Wide Open

by Shelly Crane

  The two items were burning a hole in my pocket. Mason and Emma started the dancing off as Mamma held Jackson. Everybody thought it was some kind of little miracle that no matter what, Mamma never remembered Jackson—his name or why she was holding him or whose son he was—but always held him and kept right on playing with him like he was precious and asked questions later.

  They had been worried about the baby and Mamma in the beginning, with good reason. With Mamma's memory loss, she might unintentionally hurt the baby if she became frightened, but when they saw how she was with him, Mason decided to test it out. After several of her memory lapses, the baby was still on her lap and she was still confused, but it actually made her confusion a sort of happy one instead of sad. She would ask the baby who he was and coo to him and play. She never cried when she was told about the accident as long as she was holding that baby.

  Emma and Mason danced and basically kept everyone's attention on them for me like they promised, and I took Maya's hand and towed her away from everyone to our own little corner near Will's picture. I jingled the two items together in my pocket and gulped.

  I prayed that this was the right place, the right time, the right everything. She was so overwhelmed that I was starting to second guess my decision.

  She looked at Will's face and I waited, gauging her reaction. She smiled at him and shook her head.

  "He sure did make an impression, huh?"

  I nodded. "So you're happy?"

  She squinted and turned her head. "What kind of question is that?" She leaned in and put her hands on the inside of my suit jacket on my shirt. "Of course I'm happy. I'm…a mix of wanting him here really badly and really happy at seeing all the awesome, sweet things he did. But mostly, happy. It was good to hear all those people talk about him." She grinned and bit the corner of her lip. "And it got you into a suit. I must say, bravo."

  I chuckled. "Thanks, baby." I reached into my pocket to make sure I was grabbing the right one. "I got you something."

  "You did?" I held it in my fist and kissed her cheek before opening my fingers and letting her see what was sitting in my palm. Her breathing pattern got funny pretty fast. "You remembered my sobriety anniversary?"

  "Of course. I plan to remember every year from now on." Hint number one. I read the coin. "Five-year coin." I smiled. "One day I'm going to have one of those."

  "Yes, you are," she promised me and reached up to kiss my bottom lip.

  "And you're going to be there to make sure that happens, right?" Hint number two.

  "Of course," she said, slightly offended. "Why wouldn’t I be?"

  "You will be," I assured.

  "Is there something going on?"

  "Just trying to keep my promise to your brother is all." Hint number three.

  "Gracious, he was such a butthead, wasn't he?" she scoffed. "Even now he has to have the last word."

  I laughed, putting my back to the crowd of people, boxing her in to the wall. "Baby, I'm not sure where you're going with that, but—"

  "Where are you going with it?"

  I smiled. "I have something else for you. And honestly," I looked up, "no offense, Will, but this had nothing to do with you." I looked back at my girl. My beautiful, scarred, broken, brave, girl. "This has everything to do with you." I pulled the ring from my pocket and held it between my thumb and forefinger." She looked at it. Stared. "I wanted to do this tonight, which may seem strange to some people, but you—this is your bravest night. You faced a roomful of people who loved your brother, you faced five years of sobriety, and now I want you to face me." I leaned in and pressed my lips to her forehead, speaking my words of love right against her so she'd not only hear, but feel them for what they were. "I love you so much. I want to spend every day trying to make all of your cheesy little Chinese fortunes come true. I want to chase you for the rest of my life. Marry me, sweetheart."

  Her eyes lifted and they spilled over with tears as her lips parted with her gasp, as if she were just now understanding what the ring was for. My body took a hit like a physical blow.

  God help me…she didn't want to.

  "Good night," I groaned and licked my lips as I leaned back a little to give her some room. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done this here—"

  My feisty little girl yanked me down to her just like that very first time and proceeded to suck the tongue right out of my head. Little did we know that the party had basically stopped behind us and were now very privy to our not-so-private-very-public proposal. The claps in our ears made her gasp into my mouth and we both turned to find a roomful of happy people. Mason mouthed for me to put the ring on her finger.

  I realized I hadn't even done that; we'd just jumped right into our favorite part. "Sweetheart?" I whispered.

  "Yes," she laughed and I saw the tears on her cheeks. "I can't believe you even have to wait for the answer. Yes."

  Maya joked from that day on about Will's last word. He wanted her taken care of—well, he definitely got that.

  We wasted no time. Three weeks later, we got married in a very small ceremony. It was a hard day for her, I knew. It was another reason to keep it small and not make a big monstrosity out of it. Her brother, Dad, and mom weren't there for the big day, and I actually felt pretty guilty for asking her when it came down to it because of that, but she said she would get through it and she did. Emma and Mason helped a lot. And baby Jackson of course. No one could be sad with Jackson around.

  We got a little cabin in the mountains for a week for our honeymoon from Mason and Emma as our wedding present and it was the perfect thing. To be away from everything and everyone, to just get lost in each other and fall, over and over and over again.

  I chased Maya all over that cabin, and the sounds of her giggles and laughs and many of her other sounds would follow me forever into our life together. All I really wanted was someone I could love who would love me for who I was and not expect me to be someone else. Someone I could fall completely for and know that no matter what, she'd always be there when I needed her. And I promised to be that for Maya every day, every second. I was hers—body, soul, and every future Chinese fortune cookie. And she was mine.

  Because when you fall, all you really want is for somebody to catch you.

  THE VERY END

  PLAYLIST

  Hide : House of Heroes

  Pompeii : Bastille

  Fall Asleep : Jars of Clay

  Just Like Heaven : The Cure

  Between The Raindrops : Lighthouse, Natasha Bedingfield

  Stubborn Love : The Lumineers

  Wants What It Wants : Andrew Belle

  Centered On You : Atlas Genius

  Wild : Parade of Lights

  Things Ain't Like They Used To Be : The Black Keys

  The World I Know : Collective Soul

  Dust To Dust : The Civil Wars

  Let Her Go : Passeger

  Run : Shorelines End

  Welcome Home, Son : Radical Face

  Let It Be Me : Ray LaMontagne

  Say Something : A Great Big World

  This Is What It Feels Like : Armin Van Buuren

  Falling Slowly : Glen Hansard

  THANK YOU:

  God, thank you that I'm still here. Thank you for everything.

  Thank you so much to my family!

  My three guys are always there for me and I'll always love you to pieces for it.

  Thank you to my street team, Sweet Street!

  You're awesome. I appreciate you. I see the ones who are always sharing. You may not think I see it, but I do. I see 

  To the HELLCATS, thank you for ALL you've done for my sanity this year—not just for this book, but for them all. When I have a problem or a good thing, you're the first people I want to run and tell. You always know the right thing to say. You're the best advisers, the best friends, the best authors, the best people I know. Personal, professional, and otherwise. I love you girls. You know how hard I heart you all! Massively!

  To the book
bloggers and readers, you rock my socks off as always. I do this for you. Even with all the craziness with my health and personal stuff going on, you've all been so awesome. I appreciate all the well wishes! More books to come.

  And thank you, Mom. No one out there knows that my mom has Leukemia, on top of lots of other health issues. With my health stuff plus her health stuff, I usually avoid books that deal with cancer and illness and such because they hurt to read. So the fact that this book sprung itself on me was as much as surprise to me as anyone. When I got to the second chapter and Maya is fixing Will's drinks for him, thinking about how all she wanted was for him to get better, I almost scratched the whole project right there. Honest to God. But, I put the book aside for a few days and came back to it. My mom deals with her illness much like Will, and her illness is diagnosed much like Will's. It is what it is and there is no medicine for the type of Leukemia she has. In a way, I guess this book helped me to understand the way she copes and handles her illness better. This book was healing and therapy in more ways than one for me, not just for my own health issues and my mother's, but also for the fact that I grew up around alcoholics and drug addicts. Both the kind that were in denial and the kind that wanted help so badly, like Milo.

  If nothing else, I hope this book could be just a little bit of therapy for you, too. Best wishes, and happy endings.

  Shelly Crane

  Shelly is a New York Times & USA Today bestselling author from a small town in Georgia and loves everything about the south. She is wife to a fantastical husband and stay at home mom to two boisterous and mischievous boys who keep her on her toes. They currently reside in scorching North Florida. She loves to spend time with her family, binge on candy corn, go out to eat at new restaurants, buy paperbacks at little bookstores, sightsee in the new areas they travel to, listen to new music everywhere, and LOVES to read.

  Her own books happen by accident and she revels in the writing and imagination process. She doesn't go anywhere without her notepad for fear of an idea creeping up and not being able to write it down immediately, even in the middle of the night, when her best ideas are born.

  Shelly's website:

  www.shellycrane.blogspot.com

  Other books by Shelly Crane

  Significance Series

  Collide Series

  Wide Awake Series

  Devour Series

  Smash Into You

  Book by Shelby Fallon

  Stealing Grace Series

  One

  It was a case of mistaken identity.

  The worst kind.

  The kind that ended with appalled, parted lips and evil glares.

  The girl was cute enough. Cute wasn't the problem nor the solution for me. I needed to blend and be invisible in the most plain-as-day way and girls like this, girls who just walked up to guys because they had hope somewhere deep inside them that I would fall for that pretty face, were the opposite of plain-as-day. Those kinds of girls got guys killed. At least the kind that were on the run.

  She had mistaken me for a normal guy.

  And this girl who approached, who could see that I was already surrounded by two, which was more girls than I knew what to do with, must've thought I had a hankering for something sweet. Because when she spoke, her words were soft and almost made me want to get to know her instead of send her packing. But I couldn’t stay in this town. It was better to hurt her now when she wasn't invested than it would be to leave one day without a trace.

  The girls who were currently soaking up my attention - that they thought they had - they'd move on to their next prey and forget I ever existed. But sweet girls got attached and asked questions.

  Don't stop running…

  I swallowed and stared bored at her as she finally made her way to me from across the hall. She tucked her hair behind her ear gently and smiled a little. "Hi, uh, can I just-"

  Showtime. "Honey, that's real sweet, but I'm not interested." I slid my arm around one of my groupies. I didn't even know her name, but they were always within arm's reach. "As you can see I have my hands full already, but thanks for offering."

  She scoffed and looked completely shocked. I took her in, head to foot. She was cute. She had a great little body on her and her face was almond shaped. He lips looked…sweet. She was not the kind I wanted within ten feet of me. She was still standing there. I had to send her packing.

  I grinned as evilly as I could muster and felt a small twinge of guilt at the vulnerable look of her. I looked away quickly. I didn't even want to remember her face. "Run along, sweetheart. Go find a tuba player, I'm sure he's more your speed. Like I said, I'm not interested."

  She didn't glare, and that was a first. Most of the girls who approached a guy were confident, I mean that was the reason they thought they had a chance, right? But she looked a little…destroyed. When her lips parted, it was in shock, it was to catch her breath. I continued my bored stance, though at this point, it pained me in my chest.

  But I was doing the best thing for this and any other girl. People who got involved with me were collateral damage when Biloxi came around. He was a ruthless bastard and if he found me and knew someone cared about me, or worse, that I cared about someone, he'd be all over them.

  So when she turned without a word and swiftly made her way down the hall, I was thankful. I probably saved her life, though she had no idea. She thought I was an ass, but I was really looking out for her. That's what I told myself as I watched her go. That I had hurt her feelings for a reason, and that she'd get over it.

  A slender hand crawled over my collar.

  "What's this from?" she asked in a purr and slid her thumb over the long scar from my ear all the way to my chin. "Mmm, it's so sexy."

  It followed my jaw line and it was not sexy. Unfortunately, it wasn't the first time some girl had said as much and it pissed me off to no end that they thought that, let alone said it out loud.

  It was my reminder of what happened when I let my guard down and it was anything but sexy.

  I bit down on my retort and sent her a small smile that showed her I was listening, but she had to work for my attention. "Is that right?"

  "Mmhmm," she said and kissed my jaw. "I have a little scar, too." She pointed to the place between her breasts. "Right here. Wanna see it?"

  I managed a chuckle. "Is there really a scar there?"

  "Pick me up tonight and you can find out," she purred, making her friend giggle.

  "Don't think so. Busy."

  "Ahhh, boo." She pouted and let her other hand hook a finger into my waistband. "Well here's something to keep you company tonight."

  And then she pulled me down by my collar and kissed me. I tried not to cringe away, but her lip gloss was sticky and sweet. When she tried to open my mouth with her tongue I pushed her away gently with my hands wrapped around her bony arms.

  "Let's keep this PG, honey. Settle down."

  She giggled. I knew she would.

  It was the last week of school. It was my last week to pretend that I was still in high school. The next time I made a move to evade Biloxi, I'd enroll in college because I was getting too old to be a high-schooler. I didn't know where I was going. I would have graduated from high school years ago, but at the rate I was going, I didn't know if I would have actually graduated or not. School was not a place of learning for me, it was a cover, a place to blend in and be normal until Biloxi found me and then I'd be gone to the next place.

  This was my life. No time or want for girls, no parties, no movies, no parents.

  This was my life, but it wasn't a life at all.

  Two

  Six months and one lonely birthday later…

  College sucked.

  The big one.

  I had only been going to class for a couple of days and was already dreading the long classes. It was part of my cover. I practically chanted those words in my mind as I trudged everywhere I went. But one thing remained the same. Desperate girls ran rampant and I still wasn't i
nterested. Every once in a while, they were good for a distraction if need be, but mostly…not interested. There was this one chick, Kate, who would not take no for a answer. She'd 'found' me over the summer when I was apartment hunting and hadn't 'lost' me yet, no matter how hard I tried. To get her to go away one time, I'd even given her my phone number. I was going to ditch it in a couple weeks anyway when I undoubtedly had to move again, so it didn't matter, right?

  Wrong.

  The girl was as annoying as a Chihuahua all hopped up 'cause there's a knock at the door. The texting and come-hithers in text code were nonstop.

  And now, as I stared out into the dark rain to see a POS car sideways in the road, I knew the world hated me, had to, because someone had just smashed her car into my truck.

  I got out and braced myself. It wasn't easy to pay cash for new cars every time I needed to skip town. It was hard living when you couldn't be who you really were. Finding people to pay you under the table was almost impossible these days.

  I groaned and glared at the beauty standing at the end of my truck. "Look at that!"

  "I'm so sorry," she began. I could tell she really was, but I was beyond pissed. "I'll call my insurance company right now."

  That stopped me. "No!" I shouted and she jolted at the verbal assault. "No insurance."

  "Well," she pondered, "what do you mean? I have good insurance."

  "But I don't."

  She turned her head a bit in thought and then her mouth fell open as she realized what I was saying. "You don’t have any insurance, do you?"