A Farewell to Arms

by Ernest Hemingway

"We can at night."

  "We'll have to be awfully careful. You'll have to be careful in front of other people."

  "I will."

  "You'll have to be. You're sweet. You do love me, don't you?"

  "Don't say that again. You don't know what that does to me."

  "I'll be careful then. I don't want to do anything more to you. I have to go now, darling, really."

  "Come back right away."

  "I'll come when I can."

  "Good-by."

  "Good-by, sweet."

  She went out. God knows I had not wanted to fall in love with her. I had not wanted to fall in love with any one. But God knows I had and I lay on the bed in the room of the hospital in Milan and all sorts of things went through my head but I felt wonderful and finally Miss Gage came in.

  "The doctor's coming," she said. "He telephoned from Lake Como."

  "When does he get here?"

  "He'll be here this afternoon."

  15

  Nothing happened until afternoon. The doctor was a thin quiet little man who seemed disturbed by the war. He took out a number of small steel splinters from my thighs with delicate and refined distaste. He used a local anaesthetic called something or other "snow," which froze the tissue and avoided pain until the probe, the scalpel or the forceps got below the frozen portion. The anxsthetized area was clearly defined by the patient and after a time the doctor's fragile delicacy was exhausted and he said it would be better to have an X-ray. Probing was unsatisfactory, he said.

  The X-ray was taken at the Ospedale Maggiore and the doctor who did it was excitable, efficient and cheerful. It was arranged by holding up the shoulders, that the patient should see personally some of the larger foreign bodies through the machine. The plates were to be sent over. The doctor requested me to write in his pocket notebook, my name, and regiment and some sentiment. He declared that the foreign bodies were ugly, nasty, brutal. The Austrians were sons of bitches. How many had I killed? I had not killed any but I was anxious to please--and I said I had killed plenty. Miss Gage was with me and the doctor put his arm around her and said she was more beautiful than Cleopatra. Did she understand that? Cleopatra the former queen of Egypt. Yes, by God she was. We returned to the little hospital in the ambulance and after a while and much lifting I was upstairs and in bed again. The plates came that afternoon, the doctor had said by God he would have them that afternoon and he did. Catherine Barkley showed them to me. They were in red envelopes and she took them out of the envelopes and held them up to the light and we both looked.

  "That's your right leg," she said, then put the plate back in the envelope. "This is your left."

  "Put them away," I said, "and come over to the bed."

  "I can't," she said. "I just brought them in for a second to show you."

  She went out and I lay there. It was a hot afternoon and I was sick of lying in bed. I sent the porter for the papers, all the papers he could get.

  Before he came back three doctors came into the room. I have noticed that doctors who fail in the practice of medicine have a tendency to seek one another's company and aid in consultation. A doctor who cannot take out your appendix properly will recommend to you a doctor who will be unable to remove your tonsils with success. These were three such doctors.

  "This is the young man," said the house doctor with the delicate hands.

  "How do you do?" said the tall gaunt doctor with the beard. The third doctor, who carried the X-ray plates in their red envelopes, said nothing.

  "Remove the dressings?" questioned the bearded doctor.

  "Certainly. Remove the dressings, please, nurse," the house doctor said to Miss Gage. Miss Gage removed the dressings. I looked down at the legs. At the field hospital they had the look of not too freshly ground hamburger steak. Now they were crusted and the knee was swollen and discolored and the calf sunken but there was no pus.

  "Very clean," said the house doctor. "Very clean and nice."

  "Urn," said the doctor with the beard. The third doctor looked over the house doctor's shoulder.

  "Please move the knee," said the bearded doctor.

  "I can't."

  "Test the articulation?" the bearded doctor questioned. He had a stripe beside the three stars on his sleeve. That meant he was a first captain.

  "Certainly," the house doctor said. Two of them took hold of my right leg very gingerly and bent it.

  "That hurts," I said.

  "Yes. Yes. A little further, doctor."

  "That's enough. That's as far as it goes," I said.

  "Partial articulation," said the first captain. He straightened up. "May I see the plates again, please, doctor?" The third doctor handed him one of the plates. "No. The left leg, please."

  "That is the left leg, doctor."

  "You are right. I was looking from a different angle." He returned the plate. The other plate he examined for some time. "You see, doctor?" he pointed to one of the foreign bodies which showed spherical and clear against the light. They examined the plate for some time.

  "Only one thing I can say," the first captain with the beard said. "It is a question of time. Three months, six months probably."

  "Certainly the synovial fluid must re-form."

  "Certainly. It is a question of time. I could not conscientiously open a knee like that before the projectile was encysted."

  "I agree with you, doctor."

  "Six months for what?" I asked.

  "Six months for the projectile to encyst before the knee can be opened safely."

  "I don't believe it," I said.

  "Do you want to keep your knee, young man?"

  "No," I said.

  "What?"

  "I want it cut off," I said, "so I can wear a hook on it."

  "What do you mean? A hook?"

  "He is joking," said the house doctor. He patted my shoulder very delicately. "He wants to keep his knee. This is a very brave young man. He has been proposed for the silver medal of valor."

  "All my felicitations," said the first captain. He shook my hand. "I can only say that to be on the safe side you should wait at least six months before opening such a knee. You are welcome of course to another opinion."

  "Thank you very much," I said. "I value your opinion."

  The first captain looked at his watch.

  "We must go," he said. "All my best wishes."

  "All my best wishes and many thanks," I said. I shook hands with the third doctor. "Capitano Varini--Tenente Enry," and they all three went out of the room.

  "Miss Gage," I called. She came in. "Please ask the house doctor to come back a minute."

  He came in holding his cap and stood by the bed. "Did you wish to see me?"

  "Yes. I can't wait six months to be operated on. My God, doctor, did you ever stay in bed six months?"

  "You won't be in bed all the time. You must first have the wounds exposed to the sun. Then afterward you can be on crutches."

  "For six months and then have an operation?"

  "That is the safe way. The foreign bodies must be allowed to encyst and the synovial fluid will re-form. Then it will be safe to open up the knee."

  "Do you really think yourself I will have to wait that long?"

  "That is the safe way."

  "Who is that first captain?"

  "He is a very excellent surgeon of Milan."

  "He's a first captain, isn't he?"

  "Yes, but he is an excellent surgeon."

  "I don't want my leg fooled with by a first captain. If he was any good he would be made a major. I know what a first captain is, doctor."

  "He is an excellent surgeon and I would rather have his judgment than any surgeon I know."

  "Could another surgeon see it?"

  "Certainly if you wish. But I would take Dr. Varella's opinion myself."

  "Could you ask another surgeon to come and see it?"

  "I will ask Valentini to come."
<
br />   "Who is he?"

  "He is a surgeon of the Ospedale Maggiore."

  "Good. I appreciate it very much. You understand, doctor, I couldn't stay in bed six months."

  "You would not be in bed. You would first take a sun cure. Then you could have light exercise. Then when it was encysted we would operate."

  "But I can't wait six months."

  The doctor spread his delicate fingers on the cap he held and smiled. "You are in such a hurry to get back to the front?"

  "Why not?"

  "It is very beautiful," he said. "You are a noble young man." He stooped over and kissed me very delicately on the forehead. "I will send for Valentini. Do not worry and excite yourself. Be a good boy."

  "Will you have a drink?" I asked.

  "No thank you. I never drink alcohol."

  "Just have one." I rang for the porter to bring glasses.

  "No. No thank you. They are waiting for me."

  "Good-by," I said.

  "Good-by."

  Two hours later Dr. Valentini came into the room. He was in a great hurry and the points of his mustache stood straight up. He was a major, his face was tanned and he laughed all the time.

  "How did you do it, this rotten thing?" he asked. "Let me see the plates. Yes. Yes. That's it. You look healthy as a goat. Who's the pretty girl? Is she your girl? I thought so. Isn't this a bloody war? How does that feel? You are a fine boy. I'll make you better than new. Does that hurt? You bet it hurts. How they love to hurt you, these doctors. What have they done for you so far? Can't that girl talk Italian? She should learn. What a lovely girl. I could teach her. I will be a patient here myself. No, but I will do all your maternity work free. Does she understand that? She will make you a fine boy. A fine blonde like she is. That's fine. That's all right. What a lovely girl. Ask her if she eats supper with me. No I won't take her away from you. Thank you. Thank you very much, Miss. That's all."

  "That's all I want to know." He patted me on the shoulder. "Leave the dressings off."

  "Will you have a drink, Dr. Valentini?"

  "A drink? Certainly. I will have ten drinks. Where are they?"

  "In the armoire. Miss Barkley will get the bottle."

  "Cheery oh. Cheery oh to you, Miss. What a lovely girl. I will bring you better cognac than that." He wiped his mustache.

  "When do you think it can be operated on?"

  "To-morrow morning. Not before. Your stomach must be emptied. You must be washed out. I will see the old lady downstairs and leave instructions. Good-by. I see you to-morrow. I'll bring you better cognac than that. You are very comfortable here. Good-by. Until to-morrow. Get a good sleep. I'll see you early." He waved from the doorway, his mustaches went straight up, his brown face was smiling. There was a star in a box on his sleeve because he was a major.

  16

  That night a bat flew into the room through the open door that led onto the balcony and through which we watched the night over the roofs of the town. It was dark in our room except for the small light of the night over the town and the bat was not frightened but hunted in the room as though he had been outside. We lay and watched him and I do not think he saw us because we lay so still. After he went out we saw a searchlight come on and watched the beam move across the sky and then go off and it was dark again. A breeze came in the night and we heard the men of the anti-aircraft gun on the next roof talking. It was cool and they were putting on their capes. I worried in the night about some one coming up but Catherine said they were all asleep. Once in the night we went to sleep and when I woke she was not there but I heard her coming along the hall and the door opened and she came back to the bed and said it was all right she had been downstairs and they were all asleep. She had been outside Miss Van Campen's door and heard her breathing in her sleep. She brought crackers and we ate them and drank some vermouth. We were very hungry but she said that would all have to be gotten out of me in the morning. I went to sleep again in the morning when it was light and when I was awake I found she was gone again. She came in looking fresh and lovely and sat on the bed and the sun rose while I had the thermometer in my mouth and we smelled the dew on the roofs and then the coffee of the men at the gun on the next roof.

  "I wish we could go for a walk," Catherine said. "I'd wheel you if we had a chair."

  "How would I get into the chair?"

  "We'd do it."

  "We could go out to the park and have breakfast outdoors." I looked out the open doorway.

  "What we'll really do," she said, "is get you ready for your friend Dr. Valentini."

  "I thought he was grand."

  "I didn't like him as much as you did. But I imagine he's very good."

  "Come back to bed, Catherine. Please," I said.

  "I can't. Didn't we have a lovely night?"

  "And can you be on night duty to-night?"

  "I probably will. But you won't want me."

  "Yes, I will."

  "No, you won't. You've never been operated on. You don't know how you'll be."

  "I'll be all right."

  "You'll be sick and I won't be anything to you."

  "Come back then now."

  "No," she said. "I have to do the chart, darling, and fix you up."

  "You don't really love me or you'd come back again."

  "You're such a silly boy." She kissed me. "That's all right for the chart. Your temperature's always normal. You've such a lovely temperature."

  "You've got a lovely everything."

  "Oh no. You have the lovely temperature. I'm awfully proud of your temperature."

  "Maybe all our children will have fine temperatures."

  "Our children will probably have beastly temperatures."

  "What do you have to do to get me ready for Valentini?"

  "Not much. But quite unpleasant."

  "I wish you didn't have to do it."

  "I don't. I don't want any one else to touch you. I'm silly. I get furious if they couch you."

  "Even Ferguson?"

  "Especially Ferguson and Gage and the other, what's her name?"

  "Walker?"

  "That's it. They've too many nurses here now. There must be some more patients or they'll send us away. They have four nurses now."

  "Perhaps there'll be some. They need that many nurses. It's quite a big hospital."

  "I hope some will come. What would I do if they sent me away? They will unless there are more patients."

  "I'd go too."

  "Don't be silly. You can't go yet. But get well quickly, darling, and we will go somewhere."

  "And then what?"

  "Maybe the war will be over. It can't always go on."

  "I'll get well," I said. "Valentini will fix me."

  "He should with those mustaches. And, darling, when you're going under the ether just think about something else--not us. Because people get very blabby under an anaesthetic."

  "What should I think about?"

  "Anything. Anything but us. Think about your people. Or even any other girl."

  "No.''

  "Say your prayers then. That ought to create a splendid impression."

  "Maybe I won't talk."

  "That's true. Often people don't talk."

  "I won't talk."

  "Don't brag, darling. Please don't brag. You're so sweet and you don't have to brag."

  "I won't talk a word."

  "Now you're bragging, darling. You know you don't need to brag. Just start your prayers or poetry or something when they tell you to breathe deeply. You'll be lovely that way and I'll be so proud of you. I'm very proud of you anyway. You have such a lovely temperature and you sleep like a little boy with your arm around the pillow and think it's me. Or is it some other girl? Some fine Italian girl?"

  "It's you."

  "Of course it's me. Oh I do love you and Valentini will make you a fine leg. I'm glad I don't have to watch it."

  "And you'll be on n
ight duty to-night."

  "Yes. But you won't care."

  "You wait and see."

  "There, darling. Now you're all clean inside and out. Tell me. How many people have you ever loved?"

  "Nobody."

  "Not me even?"

  "Yes, you."

  "How many others really?"

  "None."

  "How many have you--how do you say it?--stayed with?"

  "None."

  "You're lying to me."

  "Yes."

  "It's all right. Keep right on lying to me. That's what I want you to do. Were they pretty?"

  "I never stayed with any one."

  "That's right. Were they very attractive?"

  "I don't know anything about it."

  "You're just mine. That's true and you've never belonged to any one else. But I don't care if you have. I'm not afraid of them. But don't tell me about them. When a man stays with a girl when does she say how much it costs?"

  "I don't know."

  "Of course not. Does she say she loves him? Tell me that. I want to know that."

  "Yes. If he wants her to."

  "Does he say he loves her? Tell me please. It's important."

  "He does if he wants to."

  "But you never did? Really?"

  "No."

  "Not really. Tell me the truth."

  "No," I lied.

  "You wouldn't," she said. "I knew you wouldn't. Oh, I love you, darling."

  Outside the sun was up over the roofs and I could see the points of the cathedral with the sunlight on them. I was clean inside and outside and waiting for the doctor.

  "And that's it?" Catherine said. "She says just what he wants her to?"

  "Not always."

  "But I will. I'll say just what you wish and I'll do what you wish and then you will never want any other girls, will you?" She looked at me very happily. "I'll do what you want and say what you want and then I'll be a great success, won't I?"

  "Yes."

  "What would you like me to do now that you're all ready?"

  "Come to the bed again."

  "All right. I'll come."

  "Oh, darling, darling, darling," I said.

  "You see," she said. "I do anything you want."

  "You're so lovely."

  "I'm afraid I'm not very good at it yet."

  "You're lovely."

  "I want what you want. There isn't any me any more. Just what you want."

  "You sweet."

  "I'm good. Aren't I good? You don't want any other girls, do you?"

  "No."

  "You see? I'm good. I do what you want."

  17

  When I was awake after the operation I had not been away. You do not go away. They only choke you. It is not like dying it is just a chemical choking so you do not feel, and afterward you might as well have been drunk except that when you throw up nothing comes but bile and you do not feel better afterward. I saw sandbags at the end of the bed. They were on pipes that came out of the cast. After a while I saw Miss Gage and she said, "How is it now?"

  "Better," I said.

  "He did a wonderful job on your knee."

  "How long did it take?"

  "Two hours and a half."

  "Did I say anything silly?"

  "Not a thing. Don't talk. Just be quiet."

  I was sick and Catherine was right. It did not make any difference who was on night duty.

  There were three other patients in the hospital now, a thin boy in the Red Cross from Georgia with malaria, a nice boy, also thin, from New York, with malaria and jaundice, and a fine boy who had tried to unscrew the fuse-cap from a combination shrapnel and high explosive shell for a souvenir. This was a shrapnel shell used by the Austrians in the mountains with a nose-cap which went on after the burst and exploded on contact.