Kiss the Stars

by Jackson, A. L.

  She gave a couple bumbling nods. No question, she was trying to convince herself that was the way she actually felt.

  My head shook, and I eased a fraction closer.

  “You know better than that, Mia.” Words came out gruff. “You said yourself that this has been coming. You and I were going to happen. One way or another.”

  If I stayed in the same place as her, we were going to collide.

  Diverting her gaze to the floor, she chewed at her lip. “But you regret it.”

  Harsh, low laughter rumbled out, and I was moving forward, backing her to the counter without even giving a thought to what I was doing. My mouth hovered an inch over hers as I stared her down. “Yeah. I might regret it. But don’t think for a second that I didn’t want it, Mia. I’ve never wanted anyone the way that I want you. Not once. Not ever.”

  That in itself was a mortal sin.

  Another lumped onto the growing pile.

  Redness streaked across her chest and lit on her cheeks. The sweet scent of her made me want to do wicked, bad things.

  “What does that mean?” she murmured, her voice raw and laced with misunderstanding.

  I understood the affliction.

  Only thing I knew was I couldn’t stay away.

  This girl had me hooked.

  I planted my hands on the counter on either side of her, boxing her in. I leaned in closer, close enough that our noses brushed. “Means I couldn’t leave.”

  And there we were.

  Full circle.

  Our bodies a mess of desire and our eyes a disaster of questions.

  An annoyed groan echoed from behind us. “Would you kiss her already? I’m about to revoke your man card, Leif, and I don’t even have one yet. That’s just embarrassing.”

  My attention swung around to Brendon who was smirking all over the place. Kallie smacked her hand over her mouth to stop a laugh. And Penny . . . Penny blushed like she’d just witnessed something salacious.

  I pitched my attention back to Mia.

  Beautiful Mia with her carved cheeks and her full lips.

  Yeah.

  I wanted to. I wanted to kiss her.

  So, I did. I kissed her soft. The girl so sweet where she sighed against my lips.

  My forehead dropped to hers, and I whispered, words just for her, “I’m sorry, Mia. I told you I didn’t want to hurt you. I meant that.”

  She barely nodded, unsure, and she seemed almost relieved when my phone buzzed.

  I looked at the message.

  Rhys: Keep your moody ass in Savannah. Put out a 9-1-1 and booked a show at The Hive. Tomorrow night. Maybe it will give you a second to come to your senses. Strap on your boots, the cavalry is coming, baby!

  This guy. Couldn’t stop my smile if I tried.

  Me: Fine. I’ll be here.

  Rhys: Ah, too easy, brother. Seems to me you were experiencing some kind of cold feet. I can’t wait to meet her.

  Could almost see him waggling his brows from across state lines from beneath his trucker cap.

  Me: Fuck you, man.

  Rhys: Not my type, dude, not my type. But count me in for another taste of those sweet Savannah ladies. Bring yours.

  I looked up at the girl who was watching me.

  Unable to resist, I snatched the first two fingers of her right hand and swung it between us, that simple connection feeling like the most powerful thing.

  “Want you to come somewhere with me, Mia. Tomorrow night.”

  “Like . . . on a date?” she clarified, like she didn’t believe what I was asking.

  “If that’s what you want to call it. My band’s coming into town. Want you to be there.”

  Bewildered, she stared at me, completely caught off guard.

  “Auntie! Say yes!” This squeaked from Kallie.

  “Please. Say yes.” Words grunted free, hand tightening around her fingers.

  She warred. Think we both could feel us getting too deep.

  “You should go, Mom.” Penny’s timid voice hit me from behind. It tugged directly at the string the kid had sewn in me.

  Connection fierce.

  Something I wasn’t sure how to undo.

  Worry moved through Mia’s face when she glanced at her daughter before she looked back at me.

  Scared.

  Hopeful.

  With all that bright, bright light.

  She gave me a tight nod. “Okay.”

  And I felt it for the first time in three years.

  Excitement.

  Twenty-Four

  Mia

  “You’re going on a date with him?” Tamar nabbed me by the wrist, screeching as she flung my arm around.

  Waving a hand in her direction to quiet her, I tiptoed over to the door and peeked out.

  Coast clear.

  Breathing out in relief, I clicked the door shut and turned back to my sister-in-law who was standing there with one of her signature smirks.

  Nothing but a red-lipped Cheshire. If we weren’t careful, every canary in Savannah was going to go extinct.

  “Are you trying to announce it to the whole dang house?”

  This time she waved a flippant hand at me. “Um . . . newsflash, Mia, the whole house already knows. How do you think I do?”

  “You’re a snoop?”

  A low giggle rolled off her tongue. “Okay, now we both know that’s true, but this I heard straight from your brother’s sexy mouth, which he heard from Baz, who heard from Shea, who heard from Kallie. Apparently, Brendon and Penny were in agreement to keep your secret, but when I pressed them, they gave. Five bucks each.”

  The explanation came from her casually.

  Nothing but nonchalance.

  Disbelief widened my eyes. “You bribed our kids?”

  She shrugged. “Who said money can’t buy happiness?”

  “You are terrible.”

  She laughed. “That’s why you love me. And besides, it wasn’t like you didn’t have a whole audience when the man asked you out. That took some balls.”

  Or he was just a sadist.

  Because how was I supposed to say no?

  I mean, not that I wanted to. Which probably made me the biggest fool of all.

  I heaved out a sigh and sank down onto the side of the bed. It didn’t matter that I was almost thirty, my nerves still rattled. “And what did my brother have to say about all of this? He sure didn’t seem all that keen when Leif first got here.”

  Tamar’s expression softened. “That’s because your brother is going to wait around until someone’s true character is exposed. Guilty until proven innocent.” She grinned.

  I shook my head, words a disparaging tease. “Oh, and Leif is innocent now?”

  “Actions speak louder than words, don’t they? And I’m pretty sure that action yesterday said everything that needed to be said.”

  It was instant. The assault of images that hit me.

  Panic and horror.

  That one second when I thought she might be gone.

  My spirit curled in on itself, unable to fathom the thought.

  My head shook, and I glanced at the floor like it might offer some kind of strength before I forced myself to meet the understanding on her face. “I wouldn’t have made it, Tamar. If I would have lost—”

  I choked over the last word, unable to get it out, tears blearing my eyes.

  I never would have made it.

  “Oh, sweetheart.” Tamar erased the space between us, kneeling down in front of me, her blue eyes searching, her features written in worry and dread. “I know. I know. I couldn’t imagine. None of us could.”

  My lips trembled, and I tried to make sense of it. “When I lost Lana . . . I was devastated. Crushed in a way that I couldn’t quite understand.”

  I blinked, trying to see through the disorder. “But with everything that’s been happening . . . it’s like . . . it’s like I haven’t really been able to mourn her. Grieve her. But this?”

  I couldn’t hold back the tea
rs. They ran hot down my cheeks, weaving across my lips.

  Tamar brushed back the hair matted to my face. “But she’s here. She’s safe,” she emphasized.

  Comforting.

  Encouraging.

  “What if it wasn’t an accident?” The worry was out before I could hold it back.

  Pretending it had been was so much easier.

  But my spirit wouldn’t allow for it any longer.

  I could feel the intention.

  The cruelty.

  The hate.

  “What if someone is out to hurt my baby? I just have this . . .” I touched my chest, trying to find a way to put it into words. “This . . . horrible feeling. Right here. That something is so terribly wrong and I don’t know how to stop it.”

  A tear slipped free of Tamar’s eye. “We don’t know any of that, Mia. And I know that’s not a good answer, but the one thing I know is we are in this together. We are all going to be here, making sure you and your babies are safe, until we find out who is responsible. Do you hear me? You are not alone. Besides, I know of somebody who wants to get real close.”

  Only she could make me laugh in the middle of this, and I was peeking at her, letting the confession bleed free.

  “I slept with him last night.”

  She didn’t look all that surprised. Still, she seemed cautious. Careful. “Was this . . . a trauma thing? You looking for comfort? Or something more?”

  Emotion bottled in my throat, words barely slipping by. “For me? It was more. I think it was more with him since the first time I saw him.”

  A sigh pilfered through her nose. “You’re falling for him.”

  My nod was shaky. Reluctant. Wondering if it made me a fool.

  “That obvious, huh?”

  She grinned, playing softly with a strand of my hair. “It’s hard to miss. The two of you are like a chemical reaction every time you get in the same room. Half the time, I think I need to duck for cover.”

  “I think maybe I should be the one ducking for cover.” The confession scraped from my tongue.

  Every question.

  Every reservation.

  She touched my chin.

  “Why would you say that?”

  Restlessness left me on a bolt of air. “That man is written in scars, Tamar. And all those wounds have him barricaded.”

  Blocked off.

  No access to his dark, brooding heart.

  I inhaled a shaky breath. “But that doesn’t seem to matter because there is this part of me that feels like his heart is already mine when he’s made it abundantly clear it can never be, and I’m pretty sure mine is already well on its way to getting crushed.”

  Brow twisting tight, she tipped my chin her direction. “Don’t you know that we’re all always halfway there? On the verge of getting our hearts shattered because we never know what tomorrow will bring? The question is, do you want to take the chance on something magnificent that might be waiting to come to be?”

  “Does it make me a fool that I want to take that chance? In the middle of all this? Is it absolutely stupid and reckless for me to go after what I want?”

  “No, Mia. No. It means you’re still living. Still fighting for what you want. Still enjoying every day. Don’t let whoever this sick asshole is steal that from you.”

  * * *

  The playroom was chaos. Packed with every child in our family.

  The entire place nothing but running and screaming and laughter and the loud pop music that Penny and Kallie were pumping through the speakers.

  I didn’t mind.

  I sat back and smiled.

  Relished in the small things. The perfect moments like these.

  I startled when my phone rang where I had it clutched in my hand.

  I cringed when I saw the name lighting up on the screen.

  There it went—my one moment of peace shattered.

  Tamar looked at me in concern, and I angled my head toward the door. “I’ve got to take this. I’m going to step out.”

  “No worries. We’ve got them.”

  With a nod, I rushed outside, nothing but wary as I accepted the call and put the phone to my ear.

  “Nix, hi.”

  He breathed out a gush of relief at my voice. “Mia, what the hell happened? I could only make out a couple of words . . . something about Penny.”

  I started to pace, my attention turned toward the ground, my windpipe feeling like it was completely constricted as I forced out the words. “We had a close call yesterday.”

  “A close call? What exactly does that mean?” His words were slowed. Vicious stakes that impaled the air.

  God, I had not been looking forward to this. I knew he was going to freak out.

  I swiped the sweat that was already beading on my forehead, long pieces of my hair getting matted to my skin. “We were taking a walk to the park. Some out of control driver nearly hit Penny in the crosswalk.”

  “Shit. Is she okay?” His demand was hard. Concerned. The miles separating us just making it worse.

  “She wasn’t hurt. She was shaken up pretty bad, though.”

  No doubt he could hear the warble in my voice. Could sense the absolute horror at what I’d felt.

  Distress rippled through his harsh breath, protectiveness rising up. “How close was it, Mia? What are we talking about here?”

  More of that dread laced up my chest. Too tight. Squeezing me in a vice of what-if. “It was close, Nix. Too close.”

  “But she managed to get out of the way?”

  “Uh . . . um . . . yeah,” I started to ramble, not sure how to explain, but just knowing Nix this wasn’t exactly something I wanted to confide in him.

  But this was his daughter we were talking about. I couldn’t gloss over the details. “The drummer filling in for Zee was there. He was heading to play football with Lyrik and the rest of the guys. He was crossing the street behind her. He got her out of the way before she was hit.”

  Silent animosity echoed from the other end of the line.

  Distrust.

  Ancient hurt that was never going to heal.

  “Who the fuck do you have hanging around my daughter, Mia?”

  It was just so typical.

  His jealousy.

  His accusations.

  Except he’d forgotten he didn’t have a say over me anymore.

  My own anger tremored through my muscles. “Tell me you’re joking right now. This man saved your daughter’s life, and you’re questioning why he was there?”

  He chuckled a demeaning sound. “Told you I didn’t want you going to Savannah, Mia. I told you I wanted you to stay here. Where I can take care of you. Protect you.”

  “It was an accident, Nix.”

  “Bullshit.”

  The word reverberated through the air.

  I think we both knew it was exactly that.

  Bullshit.

  My life was unraveling. My children unsafe.

  He exhaled heavily, his tone softening. “Damn it, Mia. What the hell do you expect me to do? I’m stuck here in L.A. while you’re all the way across the country.”

  I pressed my palm to my forehead. “I don’t expect you to do anything. I just wanted to let you know what happened.”

  Silence pulsed through the line.

  Weighted.

  Drenched in apprehension.

  “You should be here. All of you. It isn’t safe. I need to be able to watch over you.”

  I released a helpless sigh. “Honestly, Nix, I’m not sure that I’m safe anywhere. I think it’s best we stay here.”

  “God damn it, Mia.” The gritted words were barely a whisper.

  “We’re fine.”

  It was all hapless defense.

  Issued without truth.

  Because I wasn’t so sure that we were or that we were ever going to be.

  “Going to make sure you are. I promise you. Have shit I have to take care of here, and then I’m coming to get you and my kids, Mia.”

>   Before I could refuse, the line went dead.

  I dropped my head into my hands, trying to keep it together.

  The last thing I could handle right then was Nix trying to get in the middle of my life. Take the reins the way he always did. Cause more trouble than he ever solved.

  My spine stiffened when I felt the presence fall over me from behind.

  Blinding and dark.

  Perfect and disastrous.

  Warily, I peeked at him from over my shoulder, my body slowly swiveling around. Reeled in by the tether that stretched tight between us.

  “Who was that?” Leif’s entire demeanor was rigid. Opposing. His attention dropped to the phone I clutched in my hand.

  I lifted my chin, refusing to skirt the truth. “The kids’ father.”

  His nod was quick. Sharp as a blade. “Guessing you were filling him in on yesterday.”

  My lips pursed. “Yes.”

  “And?” Caution laced his tone, while that energy threatened to snap.

  “He wants us to go back to Los Angeles to be close to him.”

  His jaw ticked, and I could hear his teeth grinding from across the space. “And?”

  Agony crept in through the seams I was barely holding together.

  “And what do you want me to say, Leif? That I want to stay? That I want to stay here where you are? Would you accept it or would you run?”

  It was a dare.

  A challenge.

  A plea.

  He inched closer.

  Tension writhed in the dense humidity.

  The man sucking me into his orbit.

  “You think I’m a flight risk?”

  I turned my focus to the gate, figuring it would be a whole lot easier than gazing on his striking face. “You were going to leave, Leif. You’re the one who warned me nothing good could come of this. That you were going to ruin me.” The words dropped to nothing. “And you . . . you were apologizing the whole time last night.”

  Rejection bottled in my throat, and that vacant space that he’d carved out in the middle of me howled to be filled.

  “You think I didn’t hear that, Leif? Feel it? I think it’s been clear from the get go that you’re going to break my heart.”