“Why does no one understand that I want to stay here?”
“It’s okay to want to stay close to home, Trin. I just don’t want you missing out on life experiences because you’re too afraid to wander.”
For the first time in my entire life, I hang up on my mother. I’d hoped she’d make me feel better, not worse.
No one gets it. I love this state and this part of the country. If I already know I’m happy here, why would I need to explore anywhere else?
I pull up a map of the United States on my computer. Florida seems even further away when I look at it this way. But, the part of the world I know seems so small. Could my mother be right? Am I limiting myself because of fear?
I shake my head. That’s not it. I love my parents and I love where I live. That’s why I want to stay. I’m not going to change my mind for some guy.
Even a guy as amazing as Carter.
Chapter 20
Carter
I stare at my phone, willing it to ring. It doesn’t.
Trina dumped me a week ago. I’ve tried calling her, but she doesn’t answer. I knew this was going to happen as soon as she found out about Florida. That’s why I hadn’t told her yet. I could kill Travis for ruining my relationship.
“Hey, Carter,” Dennis says. I look up and find him walking towards me.
“Oh. Hey.”
“How are you doing?”
“I’m doing as well as I can. How about you? Shouldn’t you be at tutoring?”
“On my way there now. You could come. Trina will be there.”
I sigh. “She doesn’t want to talk to me.”
“Maybe you shouldn’t have kept Florida a secret from her.”
“She’s not mad I kept it a secret. She’s mad that I’ll be leaving after graduation. Trina is dead set on living here for the rest of her life. I don’t think she has ventured any further than Massachusetts. I know for a fact she’s never been to New York. Even if Florida does draft me, I could end up anywhere. Trina doesn’t want that kind of life.”
“So, she’s throwing away your relationship now because you’re leaving in June?”
“Yeah.”
Dennis claps my back. “Damn, man, that sucks. There’s not really anything you can do to fix this.”
“Nope. We’re over for good.”
“What about being friends? You guys got along so well. And long-distance friendships are easier than relationships.”
I shrug. “I’d love to stay friends, but she won’t talk to me.”
“I’m sorry, Carter. I know you really liked this girl.”
“I still do,” I admit. Trina doesn’t want to be with me, but I still want to be with her. She’s amazing. Truth is, I don’t know if I can just be friends with Trina. We may have only spent a month together, but it was one of the best months in my life. I’m not sure I’ll ever find someone I click with as easily as Trina.
If circumstances were different, I could see us getting married. If only the life of a football wife appealed to Trina.
I can’t force her to want to be with me. If staying here makes her happy, I want her to stay here. The only thing I want is her happiness. I hate that I don’t get to be the one to make her happy, but I’m not going to stand in the way. Trina deserves the world, even if her world is small.
“I wish things were different,” Dennis says. “I really am sorry it worked out this way. I have to get to tutoring, but I’ll meet you in the weight room after, okay?”
“Yeah, that sounds good,” I say. Dennis trots off towards academic services. I stay in the quad where Trina broke my heart. It’s crazy how much has changed in just a week. It’s already too cold to be sitting outside like we did that day.
My phone buzzes with a text. It’s Trina’s brother, Nick, telling me about a show he’s watching that he thinks I might like.
At least I still get to talk to Nick and Charlie. I’m not sure if Trina knows we still talk, but I don’t care. They’re good kids and I enjoy getting to know them.
It helps that they’re on my side about the break up. Apparently, they’ve been trying to convince Trina to leave her comfort zone for years. They’d hoped I’d be the one to get her to leave the state. I feel bad that I disappointed them.
I respond to Nick saying I’ll check out the show when I get the chance. I have a few emails, so I check those, too. One is a grade on a recent quiz I took in the class Trina was helping me with. I check the grade and see I got an A.
My heart clenches. Trina and I should be celebrating my success. I send her a text with a screenshot of the grade. It stays unread.
At least Coach wasn’t pissed when I told him about the breakup. I was mad I had to say anything, considering my personal life is none of his business. However, we had an agreement that Trina would privately tutor me. Now that we’re no longer together, she’s obviously not helping me with my school work.
Coach took a look at my semester grades and decided I’ll be fine without tutoring. I could bomb the rest of the semester and still pass my class. There’s no more risk of academic probation. Not that there ever was a risk, but I am grateful Coach sent me to tutoring. If he hadn’t, I wouldn’t have gotten the month I did with Trina.
Thinking about it now, I’m surprised Trina didn’t insist on being my tutor still despite our breakup. She takes her job very seriously. I guess she decided she’s done with me completely. If there were other tutors, she probably would have sent me to them.
“Carter!”
I look up and spot the person I hate most in this world. The guy, Travis, who ruined things with Trina approaches me.
“Hi, Travis.”
“How’s it going? Great game on Saturday.”
“Thanks. The team is really coming together.”
“I’ll say! Which bowl game do you think you’ll play in? Rose or Orange?”
“I’m not sure. We don’t want to jinx it, either.”
Travis laughs. “With your record? You’re a shoe-in. I’m going to whichever game it is. I don’t care where or how much.”
“That’s great. We appreciate your support.”
I look around with my eyes, trying to find an escape. I meet guys like Travis all the time. They want to talk football with me for hours. While I love my sport, I also love having a break from it every once in a while. I talk enough shop with the guys to last me a lifetime.
Thankfully, I spot Jamie walking towards me. We may not be friends, but she’ll still rescue me.
“Hey, I’m meeting a friend of mine, so I’ve got to get going.”
“No worries. See you around!”
I have a feeling I will. Until last week, I don’t think I’d ever met Travis, despite him talking to me like we’ve been friends forever. Since then, he seems to be everywhere I go.
“Hey,” I say when I approach Jamie.
She wrinkles her brow. “Hi, Carter, what’s up?”
“Honestly, this guy was talking my ear off about football and I used you as an excuse to leave.”
Jamie laughs. “I’m fine with that. Please tell me it wasn’t the same guy from last week.”
“Trina told you about that?”
“Of course, she did.”
“It was the same guy.”
“Where is he? I want to give him a piece of my mind.”
“As much as I’d love that, and as mad as I am at Travis, it wasn’t his fault. Trina and I weren’t going to work out anyway. I just hoped we’d have more time.”
“She’s miserable, you know.”
“Dammit, Jamie.”
She puts up her hands in surrender. “I’m sorry, but it’s true. She came home all mopey last Tuesday and hasn’t perked up since.”
“Trina broke up with me, Jamie.”
“I know. I don’t think she wanted to.”
“Then she shouldn’t have done it!”
“You and I both know she has a weird thing about leaving Connecticut. I don’t get it, but it’s there. Wit
h you and I going to Florida, Trina feels like she has to distance herself. She feels like she’s being left behind.”
“I can’t change my life plan for her, just like I wouldn’t expect her to change hers for me.”
“I know. But you could be friends.”
“That’s what Dennis said. I’d be willing to give it a shot, but she won’t talk to me.”
Jamie rolls her eyes. “I told Trina to stop ignoring you. She’s acting like you did something wrong. I don’t think getting drafted into the NFL is a bad thing. In Trina’s mind, I guess it is, but I also wish she’d be happy for you. This is big. Congratulations.”
“Thanks, Jamie. I really appreciate that.”
It sucked that Trina’s reaction was to get angry and break up with me. I hoped she’d at least be a little happy. This is my dream coming true. When she told me about the internship she landed next summer, I was thrilled for her. Why couldn’t she show me the same respect?
“Trina is a mess. I love her to death, but she needs to figure some shit out before she shares her life with anyone else. For now, though, I think she really could use a friend. She has me and her other friend, Jess, but that’s it. You added something to the pot that we can’t bring.”
I laugh. “Yeah, she wanted to make out with me.”
“True. You are her type in that sense. But still, there was more to it. She talked freely with you. You made her comfortable.”
“I care about her.”
“Then show her that. Be her friend. She’s at the tutoring center right now, but she doesn’t have any students. You could go talk to her.”
“Are you sure that’s a good idea?”
Jamie smiles. “It’s a great idea.”
“Okay. I’ll talk to her. Just to offer her friendship, that’s it.”
“Good. Go get her!”
I practically jog towards the academic resources building. If both Dennis and Jamie are telling me this is a good idea, then I’m going to listen to them.
When I get to the tutoring center, I pause. Trina is leaning on Ben’s desk in the flirtatious way she used to do before we started dating. I know she had a thing for him, but I thought she was over it when we started dating. Looking at them now, it’s clear she still has feelings for Ben.
I can’t bring myself to enter the tutoring center. Trina is smiling. She doesn’t look miserable at all. I can’t make out what they’re saying, but they’re laughing and having a good time.
Trina deserves someone like Ben. He’s going to have a stable life and career. They can settle down here in Connecticut. Ben will write the next great American novel or whatever, and Trina will change the world with her teaching skills.
That’s the life Trina wants. She doesn’t want to follow a globetrotter around the United States. I have to respect that. If we were friends, it would kill me to watch her fall into Ben’s arms. I’m not prepared for that.
I walk away from the tutoring center without talking to Trina. I delete her number from my phone. It’s truly over between us. Friendship would be too hard. I can’t watch her date someone else, not when I still have strong feelings for her. Maybe sometime in the future we can be friends, but not right now.
The weight room is calling my name. It’s empty, which is surprising for a Thursday afternoon. The universe somehow knew I needed to be alone.
Not long after I arrive, Dennis comes in. I tell him about the conversation with Jamie and then seeing Ben and Trina together. Instead of telling me to give it another shot, we just work out in silence. I appreciate that. I can’t talk about Trina any more today.
My original stance on relationships was the right choice. I don’t think this will affect my game, but I hate how I feel right now. I shouldn’t have let myself fall so hard for Trina. That was my mistake. It’s a mistake I won’t make again.
After the workout, I run five miles around the practice football field. I could run more, but I don’t want to risk an injury or anything. The football team needs me. That’s where my focus needs to be.
Being with Trina would have become a distraction eventually. It’s for the best we ended things.
Maybe if I say that enough times, I’ll actually believe it.
Chapter 21
Trina
The tutoring center is busy. Next week we have finals, so everyone is in getting their last-minute help before the biggest exam of the semester.
I just finished with my first student of the day. My next appointment isn’t for an hour. This is the time I’d usually be with Carter.
I feel a pang in my heart. I miss him.
Since talking with my mom last week, I am not as sure about the breakup as I had been. Mom forgave me for hanging up on her and we had a long talk about my fear of leaving them behind. She assures me they’ll be fine and will come visit wherever I end up. They’ve already got plans to visit the boys in California next fall, since they’ll be starting school in San Francisco. In fact, my parents loved it there so much, when they visited a few weeks ago, they’re thinking about buying property there. That way, they can go to California for the winter and still enjoy Connecticut.
I don’t know how to feel about this. How can anyone be so willing to leave behind the place they grew up? It doesn’t make sense to me.
I’m not going to think about it right now. Even if my parents do decide to split their time between here and the west coast, I can still stay here and be safe and happy. I don’t care if they don’t get it. I want to stay in New England.
Winter break will be good for me. I can finally put Carter behind me and reset. There are too many things here that remind me of him. He’s never been to my parents’ house, so I’ll have a chance to finally move on. Maybe then I won’t want to run back into his arms every second.
Ben knocks on my door. He’s been gone all morning, so this is the first time I’m seeing him.
“Hey, Trina. How’s it going?”
“Good, you?”
Ben smiles widely. “It’s actually going great. I applied to a research position in the English archives, and today I found out I got it!”
“Wow, Ben, that’s amazing! Congratulations!”
“Thanks. The thing is, I start immediately and work through winter break.”
“What about the tutoring center?”
“I won’t have time to keep up. Thankfully, we only have this week and next to worry about. Eliza is going to take care of logistics for the rest of the semester. Academic services will start interviewing for my position soon, so they can fill it before spring semester.”
I blink. I can’t believe Ben is leaving us right now, during our busiest time. Poor Eliza will be in for it, trying to keep up. I hope she can handle it. I’ll offer her as much help as I can between appointments.
“So, the thing is,” Ben continues. “I was going to wait until the end of the semester, but now I don’t have to. I’ve been thinking about this since the beginning of summer. You were my employee, so I had to tread carefully, and then you were dating Carter, but now we’re both single and I don’t work for the tutoring center anymore. So, uh, Trina, will you go on a date with me?”
“Oh. Wow.” My heart races. This is what I’ve been waiting for. I can’t believe Ben has liked me for as long as I’ve liked him.
“Sorry, I’ve shocked you. I know I just dropped a lot…”
“No, it’s fine. I wasn’t expecting this to happen. Yes, I’ll go out with you.”
“Really?”
“Yeah, I’d love to.”
“Great! Are you free tonight? I figured we can celebrate my new position.”
I think for a second. I don’t have anything important tomorrow. All my classes are in review mode, and I’m not worried about any of my finals.
“Yeah, I’m free. That’d be great.”
“Perfect. I’ll pick you up at six. Can you text me your address?”
“Sure.”
With that, Ben leaves and I text him my address before
preparing for my next appointment.
I can’t believe this is happening. Did Ben really just ask me out?
I try to feel happy about it. At the beginning of the semester, all I wanted was for a date with Ben. I thought he was the perfect guy for me.
Now that I’ve been with Carter, I’m not so sure.
I shake my head. No. Ben is perfect for me. He’s stable in all the ways Carter is erratic. I don’t have to worry about Ben moving to Florida for a football team.
My stomach sinks. Carter is achieving his dream and my reaction was to break up with him. I’ve considered a hundred times to apologize and tell him how happy I am that he’s going to make it to the NFL. I shouldn’t have stomped away without hugging and congratulating him.
It feels like it’s too late now. If I were to text him, it would feel fake. Instead, I delete his number from my phone. It’s been two weeks. I should’ve done this immediately.
Carter’s texts to me stopped a week ago. I miss the connection, even though I have no right. I didn’t respond to any of them, not even the ones where he told me about his grades. I’m proud of him, but I need some space. Otherwise, I’ll go running right back to him.
I’m going on a date with Ben tonight. It’s not fair of me to think about Carter right now. Thankfully, my next appointment arrives and I’m able to distract myself helping him study for his final. I make it about halfway through before I wonder if Carter needs help studying for his exams next week. I ditched him in that way, too. I’ve been terrible to Carter. I owe him an apology that I’m too afraid to give.
My shift at the tutoring center ends at five. I pack up all my things and leave my office. Ben grins when he sees me. He’s busy packing up all his things from his desk. It’ll be weird not seeing him every day at the tutoring center, but if things work out tonight, I’ll get to see him daily outside of this place.
This thought doesn’t send the thrill down my spine I’m expecting. I need to snap out of this weirdness. I want to go out with Ben. It’s going to be a great night. I’m finally getting what I’ve wanted for months.
Jock Blocked: An Enemies to Lovers Sports Romance Page 13