“I’ll pick you up in about an hour.”
I try to return his smile. Mine isn’t nearly as wide, but I hope it does the trick. “I can’t wait.”
I wave to the other tutors milling about as I leave.
Back at my apartment, Jamie is sitting on our couch watching TV.
“Hey, this episode just started if you want to watch with me.”
I glance at what she’s watching. It’s the wedding dress show we’re both obsessed with. We spend a lot of nights together crying over the heartwarming stories. As much as I’d love to get lost in other people’s happiness right now, I know I can’t.
“I’m actually going on a date with Ben tonight.”
Jamie gapes at me. “You’re doing what? Isn’t he your boss? You said you couldn’t date him until tutoring was finished. Aren’t you open until next Friday?”
“He got a new job in the English archives. We’re going on a date to celebrate.”
“Oh, so it’s just a celebration then. Not like a real date.”
“No, it’s a real date. It happens to also be a celebration.”
“What about Carter?”
I stare at Jamie. “What about him?”
“Come on, Trin. You just broke up two weeks ago.”
“We were only together for a month. Don’t people say it takes half the length of the relationship to get over someone? I’m right on track.”
Jamie scoffs. “You’re not over him.”
“Jamie.”
“Trina.”
“What do you want me to do? Join a convent? You know I’ve been wanting to go out with Ben since summer. Why can’t you be happy for me?”
“Because I don’t think you’re happy for you.”
Damn Jamie for always seeing right through me. She’s good at that. I hate that Jamie knows me better than I know myself sometimes.
“I haven’t gone out with Ben yet. He could make me happy.”
“That’s not a good enough reason to date someone. The fact that they might eventually make you happy.”
“Isn’t that the only reason to date someone?”
“No, you date someone because they already make you happy.”
I roll my eyes. “I get that you want me to get back together with Carter, but it’s not happening. I’m moving on. As my best friend, you should be supportive of me.”
“You come to me because I never bullshit you.”
“I know. I appreciate that, but this time, I wish you’d just let me do this. Ben is amazing. You’ll see when you spend time with him.”
Jamie blows out a breath. “Fine. If you say so.”
With that, she goes back to her TV show. I hate that she’s mad at me, but if we keep talking, she’ll convince me not to go on this date. It wouldn’t be too hard, honestly. I’m already dragging my feet.
I put on a dress since Ben said we’re celebrating somewhere fancy. I didn’t tell him I prefer low key. Ben is excited about this new job, so I can let him have this one. Our next date will be somewhere more casual.
“Bye, Jamie. Please, don’t hate me.”
She sighs. “I’ll never hate you. Have fun. I mean that.”
“Thanks.”
Ben is waiting outside in his car when I leave my apartment. It’s exactly six, and I’m impressed by his punctuality.
The drive to the restaurant is quiet, at least in terms of conversation. Ben keeps the radio on a classical station just loud enough that we can’t talk.
Once we get to the restaurant, I expect that to change, but it doesn’t. The only thing Ben wants to talk about is his new job. I’m happy he’s excited, but working in the archives isn’t a personality trait. I want to get to know him. This is not the way.
“So, I’ll be reading over old projects and dating them as best I can. There are so many pieces in the archives that haven’t been given an exact date. It’s exciting! I’ll be changing the literary world if I can pinpoint when some of these things were written.”
“That’s really great, Ben. Do you have a favorite author?”
“Kurt Vonnegut. It’s a shame we’ve found all his works already. Imagine if I discovered an unknown Vonnegut? I’d make history!”
I resist the urge to sigh or roll my eyes. Every time I try to change the subject, Ben brings it right back to his job.
I can’t believe I ever liked this guy. How could I not see he’s just a pretentious English major who can’t talk about anything but himself? Thinking back to the summer, it was always the same thing. He never wanted to talk about my interests. He did ask about my family sometimes, but he tended to turn it back about him without ever giving specific details.
“I’m sorry, I can’t do this,” I say, interrupting Ben. “This isn’t working out.”
Ben sighs. “It’s Carter, isn’t it?”
“No, not really. I just don’t think we’re compatible.”
“But you’re compatible with Carter. I could see it from the moment he came in for tutoring that first day. This was bound to happen.”
“You really think so?”
“Yeah. I hoped I was wrong and we could make it work, but I think you’re right. We’re better as friends.”
“We’re definitely better friends,” I say. That’s partially a lie, because I feel like Ben and I were never even friends, but I’ll say whatever it takes to get out of here.
“Can I give you a ride to Carter’s?”
“How’d you know I was going there?” I ask. I barely knew it myself. But, after this failed date with Ben, I know that breaking it off with Carter was a mistake. The thought has been brewing in the back of my mind for two weeks, and now I know for sure.
“I can see it in your eyes. I’ll drive you.”
“I can’t make you do that. Stay and enjoy your dinner. Maybe you can call another friend to celebrate with. I’ll call an Uber.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yeah, I’ll be fine.”
Ben is already pulling out his phone. “Okay. I have a couple people I can call, actually. I’ll see you around, Trina.”
“See you around.”
Ben doesn’t even look up when I walk away from the table. I’m dodging a bullet here. Ben and I were never going to make it long term.
I used to think that about Carter, but now I’m not so sure.
He and I could go all the way.
I just have to convince him to forgive me.
Chapter 22
Carter
My textbook is laid out on the coffee table in front of me. I’m watching some random crime show while I study for next week’s final exams. I’m feeling pretty confident about everything, but it never hurts to study. I don’t want to get into my exam only to realize I don’t know anything. Sure, I’m in no danger of failing any of my classes, but my goal is to end the semester with a 4.0 GPA. I’m well on my way, if I can ace my exams.
I wish Trina were here to study with me. We’d probably get distracted and make out a lot, but it would be a lot more fun than being alone. One of the last times we studied together, we were back in the library, and I made good on my promise to please her. I ate her out under the table. It was one of the sexiest things I’ve ever experienced.
I can’t believe I’ll never get to taste her sweetness again.
There’s a knock on my door. I get up, expecting it to be the pizza I ordered for dinner. It’s late, but I had football practice until seven. This is the first thing I’ve eaten since like ten this morning.
When I open the door, I find Trina instead of the pizza delivery person.
“Hey. What are you doing here?”
Trina rubs her arms. She’s wearing a light jacket over a black dress that falls to her knees. I’ve never seen her so dressed up. It makes my heart ache, wondering what she’s dressed up for. Or, who she’s dressed up for.
“Can I come in?”
“Yeah, of course.”
I step aside so Trina can enter my apartment. She’s been
in here before, and it feels natural to have her here again.
“Carter, I am so sorry,” Trina begins. “When you told me about Florida, I should have been excited for you. I am so incredibly proud of you. You’ve worked hard to get to the NFL, and now it’s actually happening. I’m happy and excited to watch you in the pros next year. That’s what I should have said first.”
I stare at her. “Wow. Uh. Thanks. It feels really good to hear you say that.”
“I’m sorry it took me so long. And I’m sorry for ending things, Carter. I miss you so much. I shouldn’t have broken up with you. I want… I want to try again.”
My eyes widen. I’ve wanted to hear those words from Trina for two weeks, but now that she’s saying it, I’m not sure I can trust it.
“Why are you here, Trina?”
“Because, I made a mistake when I broke up with you. I was scared, but I’m not scared anymore.”
“I don’t believe you. All it took was one mention of my NFL career to send you running. What are we going to do? Be together for a few months until graduation, and then go our separate ways? I don’t want that. If we’re going to do this, we have to be all in. You can’t give me that.”
Tears pool in Trina’s eyes. “I can. I want that, too.”
“What about Ben? I saw you talking with him last week. The two of you are the perfect couple. He can give you everything I can’t.”
Trina bites her lip. “I went on a date with Ben tonight. The whole time, I was thinking about you. It would never work between Ben and me. Even if you weren’t involved. He can’t talk about anything but himself.”
I could have told Trina that from the beginning. Ben is good at drawing people in by making them think he wants to know them, and then just bragging about himself. I had enough conversations with him to know how true this is.
“I’m not going to be your rebound, Trina. You literally were out with another guy tonight. You’re all dressed up.”
“I put on a dress to pretend. Plus, we went to this really fancy restaurant. I had to put on a show. I kept thinking that I wanted to be eating pizza and listening to music with you. That’s me. You like the real me. I’ll never fit the image Ben has for a partner.”
“See, you’re only here because it didn’t work with Ben. I can’t be with you, Trina.”
“That’s not why I’m here! I’m here because I’m in love with you.”
We both get quiet. We were only together a month, so neither of us used the L word. I knew I was feeling it, but I had no idea Trina was on the same page.
“You do?” I ask, my voice tight and small.
Trina nods. “I love you more than I knew it was possible to love a person. Please, Carter, I can’t lose you.”
I take Trina’s hands in mine. “I love you, too, Trina. That’s why I can’t be with you. I’d never ask you to uproot your life for me. You know what you want and I appreciate that about you.”
“But, Carter…”
“I’m not the kind of guy who stays in one place. After I graduate, I’ll go wherever the NFL sends me. It wouldn’t be fair of me to ask you to follow me around the county.”
“What if…”
I cut her off again. “You deserve a person who can be there for you. Someone who is willing and able to settle down and be with you always. I’m not that person. I think you and I can be great friends, but we can’t do the relationship thing. It’s just not meant to be.”
“You don’t get to decide what I deserve!” Trina shouts. She yanks her hands from mine. “I love you, Carter, but you won’t even listen to me.”
I take a step back, startled. “Because I don’t want you to make any promises you can’t keep.”
“I would never do that. You should know by now that when I make decisions, I make them with all the evidence in hand. I don’t do anything on a whim.”
“You showed up here on a whim.”
Trina barks out a laugh. “We both know that’s not true. I’ve wanted to come here for a week, since I had a conversation with my mom, but I’ve been too afraid of being rejected. Maybe I should’ve listened to that fear instead of moving past it.”
“What conversation with your mom?”
“Oh, now you’re willing to listen?”
“I’m sorry, Trina. You’re right. It’s not up to me to decide. I should let you speak.”
“Good. So, are you going to let me talk? No interruptions?”
I nod. This isn’t easy for me. I’m a good listener, but I’m also a good talker. I hate being silent while someone else talks. For Trina, though, I’m going to do it. I’m eager to hear what she has to say. I’m hoping she proves me wrong, and that somehow, we can work this out. Now that we’ve said “I love you” out loud, we can’t take it back. The feelings are out there. I want to be with Trina, and if she says that she wants to be with me too, for longer than just until graduation, I have to jump at the chance. Only if she means it, though. I can never go through the heartbreak of the last two weeks again.
Trina takes a deep breath. “Right after we broke up, I called my mom and told her what happened. She basically said I’m being ridiculous and I need to get over my fear of leaving this area. I hung up on her.”
“Holy shit.”
Trina laughs. “You said you’d be quiet and listen.”
“Sorry, I will. I just can’t believe you hung up on your mom.”
“I know. She couldn’t either.”
Trina is incredibly close with her parents. That’s what started her whole thing about leaving. Knowing that she hung up on her mom is a pretty big deal. It’s not something I’d ever expect from Trina.
“I didn’t go home that weekend,” Trina continues. “I was so mad. I hated that people keep telling me I’m stunting myself by staying here. I thought it was what I wanted. But then, last Monday, my mom called me and I answered. We talked for three hours about why I want to stay in this area. What it comes down to is that I feel safe here. There’s no risk in staying here. I don’t have to worry about failing. If I go somewhere else, I won’t have that security. I won’t have my parents to fall back on. But, my mom helped me see that’s not a bad thing. I can’t expect my parents to protect me for the rest of my life. I need to branch out and see what else is out there. I started researching, and there are really good grad schools in other states. Places I could learn so much more than if I stay here. So, I think I’m ready to make a change.”
“What does that mean?”
Trina takes a step forward and takes my hand. “I want to apply to grad schools in all the places where you could end up playing. I know you’re in talks with Florida, but I looked into the drafting process. You could end up anywhere.”
I laugh. “That’s true. Nothing is guaranteed.”
“So, I’ll apply to a ton of great schools around the country. I don’t have to confirm where I’ll go until you pick a team.”
“I love that idea, but even if I end up one place, I could get traded at any moment.”
“I know that. Which is why I propose we figure it out as we go. I’m not going to keep transferring schools. I’ll finish my degree in whatever state we start in. We’ll spend half the year together and the other half, I’ll visit you wherever you are.”
My heart is racing. I study Trina’s face, checking to see if she means what she’s saying. Her face is earnest.
“And after I graduate, I’ll start teaching wherever you are. The same thing goes. If you get traded, I’m staying put. I want to be on a tenure track, so I can’t be moving around. But, we’ll figure it out. We have to. I love you, and I want to see what there is outside of this area.”
“And you’re sure about this?” I ask. “You’re not just saying it to appease me. It’s what you really want?”
Trina grins and nods. “It’s what I want. I’ve been silly all these years, thinking that Connecticut is the best place in the world. There are so many other places. I might find I love my home and maybe someday I’ll
want us to move here, even if it’s part time, but for now, I’m excited to explore.”
I pull her into my arms. “You’ve made me the happiest man in the world. I love you, Trina. I accept all your terms if it means we get to be together.”
“I’m glad, because it took me the entire Uber ride here to come up with the plan.”
“Wait, weren’t you out with Ben? He didn’t even drive you?”
“He offered, but I knew he’d rather stay and meet up with other friends. He was calling them when I left.”
“I want to hate him, but I don’t even care about him. All that matters is that I have you in my life.”
Trina kisses me. “I’m sorry I freaked out. I can’t promise it’ll never happen again, but I can assure you I’ll always come back to you.”
“And no matter where I am, I’ll always come back to you.”
We kiss again and fall back onto the couch, kissing. My pizza arrives and we eat it together in between make out and fool around sessions. My dreams are coming true. I’ll likely be going to the NFL, and I have the girl I love in my arms.
I can’t wait to start our happily ever after.
Epilogue
Trina
The last year has been incredible. Since Carter and I got back together, life has been an amazing blur. We both graduated college at the top of our majors, unsurprisingly.
Before that, though, Carter got drafted into the NFL.
He and I sat together as we watched the draft with millions of other people. His family and mine were there, too, but I only remember my hand wrapped in Carter’s as we excitedly waited to find out where Carter would end up.
He was picked in the fourth round, but not by the team he was originally scouted by. He ended up chosen by a team in San Francisco.
It’s a fitting turn of events. My brothers were both accepted to UC Berkeley. They’re living it up in college, doing amazing as I knew they would.
I’d applied to Berkeley, Stanford, and a few other schools in California. I was accepted to most, but I decided to go to Stanford. They have one of the best math PhD programs in the country. To think I almost settled for a school in my home state because I was too afraid to branch out. Now, I’m learning from some of the greatest mathematic minds in the world.
Jock Blocked: An Enemies to Lovers Sports Romance Page 14