The Weight of Dreams

by Molly Lavenza

“I just got to Faerie. I’m not sure why I’m here or what I’m supposed to be doing, but . . .”

  The girl, Brielle, stared at me, frowning. I noticed a stack of fluffy towels, much larger than the one she had worn on her head that now floated on the water, on a flat rock a few feet beside me. Reaching out, I grabbed one and stepped closer to the queen, then in front of her to hold it out to Brielle.

  She stared at it.

  It’s a freaking towel, I thought. Just take it.

  Up close, she was so painfully thin that I could see shadows underneath her skin, as if her skin wasn’t thick enough to hide her internal organs. It was horrifying and grotesque, and I wondered if this would have been my fate if I had stayed behind.

  Dying on my eighteenth birthday, in my sleep, could have come about in a variety of ways, but I hadn’t thought that it could be a gradual process. I had been feeling worse lately, my allergies acting up more than usual and my appetite decreasing.

  Was this my parents’ real child?

  She tentatively lifted her hand and grasped the towel, pulling it from my hand quickly as if she didn’t want to take a chance on how I would react.

  I looked at the queen. What had she done by bringing Brielle here? Why had she sent Declan for me? Had she discovered the switch, seeking to put us back to where we truly belonged?

  What purpose would that serve her? There was no way the queen would do anything if it did not have any benefit for her.

  As much as Declan and Lantis hadn’t answered my questions, I figured that now, of all times, they might have seen reason in giving me some clues as to what in the world was going on.

  If they were there with me, of course.

  “You see our dilemma, Hope.”

  My gaze moved from Brielle, who had slowly wrapped the towel around her body, the bottom of it trailing in the water as she shifted it tightly against her, to the queen. She was grasping something I hadn’t noticed by the stack of towels, something shining gold in the thin ray of light trailing down from a crack in the rock overhead.

  “Only one tiara.”

  She waved it in front of her, and I shook my head. I didn’t want or need a tiara, and if that belonged to Brielle, so be it.

  I never asked to be a princess in the first place.

  “I’m supposed to be here to help Faerie. That is all I know.”

  Being direct with the queen, even if I didn’t tell the whole story, was the best I could do, considering the girl beside me struggling to keep herself covered and the diamond studded gold circlet the queen held so carelessly in her hand.

  “But I won’t need it soon.”

  Brielle’s voice was a surprise. It was still small and fearful, but her assertion was clearly not something the queen expected.

  The queen turned and set the tiara down atop the towels, where it stood out much more than it had when it was on the flat rock surface.

  “True. You are so much more intelligent than our visitor.”

  I didn’t see what intellect had to do with it. No one was telling me anything, in spite of my continued questions. Of course Brielle knew more about Faerie than I did - she must have grown up here, in my place.

  Just as I had in hers.

  Annoyance over insults to my brain’s capabilities were the least of my troubles.

  “Why won’t you need it?”

  Both of them stared at me, the queen with her steady smirk and Brielle with a small frown.

  “My birthday. It’s very soon, and then I won’t be a princess any more.”

  That didn’t clarify anything, but I remained silent, waiting for what either of them might say next. The princess looked to her mother, but the queen only raised her eyebrows at her. Brielle must have taken the expression as encouragement to continue to explain.

  “When I’m eighteen, I’ll be queen. Queen of all Faerie.”

  The words hit me like a kick in the stomach. Everything, what little I knew, clicked into place as I realized what was really happening.

  I wasn’t sure what I was supposed to do about any of it, or if I could. Or why the queen would find it all so amusing.

  Brielle was me, and I was her. I had shown up only days before Brielle would be crowned queen. But what did that mean for the present queen, Brielle’s mother.

  My mother.

  I pointed at Brielle helplessly, then at the queen. Brielle continued to frown.

  “Yes?”

  The queen spoke up, clearly entertained by the thought process that must have been obvious in my expressions. What kind of a parent was she, to leave Brielle in the dark about what was happening now?

  Even if Brielle wasn’t her natural daughter, hadn’t she raised her? Cared for her? If we had been switched in our hospital nursery bassinets, Brielle had been here in Faerie her whole life, presumably, and wouldn’t that have led the queen to care for her at all?

  If Brielle was so close to becoming queen, why had the queen sent Declan for me?

  But he had taken too long to find me, she had said earlier.

  And made many mistakes.

  “What’s wrong with you?”

  Brielle stepped over the side of the bath, gripping the rock to steady herself, and the queen clapped her hands suddenly, shocking me into the reality of what, and who, was before me.

  A trio of fairies came giggling out of an opening in the rock behind the queen, probably the way they had left before when we had come in the room. They flocked to Brielle’s side, holding her up and patting her with another towel.

  I glanced over at the flat rock shelf, and saw that the tiara was gone.

  Brielle’s eyes were fixed on me when I looked back, and she was not pleased. Obviously I was an interruption in her regulated life, and she didn’t understand why I was there. Or why her mother was paying attention to me.

  Her hair fell from the wooden clip that had held it up, and I sucked in a breath. Some of it actually came out in clumps, scattering on the damp stone ground.

  ‘Why are you watching me? Why are you here?” she demanded.

  I wished I could answer her, and I also wished I could ask the same questions with the same force.

  “Now, now. Let’s not upset ourselves, darling.”

  The queen patted Brielle’s arm like the fairies were doing with the towel, and the girl looked down, as if she was ashamed by her outburst.

  “We’ll be hosting a feast later this evening, so be sure to take your time and rest a bit before dressing.”

  Brielle perked up at this news, and I watched her transform, if not physically at least in attitude.

  “A feast? With guests?”

  Maybe she was lonely. Did the queen allow her to have friends, or any visitors?

  Before the queen could respond, Brielle continued, her voice chirpy when it had been petulant.

  “Will Lantis be coming?”

  Chapter Twenty One

  Lantis?

  What connection did Brielle have to him?

  Maybe the white gown I imagined belonged to him really did, and he wasn’t coming to this cave to help me but to see her.

  But why?

  Hadn’t he carried on about how he wanted to be by my side, to be the one who brought me to her?

  The fairy attendants were silent now, their vibrant mood most likely dimmed by the tension between the three of us. Two of them backed away and ducked around the corner for a moment, returning with a pale lavender dress that was an exact copy of the one Queen Acanthe was wearing.

  Matching mother and daughter outfits.

  I hoped that the queen didn’t expect me to join in the fashion show, because I was done being her mannequin for the day.

  “Mama?”

  The queen sighed dramatically, as if the question was incredibly tiring.

  “Lantis has been busy today, so I’m not quite sure if he will be able to attend.”

  He had been busy, it was true.

  But when she told Brielle, she stared at me. It wasn’t the m
ost subtle of hints, and Brielle turned back to me with that frown. She was like a little kid who had never learned how to play with other children her age.

  Probably because that was the exact situation.

  “What do you know about it? Have you seen my betrothed today?”

  Consort.

  So Lantis really knew what he was doing. More importantly, he knew exactly who I was. He and Declan could have just told me, and then . . .

  And then what?

  What could I have done with that information?

  I rubbed my hand over my face, wiping away the sweat from the steamy air, and thought about all I had learned over the past few minutes.

  Lantis was engaged to marry the faerie princess, who was the faerie queen’s daughter. But not really.

  I was the princess, the queen’s daughter, and Lantis had swooped down on me because he knew that when the time came, I would be the real prize, the real power in Faerie.

  There was never a better time or situation for me to think that I had definitely not signed up for this.

  “I, uh, yes. I have. Back in the . . ?”

  I pointed my finger in the air, unsure where to direct it, and looked at the queen. She knew where Lantis, Declan, and I had been when she found us. Scaring Lantis and doing something to Declan that I had yet to understand.

  If I ever would.

  “Back where? Why were you with him?”

  She turned, ducking her head low enough for the fairies to adjust her dress and fuss over it until she pushed them away impatiently.

  “I don’t like her, Mama. I don’t know why you brought her here, but I want her to go away.”

  It was the most words Brielle had said at once since I met her, and the final word was cut short by a fit of coughing. She leaned back against the rock and gripped the side of the bath, just as she had when she was climbing out of it.

  When I stepped forward to see if I could help, she made a strangled noise and turned her back to me.

  “We have a feast to prepare for and special guests to invite. Brielle, Hope - you will come with me and together the three of us will greet them as they arrive.”

  But she had just decided to have this dinner party. Why would we have to greet guests already?

  “This realm is very different from the human one, Hope. Time passes more slowly, and sometimes more quickly. It takes some getting used to, I would imagine.”

  How could the queen possibly imagine that? How long had she been the queen, and how long had she been alive in this realm altogether?

  Brielle followed her mother, or rather, my mother, or maybe it was best to just think of her as the queen, out of the bathing area and I took another look to see if the tiara was visible anywhere. Had the queen taken it?

  Why did I care?

  More importantly, would I be able to find my way around if I stood here instead of following the queen and Brielle?

  I slid a little over the wet ground as I reached the heavy curtain that covered the opening to the hallway, but as I stepped out I didn’t see either of them anywhere. The stairs were to the right, so I followed the hall a short way but it ended with an open area, a room with no curtain or covering.

  A quick glance inside revealed nothing but a bundle of rough looking blankets on the stone floor, so I turned around and headed the other way. My hands felt damp, so I pressed them against my jeans, which were a little worse for wear after everything that had happened.

  Maybe I could find something a little less smelly and torn before this dinner I was expected to attend. Not just attend, but behave like a host. What did that even entail?

  “Hope!”

  A boy’s voice, recognizable in a heartbeat, hissed from the corner. There was no stairway at the end of the hall, which made no sense. How could both ends of the hall be closed?

  The white gown that peeked out from behind a dark fabric curtain was so obvious. Lantis was lucky his fiancee hadn’t seen him, or his future mother in law. For the first time since we met, I felt sorry for him.

  I walked over to the curtain and poked my finger at it, once, then twice. Before I could stop myself, I shoved at it and was rewarded with the sounds of scuffling and groaning.

  “That was unnecessary!”

  I pushed the curtain aside and stood face to face with Lantis, watching the pupils of his white eyes grow from very tiny to just tiny.

  “I disagree,” I snapped. “That was the most necessary thing I’ve done since you stole me from Declan!”

  My fists were tight by my sides, and I knew that if he came closer, I would have to fight the urge to swing at him.

  “Do you really think that the two of you could have made it here alive? I helped you. There’s no denying that!”

  I turned to look at the curtain, which was covering the doorway, and wondered if the heavy fabric would keep our voices from reaching anyone on another floor. But how had Brielle and the queen returned to the first floor anyway?

  “Why do you have to be so loud?” I whispered, more loudly than I probably should have for my own peace of mind. “And where’s Declan?”

  Lantis sighed.

  “You don’t know yet, do you? I wondered how much the queen would tell you.”

  I shrugged.

  “I know enough. I know that you are going to marry the girl who was switched with me when we were babies. In nine days.”

  He had the decency, or something, to look down.

  “I did mention that business about being a consort, did I not?”

  I rolled my eyes and looked around. Whose room was this? There were books stacked in the corners, and more on the two flat shelves of rock on one of the walls. A neatly folded stack of dark blankets was beside one of the stacks of books.

  Was it some sort of library?

  Ignoring Lantis as he continued to protest his innocence, I walked over to one of the book piles and took the first one on the top. The cover was a pale blue, with no words or images, and the spine was blank.

  I flipped the cover open and saw that a stamp had been imprinted on the first page, the one that was blank before the title page.

  The stamp was from the Castle Heights Public Library. My hometown.

  I shook my head. What was this doing here? Another stamp that said DISCARD was on the title page, which had a flourish of black writing in a fancy font.

  GRIMMS’ FAIRY TALES

  The cover fell closed as I let it go.

  “Hope? What’s wrong?”

  Lantis’s voice sounded far away as I reached for the next book in the stack. Again, a blank cover, and the stamp from the library in Castle Heights just inside.

  FAIRY TALES FROM AROUND THE WORLD

  “They’re just books. Why do you look so troubled?”

  I slammed the book into his stomach and he stumbled back. He was going to have to learn, and it seemed like the hard way was the only way it would happen.

  “Just books? Tell me, Lantis. Do you know whose room this is?”

  He rubbed his stomach as he looked away, first at another stack of books and then up, where the tiniest of cracks let in a shimmer of light. Just enough for me to see the writing in the books as I held them close to my face.

  “Who do you think?”

  Chapter Twenty Two

  “I don’t understand, Lantis. You need to start explaining, and you need to do it now.”

  I almost didn’t recognize my own voice, which sounded eerily like the queen’s in its cold insistence.

  Whatever it sounded like didn’t matter as long as it convinced Lantis that I needed answers and wouldn’t stop pressuring him until I got them.

  “Yes, this is Declan’s room. He likes to read. So what?”

  Was this Prince Lantis who sounded like a defiant teenager? Why was he so reluctant to tell me more?

  “Go on. I mean it, Lantis. You better start talking. Now.”

  Birds began to caw above us, and I squinted up at the flashes of light where they must have kep
t the sun from creeping in, their bodies blocking the rays even as there was so little space for them to reach this damp area.

  Had Declan really been here, in this dark room, with a collection of books about fairy tales? When, and for how long?

  I walked closer to Lantis, and he held up his hands to ward me off.

  “I’m talking, I’m talking!”

  My feet took me a step closer, then to the side, where I grabbed another book from the top of one of the other stacks.

  Pale pink cover. Blank. Library stamp, discard.

  THE BLUE FAIRY BOOK

  “So why is the cover pink?”

  Lantis was at my shoulder, peeking at the volume in my hand. I jumped in surprise, then elbowed him.

  “It doesn’t matter! You aren’t talking, and I’m not done making you talk.”

  He shook his head and closed his eyes.

  “You aren’t going to like this.”

  As if I had liked any of this misadventure? That wasn’t true, and I knew it. That moment in the woods near my school, when Declan knelt before me and kissed my hand. When we walked through the meadow together.

  When I kissed him, just before Lantis pulled that ground shifting trick and separated us.

  “Talk, or I’ll tell your girlfriend that you offered to be my escort.”

  He turned away, and I worried that my threat hadn’t been effective until the words came tumbling from his lips as he refused to face me.

  “His room, his books. He brought them back whenever he returned from searching for you, I guess.”

  “And no one ever noticed that they were similar, from the same place?”

  His head shook minutely, his gaze shifting to the pile of blankets.

  “I doubt that anyone looked. He had a mission, and as long as he was working towards its completion, she was satisfied. For awhile.”

  But why did Declan have all these books from, apparently, the Castle Heights Public Library book sales when he told me that he had just found me?

  How long had he been visiting Castle Heights?

  How long had he been keeping an eye on me?

  I set the book down and rubbed my hands over my arms.

  “This green skin. Will it go away?”