by Kat Mizera
“First I’d like to apologize,” he said. “Although we have strict protocols when it comes to the safety of the royal family, you’d become part of our family and Sandor did what he’s supposed to do—eliminate the threat. Any threat, big or small. I won’t apologize for that, but I do apologize for not being more transparent, for not telling you we were looking into it, that you weren’t condemned, that you were going to get every opportunity to prove your innocence. While we needed to remove you from the palace because I will never risk my family members’ lives, an investigation started immediately and we should have taken the time to talk to you about it all.”
“Yes,” I said quietly. “You should have. Well, maybe not you personally, but someone.”
“You’re right. It was a mistake on all of our parts, but this has never happened before, and I won’t lie by pretending that Logan’s death didn’t hit us hard. It sent us into a bit of a tailspin, and every time I look into one of my children’s faces, I’m terrified something is going to happen to them. There have been three formal attempts on my life. An attempt on Elen’s. Someone tried to kidnap Luke last year. The threats are constant and very real. I don’t know if you can understand how terrifying it is to know that the people you love are in danger every minute of every day simply by virtue of being your family, but it’s hard, Solange. So I’m asking for a little leeway in the forgiveness department, because I spend all day, every day, worrying about my family. And it’s Sandor’s job to minimize those threats in any way possible.”
“I know.” My throat felt a little funny, making it hard to talk. Hell, it was hard to breathe as his reality sunk in. I’d known it intellectually, but I’d never thought about it from his perspective before. He was a king, invulnerable in my mind, but apparently not.
“I know you’re hurt and angry at all of us. I get it. I do. If I weren’t in this position, I would feel exactly like you do. But you have to know, even if you haven’t lived it, that a man like me has to live by a different set of rules. That’s the only way I can lead our people and do the things I want to do to make all of our lives better. King Anwar left me a mess that I’ve been trying to clean up for the last year and a half or so, and there are still factions that want to stop me.”
“You probably have one of the most difficult jobs in the world,” I said after a moment. “And I respect you and what you do so much. I truly do. It’s just that being accused of treason was horrifying and humiliating enough, and then it was like you all turned your backs on me…”
“I know.”
We sat down on one of the small benches, Xander hovering about twenty meters away.
“I don’t know what else I can say or do to make you understand that it wasn’t personal, that we would have treated anyone in that situation exactly the same way—except someone would have taken the time to explain it. That was a mistake on Sandor’s and my part, and it won’t happen again.”
“The problem isn’t just me forgiving all of you,” I said, dipping my head to hide the emotion washing over me.
“Then what is it?” he asked.
“What about all of you forgiving me?”
I looked up, fighting off the tears that had been threatening since he’d arrived.
“Forgive you?” He frowned. “For…” His voice trailed off and he reached out to take one of my hands between both of his. “Oh, sweetheart, it’s not your fault Logan died. Is that what this has been about? You thinking that we blame you? That Logan died because of you?”
To my horror, I burst into tears.
And then the King of Limaj wrapped his arms around me and hugged me. “Solange, it wasn’t your fault. Those men were after you because they were desperate to keep Kostya as their spy. And because my children will be attending that school, Logan was there to protect both the information in those computers and you. That was his job. That’s the oath he took. It was never, in any way, your fault.”
“But Natalia…” I cried harder, my tears soaking his shirt.
“Natalia had just lost the man she loved… She now knows it’s not your fault, that you’ve been exonerated. Don’t cry. No one is angry with you, no one blames you.”
“I blame me!” I whispered, trying to catch my breath. I was overwhelmed with emotion and letting it out in front of our king was somehow cathartic. As if he understood in ways no one else could. “I sat there on the floor, and even while he was bleeding to death, he put his body in front of mine like a human shield and I just…let him!”
“That was his job.” He slowly lifted my chin. “That’s what he took an oath to do. Don’t you see? You were one of us—part of the extended royal family—and he died protecting you because he accepted you as one of us. That’s what we do for each other. All of my men would die for me, but I promise you, I’ll die before I let anyone touch my wife or my children.”
I buried my face in my hands and cried some more, my shoulders shaking as I let out more than a month of pent-up guilt, fear and embarrassment.
“Here.” Xander came over holding out a tissue and I took it gratefully.
“Thanks.” I managed a tearful smile.
“Do you think your mother will give me my son back?” Erik asked with a smile. “Or will I have to call the Protectors in to get him?”
“I think she’ll be okay once I remind her there will eventually be grandbabies in her future. Not right away, but soon, I think.”
“I’d prefer if we took this back inside,” Xander said. “No danger that I know of, but you’re out in the open here.”
“I think we’re done,” Erik said, getting to his feet.
I rode back to the palace with Erik, Xander and Joe, who was driving. I needed to talk to Axel right away, but made Erik and Xander promise not to tell him I was coming. I wanted to surprise him and explain everything that had been going on with me, beyond our getting back together. As much as he’d hurt me, I owed him an apology too.
“Let me find out where Axel is,” Xander told me after Erik had said good night and told me he’d see me soon. Xander typed something into his phone and then looked up at me. “He’s in the surveillance room. He’s on duty until midnight.”
I smiled. “I’m going down to the gardens, where the fountains are. If he’s watching surveillance, he’ll see me there and come to me…assuming you’ll take over for him for a little while so we can talk?”
He nodded. “Of course.” He went one way and I went the other, taking a familiar route outside. I nodded at one of the night guards, who smiled and waved, and I walked out to the fountain. It was chillier now that it was getting dark, but I didn’t mind. It was nothing like winter in Vinake, and my light sweater was enough to cut the chill.
I sank onto the edge of the fountain, looking around fondly. I loved it here in the garden and had gotten used to coming here for walks when I had free time. I hadn’t lived here long, but in my heart it felt like a lifetime. Of romance with Axel. Of friendship, particularly with Shannon and Xander. Of starting a new career and learning so much from Jonas.
“Hey, babe.” Axel’s voice made me smile and I simply reached out a hand to him. He took it and let me pull him down beside me. “Whatcha doin’?” he asked softly, wrapping an arm around me.
“Thinking.”
“Out here by the fountain?”
“You know me. This is where I come to think.”
“You want to talk about whatever it is?”
“Yes.” I turned to him. “I owe you an apology.”
“What?” He looked confused. “Honey, I don’t think—”
“No, listen.” I still had my fingers laced with his. “When Logan was killed and everything happened, I felt betrayed and humiliated, so that was what I focused on. I took it out on you and everyone else, because I didn’t want to face my part in it.”
“Your part?”
“The guilt I felt because it was my fault that Logan died.”
“Oh, baby, no—”
I put a finge
r over his lips. “Please, let me finish.”
He nodded.
“Erik and I had a long talk today and now I realize that I channeled my grief about what happened to Logan into hurt and betrayal. He died protecting me, and yes, he would have protected the school and computers even if I hadn’t been there, but he wouldn’t have been there that late at night if it hadn’t been for me. I know it was his job, but it was that same feeling of helplessness I had at the café and it hurt. So I turned my back on all of you, as if that would somehow make my grief and guilt go away.”
“Oh, honey.” He leaned over to lightly kiss me. “Grief is normal, and you were in no way prepared to be in the middle of a shootout. You were brave. I know you don’t think so, but you were. Opening the door so he could get in, and then when he couldn’t make it, you ran out there and dragged him… That was brave as fuck. Going forward, I’ll teach you to shoot, the basics of self-defense, so you can learn how to protect yourself. Maybe not on my level, but on a level that keeps you from feeling helpless. And you have nothing to apologize for. Nothing.”
“Don’t they hate me?” I whispered, falling against him. “I mean, he would still be alive if I hadn’t worked late that night.”
“No.” He forced me to look at him, his eyes boring into mine. “No one hates you. They thought you might be a traitor when everything first happened, but that’s a separate issue. Once we got to the truth, everyone felt awful. Shannon and Ace had their first fight because of you. He wouldn’t let her call you and she was pissed.”
“She reached out a couple of times when I was in Voda,” I admitted, “but I didn’t answer or return her calls. Deep down I didn’t know what to say.”
“And she gets that. No one is mad at you. I promise.”
“I’m sorry I haven’t been more honest about my feelings.”
“There’s been a lot of that going around. Don’t give it another thought, okay?”
We kissed, gently and sweetly, and it was like the weight of the world suddenly lifted from my shoulders.
“Will you take me to bed?” I whispered against his mouth.
“Will you move in with me?”
“Yes.”
“Then yes.” He got to his feet and scooped me up in his arms.
“You’re going to carry me all the way upstairs?” I laughed.
“I’ll carry you anywhere you want to go.”
“I love you, Axel.”
“I love you too, babe.”
Epilogue
Axel
I had a big surprise planned for Solange tonight, so I was worried when she didn’t get up to our suite in time for our dinner date. She’d moved in with me a few weeks ago and while my time here as a Royal Protector was coming to an end, I still had a lot to do. I’d talked her into staying until after the holidays, because the team needed me and I figured she didn’t want to be alone in a new city over Christmas anyway. It also gave her time to rebuild the relationships she’d had with everyone here. Even though we were leaving, that was still important to me because these people were important to me, and deep down I kept hoping she’d change her mind about us moving.
I’d done the research about taking Solange with me to the U.S., and even though we had a lot of options because of Erik’s diplomatic status, the easiest would be for us to get married. In my head, we were going to do that anyway, so there was no point in waiting. I was planning to propose—properly—tonight, but Solange was nowhere to be found. I wasn’t really worried since I knew she was in the palace, but as time ticked by, I reached out to Joe via text.
AXEL: Do you know where Solange is?
JOE: Meeting with Sandor.
AXEL: Thanks.
I put away my phone and frowned. Solange had made up with all her friends here at the palace, but she and Sandor kind of danced around each other these days. He still intimidated her and since he wasn’t a touchy-feely kind of guy, it would have been out of character for him to take the first step towards a reconciliation. He’d been doing his job with regard to the investigation, so in his mind, he probably didn’t have anything to apologize for. While he was right, I wished he and Solange would clear the air before we left. I was hoping to stay on as a Protector at least temporarily by taking over protecting Sasha for however long she was at school, but we hadn’t come to an official agreement about that yet.
I heard her key in the lock and quickly got to my feet. I’d been starting to get worried but she didn’t seem at all upset as she came in and put down her bag.
“Hi. Sorry I’m late! I…” Her voice faded as she looked around.
The lights were low and I’d had a special dinner delivered with champagne chilling and candles all over the room.
“Hey.” I reached for her, lightly kissing her lips. “I was getting worried.”
“I was with Sandor—what’s going on?”
“I had a romantic evening planned,” I said lightly. “Is everything okay?”
“Yes. I…” Her voice faded and she looked up at me. “I’m so sorry, my love. I didn’t realize you’d planned something for us.”
“It’s okay. It was supposed to be a surprise, but that’s what happens when you plan surprises. What were you and Sandor talking about?”
“Many things.” She glanced over at the table. “And I’m starving. Do you want to talk while we eat?”
“Of course.”
We sat across from each other and I poured champagne for us.
Fuck.
I was supposed to be running the show tonight, but she was derailing my plans, and the longer it went on, the more nervous I got. She looked anxious to talk, though, so I let her.
“First, I need to apologize again.”
I shook my head. “There’s nothing for you to apologize for. Haven’t we had this conversation already?”
“Well, yes and no. This is different.” She took a sip of champagne and then reached across the table for my hand. “I’ve been so selfish. Even after we got back together and I moved to the palace, I didn’t really think about your sacrifice—what you were giving up for me. And I can’t do that to you.”
“What are you talking about?”
“Leaving the Protectors. I know you don’t want to and, if I’m honest with myself, I don’t want to leave Limaj. I mean, I wouldn’t mind living in the U.S. for a while to get to know your country, and I definitely want to visit, but this is home. Not just my home, but also yours. These men are your extended family and I can’t force you to choose.”
“I already chose,” I said quietly, my eyes meeting hers. “I won’t say I’m not a little sad about leaving this job, but not nearly as sad as I was without you.”
“But you don’t have to choose,” she whispered. “Because I want you to stay. And I want to stay too.”
“Baby, are you sure?” My heart was pounding a little faster now.
“How could I love you the way I say I do if I force you to do something you truly don’t want to do? It’s taken me a while to get it straight in my head but…”
“But Sandor talked you into it?” I asked carefully.
She shook her head. “No. He offered me a job, but I’d already made up my mind. I was going to tell you at Christmas, as part of your gift, but after talking to him tonight, I don’t want to wait that long.”
“What kind of job?” I asked softly.
“In the new cyber division of the Royal Protectors.” She smiled shyly. “I’ll never be badass like you, but I’d like to think what I’ll be doing is also important. And, believe it or not, if you’d still like to be Sasha’s bodyguard while she’s at university, he’ll send us together. In my case, I’d be able to take some high-level computer classes that will help me in my work with Jonas. He’s also going to arrange for me to learn some basic bodyguard skills at Westfield & Carruthers. Assuming that’s okay with you?”
Her eyes glittered with so much excitement, all I could do was lean over and kiss her. “Of course it’s okay with me
. I want whatever you want… Are you sure that’s what you want?”
“More than anything except you.”
This was my chance and I didn’t hesitate to drop to one knee, digging the ring out of my pocket and holding out the small velvet box.
“Will you marry me, Solange?” My voice was deep and gravelly, filled with all the emotion in my heart, making it a little hard to talk.
“Oh.” Her eyes rounded with surprise as she stared at the ring. It was one she’d fallen in love with at the jewelry store in Voda. I’d called her old boss, asking if there had been anything in particular she’d liked, and she’d immediately told me about this ring.
“How did you know?” she whispered, her eyes filling with tears.
“You don’t need to work for the CIA to figure out what you liked.” I paused. “Is that a yes?”
“What?” She was momentarily confused. But then she nodded and her response came out as a tiny whisper. “Yes. A million times, yes.”
I slid the ring on her finger but she wasn’t looking at it anymore. She was too busy gazing down at me, her heart in her eyes, making me fall in love with her all over again. Then she was in my arms, kissing me in a way she never had before. This kiss was possessive, demanding everything of me, and I gave it without a second thought.
She was all mine and now it was official. She was going to be my wife. I’d never thought that would mean anything to me, that I would ever be that guy. Yet here I was. Giving her everything I had in exchange for her heart.
It felt like a damn good trade, too.
Thank you for reading! I hope you enjoyed Axel and Solange’s story. For an excerpt and more information on all my books, turn the page.
EXCERPT FROM “Nowhere Left to Fall” (Book One of The Royal Trilogy)
If you’ve wondered about the stories that led to the creation of the Royal Protectors, check out this intro to “Nowhere Left to Fall.” Read all about King Erik, Queen Casey and how they got together.
Casey