try to fight out of his arms. I need space. He doesn’t release me, and I pound my fists against his wide chest. “Let me go!” I yell, the rejection suffocating me. “Let me go. I can’t do this.”
His grip only tightens. I refuse to look into his eyes. I hate the tenderness I know I’ll see. I want his cold eyes—the monster. I can’t have him be the beast and the prince.
“And if I released you, would you flee my castle?”
“Yes,” I say without thought, even knowing I would stay his captive forever.
I can’t stop the tears. “Shhh.” He hums into my ear, his hand sliding down my belly and finding my center. A finger dips inside me, and I bite the inside of my cheek. “Save your tears.” Two fingers. “I don’t deserve them.” My lips part and my forehead rests on his shoulder at the third. “Let me enjoy you and what time we have left. Until this little game ends and I lose you.” His lips find mine, and he consumes my mouth, branding me. I kiss him back, ignoring the tears that continue to fall, hating it, but knowing this is him telling me goodbye.
I hug him tighter to me, allowing him to take what he wants from me, his fingers finding the depths of my soul, marking me for a lifetime.
His hands are replaced by his cock, and he takes me hard, yet painstakingly slow, a mixture of pain and pleasure. I ride him, capturing his mouth, enduring his grip and the way he bruises my flesh. My body betrays me, and my orgasm fights to detonate.
My fingers graze through his hair, pulling tight, hoping he feels his own pain for eternity after I’m gone. “For what it’s worth, I was never afraid. I never lied to myself about what we were. But you’re lying to yourself about what we could be. I’ll let you walk away from me and convince yourself I was just a sweet little lie, but I’ve branded you too. And in the end…” I groan when his cock slams violently into me. “I’ve claimed you.”
The last thread to his composure snaps. He pulls at my hair. He bites at my neck. He tries to do his worst.
But nothing will hurt as much as his rejection.
Hazel
One week later…
It’s taking everything in me to focus on whatever my professor is talking about, but nothing is sinking in. If I don’t pull out of this funk, I can kiss this semester goodbye. If my dad gets wind of my slumping grades, he’ll pull me. He’s already noticed the weight loss and has threatened on more than one occasion to bring me to see our family doctor.
But no matter how hard I push myself to focus on my studies, my mind goes back to him. How he took me hard and deep and gave me everything that night. And when we came collectively, our lips fused together as if ready to fight every battle against us, he tended to me and soothed any external pain. And then he released me.
As if I was nothing, he packed me up in his fancy car and sent me away. My tears fell as my heart cracked. I’ve never felt so broken. I held myself as my entire world crumbled before me. By the time I arrived back at school, I was numb. I barely remember leaving his town car or finding my room. When I hit my bed, I prayed to never wake. If I was dead to him, I wanted to stay that way.
But life doesn’t work like that. Daylight came, and the pain of the bright sun proved just how unfair it is.
I was forced to go on and act like my world wasn’t just ripped out from under me. I couldn’t fight the constant tears. They’re a reminder of how rejected I felt. Lost, unwanted, confused. I fought with picking up my phone to call him. Beg him to reconsider. The worst part is he didn’t even have the guts to tell me it was over; he let his sudden coldness do the job for him.
“Hey, pssst,” Evan whispers next to me. I pull myself out of my slump, forgetting I’m in class. “You okay? You seem hungry? Like maybe lunch and some company are in order.” He wiggles his brows, and I can’t help but chuckle at his billionth attempt to ask me out.
“I’d love to, but I’m so behind. I really need to spend my free time going over the notes I missed.” His smile falls, and he pretends he’s about to cry. Then he starts to make weeping noises. “What are you doing? Oh my god, stop!” I whisper loudly. The girl next to us shushes us, grabbing the attention of our professor.
“Mr. Winston, is there a problem?”
Oh god. I bury my head in my notebook.
“No, sir, just something in my eye.” The class laughs, and Mr. Geller shakes his head and continues with his lecture.
“Seriously, you wound me with all your rejections. What does a guy have to do to feed you or get some caffeine in you?”
He has to be ruthless, dominating…
“It’s not that. It’s just…I have a lot going on right now and would be horrible company.”
“How about I be the best company ever to even us out? McAlister’s on Fifth Street has amazing subs.” Mentioning food makes my stomach churn—and not in a good way. I’ve barely eaten this week, and thinking of putting down a heavy sub sounds gross.
“Maybe a rain check?” I say, feeling like a jerk for turning him down yet again. But I can’t fathom allowing anyone inside my life or my heart the way I let him in.
“If I get a promise on the rain check.” He sticks his hand out, waiting for me to take it. Knowing I’ll probably say no the next time too, I give in. His touch doesn’t feel right. It’s not the one I want to be making promises to. I pull back, trying to keep it together as my anxiety takes flight. Keep it together. Keep it together.
Class ends, and I busy myself with my bag while another girl snags Evan’s attention. Sneaking out the side door, I rush outside, trying to catch my breath, but even the fresh air doesn’t allow my lungs to expand.
“Why did you do this to us?” I whisper out loud, wishing he would appear and answer me. Sighing, I push off the building and go the opposite way of my next class. Violet is gone for the weekend and already texted saying she’ll be blowing off class. There’s no way I’m going to psychology alone.
I head back to the dorms.
Our room is too quiet, my thoughts are too loud, and I’ve barely slept a wink. My mind is starting to turn on me. Should I have fought harder? Was it something I did to push him away? Was I too needy, too giving, or not enough? With every thought comes a regret. With every regret comes the urge to call him.
I’m so conflicted. My heart aches for him. Maybe I should just go home. Dad’s out of town, but maybe what I need is something familiar. My bed. My dad’s stash of expensive liquor.
By the time I make up my mind to head home, it’s close to eight in the evening. I hate driving at night, but snuggling up with my old covers and pillow will make it worth it. Even cuddling my old teddy bear sounds therapeutic. Top Hits play on the radio as I stare out at the road. When I pull into town, I break down and shoot off a simple text.
Me: I know you want nothing to do with me, but I just want to talk. My dad’s out of town, so I’m heading home. You know where I’ll be if you want to talk.
I watch as the three dots fill my screen. His reply is instant.
Gabriel: Where are you right now? Hazel, do not go home.
His reply is odd. It annoys me that that’s the only thing he cares about. As if he cared about me staying at school and focusing on my studies when he demanded me to his house every other day. I pull into my driveway, regretting texting him at all. Getting out of my car, I slam the door, noticing lights on in the house. Confused, I walk up to the front door and enter my key code.
There are too many lights on for my dad to be out of town, and the smell of pizza lingers in the air. My phone starts to buzz. Gabriel.
Feeling braver, I decide to answer it. “Are you calling to boss me around because I’m not really in the—”
“Where are you?”
“I just got home. Why?” I walk through the foyer, hearing faint voices.
“Hazel, I want you to turn around and leave. Come to me right now.”
His demand only annoys me more. “No, Gabriel, I’m done coming to you. If you want to talk, you can…” My voice trails off as the voices become louder, clearer. “What the…?”
“Hazel, listen to me…”
I almost drop my phone. The two voices are coming from the entertainment room. The first is clearly my father. The second one, though… It can’t be…
“Then let’s tell her together! Yes, she’s going to be mad, but if she loves you, she’ll understand. She’ll want you to be happy.”
“And you think that’s with you?”
“Fuck you, Heath. I’m not playing this game anymore. Clearly, I was wrong about what we had.”
“HAZEL—!”
I hang up on Gabriel as I turn the corner, finding Violet and my dad half-naked. “Dad?” I call his name, utterly shocked. “Violet?” My voice cracks.
“Baby girl, it’s not what you think.” Dad steps away from a naked Violet. He tries to console me, but I slap his hand away, my eyes burning into Violet.
“You’ve got to be kidding me. Tell me this is not what it looks like. I swear to God…” What is it with everyone betraying me? I bite down on my lower lip to the brink of breaking the skin and run out of the room. I hear the loud footsteps of my dad behind me. His hand clasps on my shoulder, and I whip around, but she’s standing behind him. I finally snap.
“How could you, you slut! He’s my fucking dad!” I scream, my throat burning. I push at my dad and go after her, but he grabs me and pulls me back. I want to smack the guilt from her deceiving face.
“Hazel, I swear, I didn’t plan this. It just happened—”
“Fuck you, you whore!” I go at her again, only to have my dad stop me.
“Hazel, baby girl, please.” He tries to soothe me, but I push him away.
“Oh, no. Don’t you pull this baby girl bullshit on me! You should know better.” I can’t breathe. Everything is spinning. This can’t be happening. I don’t know who to turn my anger on. I hate them both. “You should fucking know better!” I throw my finger at Violet, never taking my eyes off my dad. “How could you? She was my friend.” My voice cracks.
“I’m still your friend!”
My dad doesn’t catch me fast enough this time, and I throw myself at her, taking a swing. My nails make contact with her face, and her cheek instantly stains red. “Fuck you! You’re not my friend! You never were. Slut! Whore! Fucking tramp! No wonder your mother hates you. You probably did sleep with her boyfriends!” I scream and yell, spewing all the hatred I feel for her, my dad, for everyone else in my life.
“Hazel, that’s enough!” Dad says, taking her side, and the world below me shifts. How can everyone in my life care so little about me? My bottom lip trembles. Fat, angry tears fall down my face.
“I’m sorry.” Violet sputters out. “I never meant for you to find out this way.”
“Too late. Get the fuck out of my house.”
“I’ll take you home,” Dad says, turning now to Violet. Another blow to me. He’s choosing her over me. Like he does with everything else.
“No, you won’t!” I snap. “She’s a big girl. She can find her own way home.”
“Hazel—”
“No, she’s right. I’m fine,” Violet says, and without another word, she walks out of my house.
As soon as the front door shuts, I pick up the porcelain vase on the entryway console and throw it. Dad ducks just as it slams into the wall, shattering behind him.
“Jesus, Hazel. Calm—”
I pick up another vase and smash it against the wall. “You want me t
o calm down?” My own reality is slipping. “You want me to calm down?” Another expensive sculpture shatters against the wall. “How about you explain to me how you can be such a fucking asshole!” I scream. “You’re fucking my roommate! My roommate! How could you?” Tears blind me as they rush in violent waves down my cheeks.
Dad tries to take a step toward me, but I threaten him with another pricey decor piece. “Don’t touch me. I can’t believe you. How long, huh? How long have you been fucking my best friend? Jesus, you’re more than twice her age. Couldn’t you find someone your own age or at your clubs? You had to go for my roommate?!” I attempt to throw the statue, but he tackles me before I get a good launch. His large arms wrap around me, and I fight in his hold. I drop the sculpture, and it shatters at our feet. My fists beat against his chest as I wail and scream how much I hate him. How I hate her. I never want to see either one of them again. When I’ve expended all my energy, I push away from him. The reality of it all weighs too heavy on my chest, and I’m suffocating in the betrayal from all the people I thought loved me.
“Leave.” My voice trembles.
“I’m not going anywhere until—”
“Leave, or I swear to God, I’ll call the cops. Tell them you hit me. Shit, I’ll tell them how I walked in on my predator father sexually assaulting my roommate!”
“That’s insane. You wouldn’t—”
“Try me!”
He stares at me bewildered. But it doesn’t last long before he begins to soak in the severity of my threat. “Fine. I’ll leave, but only to let you calm down. I love—”
“LEAVE!” My hands shake. My legs shake. My heart shatters into a million devastating pieces. He finally nods, grabs his keys, and leaves. When I hear the roar of his sports car speeding down the driveway, I walk numbly to his liquor cabinet, grab the most expensive bottle I can find, and whip it across the room. I grab and throw a second, then a third, then a fourth, until I’m down to the last one. I tuck it under my arm and head to my bedroom, where I drink myself into a stupor and pass out, hoping it’s the last I see of this fucked up shitty world.
Sweet Little Lies Page 9