“This is how things are going to be now,” Maura replied. “You will start attending the daily council meetings. You will keep the schedule I set for you. You will, of course, answer the enforcer’s investigation-related questions when required, but only under the supervision of your shifter and fae guards.”
“I’m to be chaperoned?”
“Yes. At all times, as it seems you would benefit from the oversight.”
“Then why allow me to talk with Quinn at all?”
“Because it is in House Rowan’s interests that the poisoning case is solved, of course, and the needs of the house are always preferenced over personal interests. Enforcer Quinn appears well-motivated to accomplish this task. If he won’t stay on target, then I’ll have him replaced. He has a known reputation for divided loyalties, but he has also risked his life for you and House Rowan, and so I’ll give him an opportunity to prove himself.”
“What do you mean, divided loyalties?” Becka asked.
“He is an enforcer, Becka, which overrides his upbringing in House Oak. He works with a team of humans, shifters, and other fae to keep the peace between the races, which obviously clouds his loyalty to the fae.”
“Being dedicated to peace sounds like clear loyalty to me.”
Maura shook her head. “You have lived apart from us for many years, but some things never change.” She stood and paced the length of the divan, her wandering, exhausted gaze full of emotion. “No loyalty is higher than devotion to our own kind.”
Becka was well aware her mother was a separatist, although this was the first time she’d spoken it aloud to her daughter. Even though she’d suspected it, having it confirmed hit Becka like a punch to the gut. How could she and her mother be so diametrically opposed on this issue? Sure, having lived so long among humans, Becka had endured never-ending microaggressions and marginalizations, but she’d also enjoyed friendships and connection with other races. She saw the hope beyond the hate and yearned to show others that potential and leave the war behind forever.
What would it take for fae society to recover from losing the Great War, she wondered?
In order to win over her mother, perhaps Becka would need to start by opening herself to listening to Maura’s point of view. After all, if she couldn’t win over her mother, how did she expect to inspire any other fae to step forward into a new future?
“House first and always?” Becka asked, knowing it to be the answer her mother expected. Now, with Maura’s mood piqued in anger, was not the time to discuss the future of the races.
A strained smile spread across Maura’s face. “Always. We are committed to peace, but the safety of our people must come first. We must maintain our perspective. The humans would have preferred to exterminate us. Enforcer Quinn has, in the past, turned over fae accused of crimes against human society. You need to be wary of placing too much trust in him, lest he disappoint you. Or us.”
She’d heard accusations against Quinn before and he had addressed them all to her satisfaction. Hearing Maura’s perspective helped Becka put together the pieces. “Wouldn’t all fae-touched enforcers be bound by the same directive to hold our people to the law?”
Maura chuffed. “The laws they uphold are human-written and human-centric. Most fae who serve as enforcers only do so to fulfill their years of community service. Shifters have remained neutral and thus aren’t targeted by human laws like we have been. Thus, their Enforcers are more fair. Those fae-touched who make a career out of enforcer service, like Quinn, are a different breed altogether.” Maura pursed her lips like she’d tasted something sour.
Becka had heard the converse of that same argument from humans. She’d heard that humans who served alongside fae and shifters as enforcers were either moles intent on catching out fae on any cause or traitors to their own race for working with fae as peers. Distrust between the two races flowed both ways.
But she wanted to understand her mother’s perspective better, so she asked, “What do you mean?”
“All of that time they spend away from their house? It corrupts their spirit and blinds their loyalties.” Maura let out a mirthless laugh. “They are apt to be as lost as a babe in the woods on a cloudy night. Not unlike you at this moment.”
Becka heard her concerns but knew Quinn’s dedication to hunting down the Shadow-Dwellers had motivated him to stay with the enforcers. Becka shivered.
Do others in my house harbor those same thoughts when they look my way, that I’m a lost soul?
“I trust him not to betray me,” Becka said. Although he’d been distant, she’d attributed that to her engagement. What if he was also reacting to the attitude of those in House Rowan toward enforcers? Surely, he didn’t think she agreed with her house, did he? “He’s put his own life at risk to help me.”
Maura’s gaze narrowed on her. “I believe you believe that. What about the rest of us? Is he enforcer, or fae, first?”
Unused to being the sole focus of Maura’s indomitable will, Becka steeled her nerves. She told herself not to take it personally, that Maura would pressure anyone to get the answers she needed to ensure the safety of her house. Yet this was no mother asking her daughter to answer a straightforward question. This felt like an inquisitor demanding answers, and Becka could all too easily imagine her mother assuming this role regularly.
Becka was determined this was not the dynamic she would carry forward with her mother.
Her hesitation lasted only a moment. “Fae. His focus is on hunting down the Shadow-Dwellers, almost to the exclusion of anything else in his life. That’s why he’s stayed with the Enforcers’ Guild. I don’t think he has any bone to pick with fae society.”
Unlike myself, she left unsaid. If anything, their conversation had gelled in Becka’s mind the need in fae and human society to bridge the gap and move beyond their hate.
Maura reached out and touched her shoulder, a genuine smile gracing her lips. “That’s good to know. Thank you for your honesty.”
Becka smiled, feeling a touch awkward, considering Maura’s prior stern warning.
“You and Quinn appear to have grown inappropriately close. Evading being murdered together will do that.” Maura paused, as if considering her words. “In fact, I am confident surviving a psychopath forms a bond unlike any other.”
Becka side-eyed Maura. “I think our connection is rooted in more than that.”
Maura stopped and turned towards Becka, her expression neutral. “I am pointing out that the intensity of your connection to Quinn is likely a byproduct of meeting during your sister’s funeral and Woden’s subsequent attack. That makes it likely that there is no indication of long-term viability.”
A nervous laugh escaped Becka’s lips. Could that be another reason why Quinn was distant? Does he think our connection is trauma-induced? “Since when did you study psychology?”
Maura’s brow arched, but a hint of a smile lifted the corners of her lips. “I never have, but I’m attempting to put this in words I think you will understand. I am the duchess of this house, as one day you will be. I pride myself on my ability to manage this territory and the people within it. I also pride myself on my ability to build good relations with the other houses. If it happens under my roof, I will know about it eventually. I have eyes everywhere.”
Becka pursed her lips. She should have considered that bribing her shifter guards with whiskey likely wasn’t enough to keep her secrets from Maura. Not that it mattered, the house was full of staff and family and she hadn’t exactly kept her opinions to herself.
“We control neither our emotions nor whom we care for,” Becka replied. “Regardless of how my feelings came to be, they are still real.”
Maura shrugged her off. “Emotions are amazing and wonderful things, but they are a byproduct of our surroundings. To be clear, I’m not implying that your affections for the enforcer aren’t real. What I’m saying is that these feelings are a natural result of the time you’ve spent together, which has in fact been a v
ery short time, intensified by dire circumstances.”
Becka felt led down a series of logical arguments by a master speechmaker. “Sure…” Becka searched for a point to argue with her mother, but Maura wasn’t wrong. In fact, she had a solid point. But just because their relationship had started with a trauma didn’t mean it wasn’t real or worth exploring.
“I’d point out that, if you spent a similar amount of time with, say, your intended, you could develop feelings there just as easily.”
Becka rubbed her forehead. “I don’t feel you understand the extent of the differences between Alain and me.”
“Then illuminate me, daughter,” Maura replied.
Maura’s expression was receptive, and their conversation had been so direct, that Becka decided to take a chance.
“After Tesse’s death, Alain was cruel and nasty to me. Angry with me because I looked like her but wasn’t. Sometimes when I see him, his expression mirrors those angry, ranting moments of his, and it brings it all back fresh. And when I was recuperating after Woden’s attack, he didn’t seek me out. Didn’t check on me. Sure, he wants an alliance with House Rowan, but I feel like a consolation prize. Every time I speak with him, the tension between us gets worse. We have nothing in common.”
Maura held up a hand, and Becka quieted. “You met him after Tesse’s death, a trying time for you both. From what I’ve heard, you have also rebuffed his efforts since. You need a new beginning.”
Becka took a deep breath. “What I need is to break the engagement. It’s not something I ever agreed to!”
“Do you have any idea how many agreements and contracts House Rowan has, all of which I inherited overseeing? This engagement is not unlike any of those others.”
“But you always said you loved Vott from the moment you met…”
Maura smiled, but sadness filled her eyes, and Becka immediately regretted her words.
“I have always loved him, but understand, our families arranged our marriage too. It’s fae custom. We only met a week before the ceremony.”
That morsel was not a part of the story that Becka had heard before. Perhaps, in her childhood naivety, she hadn’t thought to question if she’d gotten the full story.
“I know arranged marriages began after the Great War to rebuild our numbers and strengthen our powers, but in modern times we have access to technology which could better serve that goal.”
Maura nodded. “I appreciate your education, Becka. It will serve our house well. But you speak of human technology. You must realize it’s rare for them to share anything with the fae, especially something which might aid us in returning to our past glory. So, we use what means we must.”
“I read the engagement contract. It’s antiquated and reads like a boilerplate law contract.”
Maura shrugged. “I’m not sure what else you were expecting, but it’s good you familiarized yourself with it. Now you know there’s only one way out for House Rowan: a right to divorce if there is no progeny within five years.”
“That still requires me to marry him.”
“As you say. Perhaps Quinn might settle for being your paramour?”
Becka knew better. “Quinn isn’t the type to settle.”
Maura waved her off. “Then it can’t be helped. You’ll have to find a way to come to terms with the situation.”
Becka felt like a rat trapped in a cage. When she boiled down her stress and anxiety about being heir of House Rowan, the single largest component was her engagement to Alain. Sure, she was concerned she wouldn’t master her gift or that she might hurt someone with it. And she woke up from nightmares about being captured by a Shadow-Dweller again at least once a week. But her lack of power over the engagement contract was maddening.
“I don’t know how to do that right now,” Becka finally replied to Maura.
Maura gave a single nod, and, seeming to understand they’d talked the topic to death, moved on without missing a beat. “Did you know Berak and Saana have requested a session with you when you’re feeling up to using your abilities again? They’ve brought in a cursed candidate who’s willing to give your Nulling powers a try, even while knowing the risks.”
“Yes, I heard. I’d love to help them,” Becka replied.
“Wonderful. I’m scheduling it for tomorrow.” Maura sighed, her exhaustion again overtaking her features. “Becka, I need your willing participation, not just as a member of our family but also as heir to maintain our power base. Your headstrong traits will serve this house well, once you know how to apply yourself and then actually do so.”
Perhaps Maura was right. If Becka was here to stay, being more connected to the council and daily Rowan affairs would help her adapt. Yet the conversation about her engagement grated at Becka.
Becka needed to leverage her relationship with her mother, moving it beyond the struggle it had been so far into a mutually beneficial partnership. Somehow…
“You’re right. This is not the life I’ve created or braced myself to deal with.”
“Be patient,” Maura replied. “Once your training is complete, more opportunities will open up for you, including work in the cities. Perhaps there will even be time for that internship you are so intent upon, assuming you embrace your duties here more fully and we find work for you within the city.”
“That would be wonderful,” Becka replied. “Dr. Traut said they’d put the internship on hold and are awaiting word from us on my availability once I’m guilded. The board will have to review and approve allowing a guilded fae on staff, but Traut is excited for the opportunity.”
“Oh, your gift will be quite lucrative for the house, I am sure. But I’m still surprised you’re holding onto the dream of your internship with Dr. Traut. Won’t you be working amongst humans who fear or hate you?”
“You’re right, I’d be walking right back into that fire. I suppose, having dealt with their prejudice for so long, I came to accept it and move on.” Becka tucked a stray lock of hair back into her ponytail. “Plus, I think of it fondly because it was a time not so long ago when I got to make my own decisions.”
Maura arched a brow. “Learn how to play your cards right, and that time may come again. Also, you are scheduled to have dinner with Alain tonight. I expect you to attempt to get to know him better.”
Becka sighed, the breath leaving her like a deflated balloon. Spending time with Alain might be necessary, but she didn’t have to like it.
“Do I have a choice?”
“We always have choices, not necessarily with the life the fates have chosen for us, but with how we comport ourselves along the journey. And I expect you to behave yourself.”
Becka wasn’t ready to give up on a potential relationship with Quinn by giving in and marrying Alain. But perhaps, if she went along with Maura’s requests, she’d at least buy time to find some way out of the engagement.
“As you say,” Becka replied.
“Good. I’ll expect to hear from him tomorrow about how it went. And I’ll see you at the council meeting, daughter,” Maura said, and then swept out of the room.
Although parts of the conversation had been difficult, especially dealing with her mother in command mode, Becka supposed it had been productive. If only she could stop thinking about Quinn’s lips against hers or the accusatory look in his eyes as he’d left the room.
She’d hoped to spend the evening puzzling over the Shadow-Dweller book Quinn had brought, but instead she steeled herself for dinner with Alain.
Chapter 8
Luce stood leaning against the bathroom door directly within her line of sight, so every time Becka paced back and forth she could see the shifter staring right at her. She kept telling herself she was trying to pick out the right outfit for dinner with Alain, but in truth, she was searching for an excuse not to go.
“Something on your mind?” Becka asked Luce.
“Now that you mention it, I suppose there is.” Luce took two steps into the bathroom. “You know neither Saig
e nor I would rat you out to Duchess Maura, right?”
Becka didn’t totally understand the shifter’s chain of command, but she knew they all reported to Brent, who in turn reported directly to Vott. However, with Vott not being conscious, she didn’t know how it worked at this moment. It wouldn’t have surprised her if the shifters had been reporting directly to Maura on Becka’s movements.
Becka shrugged. “I figured, although I’m not entirely sure why not. She is the duchess, after all. But it doesn’t matter much how she found out about my interest in Quinn. What’s done is done.”
“It matters to me that you know we didn’t do it,” Luce replied. “The duchess must have assumed, based on your behavior during his prior visit, that you had feelings for him. Then she got lucky today, when she caught you two locking lips.”
“We haven’t seen each other all this time!” Becka replied. She settled on a bright yellow-and-red jumpsuit outfit with a square pattern. It wasn’t proper fae attire, but she liked it.
“Oh, I know. The shifter sense of smell is even more acute than your fae nose. If you’d been messing around, we all would have smelled him on you.”
“That’s encouraging.” Becka made a mental note to shower more frequently.
“We shifters report to Vott, not Maura. Our pact is with him.”
That sounded like a formal term, and not one Becka was familiar with in shifter vernacular. “Pact?”
“It’s not for me to explain,” Luce replied. “But if someone reported you, they had to be fae.”
The shifters had never given her reason to doubt them, so Becka took Luce at her word. Although she had to admit, Luce’s unwillingness to share hurt her feelings just a wee bit.
“Sure. Okay,” Becka replied.
Luce started pacing back and forth.
Becka had been around shifters long enough to know that pacing was a sign they were holding something back and needed to either talk or act to get it out. Besides, the longer they talked, the later she would be to dinner with Alain.
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