“Sweet dreams, lover boy.”
I flipped him off and proceeded to march down the hall. I had a feeling Heath was right on the money. Most of my dreams tonight would revolve around Reagan and there was no stopping it. The train had been set into motion and there was no stopping it as it bulldozed through every wall I’d erected over the years to keep Reagan out.
CHAPTER 6
Reagan
I drove into the lot, handing the badge Sawyer had given me to the attendant. Never in my life had I imagined a time when I’d not only be backstage during a concert, but also not have to enter with the rest of the audience. The overhead lights highlighted the few cars already parked in the lot. It seemed surreal to be going backstage at a venue where I’d never even sat in the front row. Seats were way too expensive. Now, I stood ringing a bell at a back entrance, my stomach fluttering. Once I realized Sawyer was the drummer for Jaded Ivory, I’d made sure to download every one of their songs. He didn’t need to know I followed their success online. Even though Sawyer had cut me out of his life for reasons I still didn’t know, deep down I wanted him to succeed.
It was exciting to watch from afar as their fame increased, but to get to see it up close was something entirely different. Tonight, I got to see Sawyer live in his element. Call me a little starstruck, but after watching them online, I might have been a little awestruck to meet them. My heart beat a little faster than normal as the door opened and a man about my height with arms the size of my thighs stood before me. And that was saying something. Just because I stopped playing football in college didn’t mean I gave up the workout regimen. Being healthy was worth trying to squeeze in gym time between hours at the firm. Then again, there I was ditching the ten or more files on my desk for the night to see Sawyer’s show.
Without a word, the guy held out his hand. I lifted the lanyard from my neck and handed him the small card attached. He scanned it and a moment later let me in, directing me down a long hall to the last door on the left. The door was unlocked. After pushing it open, I came face-to-face with tables full of food and drinks. More choices that I could have imagined.
Too worked up to sit down, I paced the room, unsure of why they sent me there in the first place. Voices reached my ears, growing louder as they got closer to the door. It flew open and I stopped in my tracks, spinning around to see who was there. In walked a man with long, dark hair. I thought he might have been the keyboard player for the band. He laughed, looking over his shoulder at someone behind him. Another guy stepped through the doorway. This one had short, light blond hair standing up in every direction. He rolled his eyes at the first one. The keyboard player stopped in his tracks, his gaze focused on me.
“Can I help you?” he asked warily.
The rest of the group’s attention was drawn to me. Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed Sawyer come through the door. His eyes sparkled, and a smile pulled at the corner of his lips. My heart picked up pace and suddenly I was tongue tied.
“I’m—” I started.
“Reagan!” Sawyer walked over and clasped me on the shoulder. My arm broke out in goosebumps and I shivered before he let me go and turned to the other three people in the room. Strange, what was that about? Nothing like that had ever happened when I’d been around Sawyer. “This is my friend from home, Reagan, the one I’ve been telling you about.”
Their whole demeanor changed. Shoulders relaxed and smiles formed. The one with the light blond hair came forward with his hand extended. “Monty. It’s nice to meet you.”
I took hold of it and shook, watching as the rest of the guys moved closer to wait for their own introduction.
Slowly the other members were introduced and I just hoped to God I could remember them since I sucked with names. Monty grabbed a bottle of water from the table and dropped into a seat on one of the couches. Sawyer pointed to the tables next to him.
“Impressive, right?” He lifted a brow, a smirk on his lips.
As much as I wanted to smack him in the back of his head for the smartass behavior, I didn’t want to draw more attention to myself when it felt like each time I wasn’t looking Heath looked at me. Every time I glanced over my shoulder to where he was seated, his eyes would move away.
“It is.” I nodded.
“Want something?” Sawyer grabbed a bottle of green tea and waited for my answer.
“Water’s fine.”
He chuckled. “You don’t have to play tonight. Have a beer. Trust me, we’ll have plenty of those after the show, but it’s better to play sober.”
“Tell me about it,” Monty said, laughter peeling from his lips.
Jackson flipped him off. It didn’t stop Monty from grabbing his stomach and slinking farther into the couch.
I turned back to Sawyer. “Um…”
He waved a dismissive hand. “Ignore them. Jackson had a few beers before a gig one night.”
“It was more than a few,” Heath chimed in.
“Okay, okay, it was closer to a case.” Sawyer glanced over his shoulder. “I was trying to be nice.”
Heath shook his head. “Being nice does not explain the story.”
“Fine.” He looked back at me. “Anyway.” He emphasized the word. “Jackson forgot the set list in the middle of the show.”
Jackson tucked himself farther into the couch, like he could disappear from the scrutiny. “You guys are such dickheads.”
“I thought he might play the wrong first song.” Monty apparently got over his mirth from earlier.
“Oh, damn.”
“Oh, damn is right.” It was Sawyer’s turn to laugh. “I’m not even sure he played a song from our set list.”
Jackson groaned, covering his face with his hands.
Sawyer held up a bottle of water, shaking it back and forth. “Jackson, want a drink?”
“Fuck off.” He rolled his eyes.
The room erupted and I couldn’t help the small spark of jealously that rose up in my gut. The relationship between Sawyer and me used to be that way. We had more crazy stories than I could count. We still had those stories, but we’d lost the closeness we once shared in each and every one of them. The laughter slowly died down and after chucking the bottle of water at Jackson, Sawyer plopped down on the empty couch and gestured for me to join him. I sat down and looked around the room, not sure what to say to any of them. Thoughts of all the things I saw them do on social media ran through my mind, but I didn’t want them to know how badly I’d stalked them.
So I focused on the food. Something easy. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen so much food.”
Sawyer laughed. “You should have seen our reactions the first time they set us up in this green room.” He pointed to the table. “Did you eat?”
“No. I was trying to figure out why they’d put me in here to wait.”
“I knew you had a late meeting tonight and were coming right here. I wanted to give you a chance to get food before the show started.”
Now that my nerves were starting to settle I heard my stomach growl. A clear indication I hadn’t eaten since that morning. Sawyer glanced at my stomach then back at me.
“Fine. Eating does sound good right about now.” I stood and grabbed a plate from the end of the table. There were so many options, but I ended up with a couple of wrap sandwiches and a bag of chips. I took my seat and tucked into the food on my plate. Heath stood and grabbed a plate of his own.
“What’s taking Mari so long?” Jackson said, perusing the table himself.
Sawyer scoffed. “Cole has an away game this weekend. She’s talking to him before we go on.”
“At least they’re not fucking in her dressing room this time.” Heath fake shivered.
Interesting. I had a whole new appreciation for the lead singer. If I had the kind of chemistry with someone that I could drop my pants and have sex anywhere, you bet your ass I’d be doing just that.
Sawyer was the last to stand and fill a plate. All of them piled high.
&nb
sp; Heath swallowed and looked at me. “Sawyer said you went to Hayward. What did you study?”
“Law. I finished my undergrad at Summerfield but decided it wasn’t the best place to earn a law degree if I wanted any of the big firms to look in my direction. And I’d been right. After graduation I got hired at Braddock & Minetti.”
“Impressive,” Monty said around a mouthful of his sandwich. “How many hours do you put in a week?”
“More than I can count. Now that I’ve been with the firm more than a year, the hours aren’t as bad.”
Monty took a swig of his water. “Fuck. That sounds like a lot of work.”
“It is. I should be going over notes for a case tonight, but I’d rather see Sawyer on stage.”
Heath glanced at Sawyer then back at me. The move was so quick, I wasn’t sure what to think about it. I tried to push it out of my head and focused on something else they mentioned.
“You said Mari was talking to someone about an away game?”
Jackson nodded. “Yeah. Mari’s boyfriend, Cole, is the offensive coordinator for Hayward.”
I lifted the bottle to my lips and dropped it down before taking a sip. “Shit, you mean Cole Wallace?”
I probably should have known that considering I’d been watching the band on social media. In reality, I only paid attention to Sawyer.
Sawyer looked over at me. “Yeah, that’s him.”
I put the cap on the bottle and set it on the table next to me before running a hand through my hair. “Fuck, I remember him when he played in high school. Every guy I played with wanted to be him. Most of us could have only dreamed about a Division I full ride scholarship.”
Sawyer punched me in the arm. “Don’t act like you weren’t on your own scholarship to a Division I school.”
“I did, but I never would have had a shot at playing in the NFL. Cole was probably one of the best wide receivers in the country.”
“That he was,” a sultry female voice said from the direction of the door.
I looked over to see Mari standing there, watching all of us. Damn, pictures did not do justice to her beauty. The woman was fucking gorgeous. There was a confidence in her walk that Sawyer seemed to lack last night. She dropped down between the two of us, her gaze immediately drawn to me.
“You must be Reagan.”
I nodded. “That’s me.”
“Well, well, well. I’ve heard an awful lot about you.”
“Good things, I hope.” It sounded cliché, but not many people wanted to be known for the bad stuff.
“All good.” She smiled. And just like Heath, she glanced over her shoulder at Sawyer, lifting a brow.
“Knock it off,” he snapped under his breath, still loud enough for me to hear it.
I noticed Mari drop her gaze from me and focused on Sawyer. A brow lifted over one of those blue eyes that seemed to be filled with heat.
“I will not. This is your own fault.” She turned back to me. “He’s just being a bit touchy.”
I had no idea what was going on, but something in me hoped she’d get up and sit somewhere else. Years had passed since Sawyer and I had this kind of chance to hang out and even though we were surrounded by his bandmates, it felt like I had him all to myself when we were alone on the couch. She rested her hand on my thigh, drawing small circles as her fingers slowly moved up my leg. She didn’t stop there. After scooting closer until her one thigh practically sat on top of mine, she gripped my bicep, rubbing the muscles under her soft skin.
“Tell me about yourself.”
“Mari,” Sawyer warned.
She threw her hands up in the air and stood, heading over to the table to grab a drink. Sawyer took the opportunity to slide closer to me, leaving the open space on the other side of him. Not that I minded. Mari was hot, but having a boyfriend happened to be a big, red flag to stay away for me. I didn’t want to get involved in the whole cheating thing. More than that, for some reason I felt uncomfortable with the way she was flirting with me in front of Sawyer. I’d come to hang out and watch him play, not pick someone up.
She turned to sit back down and noticed Sawyer had moved. Without a word she took the seat next to him. She called my name. “You still haven’t told me anything about yourself.”
The flirtation seemed to be over. I didn’t know what had stopped it, but I was more than happy for it to end. Instead of giving her a chance to start again, I answered her question. The whole time I talked I noticed Sawyer watching me out of the corner of his eye.
Eventually, someone knocked on the door and stuck their head in. “About ten minutes.”
“Got it.” Jackson stood, reaching his arms up in a stretch.
“Ready for your first backstage concert?” Sawyer asked, standing and holding out hands to help up Mari and myself.
By then, Mari had completely backed away from her flirtation and I grew more comfortable around her.
“Lead the way.” I gestured to the door with my hands.
Sawyer chuckled and moved toward it. That was when I noticed everyone else had already left the room. The closer we got to the main stage, the louder the chanting got. It switched between calling for Jaded Ivory or for Mari. The sound became deafening when we stepped through the stage door. It was in such contrast to the small gigs Sawyer’s high school band used to play. Most of them were for school events. Every once in a while he was allowed to play in a club. That was always harder to find, considering he was only eighteen at the time.
The crowd would get worked up when they started to play, but nothing compared to the sound rattling around my ears. The band waited at the edge of the stage, Mari in the back of them. Sawyer stood next to me, talking close to my ear, since it was the only way I’d be able to hear what he was saying.
“Enjoy the show. We’ll have drinks and fun later as long as it isn’t too late for you.”
I shook my head, not sure if he’d be able to hear me. “No. I have a contract to deal with, but not until Monday. I can finish it this weekend. No go out there and show me what new tricks you’ve learned in the last few years.”
His eyes dropped to my lips and quickly lifted. What was that all about? I had to have been seeing things. He wouldn’t be looking at my mouth. I’d probably imagined it in all the excitement. Apparently, my lack of sleep was starting to melt my brain cells. He smiled, but for some reason it didn’t reach his eyes. Before I could say something, he and the rest of the guys were jogging on stage, waving as the crowd went crazy.
The guys took their spots and Mari moved closer to the edge of the curtain. The chanting started before she even walked out into the audience’s view. Mari. Mari. Mari. The moment she stepped into the spotlight, everything erupted. I didn’t think it was possible, but the crowd went even crazier than before. The spotlight followed her all the way to the mic set up near the front. She put both hands up in the air to quiet the crowd.
“Hey, Pinnacle, I’m Mari and we’re Jaded Ivory.” Screams and shouts filled the night air. “Now let’s make some fucking noise.”
Cheers went up and the music started. From my position, I could see everything on stage, but my gaze was drawn to the man behind the drum kit. He still had that smooth grace as he moved the stick from one skin to the other. In the background, the voices of the crowd rose as Mari reached the chorus of the song. To a stranger, Sawyer might look like a man in deep thought about what he was playing. Not to me. At the corner of his eyes, I could see the way they crinkled with the smile that was trying to slip free. He loved every minute of being on stage. I could only imagine what it was like to write a song and have thousands of people love it so much they sang along with you.
Song after song, I stood mesmerized by the sounds filling the arena. It was easy to pick out the songs Sawyer had written. I may not have played anything beyond the piano when my parents made me learn it as a kid, but there wasn’t much I didn’t know about a drum kit. Sawyer had made sure of that. Especially if I helped him move the kit from pl
ace to place to play. I’d better set it up right or he’d torture me for the next two weeks about forgetting. Considering he knew all my stats, the least I could do was learn which drum was which. The cymbals took me the longest until I finally learned the difference in the sound. Sawyer preferred the Ride cymbal in his music. It didn’t have that loud crash you hear at the end of a song. If you hit it right, it sounded like a bell.
As Jaded Ivory got closer to the end of their set, I noticed the bustle backstage increase as the stage hands were getting ready to set up for the headliner. Watching Sawyer play tonight and the way the crowd chanted for them, I had no doubt they’d be the headliners before long.
Sawyer’s deep voice filled the arena. “Thanks for being here tonight. I’d like to take a moment to introduce the band. On keyboards is Heath Marshall, on bass Monty Vance, our lead guitarist Jackson Hadden, I’m Sawyer, and last but not least…Mari Cosmann on vocals.”
This.
This right here was Sawyer’s dream. He was living it, breathing it. It had been the only thing he ever talked about when we were growing up. Being a famous musician. He didn’t give a shit what it took. He was going to get there. And for the first time since we were eighteen, I got to experience the dream with him.
CHAPTER 7
Sawyer
Throughout the set, I couldn’t stop myself from peeking to the side of the stage where Reagan listened to us play. Many nights I watched Cole do the same thing with Mari and for a brief moment, I wished we could have had the same thing. Quickly, I pushed it aside. Reagan was back in my life and that was what mattered most. Things had still been a little awkward when he arrived, but I had a feeling we needed time to get to be around each other again.
What shocked me each time I looked over was that his eyes weren’t on Mari where I expected them to be. I may like guys, but it didn’t mean I couldn’t see. Mari was hot and she knew it. Considering the shit she pulled in the green room, I thought for sure I’d find his gaze on her. Blood roared through my ears when I saw her hand on his knee. She wanted me to lose my shit on her. She knew if I went off, I’d have to explain why, which I wasn’t ready to do. Hopefully, she didn’t try and pull more of that shit with him.
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