Her fingers caress me, and I try so hard to reach out and touch her.
Don’t ever let me go.
I feel you, baby.
I hear you.
Don’t give up on me.
The slideshow of my life returns.
Liri is gone and all I see is a rainy day. I’m riding my bike. My stupid brother forgot about me. My sneakers squeak on the linoleum.
Moan. Grunt. Slap.
“What the fuck are you doing here?”
Bile rises in my throat, and I can’t stop it when it spews from my lips. My mother is dying, and my father is fucking her best friend.
I don’t want to see anymore.
I don’t want to feel.
I don’t want to…I don’t want to remember.
Make it all go away. God. Take it all away.
Everything goes cold and dark.
Chapter 4
Liri
“You’re awake.” Clamping a hand over my mouth I fight the urge to scream as my tears blind me. My feet propel me forward, and I stumble over my shoelaces, throwing myself down on his body with more force than I should, but I need to hug him and kiss his mouth. Feel his breath on my face. To stare into his dark eyes that are swirling with so many emotions right now.
“Um, yeah.” He pats me on the back not quite returning my embrace, but I breathe him in and hug him tighter.
When I press my lips to his he doesn’t return my kiss, but I think he must be in shock. I pull back to give him some air and space. “Are you okay?”
“Sore,” he rasps. He doesn’t seem happy to see me. I don’t know what I was expecting, but this isn’t the reunion I have been praying for. I feel terrible and selfish, but I want him to hold me tight and swear to never let me go.
“You seem different.” I glance down at my rainbow leggings and paint stained t-shirt. I went home for a few hours to shower, and while I was getting shampoo in my eyes Josephine, his nurse was calling me with the good news. I grabbed the first thing I saw. I arrived here before anyone else. I couldn’t wait to see him. “Is something wrong?”
“I don’t know. Do we…do we know each other?”
“What?” I laugh. “Killian, don’t scare me.” I gaze at him but as he stares back at me, I can see him taking a mental catalog of my appearance. Fear grips me, and I am terrified I have walked into a new form of hell.
“I’m sorry, but I’ve never seen you before in my life.” His lips that I’ve kissed a million times frown.
“You really don’t remember me?”
He shakes his head and my heart leaps to my throat. “Should I?” I blink and wait for him to laugh or crack a smile, but he only has this blank gaze on his face. He’s serious. Oh. My. God.
“Do you remember the accident?”
“No.”
“Killian, what’s the last thing you remember?”
“I—I’m not sure. My head hurts.”
I nod. “I’ll get the nurse.”
I walk slowly to the nurse’s station trying not to feel sorry for myself and failing miserably. I don’t know how much more my heart can take. Maybe he just needs a few minutes to get adjusted. On the phone Josephine said he was in and out. He’s been on a lot of medication. His brain must be foggy. The elevator dings and Conrad and Susie comes rushing toward me.
“It’s true? He’s awake.”
“Yeah. He is. He was complaining of his head hurting so I was gonna get the nurse.”
“He’s up and talking?” Susie beams, and I don’t want to crush her happiness, but they need to be prepared.
“Um…well he doesn’t remember the accident or me apparently.”
“What do you mean?” His dad gapes at me as perplexed as I feel.
I shrug. “I’m not sure. I’m going to get the nurse, but you should go see him.”
Susie squeezes my hand, but nothing will fix this ache in me but Killian. Closing my eyes, I take a few breaths and try to push my hurt and anger aside. Right now this isn’t about me. I’m just grateful he’s alive. Killian is awake and broody. I’ll take it as a good sign. I can’t afford to fall apart. I can be strong enough for us both. I can endure anything as long as he is awake and talking. Even if his words are ones I don’t want to hear.
“Can I help you, dear?”
“Um, yeah. Sorry. Killian Hendrix, he’s complaining of a headache.”
“That’s expected. He’s been through a lot, but I’ll be in to check on him in a few minutes.”
“Thank you.”
I shuffle toward his room slowly, allowing his father some privacy.
“Liri.” My head snaps up at Hunter’s voice.
“What are you doing here? Shouldn’t you be resting at home?”
“My sister told me that Killian was awake. I called an Uber and thought I’d see how you’re doing.”
“Miserable and so happy. It’s just he says he doesn’t know me.” I burst into tears, and Hunter steps into me, cradling my head to his good shoulder.
“Hey now. It’s going to be okay. You guys have come this far, right?”
I sniffle and move back. Wiping at my eyes I feel like such a child. “Maybe he’s better off not knowing me. If I hadn’t fought with him, he wouldn’t be in this shape right now.”
“Stop blaming yourself. Killian played his part. And yeah you aren’t completely innocent but, Liri, you didn’t do anything wrong. You were justified in your feelings.”
“I don’t guess it matters.”
I see Susie poking her head out of Killian’s door searching for the nurse.
“I should go see how he’s doing.”
“Of course. I’m here for you. If you need me, just call or text.”
“Thanks. I’ll text you later.”
He’s the only friend I have right now. I never thought I would say that. Hayley has tried reaching out, but after all that has happened, I have a hard time talking to her let alone seeing her.
I linger outside of the door, waiting for the right time to go in. I can hear Conrad speaking with his son. Seems Killian doesn’t remember that he no longer hates his father.
“Why are you even here? You don’t give a shit about me. You never have.”
“Son, we moved past this. Do you know how old you are?”
“Am I the only person who hasn’t gone off the deep end? Of course I know how old I am. I’m about to graduate.”
“College? You have a year and a half left.”
“High school.”
Susie walks into the hallway shaking her head. “Is that even possible? He’s lost two years?” She turns to me, and I am at a loss for words.
“Two years. Killian has lost two years. He doesn’t know me.”
“Oh, Liri, honey…I’m sure he’ll come around.” Susie wraps her arms around me and squeezes me tight. “We’ll talk to the doctor and do whatever it takes to get his memory back.”
“Okay,” I agree because I can’t think of the alternative.
“Son, you’re a college student. You stole a guy’s car and totaled it. You live with your girlfriend.”
“The chick with the ugly pants?”
I smile. At least one thing hasn’t changed.
“I see you are back to your cheery-self, son.”
If Killian says anything back, I don’t hear him.
Entering the room, I am afraid to meet his eyes. What if he isn’t attracted to me anymore? What if he decides he doesn’t want to date the girl with ugly leggings? Then what? What if he never remembers that he loves me? The tension that was between Killian and his father the first time I was in the same room with them has returned. Conrad’s face is etched in pain. The man is grieving the foundation that has been washed away and destroyed. They were getting along great until the accident happened, and his son woke up having lost two years of his life.
Killian scowls at all three of us. He’s painted me an enemy along with them.
I stare at my shoes. Unable to meet his gaze head on I s
tudy the little dark flecks on the white tile flooring until they blur together.
It wasn’t supposed to be like this.
Susie starts fussing over him, and he pushes her away.
“I don’t need you here pretending you give a shit about me.”
I glance up when I hear his venomous tone.
Those dark eyes burn straight into me, and I find myself staring at a complete stranger who doesn’t give a damn that we love him. That I love him more than life.
“You don’t have to be so rude, Killian. You may not remember the past two years, but we all care about you more than you know,” I snap at him. “You don’t get a free pass to be a jerk to the people who care about you.”
“It’s okay, Liri. You didn’t know him before.”
The nurse comes in to check him over, and I step back into the hall with Conrad and Susie.
The door is still open, and we can hear their conversation. “You know that pretty girl waiting in the hall for you hasn’t left your side. She’s spent the past two weeks in that chair right there. I thought I was going to have to hose her down,” Josephine jokes, and Conrad smiles at me.
“He’s lucky to have you. He’ll remember that.”
“I hope so. He seems so different.”
“He’s back to who he was before you changed him, Liri. Don’t give up on him. If anyone can turn him around it’s you and if not, then he’s a damn idiot. He’s my son, and I love him, but you are the single greatest thing that ever happened to him.”
My throat is clogged with emotion and I have no reply. They don’t know it, but Killian is the one who saved me. I was drowning and didn’t even realize it. He woke me up and opened my eyes. He’s everything to me. I feel like I’m caught in a bad dream that I can’t wake up from.
Josephine steps out of the room. “You can go back in now. The doctor will be around this evening around seven to make his rounds and discuss his care with you. If his scans are good, he could go home in a few days.”
Hope blooms in my chest. Maybe once we go home being back in our apartment will jar his memory, because right now I don’t like this version of the man I love.
Chapter 5
Liri
“So…this is it. Welcome home. Some of your friends wanted to be here. Some of the guys from the frat house, but I thought maybe it’d be better to give you time to settle into a routine or something first. I made tacos.” I stand awkwardly by the kitchen counter daring to hope that being here will spark something inside my boyfriend and give him his memories back. He’s lost two years and we don’t know if he will get them back.
If he doesn’t what does that mean for us?
Will he leave me?
The doctors seemed to believe he will remember, but they couldn’t say when he’ll regain his forgotten years.
“Cool,” he mutters and walks into the living room. He glances at my easel. A portrait I was working on of him for my portfolio is on display. “That me?” His brows knit, and his lips curve into a grin.
“Yeah. You were posing for me.” My cheeks redden because he was very naked when I was working on the piece. I know every inch of his skin and he used to know mine.
“You live here too?”
My stomach drops. “Yes. You asked me to move in. We hadn’t been dating all that long but you asking me was one of the single greatest things to ever happen to me, Killian.”
He swallows and nods. “You mind if I look around?”
“Of course not. Don’t…you don’t need to ask me. This is your place as much as it’s mine. It’s ours.” My voice cracks. Tears burn in the backs of my eyes, but I bite my inner cheek and fight against them. I don’t want to be an emotional crazy person, but I feel so on edge. I have no idea how to do this. I want to be here for him and give him some space, but it’s so hard when all I want is for him to come back to me. The version of him who can’t get enough of my kisses. The man who makes me feel like I am the only girl in the world.
Killian moves slowly around the room picking up odds and ends inspecting them. It’s killing me to not reach out and touch him. He’s here, but he’s not present with me. When he stares at me…I don’t get those butterflies…I only feel uneasiness. Fear of losing him all over again courses through my veins. What if I lose him because he doesn’t remember loving me?
Moving on to the bedroom he disappears through the doorway, and I let out a breath. I tuck the Ziplock bag of his belongings into the kitchen junk drawer for now. His Zippo lighter, his crushed pack of cigarettes, a package of grape bubblegum. The screen on his cell phone was completely shattered. His dad sent it off to be repaired, but it hasn’t come back yet.
My boyfriend who seems like a stranger returns to the living room and sinks down on the couch. He glances at me then turns his attention to the TV. Switching it on, he starts flipping through the channels. He settles on watching some drag racing show and I relax. My man’s in there still, I just have to find him.
I am going to need a lot of patience.
“Do you want me to fix you a plate?”
“I’m not hungry. You don’t need to babysit me. I’m sure you have a life to return to.” He doesn’t even meet my gaze when he speaks.
“Killian.” I pinch my trembling bottom lip. “You are my life.” As soon as the words leave my lips, I wish I could take them back. Not because I don’t mean them, but he’s not ready to hear them or accept them.
He has this deer in the headlights expression on his face. I’m trying so hard not to break but it’s damn hard. I’m scared. I can’t imagine my life without him. I know we made a royally screwed up mess of things before the wreck, but we would have found our way back to each other. It’s what we do. We fight and we make up.
“I’m sorry. I don’t mean to make you feel weird…it’s only that two weeks ago we were a couple and now I don’t know what we are.” I just want my boyfriend back. He’s all I need.
“Do I have a car?” he asks ignoring everything I said. I feel about two feet tall right now.
“Yeah. A hot ass Mustang.”
Jumping to his feet he focuses on the counter where he usually leaves his keys. Faith flickers inside me. I open the drawer where I stuck his belongings.
“This is your stuff you had on you when you were taken to the hospital.”
“Cool. Thanks.” He approaches me slowly. His gait no longer holds that confident swagger. I can’t keep doing this to myself. If I keep watching and obsessing over his every movement, I am going to go crazy. Opening the baggie, he dumps the contents onto the counter. Sifting through each item he tosses the grape gum and the cigarettes in the trash. I don’t comment but am dying to. His doctor told me not to pressure him to remember. I’m trying to keep my promise. Curling his fingers around the keys he sweeps them off the counter. They jingle and panic floods me.
The thought of him leaving terrifies me. I don’t want him behind the wheel, but I’m his girlfriend not his mother and have no business saying anything. Actually, I don’t know what I am right now.
His dark eyes meet mine swirling with confusion. “You said you made tacos?”
“Yeah.” My lips stretch into a creepy smile, but I can’t hide my pleasure when he drops the keys back to their normal spot.
“Let’s eat.”
He doesn’t remember where the plates are, but it doesn’t mean anything. I hang back and let him figure it out on his own.
“What would you like to drink?”
“Got any Coke?”
“Mhmm.” I grab a bottle from inside the door and hand it to him. Our fingertips brush together as he accepts the cold plastic bottle and my stomach flutters. I blink when I realize I haven’t let go of the bottle. “Sorry.”
“It’s okay, Liri. I’m sure this is hard and awkward for you. I wish I could remember I just…I don’t.”
“I know.” I close my eyes and suck in a breath. His hand cups my jaw, and I lean into his touch as tears battle their way to the surface.<
br />
“We’ll get through this somehow. I can tell you care about me.”
“I love you, Killian. I love you so damn much it hurts. I feel like I’m going crazy, because you’re here with me but you’re not. I want to be with you. I want to fall into your arms, and you promise that you’ll never let me go, but that’s not going to happen.” Everything I have been holding back comes rushing out and sweeping over us like a tidal wave.
“I’m sorry.” He drops his hand, and the emptiness I feel from the loss of his touch is almost unbearable. I try to blink away my tears and squash down my pain.
“Don’t apologize.” I wipe at my tears feeling like I am going to crumble into a million pieces.
“C’mere.” He places the pop bottle on the counter and opens his arms. I step into his embrace and cling to his body, inhaling his scent, rubbing my nose along his collarbone. I want to fade into him. I needed this…his touch more than he knows.
Killian is my gravity.
“Killian,” I cry out his name when his fingers touch the sliver of skin on my lower back between my jeans and my t-shirt.
“Shh…” his breath blows in my ear. “It’s okay.”
I sniffle and pull back though it kills me to do so. “I’m sorry. I’m the one who is supposed to be taking care of you.”
“Don’t stress. We’re in this together, right? You are my girlfriend.”
“That I am.” My body screams for me to press my mouth to his, but I hold back.
As though he can read my mind Killian smirks at me.
“We’ll get there.”
Will we?
My cheeks redden, and I move past him to grab my plate.
“We usually sit on the couch and watch TV when we eat.”
He nods then goes to the couch, and I lean against the counter and sigh. He’s still flirty.
I can work with that. I just want him back.
I don’t have much of an appetite, but I force myself to go through the motions. He sits in the middle of the couch, and I go to the recliner because I need the space, and I think he does too.
The food tastes bland to me as I chew, and I have to make myself to eat it.
The Conclusion of Killian & Liri (Cruel Love Book 2) Page 2