Tier Trilogy: Books 1-3

by Cindy Gunderson

  I pick them apart one by one, until I get to Eric. I have nothing on that. I am completely baffled and hurt. Even during other stressful times—and we have been through many—he has never treated me this way. He has never felt distant. It feels oddly personal.

  Glancing at the clock, I see that it’s nearly one in the morning. I tap my sensor, sending a message to Tess. She has young kids, but she has always been a night owl. I hope that she is either up, or that her sensor is on silent so I don’t disturb her.

  My heart leaps as my sensor dings, relief flooding through me. The call connects and I escape to the porch.

  “Hey Kate, what’s up?” she says brightly. Way too cheery for this time of night.

  “I’m so sorry to bother you—I didn’t wake you, did I?”

  “Look at me. Seriously? I never go to bed before two.” She does look completely awake and put together.

  “How, Tess? You have a toddler!”

  “She wakes up around this time most nights. It’s always a bad dream, needing to go to the washroom, being thirsty, or some other random night-time need, so I figure I may as well wait up. I take a nap in the afternoon.”

  “You are my hero,” I joke.

  “I know you didn’t call me to ask about my nightly shenanigans. What’s going on?” she asks, more seriously.

  “I…” I don’t know what to say. Why did I call? Where do I even start? “I think Eric and I are in trouble,” I say in a rush, tears springing to my eyes.

  “What?” she asks, obviously taken off guard. “What do you mean?”

  “Don’t say anything to anyone, please,” I blurt out. “I don’t even know what I mean. He just came back from this training, and he feels so distant. He didn’t hold me like he normally does, and he won’t tell me anything about what is going on—he patted my shoulder, Tess!—he hasn’t said one thing about what he did down there-”

  “Whoa! Kate, slow down,” she interrupts. “Take a deep breath and go through that again.” She waits for me to compose myself. “So, Eric came back from a training?”

  “Yes, sorry,” I say, swallowing. “He went to this training and has been acting strange since he got back. He says he is tired, and I’m sure he is, but this feels...different. I know tired Eric. Tired Eric is still kind and funny. He doesn’t fall asleep without even saying goodnight.”

  “Obviously, I literally know nothing about the situation, but just throwing this out there—has he ever been in such a stressful position before? Before you answer, let me clarify. I know that having kids is stressful and all of that, but I mean stressful like ‘I am now in charge of a societal shift’. Has he ever had to travel? Train people he has never met? Make decisions that could affect people's lives long-term?”

  I hesitate. I hadn’t thought about it like that. “No, not really.”

  “Not really?” she echoes.

  “No, not ever. He has always just plugged along in the lab. Some of his research has resulted in extra training that he has had to oversee, but only locally.”

  “Do you think this could just be a completely different type of stressor, and he might be responding differently than you have seen in the past?” Tess asks gently.

  “Yes, maybe? I hadn’t considered that. I kind of assumed that stress is stress. I am sure the pressure he feels is really intense. It all seems theoretical to me, but, I guess, he is actually living it.”

  “Kate, I don’t want to take anything away from what you are feeling. If you feel like something is off, go with it. I just know that for me and Rob—well, when he is acting like that, it’s usually because he is hurting, you know? Think about Eric. He is missing out on that closeness, too. What would compel somebody to pull away from the person he cares about most?”

  I stare blankly. The only image I hold in my mind is Eric, years ago, looking pained after I asked him to leave. I had just given birth to Bentley, and my mom was struggling with her health. I was overwhelmed and hormonally all over the place. I didn’t want to see or talk to anyone in that moment. I was haunted by his expression even then, but I couldn’t force myself to call him back. I do understand being in so much anguish that you don’t physically have the energy to allow someone else to help you out of it. Which then, in turn, makes you feel more desperate and alone.

  I am completely selfish. I have made this all about me and haven’t thought about where Eric is in all of this, not really.

  “Tess, I think you are right. I might be a terrible person.”

  Tess laughs. “Yeah, okay, Kate.”

  “I am serious!” I say, attempting to imbue my voice with indignation.

  “I know you are, but you are also wrong. It’s not terrible to be afraid of losing something that means so much to you. It’s not terrible to feel stripped raw at even the slightest hint that something might be awry. It’s pretty amazing, actually. You guys have something that is so meaningful to you that you are terrified. And, it’s not terrible to need an amazing friend to help with a little perspective shift.” She winks at me.

  I roll my eyes. “Alright, alright. I am not terrible, just a bit dramatic.”

  “Easy to do at 1 a.m. I guess it’s 2 a.m. now. Time for me to be on the lookout for Little Miss Bad Dreams.”

  “Thanks, Tess.”

  “I love you, Kate. Talk soon?”

  I nod, and the display goes dark. Returning to the kitchen, I realize that the water has been at a full boil long enough to reduce down to almost nothing. I turn off the heat and move the pot to the cool side of the stove. I don’t need tea after all.

  Chapter 17

  I am on my way to Washington Park again this morning. It has been a couple of weeks since my last assignment there, which means I may see some of the same patients that I met with last time. I am more stable in the light of day, though worry still subconsciously laces every moment. My talk with Tess did me good. Walking my usual route, I find myself looking for Nick. I don’t see him, but I do spot Lily. There are still a few minutes before we hit our first appointments, so I stride over to her. She looks involved in something, so I patiently wait, scrolling through a few patient files. She eventually glances up, noticing me.

  “Kate! Oh my goodness, it’s been too long!” she exclaims, and we embrace warmly. “Shane told me that you two ran into each other a couple of weeks ago.”

  “We did. We were only able to chat for a few minutes, but he filled me in a little bit. Sounds like you are both up at Highlands? Or at least he is, and they are transitioning you there as well?”

  “Yes, his most recent scans and blood work suggest that he needs to be exercising in the mornings. It made more sense to swap his schedule rather than change all appointment start times here.”

  I laugh. “I don’t know, changing all of the times sounds completely reasonable to me.”

  She smiles. “Right? I don’t know what they were thinking.”

  “He said he is really loving it.”

  “We both are. Change brings different challenges, but I think it’s a good thing. It stretches us. We see a lot more uncleared pregnancy up there. I think that’s the hardest one for me.”

  “Oh wow, really? How is that happening? I thought Tier 2 pairings were sterilized after one child?” I question. “I don’t see many patients these days, and most of mine are either older or working to transition and, therefore, putting off pairing. Am I out of the loop on policy?”

  “It’s a little more complicated than that now. Policy has always required sterilization after one child for Tier 2 qualified pairings, but the timing has changed. Ever since Berg organized the Tier system, we have been doing these procedures at the time of delivery. Over the last sixty-five years, Berg has consolidated more research on patients who have had these procedures done. Some of the statistics are pretty concerning—specifically for the mother. Breastfeeding was more difficult in sterilized women, likely because the body was under so much stress, and recovery was longer than would normally be expected.”


  “That makes complete sense.”

  “It does. For years, they have been weighing pros and cons of waiting versus doing the surgery immediately, because there are obvious risks involved either way.”

  “Like uncleared pregnancy,” I repeat.

  “Exactly. Waiting gives couples enough time to either purposefully or accidentally become pregnant before the procedure. Two years ago, it seemed that we had enough evidence to justify waiting six weeks to allow the body to heal.”

  “Why couldn’t they sterilize the father immediately?”

  “Berg actually tried that, but it takes a good six months to be sure they are clear, and it left the mother with very little support while she was recovering. Pros and cons. Eliminate risk on one side, but increase the risk of depression, mental breaks, and lack of care for the infant on the other. They also thought about requiring the father to go through that procedure before delivery, but sometimes the pregnancy doesn’t go full-term, and then the couple is left without recourse.”

  “What about birth control for the mother?”

  “Again, that almost eliminates the risk, but the most effective options we have are not considered fully safe for breastfeeding—”

  “Oh, for sure, that’s too important to mess with,” I agree. “That’s quite the conundrum. So, how often are you seeing these pregnancies? Is it becoming a huge problem?”

  “Not a huge problem. Most women’s bodies don’t start ovulating again until at least six weeks after delivery. Especially if they are breastfeeding. Many pairs are also extremely conscientious, making sure to use birth control and take precautions. But we do have some that see it as an opportunity to bypass the rules.”

  “You don’t think they are accidents?”

  “Some are, definitely. But some are...not.”

  “So, how do you deal with that?”

  “The same way we deal with any pregnancy: support, nutrition, and education. The frustrating thing is, I know some members of Tier 2 look at pairs successful in seeking out a second child and start thinking about it themselves.”

  “It seems like people would recognize that getting pregnant so soon after delivery is a risk in and of itself.”

  “Right. And I honestly think if the numbers start going up, Berg will institute policy changes to discourage and condition that behavior.”

  “You don’t think they would force abortion, do you?”

  “No, I don’t think they would go that far. But, they have been gathering all genetic information on the pairs that are attempting this. If they notice common threads, I wouldn’t be surprised if pairs with those markers are not able to have children at all.”

  I whistle. “Back to the beginning.”

  “Well, it’s important for qualified Tier 2 individuals to recognize that the only reason they are able to have one child in the first place is that we have enough resources to allow for it. It used to be that only Tier 1 individuals could procreate. Period. If the general population becomes diluted again by disease markers because of uncleared pregnancy,” she sighs. “Well, they may not have that privilege anymore.”

  It’s harsh, but true. I start as I realize that it is a few minutes past my first appointment. “I wish we had all day to chat! I have so much I still want to talk about. I didn’t even get to ask you about the kids or life outside of work. We should get together again soon.” I give her another hug.

  “I know, I have missed seeing you all the time. Remember when we had lunch together every day?”

  “Of course I remember. I only had Tal then.”

  “We were babies,” she says. We both laugh, and I wave as I head over to my station. A couple of patients are already lining up, and I prep my display with the few screens I will need access to. I pause when I notice the procreation panel, realizing I haven’t had to open it in years. After talking with Lily, my service suddenly seems incredibly straightforward.

  Chapter 18

  I dream again. That same linen skirt, the same terrified eyes on my mother’s face. I wake up in a cold sweat and reach for Eric, like I always do. I am actually surprised to feel him there. It’s a rare occurrence these days. I suddenly feel vulnerable. Old me and Eric would cuddle up and talk, but I don’t know what to expect now. He doesn’t stir, so I surreptitiously slide closer to him, running my hand covertly across his chest and down his side. My body shudders in response. His soft skin prickles under my touch and I hold my breath when his hand gently moves over mine. He pulls me close and kisses my cheek, then pauses, suddenly moving away and sitting up. Tears spring to my eyes and I quickly brush them away.

  “Sorry to wake you,” I say, hoping to salvage the moment. “Did you get in late?”

  “It’s okay. I did.”

  “How long will you be here this time?” I ask, not allowing myself to break.

  “Two days. They wanted to make sure I had some time with the boys before I head out into outlying communities. I am not sure how long I will be gone this time around.”

  “Outlying communities? More training or more pairs found? Both?”

  “Both. Everything is moving along well. It’s just busier with more pairs. We have more work to do.”

  “Makes sense. Do you have plans today? I didn’t know you would be here, so I scheduled for us to go visit my mom’s Tier 2 distribution center. I know the boys always love serving there. I’m sorry if that’s not ideal—”

  “That works. I just want to spend time with them. Happy to do whatever.”

  Time with them? What about me? Heat rises to my face. I slide off the opposite side of the bed and hurriedly turn on the shower, making a point to undress near the bed, right in front of him.

  In the shower, I mentally cling to anything that was good, trying to convince myself that I’m not crazy, and I am drawn into one of my favorite memories with him.

  A few months after we met, he somehow got clearance for us to drive out of territory together. I knew that we were going to officially pair at some point, but the anticipation of when and how was deliciously agonizing. Eric showed up at my room and asked me if I had any plans over the next couple of days. I listed off my mundane training tasks.

  I remember him saying something like, “If I told you that I was going to take you somewhere for a couple of days, would you be able to skip all that?” I wish I could say that I threw caution to the wind, jumped into his arms, and went to the car right then. Instead, I blinked far too many times and stuttered out my concerns, saying that I would love to, but didn’t know if that would be approved. He laughed and put his hands on my shoulders.

  “I was trying to surprise you. I already got clearance for both of us. It’s all approved,” he said smiling. That’s when I remember jumping into his arms. He carried me down to the car, and I realized I didn’t have any clothes or necessities packed. He smiled and said he had already taken care of it. I found out later that Alyssa had helped him pilfer some items earlier that morning when I was exercising.

  We sat in the back of the car getting to know each other. Much better. My heart begins pounding just thinking about it. We refueled, talked, slept, and ate food that he had packed. When we arrived at our destination the next evening, I remember feeling completely filled. My whole being was alive and tingling. And then we stepped out of the car. To this day, I have never seen something as breathtaking as that view. We were looking out over the sheer edges of the Grand Canyon. I had read about it and seen pictures of it, but none of that even came close to doing it justice. The colors in the stones were breathtaking—oranges and reds turning to purple as the sun set. My brain couldn’t comprehend the sheer magnitude of it. I felt compelled to run through it, to touch it, just to convince myself that it was real.

  I got my chance when we did some hiking the next day. Then, arriving back up to the rim, Eric took my hands in his and asked if I wanted to pair with him. It was the best moment of my life up until that point, probably still in my current top three. I still have no idea how he was
able to get us clearance, or approval for the extra fuel and mileage. Every year or so, I ask him, and he always grins, giving me some ridiculous answer. I doubt I will ever know the real one. Now, I wonder if I will ever get the chance to ask again.

  I chastise myself for being so quick to jump to conclusions. If this is a season of intense stress for Eric, it will pass. I steel myself to support him and stop allowing his icy demeanor to send me into personal crisis. It will pass. It has to.

  We don’t say much to each other the rest of the morning and I get the impression that Eric is purposefully avoiding me. With frustration ever present in my currently aching heart, it makes things easier for me. The boys eat breakfast and are so excited to go to the center, they rush through their morning tasks so that we can leave sooner—despite the fact that I have repeatedly announced an eleven o’clock appointment time. Finally giving up, I decide to leave early. If they can accommodate us, great. If not, there is a fun little park on the corner where we can burn some time. Eric plays cards with the boys on the way down. All the while, the boys pepper him with questions about his research. He answers. Every single one of them. I stare out the window, seething, tears burning in the corners of my eyes.

  We do end up spending some time at the park, but I can’t even begin to enjoy watching Eric run around with the boys. Luckily, I brought my tablet, allowing me to work and distract myself. When our appointment time draws near, I gather up the boys and we walk over to the distribution center. As we enter, the comforting effect it has on me is immediate. Every part of this place reminds me of my mom. The shelves are stacked with raw goods, scales dot the counters, and scanner stations are on the wall. Just as I remember. People haven’t arrived yet to start collecting rations, but there’s still plenty to do. Noticing the pod out back, I ask if we can begin unloading. Receiving the go-ahead, we begin to pull out all of the fresh produce. Tall, leafy kale, crisp Jerusalem artichokes, radishes, and garlic scapes fill our boxes as we take load after load.