All I had left to look forward to was doom.
Chapter 3
Xander
I knew as an agent it was direct cause for severe disciplinary to not only give the mission away, but to allow the person who’d found out about the mission to walk free with the knowledge.
Well therein lay the question of what the hell had happened to me.
The best explanation I could give for my actions was that I’d slipped up and got messy.
I’d gone beyond reckless, and beyond simply blaming my worry over Jia.
It was more than that.
It was the thing that made me cast aside common sense at the very basic of levels. When it came to her, I hadn’t even exercise the general level of common sense you’d expect the average Joe to have.
I knew better than to talk in a room with someone who could hear me. Yet I did.
That was the slip up. All my years of claiming to be the shadow, getting in and out of anywhere I’d wanted without being seen, being able to steal anything I’d wanted without getting caught, and I slipped up with a phone call.
How foolish. It made me look less than amateur. Like a rookie thinking with his dick and not giving a shit about anything else.
Granted I hadn’t said much.
When Jia had been back at my place, all I’d said to Wes when he called was that I hated playing double agent and I wasn’t the person I claimed to be.
I didn’t say much, but fuck, it was enough. All that I’d said was more than enough to spark suspicion and curiosity.
If I’d heard anyone say such things I would have done exactly what Jia did. I would have done the same thing and followed, then snoop to get answers.
Couldn’t blame her, couldn’t blame her for my stupid ass mistakes and couldn’t blame her for her reaction. The whole thing was my fault. I let her get under my skin. I allowed myself to fall into the temptation of her because I couldn’t resist. Couldn’t say no, couldn’t say no to her even when I knew I should.
I’d fallen prey to the craziness that had taken me from the first time I set my eyes on her. It was the picture Ethan first showed us weeks ago. She’d looked desperate. I just didn’t know at the time what the desperate was.
The desperation was to be saved.
Freedom.
People like that were best left alone if you couldn’t help them.
Not only had I potentially blown the mission, but I’d made her life worse just for being with her.
I wasn’t sure what got to me more.
My new debacle sent me to Wes, to his little dinky apartment that was a few blocks away from mine.
I cursed myself when I got there and saw he wasn’t alone. Didn’t know he would have a woman in there with him. He was the kind of guy who would answer the door to me though, no matter who he had with him, or how busy he was.
He knew it had to be some kind of emergency since we’d just seen each other a few hours ago.
We waited for the dark-haired woman who was half dressed when I got there, to get ready and leave.
She gave Wes a kiss before she went through the door and he told her he’d see her later.
“I’m sorry. I feel like a prick for interrupting you,” I apologized.
“It’s cool man. What happened now?”
I held his gaze for a few seconds, wondering how I should proceed. Pulling in a deep breath I launched into the recount of what had happened.
The minute I told him Jia followed me and heard us talking, Wes’ face turned pale the same way it had when I told him about The Ra’s involvement in the situation.
Hearing about The Ra was one thing. We knew what to expect from them. They were terrorist extremists who’d formed a criminal syndicate. We know anything they did would be next level bad.
Jia on the other hand was Jia.
The Vegas Mafia king’s daughter. I didn’t know what to expect.
What I did know was her knowledge that we were after her father was bad, even if she didn’t know the specifics.
“Jesus, Xander,” he grimaced, putting a hand to his head. “Fuck man. What the hell?”
“I know.”
“Xander, what the fuck are we going to do. We should bring her in.”
“No,” I said quickly. Too quickly.
Bringing her in was out of the question. I didn’t want to do that, and I wouldn’t be doing anything like that.
Wes gave me an exasperated stare of defeat. “Xander, this has gone too far man. This has gone way too far. I’m in this for you bro, but fuck, you aren’t thinking straight.”
“I know. I know Wes, but I can’t bring her in. I know what that makes me look like, a damn pussy … but I can’t bring her in. She said she wouldn’t say anything. She promised me.”
“And you believe her? Jesus, Xander. This is her father we’re dealing with. She heard us talking and Ethan said enough for her to report back that her father’s in some kind of trouble.”
“I know, and bro… I would have gone to Ethan first if I believed she would tell Giovanni. But I’m here telling you.” I didn’t know if that was me talking more shit to push through the shit I was already in, but it made sense to me. It made sense to me because a big part of me trusted her. It was the part of me that thought I should tell her it was real for me.
I just had to seriously hope with everything inside me that I could wholeheartedly trust her and she wouldn’t say anything.
Wes sighed and shook his head. “This is a big ask, Xander. Trusting a woman you barely know. You haven’t even known her for a month and we are dealing with some serious players here.”
“I know Wes. I know it’s shit, but I can’t bring her in. Just imagine what would happen. We take her in against her will and then what?”
I couldn’t see Giovanni taking that too lightly.
It would be the worse of two evils. Her knowing what was going on, or us taking her in and Giovanni finding out she was missing.
Plus I just couldn’t do it.
“Oh… God,” Wes sighed and rolled his eyes. “Okay, let’s run through this. What exactly does she know? You didn’t mention anything about the blueprints did you? She doesn’t know about that does she?”
“I didn’t tell her anything Wes.” I released a ragged sigh. “What I told you is what happened. She doesn’t know any of the other stuff. The more important parts of the mission if you will. I kept my silence on that and told her what she needed to know and that was to keep quiet.”
His shoulders slumped. “Xander, I know you go way back with Ethan. But I’m gonna advise you not to say anything to him.”
“I definitely won’t be saying anything to him. The plan is to continue as normal.”
“And the girl? Jia. Is that it with her? You were all worked up earlier about her marrying this Armand guy and being shipped off to Europe. What about that Xander? Are you going to do something more about that? Cos… I really, really feel you need to take a damn step back. I think if she actually keeps quiet, then you got lucky. It means though that we have to move faster.”
I nodded, completely agreeing, even though I didn’t want to. This was the part that I couldn’t control. I had to calm the fuck down and take that step back.
“That’s it with her. No more damage.” That’s it… I couldn’t believe I was making the cut. I couldn’t believe I was even saying the words. Severing the link of the emotion I’d sparked with her, and that bond.
It was real for me. It is.
What good was that now though?
Duty had to come first.
I’d had the offer of help from Ethan to find Balthazar but truthfully I was the kind of guy who would push through on this mission because it was serious. It was serious , a damn global threat and I needed to get serious and stop thinking with my dick.
“That’s it with her, Wes,” I repeated sounding more like I was confirming it to myself than to him.
“Okay bro. Then you have my silence too. I won’t say a wo
rd. After all I’m here for you. But, I mean it when I say we gotta move fast. I’m looking into the underground passage today. A week max here, that is all. No more. Less would be very advantageous.”
“Yes, a week max. Keep me posted throughout the day. If you find we can check things out later then let’s do it,” I suggested.
“Sure. I’m close, so listen to hear from me.”
* * *
Listening to hear from Wes was the exact thing I focused on.
It faded from my mind though when I got to the casino and saw Jia.
She was standing by the concierge desk talking to a few people.
As usual, just the sight of her stole my breath away.
I wasn’t doing very well for a guy that had just told his best friend that I was done with her. I wasn’t doing well at all.
Once again I was torn between duty and emotion.
Fuck, it always came back to that.
Had I done the right thing by trusting her?
What if she did tell Giovanni?
I never trusted anybody. Wes was the guy who pushed the limit for me, so he was right to point out that I was trusting a woman I’d barely known.
It took her a few seconds to look my way. When she did, the first thing I noticed was the dimness in her usually vibrant skin.
She’d done her best to hide the dark circles under her eyes but I could still see the hint of them. I was about twenty feet away but I could see how haggard last night had left her.
Jia looked away from me and proceeded to walk in the direction of her office. I should have just allowed her to go and indeed leave her alone from here onwards since I told her I couldn’t see her anymore. My legs however took on a life of their own. Moving against my will they carried me to her and the next thing I knew I’d reached for her and pulled her to a stop.
She cast me a sharp stare and backed out of my grasp.
“What are you doing?” she snapped.
Her voice had been a little loud so she glanced about us to see if anyone had heard. As usual on the casino floor, everyone was more taken with either their winnings or the chance to win. Even at this time of the morning.
“I wanted to check on you,” I answered, holding her gaze. She looked pissed. Seriously pissed off with me, and I couldn’t blame her.
“Check on me? Or check to see if I spoke to anyone and ratted you out?” She smirked without humor.
“No, it wasn’t that.”
“How do you think I am, Xander? Do you think I feel good? Do I look like I’m okay to you? Really?” She shook her head and snapped her gaze over me from head to toe. “Xander Cage, my father spread his bed so he can lie in it. It’s what happens to liars and people like him. Liars and those who take advantage of others.”
She was talking about me.
I couldn’t answer one way or the other.
“I live in a very dark world,” she added. “I know what seeing too much and saying too much can do to a person. So, you don’t have to worry about me spilling your secrets. I promised you I wouldn’t say anything and I meant it. As far as I’m concerned I heard nothing. I saw nothing. Nothing happened. Nothing ever happened. Not between you and me. Nothing. It never happened. I never met you, never felt for you, never hated you. Nothing. So please just leave me alone.”
As she turned on her heel, the sting of her words left me numb.
It was what I deserved though.
She was right. In the grand scheme of things nothing happened.
I was a shadow.
I practically didn’t exist.
Chapter 4
Jia
The aroma of basil mixed with ripe garden tomatoes tickled my nose.
The dining room had filled with the scent as it drifted in from the kitchen.
Pa always got the best. All the ingredients he used when he made a meal were organic and fresh.
Whenever he made lasagna he went to town.
Fresh everything and even the timing had to be exact so at serving the flavor would work in the perfect fusion blend.
Ma had been like that too.
That was how she met Pa.
Their marriage was actually arranged but it was the kind that worked in their favor since they were already sneaking around to meet each other years before they got wind of being betrothed to each other. It was like some blessing in disguise. I could imagine it must have been nice.
Both of them had shared their stories with me in different ways. It was supposed to be our little family secret that we kept amongst ourselves - How they’d outsmarted their families, my grandfather in particular who was exactly like the Godfather.
Speak the name Marchesi in Italy and people knew to watch themselves. It was the same as the Rossi’s who ruled Chicago until recently when the Morientz’s took over.
We were older though. Old money, old wealth. It created opportunity and certain expectations.
Like how the daughters had to fall in line and obey when they were told to do something. Even if it was to their detriment.
I’d gotten here for dinner at six, just as I was told to.
Pa had told me to sit at the dinner table and wait while he finished off the salad.
He was in there finishing off the food and pretending to be a father, doing his best rendition of father. He’d even been wearing an apron when I got here.
I’d been waiting for about ten minutes and was told Armand was on the way. He’d be joining us for dinner.
I’d sat here like a shell, waiting and wondering what would happen next.
It was bad enough that I hated coming here. Waiting around with worries swirling through my mind was worse in the place I used to call home.
Home.
The house I lived in before I’d left for college.
This was the place where Ma had been killed and where Pa locked me away in my room for months. Three months of what I called solitary confinement. Me away from the world. No one asked questions because they knew who Pa was. If his daughter had to skip out on the start of school it was what it was, no questions asked. Plain and simple.
The fear people exhibited when they were around him was astounding sometimes.
But now people who may be able to take him down were after him.
Xander Cage. I still don’t know who or what you are, but your presence has me worked up something fierce.
Xander…
Just thinking his name made the backs of my eyes sting but I willed myself not to cry anymore.
No more tears. No more.
I didn’t have the strength for any more tears. Each drop drained the life from me and I couldn’t do it anymore… I didn’t want to cry anymore.
Xander hurt me deeply.
It hurt that he got involved with me knowing he couldn’t be with me and I wished he hadn’t bothered. Not bothered with any of it, just left me alone from the very start. It would have made life simpler.
Now I wouldn’t feel worse than I did before when I just had Armand to deal with.
Pa came out of the kitchen carrying a tray of food.
There was a large square Pyrex dish with the lasagna that looked gorgeous and smaller bowls that contained the vegetables and salad.
Pa had chefs and cooks here who cooked for him on a daily basis, but when I came around he always insisted on cooking for me, like tonight.
“There, there. I am so proud of how this food turned out.” He chuckled. He did look proud. “Bellezza, I added extra cheese for you, this meal is fit for God himself.”
I cast a glare at him, pretty certain that not even God would eat from him.
Him with his dirty, evil hands. His hands weren’t scarlet as the bible made mention. His were whatever color evil bore. Whatever color that was.
He looked back to me and the corners of his lips curled with displeasure.
“Still not talking to me. Well at least you are here. Time. Bellezza…”
I continued to stare at him. “Time?” I asked.
Could I answer?
Jesus, take the wheel please because my father was right.
I looked away and blinked back the tears, but one got away, streaming down my cheek. I wiped it away quickly and forbade the others to fall.
My father was right. I had to be young and foolish because what he said was exactly what happened.
I was a fool when it came to Xander.
When Pa started laying the food on the table, the doorbell chimed, signaling the rest of my nightmare.
Glenda, our maid, went to answer the door.
Seconds later Armand, my beloved ex, appeared at the door.
He looked to me first with satisfaction all over his face, then to Pa.
“Welcome son,” Pa boomed. “Please take a seat.”
“Thank you, boss,” Armand answered.
Pa shook his head. “No this is not a meal like that. Tonight you are here as family. You will not call me Boss tonight.”
Armand bowed his head in the customary fashion and made his way over to the seat next to me. He was to sit next to me and Pa at the head of the table. One on my right, the other on my left, barricading me.
Armand looked to me and I stared back at him, not knowing what to say.
“Bellezza,” he began with the endearment Pa usually used. He stuck out his hand for me to take.
I looked at it not wanting him to touch me. Pa cleared his throat and my gaze snapped to meet his.
Like the obedient servant I was supposed to be, I gave Armand my hand and groaned inwardly when he lowered to kiss my knuckles.
God… it was happening. All that I feared.
Being with this man.
It was so ironic that when I caught him cheating on me with not one but two cheap skanks who looked like two dollar hookers, I didn’t feel an ounce of what I’d felt when Xander told me it wouldn’t be fair for him to see me anymore.
I’d been angry at Armand. Sure I was pissed off but I was mainly pissed off with myself. I thought I should have seen it coming because I sensed it. A woman always knows. I thought a woman always knew when her man was cheating.
Tease of Spades: Game of Love Series Page 3