We waved to the crowd as the lights went down and slowly moved from behind our instruments. The stage hands were already racing past us to change out the equipment for The Black Sails, the headliner tonight. The cool breeze hit me as soon as I stepped past the black curtain meant to hide most of the back from the audience. A small bead of sweat ran down my temple onto my cheek. Normally, I went right for the dressing room and the shower. Not tonight. Tonight, I wanted to see Reagan’s reaction to the show.
He walked toward me, powerful strides eating the distance between us. A smile dawned on his face. “You were awesome.” He grabbed my hand and pulled me into a hug. “You did it! I’m so fucking proud of you.”
My arms squeezed tight, enjoying the touch even if it would only last for a moment. Reagan let go and turned to face the rest of the band. “That was fantastic.”
The guys nodded and continued down the hall. Hot and tired like I’d been before getting a hug from Reagan. They wanted a shower as badly as I did. A shower, then drinks. Mari, the little troublemaker, sidled right up to Reagan and smirked at me.
“Thanks,” she said, wrapping her arm around his bicep. I clenched my jaw shut. “I’m so glad you could come.”
“Me too.”
Without letting go, she walked down the hall to her own room. “I hope you’re having drinks with us tonight.”
“I wouldn’t miss it.”
I had to swallow the bile that rose up in my throat watching the way she squeezed his bicep with her fingertips. Taking the hand of her free arm, I stopped her movement down the hall.
“What’s up?” She turned the most innocent gaze on me, batting her lashes up at me like I had no idea what she was up to.
“Don’t you need to change before we go out? Reagan can wait in my room while I change.”
Reagan’s eyes tracked between the two of us. He was smart enough to know something wasn’t right with the whole situation.
“But—”
I tugged on her hand a little tighter. “No buts. We’ll meet up with you soon enough.”
She snatched her hand from mine and patted the arm she still held. “Oh, okay. I’ll see you guys before you know it.” She winked at Reagan then made a left down another hall to the dressing room she’d used for the night. As I watched her go, she began walking backward and mouthed tell him before facing forward again. She disappeared into the room and I breathed a sigh of relief. The first one since she’d shown up in the green room.
Mari may be the best friend I gained when I lost Reagan, but I couldn’t stand much more of her shit. In my head, I knew she wouldn’t do anything and was just trying to force me to tell Reagan. The problem was my heart and my cock didn’t understand that. They wanted Reagan all to themselves.
If only that were possible.
Taking a deep breath and releasing it, I found the pounding of my heart slowing. “Did you want to head to the green room and grab a beer first?”
He nodded. “That sounds good.”
We stopped by the room where food still adorned all the tables and grabbed a few beers. Now that Mari was away from Reagan, my mind kept coming back to the feel of Reagan’s hard chest as it touched mine. I knew it made me a dick, but I couldn’t stop the fantasies from running through my head of all the things I would have liked to do to that chest if only I’d been allowed. Realizing that my fantasizing wasn’t going to get me anywhere, I mentally shook off the thoughts and drained the beer in my hands.
Reagan lifted a brow at me. “Rough performance? Not that I noticed. I thought it was amazing. I can’t believe how much you’ve grown as a performer.”
That comment seemed to shake me out of my inappropriate thoughts. I opened another beer and gestured toward the hall to keep us moving. “Not a rough performance. Just celebrating.”
“Uh-huh. That’s not how you celebrate unless something drastic changed in the last few years.”
I smirked. “Maybe not, but tonight I do.”
“Fair enough.” Out of the corner of my eye, I watched as his Adam’s apple bobbed with every swallow he took.
We reached the door to my room for the night. I pushed it open and led Reagan inside. He took a seat on the couch and a picture of me straddling his lap popped into my head. My dick immediately began to fill. I needed a cold shower before things got any worse. I lifted the hem of my shirt to wipe the sweat from my brow.
“Why don’t you relax while I jump in the shower really quick?”
“Sure. Where are we going when you’re done?”
“Not sure. It’s Jackson’s turn to pick.”
I walked into the small bathroom in the room and shut the door. If I didn’t get the blood flowing north soon, things were going to go to shit fast. Every single thing he did had my mind wandering to places it really didn’t need to go. Something had to give. I was not into torture of the blue balls kind.
I flipped the shower onto cold. Kill two birds with one stone. Wash off and get my body under control. The water felt colder than I thought it would be. Didn’t stop me from climbing in and letting the frozen water race down my skin. Goose bumps broke out along my arms and my balls shriveled up to my body. At least my mind wasn’t focused on Reagan any longer.
I raced through the shower, clenching my jaw to keep my teeth from chattering. The longer I stood under the spray, the more pain each drop against my skin caused. I rinsed the soap from my body and turned off the water, sucking in lungfuls of air. Apparently, I’d been holding my breath the entire time.
After drying off, I pulled on a pair of boxers and picked up my phone from the counter. Now that my head was clear, I needed to deal with Mari and the bullshit she pulled in the green room.
Me: What was that shit earlier in the green room?
While I waited for her answer, I pulled on a pair of jeans and T-shirt. A drop of water slid down the side of my face. I rubbed the towel over my head to get rid of the excess water. My phone buzzed.
Mari: What shit? We were hanging out before the show
What shit? She had to be fucking kidding me. My fingers were flying across the keys before I stopped to think about it.
Me: Don’t start. Why were you flirting with him?
I held the phone tightly in my grip, waiting to hear her answer. Mari had never been good at hiding things from me. She was definitely up to something.
Mari: I was being friendly
Me: I know you’re up to something. Knock that shit off.
Only a few seconds later and my phone buzzed again.
Mari: I’ll be on my best behavior
“Bullshit,” I said even though there was no way for her to hear me.
I had to find a way to keep my cool. Best guess? Mari was trying to provoke me into losing my shit and spilling to Reagan about being gay. I wouldn’t let that happen. A quick glance at the clock and I realized I’d been in the bathroom way too long for a quick shower. I ran my hands through my hair a few times, letting the shaggy mess fall wherever it landed. It never stayed where I put it when styled anyway.
I threw my stuff into my bag and reached for the handle. Before turning it, I stopped and took a deep breath. Mari was out to get me all worked up. I had to keep my focus on ignoring her attempts. She’d promised to find a way to force me to tell Reagan and I needed to make sure that didn’t happen. Why she was so hung up on him knowing was beyond me. Did she think it would change anything? No matter what was said, Reagan would still be straight.
I finished pulling on my Chucks and opened the door. Reagan lounged on the couch, playing with his phone. Something so simple, yet it reminded me of many nights we spent after practices or rehearsals watching TV and laughing about the shit we saw online. It hadn’t hit me until that moment how much I missed having Reagan in my life. The jokes, the laughter, the arguments about winning teams. I missed it all. It was my fault we were in this awkward place. Somehow I needed to find a way to fix it. I’d find a way to push my desire for him aside and be happy with the part
s of him I could have.
“Ready?” I asked when he hadn’t noticed me.
He looked up from his phone at me. “Yeah. Who’s driving?”
“You are.” I smirked. “You have the cleaner car.”
Reagan rolled his eyes. “I can only imagine the disaster that is your car. Some things never change.” He shoved his phone in his pocket and dangled his keys in my face. “Let’s go.”
My phone buzzed. I pulled it from my pocket to read the message. “Jackson says we’re heading to The Lighthouse. It’s down on fourteenth.”
“Great. I’m fucking starving.” He yanked the door open and held it to make sure I’d followed him out.
If I had the chance, there wasn’t anywhere I wouldn’t follow him.
CHAPTER 8
Sawyer
We pulled into the lot of The Lighthouse. Jackson’s usual pick for a night out. The owner liked our music. We’d go there pretty often when we first moved here, heading there after recording sessions for food and drinks. Once the band grew in popularity and he saw the people crowd around us while we were trying to eat, he blocked off a certain booth in the back of the place for us to eat in peace.
After the shit storm from Mari and Cole’s time on TMZ, most of us expected to have people following us everywhere. I think a few of the guys were disappointed when the crowds died down around us. At least most of us. Mari still had a decent following always trying to get pictures of her and Cole together. Sometimes they even tried to get them alone talking to others. The tabloids were sleazy as fuck. But Mari and Cole knew that and avoided them most of the time. Me, on the other hand, preferred to stay out of the limelight. The less the camera focused on me, the less likely it would be for me to slip up. Not that I didn’t have years of practice keeping my mouth shut.
“You guys don’t get harassed when you go out all together?” Reagan asked as we got out of the car.
I shut the door and walked around to the front where he was standing. “Not here. The owner loves our music and blocks off a table in the back. He felt bad when we were getting interrupted all the time for autographs.”
We made our way across the lot to the front door. “That didn’t happen last night.”
“Nope. Thankfully, it’s Mari who’s the recognizable one. When they see her with us, they know who we are, but not usually when we’re on our own.”
“Well, that sucks,” he said, reaching for the handle of the door.
“Not at all. A lot of times people will recognize me, but sometimes they have no idea from where unless I’m with her. Benefits of hiding behind the kit. Wait until she shows up tonight. Things won’t be very quiet. And that’s without Cole. Luckily he’s got an away game this weekend. The two of them together are the paparazzi’s wet dream.”
He opened the door, letting me lead him to the back and our normal booth. I slid all the way to the back of the circular booth, loving how Reagan sat next to me.
“Think it will be like that forever?” He grabbed a menu from the middle of the table.
“No. Right now I think we’re lucky. As our music gets played on more stations and our popularity grows, I’m pretty sure we’ll all be in Mari’s situation one way or another.”
“Sawyer! Great show tonight.”
I looked up to see Max, the owner of the bar.
“Thanks, Max.”
“Just you tonight?”
“Nah, everyone else is on their way. But we can get drinks before they get here.” His eyes darted to Reagan and back. Almost like he was trying to protect me from my own friend. “Sorry, I forgot to introduce you. Max, this is Reagan, one of my closest friends growing up.” I turned to Reagan. “Max owns the place and is awesome about giving us peace to eat.”
Max reached out to shake Reagan’s extended hand.
“It’s nice to meet you.”
“You too, Reagan. I hope you’re ready.” Max laughed. “Tonight might be a little more wild than usual. I already know there are a few people from the show at the bar. And a few of the guys know Cole is out of town with the team.”
“Shit,” I grumbled, my eyes shooting to the bar.
“What’s wrong with that?” Reagan asked.
“They think they’ll be able to pick Mari up tonight and steal her from Cole. And they are relentless, even when she tells them she’s not interested.”
Reagan nodded. “I get it. She’s fucking gorgeous.”
I did my best to keep the grimace off my face. Mari was beautiful, but it didn’t mean I wanted him to notice.
“Doesn’t mean they have a right to be assholes.”
I looked up at Max. “Look, if we’re gonna cause too much trouble, we can head somewhere else.”
“Fuck that,” Max said. “Just ’cause you make music for a living doesn’t mean you deserve a meal without all the bullshit any less than someone else. If they can’t behave they’ll leave.”
“Thanks, Max. Just remember my offer stands.”
He smiled. “I know it does. Now, what can I get you to drink?”
We ordered our beers and Max left the table to get them. “You know I think it’s my turn to call you a cocky bastard.”
My eyes snapped to his. “And why would you say that?”
“You don’t remember saying a few minutes ago that when the band gets more popular. You didn’t say if.”
It was my turn to shrug it off. “Simply stating the truth.”
“Fair enough. If I hadn’t heard you play, I might have to disagree with you. Keep doing what you’re doing and you guys are going to kick serious ass.”
“How are you the first one here?” Monty’s voice carried across the room.
“Dipshit’s gonna put more attention to us yelling like that.”
If there was one other band member of Jaded Ivory that commanded attention, it was Monty. The crowd knew him for his ridiculous antics on and off stage. He never backed down from the crazy-ass challenges people suggested on social media. Monty was definitely the class clown of our group. Most people were shocked to learn that he wrote a good number of our songs. The rest of us had a few in the lineup, but the majority were his.
Monty slipped into the booth on my right followed by Jackson. Heath and Mari were still nowhere to be found.
Monty dipped his head at Reagan. “Hey, man, how’d you like the show?”
“You guys were fantastic.”
“Thank you,” Jackson said at the same time Monty spouted out, “Of course we are.”
Reagan glanced at me. “I see you’re not the only one who isn’t modest.”
I laughed. “Monty wouldn’t know what that was even if you wrapped it in a bow and hand delivered it.”
Monty lifted a shoulder. “What’s the point in that? We’re great. Why not admit it?”
Jackson lowered his gaze to the table and shook his head before lifting it to look at Reagan. “Ignore him. He also has no manners.”
A waiter came back with our beers. Reagan took his and brought it to his mouth. I caught myself staring at the way his lips wrapped around the bottle. So many images instantly popped into my head. It wasn’t until I noticed Monty trying to snag my beer out of the corner of my eye that I stopped looking.
I snatched it from his hand. “Order your own.”
“What?” he asked innocently. “It’s not like you ordered us any even though you knew we were on our way.”
“Like you ever drink the same thing. If I ordered you something, you’d only bitch about how it wasn’t what you wanted. Last week you were on a tequila kick.”
“’Cause that shit tastes amazing.”
I noticed Reagan’s shoulders shaking and I knew exactly what he was remembering. Tequila and I weren’t friends.
“I doubt Sawyer would agree,” Reagan said between laughs.
Monty propped his elbow on the table and leaned forward. “Oh, really? Do tell.”
Reagan peeked at me out of the corner of his eye. “You didn’t tell them about
you and tequila?”’
Jackson spoke up. “He hasn’t told us much of anything about before college.”
For the briefest of moments, I saw a look of hurt pass over Reagan’s eyes, but as quickly as it appeared, it disappeared, replaced by a spark. Shit. I had a feeling tonight was going to turn into Sawyer’s dirty secret night. I guess that was my punishment. Whatever, nothing that bad ever happened. Mostly I didn’t talk about the times before college because all my antics included Reagan and I wasn’t ready to talk about him.
Reagan set his bottle down and rubbed his hands together. “I guess I’ll have to catch you up then.”
“Catch us up on what?” Mari sat down, sliding over until her shoulder was touching Reagan’s, to make room for Heath.
“On Sawyer’s sordid past.” Monty let go an evil cackle.
Heath caught my eye and lifted a brow. “Sounds interesting.”
I lifted my beer to my lips, trying to hide how uncomfortable I was with the conversation. It had nothing to do with the guys knowing all the stupid shit I did as a kid. It was the reason why they didn’t know. The waiter came back and took everyone else’s order. I noticed Max at the bar talking with a guy pointing at our table.
“Heads-up.” I tilted my chin in the direction of the bar.
Mari glanced over her shoulder. Her eyes practically rolled into the back of her head. “Not this shit again.”
“Yeah,” I said. “Apparently they know Cole is at an away game.”
She dropped her head onto the back of the seat. “They’re going to be unbearable tonight.”
“Max said he’ll keep them away. Besides, we can just ignore them.”
She lifted her head, a twinkle in her eye as she turned her attention to Reagan. “You’ll help me keep them away, right?” A slight pout to her lips. Devious little… When I got my hands on her. She knew exactly what she was doing. I had to remind myself she was only doing it to get a response out of me and there was no way in hell I was going to let her win.
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