The Last Letter

by Rebecca Yarros

  A warm, strong arm draped over my waist and pulled me back into the curve of a very firm, male body.

  Beckett.

  I waited for the panic to rise, the oh-shit feeling when the mistake had already been made and you couldn’t do anything but deal with the fallout, but it never came, because it wasn’t a mistake. Just a sweet contentment and the ache of well-used muscles.

  How many times had we lost ourselves in each other last night? Three?

  I’d told him we’d sort it out today, and I meant it. This was my kids’ dad, the guy who built not one but two tree houses, who showed up no matter how many times I doubted him.

  And no matter the lies, the deception, and everything that had come to light, I loved him. That had never changed. And truthfully, I’d forgiven him long ago for the lie. Once I could step outside the hurt, I reread the letters. Saw the self-loathing he masked, the true feeling that he wasn’t worthy of love and couldn’t connect to people.

  When he finally connected to Ryan, and then lost him, he went into a spiral. I just happened to get caught up in the vortex.

  And as for the trust? He’d painstakingly rebuilt it over the last six months, never once wavering and always declaring his intent. That kind of relentlessness was impossible to ignore, and now that Maisie was cancer-free, it was time to figure out what Beckett and I were going to do about each other.

  I could take a moment to be my own priority for the first time in years, and what I wanted was him.

  “Mom! Come on, we’re going to be late!” Maisie called from the hallway.

  I craned my neck to see the alarm clock.

  “Oh crap! Beckett, we’re late!” I flew out of bed, running for the bathrobe I kept hanging on the back of my door but never used.

  “What?” He shot up, the covers falling to his waist.

  Good God, that man was gorgeous. Really, mouth-wateringly beautiful. This is exactly why you’re running late.

  “We have to go. It’s already seven thirty! The kids have to be at school by eight or they miss the field trip!” I ran out into the hallway to find both kids dressed, baseball caps on, hiking shoes tied. “Good morning.”

  They gave me a grin that said they knew exactly who was in my bed.

  Parenting fail.

  “So, who is taking us to school?” Maisie asked with a little bounce on her toes.

  “Yeah? You, or Beckett?” Colt added, bouncing identically.

  “Okay, we’ll discuss this later. We need to get ready. Now.”

  “We already did!” Maisie said, looking entirely joyful.

  “Breakfast?”

  “Cereal,” Colt said. “We knew you’d get mad if we used the stove.”

  “And we wanted you to sleep.” Maisie held up her fingers and started counting. “Breakfast, done. Teeth brushed, done. Havoc fed. She slept with me last night, but she’s a bed hog, so she has to go to Colt tonight.”

  And that is exactly what I got for letting Beckett sleep in my bed. The kids automatically assumed we were back together. Or maybe we were. There was absolutely no time to think about that right now. My moment was over, and the kids were back in the priority spot. The sorting-out had to be handled by Beckett and me later. At a table. With lots of clothes on. Tons of clothes. Maybe a parka.

  “We have our hiking shoes, our hats, our pants, and fleece, and we lathered each other up with sunscreen. All we need is a lunch.” She stopped counting.

  “Lunch. I can do that…with the ten minutes I have.” I ran into the bedroom to find Beckett already dressed, looking sexy as hell and sleep-rumpled. Sex was a lot like sugar—give it up and you stop missing it after a while, but you start back up and you’re just jonesing for the next hit. And man, I wanted to hit that again. A lot.

  “Kids okay?” he asked, tying his shoes.

  “Oh, just jumping to assumptions, but other than that, they’re fine. I might need a little tag team help.” I dropped the robe and pulled on my underwear. “Beckett, concentrate.”

  “Oh, I am. Trust me.” His eyes were locked on my ass.

  Bra on and snapped.

  “We have ten minutes before they have to leave—”

  “Lunches?”

  “Exactly.”

  “On it,” he said, already walking toward the door. He caught my shoulders as he passed me, keeping me from falling as I hopped around like a lunatic with one leg in my jeans. “Good morning,” he said softly as he pressed a kiss to my forehead.

  “Good morning to you,” I answered, and he was out the door. Man, I liked this too much. Falling back into that sweet rhythm we’d had while we were together. Knowing those giggles I heard coming up the stairs were the result of happy kids on a hectic morning with their dad.

  I slipped on my green, long-sleeve, boat-neck tee and ran down the stairs, socks and boots in hand. Then I paused at the threshold of the kitchen and watched the scene for a minute that we didn’t have.

  Beckett worked at the counter, rolling meat and cheese pinwheels, while Maisie filled their water bottles and Colt grabbed yogurts.

  “I feel like I’ve been waiting for this day for forever,” Colt said, throwing apples into brown paper bags. “A whole day of no school, just hiking for leaves.”

  “Well, it’s kind of school,” Maisie countered.

  “You know what I mean.” Colt tugged at her cap.

  “Man, I wish I hiked all day for a living,” Beckett teased, cutting the pinwheels.

  “You do!” Maisie answered with a giggle.

  “That’s right!” he responded with a shocked face.

  This was the picture of perfection, and I knew I could have it for the rest of my life…as soon as we had time to talk. Tonight, maybe?

  “What about treats?” I asked, petting Havoc on my way to the pantry. “M&M’s sound good?”

  “Yes!” the kids shouted as I tossed them in the field trip-required paper bags.

  “Okay, is that it?” Beckett asked.

  “I think we’re ready,” I told him. “Kids, grab your bags and hop in my car.”

  They both hugged Beckett and ran out the door.

  We stared at each other across the kitchen island for a second, before he cleared his throat. “I feel like there are things that need to be said.”

  I walked around the island, rose on my toes, and pressed a soft kiss to his mouth. “I think so, too. How about later tonight?”

  A flash of hope ran through those green eyes of his, and he smiled. “Tonight it is.”

  We walked out hand in hand, and he waved at the kids as we took off down the driveway. They might be two minutes late. Okay, three.

  I parked the car as kids from the second grade filed onto the buses. “Okay, let’s find Mrs. Rivera,” I told the kids as we crossed into the crowd.

  “I see her!” Maisie said, pointing ahead.

  “I’m so sorry we were running late,” I told her.

  She smiled, the corners of her brown eyes crinkling. “That’s okay, you made it just in time. Colt, Maisie, why don’t you head into the bus with your class?”

  “Bye, Mom!” Maisie said, pressing a quick kiss to my cheek.

  “You coming, Colt?” Emma asked from the bus window above us.

  “Yep!” he answered. That crush was still going strong, but she really was the sweetest little girl. Colt hugged my waist, and I kissed the top of his head.

  “Have fun, and grab me a red leaf if you see one. The gold ones are everywhere, but the red ones are rare around here.”

  “You got it!” He waved and ran off, taking Maisie’s hand as they climbed onto the bus.

  I headed back to Solitude and got to work.

  We had two weddings this month, and all the cabins were booked. The three we’d had built over the summer were nearly finished, if they could just get those har
dwood floors stained.

  The hours passed in a flurry of bookwork and guest relations until I realized it was almost lunchtime.

  “Hey, was that Beckett’s truck I saw coming from your way this morning?” Hailey asked, popping her head into my office.

  “Maybe,” I said without looking up.

  “It’s about damn time.”

  “It’s none of your business,” I told her, putting down my pen and looking up. I hadn’t even told Beckett how I felt, and he deserved to hear it first.

  “It should be. That man loves you, and yeah, I know he messed up pretty badly, but he’s also darn near perfect. You know that, right? Because I’m out there in the dating pool, and if I had someone like Beckett that devoted to me and my kids, I’d be locking that down.”

  “I get the point.”

  “Okay, because he’s gorgeous. I’ve seen the abs while he was jogging, and if your washer breaks, you have a great alternative.”

  “He has two washer-dryer sets at his house. I’ll be fine,” I joked.

  “And he built you a house! I mean, is it the sex? Is it bad?” She leaned against my doorframe.

  “I don’t think Beckett knows the definition of bad sex.” Which he’d proved again last night. Over and over. Even when we were frenzied and fast, our chemistry was enough to push me over the edge. The man sent me into a lust-crazed tizzy by simply existing.

  “Seriously. Lock it down.”

  “Ella,” Ada said from the doorway.

  “Not you, too.” I rolled my eyes as she walked in, Larry on her heels. “Look, yes, Beckett spent the night last night. And yeah, he’s…Beckett—”

  “Ella!” Ada yelled.

  “Whoa. What’s up?”

  Larry yanked off his ball cap and ran his hand over his thick, silver hair. “I was listening to the scanner out in the barn.”

  “Okay?” The stricken looks on their faces finally registered. “Guys, what is it?”

  “Search and rescue call. They called in Telluride, not just the county.” The two exchanged a look that dropped my stomach.

  “Beckett? Is he okay?” He had to be okay. I loved him. I hadn’t decided what to do about him, but I knew I couldn’t live without him.

  Larry nodded. “Beckett was called in. Ella, the call was from the Wasatch trail.”

  My stomach hit the floor.

  “The kids.”

  Chapter Twenty-Seven

  Beckett

  Rotors spun above me in a familiar rhythm as the ground fell away. Havoc sat next to me, her ears back. She could handle helicopter rides, but she still wasn’t a fan. I snapped my helmet and turned on the radio.

  “Okay, we’re in. What’s the emergency?” We’d been outside, running a few drills, when the call came in. I heard Wasatch trail, and that was it, and I wasn’t familiar enough with every hiking trail in the county to remember which one that was.

  I’d grabbed my gear, thrown in Havoc’s rappelling harness, and taken off at a dead run while they ran the helo up for launch.

  “They’ve got a kid off the grid,” Jenkins, the resident medic said through the comms.

  “Lost?” A chill ran down my spine. Where were the kids today? Ella had signed that permission slip, and I hadn’t asked.

  “Yep. That’s all we know. Report came in about ten minutes ago, said kid went missing.”

  I nodded and looked out the open doors as we passed over Bridal Veil Falls and headed up the pass. Absentmindedly, I stroked Havoc’s head as we crept up the mountain.

  “I think we can put down right there,” the pilot said, and I looked over to see where he was indicating.

  The small clearing intersected with the trail, which looked wide and well-traveled.

  “Once we’re on the ground, you two do your thing,” Chief Nelson ordered from the bench next to Jenkins. “County is involved, but they know you’re coming, since their dog can’t ever find shit.”

  “Got it.”

  A kid. My blood started pumping furiously through my veins, just like it did before every mission I’d ever taken part in. This was that same adrenaline but a hell of a lot more scary.

  “How much time went by before the kid was reported missing?”

  “They don’t know. Witness is in shock. If the kid slipped off the trail, it’s pretty densely wooded after the cliff.”

  Holy shit.

  “The kid could have fallen off a cliff?” I scanned the terrain, but we were too close to landing to get the full picture.

  “Sounds like it. Wouldn’t surprise me if this turns into a recovery effort.”

  My jaw locked. Not on my watch. I wasn’t losing a kid to a freaking hike in Colorado.

  “We’ll wait here. Let us know what you need,” the pilot called out as we unhooked and ditched our helmets.

  I gave him the thumbs-up when he looked over his shoulder, then took hold of Havoc’s leash, giving her the hand signal that it was time to go. She stayed at my side as I jumped the few feet to the ground and headed toward the team from County.

  “The site is about a quarter mile up this trail,” their chief said from the center of the circle. “Teachers and some of the students are still there, so be sensitive.”

  Teachers. Students.

  I didn’t wait for the rest of the brief, just broke into a dead run up the trail, Havoc perfectly paced with me. It was rocky and even on the path, but the drop-off to the south was anything but friendly. That was rough and rugged, but not too dramatic. Until the face became sheer. This was the cliff.

  Shit, there was no way a kid was living through that kind of fall.

  I increased my pace, nearly sprinting up the rest of the trail, passing a few uniforms from the sheriff’s department until I rounded the corner.

  Then I stopped so fast I skidded a little on the rocks.

  Mrs. Rivera stood, shaking her head as she talked to a uniform. She was trembling, tears streaming down her face.

  “Mrs. Rivera?” I called out, making myself move forward.

  “Mr. Gentry, oh God.” She covered her mouth.

  “Where are my kids?” I tried to keep my voice level, but it came out as a strangled bellow.

  She glanced over her shoulder, and I bypassed her, looking for the small group of students who sat against the mountain, their lunch bags still out, all startlingly quiet. My eyes raked over the fifty or so of them until—

  “Beckett!” Maisie cried, her little body emerging from the crowd. She ran full throttle at me, and I caught her, hugging her tight. She sobbed into my neck, her frame shaking with each cry.

  One down. I gulped a breath and let myself feel her heart beat as my hand steadied her back. She was okay. She was here.

  “It’s okay, Maisie-girl. I’ve got you,” I said as I looked past her, still scanning the group.

  Where the hell was Colt?

  I looked again, and my blood ran cold. “Maisie.” I dropped down to my knees so she could stand, and then I peeled her off my neck. “Where is Colt?”

  “I don’t know, and they won’t tell us anything until the grown-ups get here.” Tears raced down her cheeks. “There’s another group over there.” She pointed up the trail about forty feet at another assembly of students.

  “Okay.” I debated sitting her down with the class for all of two seconds. Screw that. If we already had one kid over the edge, my daughter wasn’t going to be next. “Come with me.”

  I hefted her into my arms, bracing her on my forearm as I hiked up the trail. As soon as we were away from the first group, I looked down at Havoc and let her off the leash. If any parents freaked out, they could kiss my ass.

  “Seek Colt.”

  She sniffed Maisie, no doubt smelling Colt on her, and then put her nose to the ground, heading toward the small grouping of kids. A pair of uniforms
addressed no more than ten kids, all in some state of tears except one.

  Emma. She stood off to the side, her back to me, looking up the trail.

  “Mr. Gentry?” Another teacher stopped talking to the kids and walked over, her lip trembling. “Oh God. We just stopped for lunch, and then when we started again, the trail…it just…” She started sobbing. “We. Got. Separated.”

  “Where?” I asked the uniform.

  “Trail’s out around the corner, but there’s no sign of the kid. Some of the kids think they saw him on the other side.”

  I put Maisie on the ground and placed her hand in Mrs. Rivera’s, who had followed us up. “Please keep her right here. Maisie, give me a couple minutes, okay?”

  I forced a smile and stroked her cheek. Stay calm. Don’t let her see the panic. I repeated it to myself as I waited for her to nod. She couldn’t see this, couldn’t experience it, and as much as I wanted her at my side to keep her safe, she needed the protection of distance.

  Then I took off, ignoring the teacher and following Havoc to where I’d already known she would lead—right to Emma.

  The little girl stood looking up the trail, a good ten feet back from the edge of the drop-off. An officer kneeled at her level, speaking to her, but she wasn’t responding. Her eyes were blank, her mouth closed but lax, and in her hands, she gripped a Telluride Search and Rescue cap that Havoc was currently alerting me to.

  No. No. No.

  I tried to shove the panic down the way I had countless times in battle, but this was different. This was my worst nightmare.

  “She’s not talking.” Every line of the officer’s face was tense.

  “Give her some space and let me try.”

  He nodded, backing away just far enough to hear but not hover.

  “Emma,” I said gently as I dropped to her eye level and turned her toward me. “Emma, where did Colt go? How do you have his hat?”

  Her eyes slowly shifted from the cliff to me. “I know you.”

  “Yeah, you do. I belong to Colt and Maisie,” I said, trying to keep my voice even and calm, knowing if she slipped into shock any further, I’d lose any chance of getting information. “Can you tell me what happened?”