Forever

by Karen Ann Hopkins

  “Like what?” I said, still not believing what I was hearing.

  Noah shrugged and leaned back into the chair. It was obvious the discussion was bothering him, but, what the hell, it was important.

  “You wouldn’t understand, Sam. Being English, you’ve never had kids gawk and point at you when you entered a store or had men whisper behind your back, only to have them put in a ridiculous offer on a work job, automatically thinking that you’re ignorant—or even worse, getting nearly killed in a buggy wreck.”

  “Actually, I do understand. That’s why I didn’t get your insistence to stay Amish when Rose kept bugging you to convert.”

  Noah’s eyes widened. He blurted out, “She never bugged me about it. Rose was content with the idea of living our ways.” When I smirked and threw my head back, he went on to say, “She had no idea I’d decided to leave the Amish until today. After what happened, I feel really bad that I hadn’t told her in private beforehand.”

  Tina nudged Dad with her elbow and said, “Don’t you think Rose should come down for this conversation?”

  “No, she needs to rest. I believe her fainting was a result of shock at Noah’s proclamation and the stress on her body from the storm—not to mention the death of a friend. It’s best if she keeps sleeping for now. There are dangers associated with teenage pregnancy, and she needs to care for herself.”

  “You still haven’t answered me, David. Will you allow Rose to be my wife if I go English?”

  I held my breath watching Dad. A month ago, I’d have bet money on what the answer would be, but not now. I’d seen how the neighbor girl’s death had affected everyone, including my dad. If nothing else, Dad was a realist. Rose was pregnant, and short of killing Noah, there was no way to keep them apart. We’d tried just about everything already.

  When Dad lifted his head and looked at Noah, I immediately noticed the change in his demeanor, and my heart raced before he said the words.

  41

  Rose

  I pulled the covers over my head as the morning sun blasted into the room. My belly wasn’t as queasy as usual, and I rolled over, enjoying the feeling. The relief didn’t last long, though. Soon my mind wandered, and images of Sarah’s dead body rose before me.

  She’d looked like she was asleep lying there at the edge of the wreckage. Her dress hadn’t even been ripped, and her eyes had been closed. You’d think that the house breaking apart in the twister would have caused my friend to have grotesque injuries, but no, she’d been much the same as on church day. The thought sobered me even more, and I wondered if Sarah had had a guardian angel with her during the storm, someone who’d made sure that she didn’t suffer and felt no fear when the house collapsed. But then, if that were true, why wouldn’t sweet Sarah have been saved?

  The tears began dropping from my eyes once again, and I didn’t bother to wipe them away. Instead, I pressed my face deeper into the pillow to absorb the wetness. It was so unfair that Noah’s sister was taken away from us. She had been only sixteen, and she’d had her whole life ahead of her. Courting the handsome young Micah and eventually marrying him. She would have had eight or nine kids like her mom, and she would have been content with her life.

  I remembered how kind she’d been to me the first day we’d met. I’d been clueless to Amish protocol, but she’d taken me under her wing, teaching me how to behave as an Amish girl. Early on, I’d secretly scoffed at Sarah’s niceness, believing that no one could always be as friendly as she’d appeared to be. But I’d learned over time that Sarah had been genuine—and that made her death sting even more. Life wasn’t fair at all.

  And then there was Noah’s speech in front of the entire Amish community at the funeral the day before. Was he really serious or had grief caused his mind to go funny? From the moment I’d first laid eyes on him, I’d wished that he’d leave his world and join mine. Even when I’d been living life as an Amish girl, I’d secretly hoped that Noah would decide to go English. In my mind it had been the solution to all my problems—a way for me to be with Noah and not give up my freedom and the lifestyle I’d grown up in. It’s what I’d wanted all along, but now that he was agreeing to it, it didn’t feel as good as it should’ve.

  As I stared up at the old yellowing paper on the ceiling, I tried to figure out my strange emotions. Maybe I was worried that Noah couldn’t hack it on the outside, or possibly I feared that someday he’d resent leaving his whole life behind to be with me.

  After some more minutes of tossing and turning, I finally accepted the main reason I wasn’t jumping up and down for joy at the news. I’d actually grown attached to the Amish community, and parts of their way of life appealed to me greatly. Now that I was pregnant, I wasn’t as interested in having a career. I knew that when the baby arrived, I wouldn’t want to leave it at a day care center while I went to school or worked a full-time job. I’d want to be home taking care of it myself. As an Amish woman, I would be expected to do so, but as an English one, I’d probably end up juggling a job and a family, the same as Mom.

  So many thoughts were swirling in my head that I barely heard the soft rap on the door. Glancing up, I winced, not really wanting to talk to anyone at the moment. Couldn’t Dad and the boys just leave me alone for a while?

  Sighing, I said with serious agitation, “I’m still sleeping.”

  After a pause, the door opened slowly, and Noah’s head peeked in.

  “I’m sorry to bother you, sweetheart, but your father said it was all right for us to talk, and I didn’t want to waste the opportunity.”

  He was grinning at me, and the sight of him chased all my worries away. Warmth spread through my body as I held out my arms.

  Noah was careful to push the door almost closed, but not quite, before he crossed the room. His arms circled around me, and I pressed myself against him. We stayed like that for what seemed like several minutes, completely silent, except for our breathing and the creak of the bed when we shifted our weight. Finally, Noah released me and stretched out alongside me. He was careful to stay on top of the covers, but when he was settled, he pulled me back against his chest, and I placed my head in the crook of his arm.

  I was right where I needed to be.

  “How are you feeling?” Noah asked as his fingers smoothed down my hair.

  “I’m much better this morning. I think I was overwhelmed yesterday.”

  “I know Sarah’s death affected you, but I think you hit the ground because of what I said to Abram and Father.” His fingers moved to my chin, and he tilted it up so that I was looking at him. His eyes were deep, dark pools, and I stared into them, mesmerized.

  “Hmm?” Noah prodded.

  I nodded and said, “Yeah, I was shocked. What made you change your mind? You were so dead against leaving the Amish— I don’t understand.”

  He held me even closer and said, “I was stubborn. I see that now, and I’m sorry for it. I’m so sorry that I wasn’t more open to your needs and desires. It was wrong of me to expect you to change your life, especially if I wasn’t willing to do the same for you.”

  I sat up and interrupted, “I knew you loved me and only wanted what you thought was best. It made sense…but why now have you made this decision? Is it because of Sarah?”

  He took a deep breath, and I wished I hadn’t mentioned his dead sister. I could only imagine the pain he was going through, and here I was reminding him again.

  “After losing Sarah, I realized that the most important thing in the world to me is you. If you had died in the storm, I would’ve wished death on myself. I can’t imagine life without you. We’ve had our troubles. That’s for sure, but in the end, we’ve always made our way back to each other. We’re meant to be together—it’s God’s will, I can feel it inside of me.

  “I’ve been selfish and controlling, Rose, and I’m going to change. Life is t
oo short to keep making dumb mistakes. I’m ready to marry you and start our family. It doesn’t matter which world we live in as long as we’re together. I know that now.”

  Fresh tears fell, but this time from happiness.

  I leaned in and pressed my lips against his, and soon enough his were opening to mine. The feel of his tongue in my mouth caused a tingling to spread in my belly, and I reveled in the sensation, feeling more alive than I had in weeks.

  When he broke away, I felt disappointed for an instant until I saw his eyes.

  “I love you, Rose. With all my heart, I love you,” Noah whispered.

  I smiled and cupped his face in my hands.

  “You know I love you, too, but what if our families insist on us staying apart?”

  Noah’s smile stilled my heart, but it was his words that nearly made me faint all over again.

  “My folks have accepted my decision. They understand that our child is my priority.” He shrugged and went on to say, “Sure, they aren’t happy about me leaving the Amish, but they have accepted it.”

  “That’s great and all, but it’s not your parents I’m as concerned with. My dad will never approve—we’ll still have to wait.”

  He reached out and took my hands between his and said, “Your father gave me his blessing last night. Will you be my wife?”

  “Are you serious?” I whispered, realizing that Noah’s decision to leave the Amish was probably the reason that Dad had finally relented.

  He nodded.

  The bubbles of happiness were too much to contain, and I flung my arms around his neck. “Yes, Noah, I’ll marry you.”

  The hugging quickly turned to kissing, and as Noah’s arms wrapped around me, I was filled with contentment.

  Finally, everything was going to be okay.

  42

  Noah

  “Won’t you reconsider—for Rose’s sake?”

  “You know we can’t go, Noah. It’s not even fair for you to ask,” Jacob said.

  The little boys’ laughter came from the sunny backyard beyond my brother’s kitchen window, and I glanced outside to see them jumping on the trampoline. Peter, Daniel and Isaac’s resilience after Sarah’s death and the destruction of our home was truly amazing. Of course, they were still very sad, but already their lives were getting back to normal.

  Katie leaned against the counter with a faraway look on her face. She was further along than Rose, and the swell of her growing stomach had recently become noticeable. When she glanced my way, her eyes were moist.

  “Please tell Rose that I wish I could be there for her special day. After losing Sarah, it breaks my heart to miss it.”

  “You can be there—we can keep it secret,” I urged.

  Jacob’s voice rose in anger, and I regretted what I’d said.

  “No, we are not going down that road. It’s your choice to go English, not ours. We will not jeopardize our relations in the community.” He shook his head in frustration and added, “You knew it would be like this, so why even ask?”

  “I guess I thought that after everything that’s happened, you’d be more open to it.”

  “I’m sorry, Noah. You’ll always be my brother, but our relationship is no longer the same.”

  I was about to speak when I heard the sharp wail of one of the boys. Jacob and I looked at each other with wide eyes, before we hurried through the doorway. Even as my feet thudded down the porch steps, I could see Daniel lying on the ground. He had his leg clutched up to his chest, and he was crying.

  I reached my little brother a second before Jacob and knelt beside him.

  “What happened?” I demanded as I pulled his upper body against me.

  Peter, who was a year older than Daniel, spoke up. “I accidentally bumped into him. I didn’t mean it— Really, I didn’t.”

  I glanced up to see Peter’s face tight with worry, and I knew he was speaking the truth.

  “I heard a crack when he fell—maybe he broke his foot,” Isaac added. He was only six, but he’d always had a thoughtful manner that made me cringe at his words.

  “Oh, my, I’ll call Mr. Denton. Your father should be with him,” Katie said. She whirled and ran awkwardly toward the shed as she pressed a hand against her stomach to keep it from bouncing.

  “Shh, Daniel, quiet down. You’ll be all right, I promise,” I told Daniel as he rocked against me.

  Jacob asked with a grim expression on his face, “Where does it hurt?”

  Daniel sucked in a deep breath and tried to be brave. He held in the pain for a moment and pointed at his ankle. “Right there—it feels all loose inside.”

  Jacob carefully stretched Daniel’s leg out and touched his ankle. When Daniel cried out, Jacob stopped and shook his head. “Guess it’s best to leave it alone for now.”

  I nodded and whispered words of encouragement to Daniel while my three other brothers stood close by and watched. It hadn’t been more than five minutes when Mr. Denton’s blue pickup truck came rambling up the driveway at a speed that was unusual for the old man. He drove the work truck right through the yard and parked beside us.

  Father jumped out and was on the ground with us immediately.

  “What have you gone and done to yourself now, Daniel? I would have thought the trip you made last year to the hospital for that broken arm would have been enough for you.”

  Father spoke firmly, but I heard slight amusement in his voice. He was probably just relieved that the injury was fixable—unlike poor Sarah.

  Peter had only heard the harshness of Father’s voice and blurted out, “It was my fault, not Daniel’s. I was doing flips, and I didn’t look to see if he was close by. I hit him and made him fall.”

  Father sighed and looked up at Peter’s distraught face. “That’ll be lesson to you, young Peter. There will be only one person jumping on that contraption at a time from here on out. Do you understand?”

  “Yes, Father.” Peter nodded his head vigorously.

  “Let’s get you to the hospital, then,” Father said. He took Daniel from my arms and rose fluidly with him.

  After he’d placed Daniel into the truck, I went to climb in beside Jacob, but Father’s hand stopped me.

  “Not you, Noah.”

  “Why not? I can help keep Daniel calm while you talk to the doctors.”

  “Jacob will go with us. You are no longer a part of this family, and we all must get used to the idea.” When he saw that I was about to argue, he held up his hand and said in a quiet voice, “Please, I’ve had enough difficulty this past week—don’t add to it.”

  I stepped back as if he’d punched me. A quick look of sadness flashed over Father’s face before he turned his back and got into the truck. Jacob slipped by, and his hand on my shoulder felt solid and warm for an instant, but he glanced away, not meeting my gaze.

  After the truck had driven off, I stood on the driveway staring in the direction it had gone. Vaguely, I heard Katie instruct Peter and Isaac to head to the house for lunch before she walked up to me and placed her hand softly on my arm.

  When I looked at her, her eyes were full of tears, and I sniffed, sucking in all the emotions I was feeling. I wouldn’t let any of them see me cry.

  “I wish only the best for you and Rose, and so does Jacob. You must believe that. We’re not shunning you because we don’t love you—we have no choice in the matter. If we wish to remain Amish, we must follow the rules of our Ordnung…you know that.”

  I nodded my head. “Yes, I do.”

  I turned away from my sister-in-law and went to the hitching rail where Lady was tied. The mare was pawing the gravel nervously, and when she saw me approaching, she paused and whinnied.

  Her high-strung personality was more suited to Rose than me, but now that I was on my own and on
ly had the untrained Paint yearling, Rebel, to my name, I didn’t have much choice in the matter.

  The sun shone down on my head, and I lifted my face to its warmth as I rode down the driveway. For all the grief of losing Sarah and my family, a small smile lifted on my mouth when a thought occurred to me.

  In my new life, I wouldn’t be restricted to using a horse for transportation. I’d be able to drive a car to get around in. The thought sent a spasm of excitement and fear through me at the same time.

  But those feelings were quickly replaced with great heaviness some time later when I passed by the property where my house used to stand.

  Sarah was dead, and my family was all but lost to me.

  Taking a deep breath, I looked over my shoulder one last time to say goodbye to the only world I’d ever known.

  I knew I was doing the right thing, but I still felt numb.

  Straightening in the saddle, I focused on Rose’s house and my future.

  As long as Rose and our baby were with me, I’d be all right. I had to be.

  43

  Rose

  I peeked around the corner at the interior of the church. Bouquets of wildflowers adorned the end of each pew, matching a larger display at the front of the room. The faces that looked out from the pews were smiling, the animated sound of their voices filling the air.

  Amanda and Britney, my childhood friends from Cincinnati, were seated close to the front, and I smiled when Amanda spotted me and giggled. She whispered to her boyfriend, Heath, and then pointed at me. The two girls had been with me in the small room adjoining the chapel for most of the morning, and Amanda had even taken charge of rolling my hair up into an elaborate bun, while Britney had tucked the small purple flowers into my hair and curled some stray locks with the iron around my face.

  I’d always assumed that the two girls would be in my wedding party, but it hadn’t worked out that way. With none of Noah’s family coming to the ceremony, he didn’t have anyone to represent him. As it was, the only person we could think of to be his best man was Sam. Noah had only reluctantly agreed on the choice after much grumbling. Of course, Summer was my best friend, and it had worked out perfectly to have her be my maid of honor, beside Sam.