Forever

by Karen Ann Hopkins

  I raised my eyebrows, suddenly weary.

  “Friday night at the benefit dinner and auction,” Suzanna said.

  The prospect of seeing Noah again so soon made my heart race. I was beginning to feel the tingle of excitement about Friday when I caught Summer’s deep frown. Suddenly, I was fearful all over again. I’d be seeing the Amish people I’d left behind months ago when my father had kidnapped me and relocated me to Cincinnati. I wondered if Ruth and James, my foster family, would be happy to see me and what I would do when I faced Ella—or, worse yet, Constance.

  With a fresh surge of bile in my throat, I rushed out of the room to the bathroom. Maybe going to the Amish event was a bad idea, after all.

  14

  Noah

  The line of buggies down the fence row was the most I’d ever seen. There were a lot of families from neighboring communities in attendance at the benefit, and I smiled thinking about the money our church would be pulling in for the schoolhouse.

  The day was overcast but warm, and I undid my top button now that Mother was too busy with the other ladies in the kitchen to notice. As I watched three English teenage boys walk up the hill together wearing their comfortable jeans and T-shirts, I felt a bit of envy seep in. I loved my way of life, but I wasn’t fond of wearing the clothing, restricted to button-up shirts, sturdy trousers, and suspenders.

  Seeing the curious stares of the boys as they passed by me, I turned away angrily. I hated being gawked at, and lately I’d noticed it more than usual.

  “Why the sour face?”

  Timothy looked worried. With all the craziness in my life nowadays, I understood his hesitation.

  “Ah, it’s nothing—just the usual staring eyes of the outsiders.”

  “Yeah, I hate that.” With a sudden burst of energy, Timothy exclaimed, “Did you see the black Saddlebred buggy horse that the Yoders donated to the sale? She’s a beautiful mare and Joshua says completely road trained.”

  I smiled, picturing the horse. Throughout the day, I’d found myself back in front of her tie stall several times to admire her.

  “I’m planning to bid on her. I need a new buggy horse more than anyone in the community at the moment. I hope the others will keep the price down for me to get her.”

  “Will your father help out if she goes higher?”

  “He said he would—but not a large amount.” Seeing Suzanna and Miranda approach, I teased, “Here comes trouble.”

  Timothy’s smile made me think about my feelings for Rose and how I’d love to see her walking up to me. Unfortunately, we’d have to wait awhile longer for such a display. I purposely hadn’t mentioned the dinner and auction to her. It would be difficult to deal with my emotions in front of everyone in the community if she was nearby—especially the Schwartzes. I shivered at the thought of Rose and Constance coming face-to-face.

  “Hello there. What are you boys up to?” Suzanna said as she stopped a couple of feet away from us. She was careful not to touch her boyfriend or say anything that could be overheard as being inappropriate. As usual, Miranda stood quietly staring at the ground. Even when Matthew, her own boyfriend, was beside her, she rarely spoke.

  “We’re just talking. Judging by your wicked smile, I’m almost afraid to ask what you’re thinking,” Timothy said with a tight face.

  Suzanna’s grin turned into a full-blown smile as she looked at me. “You don’t have to worry about a thing, Timmy. It’s Noah we came to talk to.”

  “What now?” I asked with a sense of dread.

  “Rose is here.”

  My heart skipped, and I caught my breath. I was both elated and terrified at the same time.

  “Where is she?”

  “She’s eating dinner with her younger brother at the tables. She’ll meet you in her truck when darkness falls.” She pointed to the area where the cars were. “It’s parked in the back.”

  I didn’t want to be rude, given her obvious excitement at having helped arrange a meeting between me and Rose, and I smiled back and said, “That’s wonderful news. Thank you.”

  But inside I was reeling.

  15

  Rose

  My eyes darted around nervously. I couldn’t eat any of the food on my plate for fear I’d throw it up in front of the entire community. Instead, I nibbled a bite here and there and pushed the mashed potatoes around with my fork.

  “You really should eat something. The chicken is excellent,” Justin said as he shoved a forkful into his mouth.

  I whispered, “You know why I can’t, so stop bugging me about it.”

  In a very matter-of-fact way, he said, “You’ll die if you don’t eat.” He lowered his voice and added, “You need to for the baby’s sake, you know.”

  “Shhh.” Frustration pricked my insides, and I took a deep breath before I whispered, “I do eat, just not very much at a time and certainly not around a bunch of snoopy people.”

  “How long is this going to take? I have friends coming over tonight.”

  I looked at my little brother sternly. His eyes were puffy from lack of sleep, and his skin was pale. Normally, when he got out of the house into the fresh air, he was a good-looking fifteen-year-old, but today he was suffering from some serious Xbox fatigue.

  All of our lives had changed so dramatically since Mom’s death. She’d never allowed Justin to sit around in front of a TV all day gaming, and she’d never have put up with Sam’s arrogant, bossy ways, either. Most importantly, if Mom were here, I wouldn’t be pregnant—my life would be completely different right now.

  But she was gone, and our lives were upside down.

  “You promised if I bought you those pizzas for later, you’d come with me tonight.”

  “Yeah, I did and I’m here, but we didn’t negotiate how late we’d stay,” he said with a sly grin.

  I rolled my eyes. “I already told you, until after dark.” Glancing up at the pale sky, I figured the sun would set in a half hour or so, and suddenly my heart began pounding like crazy that I was about to see Noah.

  A soft squeeze on my shoulder brought me around. Ruth Hershberger stood above me with a huge smile on her chubby face. The swell of emotions was too great, and even though I’d rehearsed this moment in my mind several times already, tears began streaking down my cheeks.

  When I rose, she pulled me tightly into her cushy body and stroked my hair, which was loose and free. I was suddenly self-conscious that my hair wasn’t beneath a cap, and I smoothed it down when she released me.

  Ruth’s eyes were shiny with moisture, but she smiled. James, Ruth’s husband, stood a few feet behind her. He was in quiet conversation with another Amish man, but he paused to look my way and nod at me. My chest tightened at the quick acknowledgment.

  Ruth took my hands into her warm ones and said, “How are you, Rose? Have you settled back into your old ways?”

  The questioning look in her eyes couldn’t be mistaken. There was hidden meaning in her words.

  I glanced around, noticing several pairs of eyes dart away when my gaze passed over them. Everyone in the community was aware that I was here—and they were all waiting to see what happened next.

  Nervous energy filled me when I said, “I’m planning to come back. I have to wait until I turn eighteen in the fall, but that’s what I want to do.”

  I was partially aware of Justin’s eyes narrowing, but I ignored him to watch the look of shock pass over Ruth’s face. I understood Justin’s feelings, but I couldn’t worry about him right now. I had too much going on in my life.

  “My dear girl, I wasn’t expecting you to say such a thing. I thought that being in your old life would have changed your mind.” She paused and searched around, before lowering her voice and leaning in. “Especially now that you aren’t courting Noah Miller…unless there’s
something else you’d like to tell me.”

  Her probing eyes brought me to my senses. Ruth was too sharp for her own good. I wanted to do this Noah’s way and help his sister out in the process. The last thing we needed was for the older women to be gossiping about our business. As much as I respected and cared for Ruth, she was still one of authority.

  Thinking quickly, I said, “Oh, no, there are no secrets these days. I’m going to do as my dad wants and give my world another chance before I make a definite decision.”

  She nodded and brought me back into a quick hug. She whispered in my ear, “You’re always welcome to come back. If you need anything at all, you can trust me.”

  “You better let loose of her, Ruth. We all want to talk to our Rose.”

  The sound of Mrs. Miller’s voice warmed my insides, and I turned to her and got another bone-crushing embrace. As Noah’s mother patted me on the back, I wished I could tell her that she was going to be a grandmother, but then I spied his fifteen-year-old sister, Rachel, peeking out from behind her, and I came to my senses. She smiled and said, “We’ve missed you.”

  Maybe the pregnancy made me even more emotional than usual, but from the time I was in Rebecca Miller’s arms until I was sitting on the bench closely beside Katie Miller, Noah’s sister-in-law, I held in a lot of tears.

  I was amazed at how welcoming all of the women were being. Even the bishop’s wife, Martha, had joined the reunion with a brilliant smile and a warm hug. The reception I received from the women who I’d only been with for some months touched me deeply, and I began imagining how wonderful it would be to be a part of that kind of comradeship again.

  When a group of young boys asked us to vacate the table so that they could take it down, we moved into the building and everyone’s voices continued to fill the air. The sun had disappeared, and only a soft gray light colored the sky. Justin had escaped the barrage of women a while ago, probably to hang out with the boys who’d befriended him the year before, and I anxiously searched the crowd of both Amish and English people for Noah.

  My desire to see him had been building throughout dinner. Being around the women and feeling their support gave me hope that maybe I could be happy being Amish. The auctioneer’s voice calling out numbers mixed with people talking and moving about the open area of the schoolhouse. Standing on my tiptoes, I scanned the dimly lit room, receiving many startled glances from members of the community who recognized me, even in street clothes.

  Seeing that darkness had settled on the churned crop land beyond the window, my heart sped up. It’s time, I thought. Smiling, I muttered to Katie and Ruth that I needed to find my brother, and moved away through the crowd before they could stop me.

  It was strange how my experience at this benefit dinner was so different than the one I’d attended the previous year. I was more confident as I squeezed in between the men with their long, scraggly beards and black hats and the women in their white caps and polyester dresses. They weren’t a scary, mysterious bunch any longer. Many of them I called friends, and I had a deep respect for the hard work they did and the simple and honest way they lived.

  When I caught sight of Amos Miller, Noah’s father, I slowed. Sure enough, Noah was standing beside him, along with his brother, Jacob. They were near the large doorway opening with a group of men, next to a tall, black horse. Its coat was shiny even in the darkness, and its exquisite head and fine bone structure made me stop in my tracks.

  The auctioneer’s voice rambled numbers, and I sucked in a breath when I thought I heard four thousand and saw Noah’s card go up. Mr. Miller leaned over to Noah before they both quickly looked across the room.

  For a second I pictured Noah racing through the field on Rumor, and I imagined that, in his younger days, the black horse had probably looked a lot like the beautiful mare he was bidding on now. A lump formed in my throat, and I swallowed down the acidy bile when I remembered the last time I’d seen the horse. He’d been lying on the roadway, broken and dying from the impact of the semi-truck that had nearly killed Noah. His suffering whinnies still haunted me to this day.

  Forcing the horrible image to leave my mind, I followed their gaze until I spotted the lanky Amish man raise his hand and nod to the auctioneer. Before I turned back to the Millers, my sight settled on the young woman beside the man bidding against Noah. She wore a lavender dress, and the small amount of hair I could see in front of her cap was auburn. Her face was pretty and doll-like. My stomach tightened.

  Constance.

  I’m not sure exactly what told me that the girl was Noah’s ex-fiancée, but I knew with certainty that she was. In a very odd moment of acknowledgment, she looked over at me. Her features suddenly changed from tranquility to irritation as her eyes widened and her mouth opened slightly. The look only lasted for a second before her features went calm, and she glanced away.

  It wouldn’t surprise me if Constance recognized me. The other girls would have told her all about me.

  I sighed, knowing that I had to deal with the jealousy of another one of Noah’s admirers. Well, I had to admit, Constance was more than just that. She’d been engaged to him, after all.

  When the auctioneer called out the last bid, I watched Mr. Miller and Jacob both shake their heads, and Noah dropped his. The man beside Constance, who I guessed was her dad, smirked and nodded in the Millers’ direction. The look on the man’s face was anything but Christian and reminded me of the same twisted expressions Levi would direct my way. This was not a nice man, and he was obviously holding a grudge against Noah.

  I pushed through the crowd trying to reach Noah, but he didn’t see me and instead disappeared through the doorway into the night. Changing directions, I ducked behind a group of Amish women and avoided coming face-to-face with the other Miller men.

  The guys in Noah’s family had always been polite to me but distant and aloof at the same time. After living among the Amish, I learned that this was the way all the Amish men treated women who weren’t their wives or blood relatives. They were always careful not to do anything that could be misconstrued by others in the community. I was used to it now, having learned to avoid them as carefully as they did me.

  When I reached the side door, I pressed it open and stepped into the cooler night air. Because the schoolhouse was on a hill overlooking the parking area, I spotted Noah instantly as he walked in between the parked cars, making his way to my red pickup truck.

  I’d barely left the building when a hand reached out and touched my shoulder, giving me quite a jolt.

  When I turned around, I was shocked to see Ella’s oval face staring at me.

  “Stop, Rose. I need to talk to you.”

  “You’ve got to be kidding. Haven’t you caused me enough trouble?” I spat out. I really hated the girl, and the fact that she was one of Noah’s admirers wasn’t even the reason. Ella Weaver was truly the wickedest girl I’d ever met.

  “Wait, please, hear me out,” Ella pleaded.

  There was a softer expression to her face than I’d seen before, and for a second, sheer curiosity got the better of me.

  “What do you want?”

  She took a deep breath and looked away for a few seconds, leaving me in suspense, before she turned back to me.

  “I’m sorry. I never meant for things with Levi to go the way they did. He is a troubled boy, and I pray each night that God forgives me for talking to him.”

  I searched her eyes and was unsure. I liked to believe in the goodness of people, but it was proving difficult with this girl. She’d given me a lot of grief over Noah, and the fact that her friendship with Levi Zook had nearly gotten me raped and killed made it almost impossible for me to turn the other cheek.

  “You better keep on praying, because you’re going to need it,” I said quietly.

  Ella’s face showed shock before her eyes narrowed, and she s
aid, “You won’t forgive me?”

  “Really, it’s not my place. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have other things to do.”

  When I turned to leave, I was glad I hadn’t let Ella off so easy. People like her were good at acting nice, but the sentiment had never touched her hazel eyes.

  “You’re making a mistake, Rose,” Ella whispered loudly.

  I ignored her and kept walking. I’d had enough of her games.

  When I reached the truck, Noah wasn’t there. I looked around the other side and then opened the driver-side door. On the seat was a folded piece of paper.

  I picked up the note and read.

  Rose,

  Meet me in your barn loft at midnight.

  Love,

  Noah

  I leaned back against the seat in disappointment. I’d have to wait several more hours to be in Noah’s arms.

  Spotting Justin at the edge of the parking area where we’d planned to meet up, I started up the truck and pulled out. Suddenly, a wave of nausea hit me, and I had to open the door to throw up. I was getting more used to puking and had the door shut again quickly.

  Wiping the wetness away from my mouth with a tissue, I became more determined than ever to tell Noah the truth.

  For good or bad, I couldn’t do this without him any longer.

  16

  Noah

  The heaviness of disappointment hung over me as I climbed the stairs to the barn loft. I couldn’t believe that Elijah had bid to forty-five hundred dollars for the horse. Father had mumbled that the man was a “damned fool” when the last bid had been taken, but I was all too sure he was anything but foolish.

  Elijah Schwartz was a man of his word. And he’d told me and Father that I’d made a mistake, and without having to say it directly, he’d made it clear that he was going to punish me for my sin.

  It wasn’t just that I’d lost the horse. There were other geldings and mares out there that would make fine buggy horses for me. The fact that he was the only man who’d bid against me after the reserve bid had been made said a lot. The other men in the community knew how much I missed Rumor and were happy to see me get excited about this particular mare, but not Elijah. When he’d seen the longing in my eyes, he’d become determined to keep the horse from me. He would have gone to ten thousand dollars before he’d let me have her. Father had been right when he’d stilled my hand. If I was going to start a life with Rose, I couldn’t go wasting my money overbidding on a pretty horse.