“It hurts Mama, this hurts so much,” I whisper.
She moves closer to me wrapping me in her embrace again and I let out my heartache, my tears flowing freely onto my mama's shirt.
“Let it out baby, you're gonna be okay. You're a strong woman, you're gonna be okay.”
“I love him Mama. I love him so much.”
“I know baby, I know you do. Tell me what's goin’ on.”
She breaks the hug and I fill her in briefly and she nods her head walking over to the stove to take out my favorite potato and bacon casserole.
“Baby I know you weren't here, but this sounds a lot like some miscommunication that Sav and Jackson had. Why don't you talk to him?”
“I don't want to right now. He lied Mama, even if it was nothin’, he lied to me. All he had to do was tell me. I wouldn't have liked it, but I would have pushed through. When ya cut me out though, how am I supposed to take that?”
“Time apart might be good then. Give y’all a taste of what life is like without each other.”
“I'm goin’ to Texas. I'm gonna head out tomorrow mornin’ and visit Dev.”
“That'll be good for both of y'all. He seems lonely out there all by himself.”
I nod and pick through my food looking over to my mama.
“I love you.”
“I love you too baby. So damn much.”
She squeezes my hand as we finish our meal and we open a bottle of wine with a tub of cookie dough ice cream and sit on the couch.
“We gotta do this more, I miss you,” my mama giggles already on her second glass of wine.
“I know, time goes fast huh? I remember you givin’ me the awkward talk before headin’ to LSU and now look at us.”
We both laugh and hug as my mama dips a spoon into the tub of ice cream.
“I'm proud of you Bella. I don't know if I tell you that as much as I should but I am.”
“Thank you Mama.”
We finish the tub of ice cream and the bottle of wine and both fall asleep wrapped up in each other on the couch. At some point, I briefly feel myself being carried to my old room and my daddy's voice lulling me to sleep.
I walk down the the kitchen yawning as I hear pots and pans getting moved around.
“Mornin’ Bells,” my daddy’s cheerful voice says.
“Mama ain’t cookin’?” I ask suspiciously.
“Your mama is...tired,” he says smirking.
“Gross. Thank God I was in a drunk sleep,” I mumble.
“Scrambled eggs okay? I ain’t your mama, that’s all I can make,” he laughs.
“Thank’s fine.”
I walk to the fridge and grab the orange juice, pouring myself a glass and sitting down at the table.
“I love you kiddo, you know that right?” he says his voice soft.
I nod and walkover to him giving him a hug.
“I know daddy, I love you too. What’s goin’ on?”
“I just...I should have been there for you, show you what a man’s love looks like. What you deserve, expect nothin’ else. Your example was a coward and I apologize for that.”
“Daddy, you were a kid. You need to let all that go. I forgave you a long time ago and you do show me how a man should treat me. You kiss the ground Mama walks on and I know that I don’t deserve anything less than the type of love y’all have. So thank you for that, for lovin’ Mama like she deserves to be loved, and showin’ me.”
“You had that with Damon, didn’t you?”
I nod, a tear slipping out of my eye and running down my cheek.
“Come here kiddo.”
My daddy wraps me in a hug and I hold him tight against me.
“If he’s anythin’ like me, he probably feels like a real dick and is gonna spend the rest of his life apologizin’ for it. Give it time kiddo. Don’t give up on a love like that.”
“Thank you Daddy.”
---
I pull my truck to the gate and type in the code, waiting for entrance and drive slowly to the front of Devin’s house. I park the truck, get out and grab my backpack from the passenger seat before ringing the bell. I wait there for a couple of minutes, wondering if he’s even home. I told him I was coming tomorrow, but I needed to get out of Louisiana, stressing over Damon and Brynn reconnecting.
The door opens and my brother is standing there in nothing but shorts with a big goofy smile on his face.
“Devin, what the hell, put clothes on,” I scoff walking past him inside.
I freeze when I see a woman sitting at the kitchen island in nothing but a bikini.
“I told you I was comin’ over DJ!” I scoff.
“Who the fuck is she?” the woman asks getting to her feet.
“Relax Monica, this is my sister. We’re gonna need a rain check, okay?” he says softly.
Monica pouts and Devin pats her on her shoulder, lightly pushing her to the stairs.
“In my defense, I thought you weren’t comin’ until tomorrow.”
“You’re ridiculous, you know that? When are you ever gonna stop all this shit and settle down?”
“Says the girl screwin’ Damon Johnson,” he snaps crossing his arms over his chest.
“How...Lacey? God that girl!”
“No, not Lacey. You forget y’all are in the spotlight once and while? The gala pictures from that art fundraiser were all over the place, plus Mexico. I saw that look in your eyes and the look in his.”
“Well you’re takin’ this a lot better than daddy did,” I say eyeing him.
He shrugs and Monica walks out. Devin guides her to the door and kisses her on the cheek before shutting it behind her.
“If he makes you happy then that’s all that matters. I can’t fault the guy for havin’ a past, as long as he is tryin’ to do right by you now.”
“About that…” I walk towards his fridge reaching inside for a beer and popping the top against his kitchen island.
“Come on! You’re gonna scratch my countertops!”
I look at him and laugh and shake my head.
“Who are you and what have you done with my brother?”
“I just like to take care of my things, thank you very much. Anyway, what did he do?” Devin asks an edge to his tone.
“I’m guessin’ you haven’t been on your phone recently.”
Devin looks over at me and reaches inside his shorts, pulling out his phone. He types a couple of things and I know the moment he sees what he is looking for.
His knuckles turn white gripping his phone tighter and that little muscle in his jaw tightens and twitches ever so slightly. I could spot the Gavinwood freak out face in my sleep.
“He’s there now, with her?” he growls pointing at his phone.
I nod taking a long swig from my beer, taking a breath before I spill it all to my brother. I leave out all the sexy details, of course, but when I’m done, I can see the steam coming out of his ears.
“He’s dead. He’ll never hit another ball in his life.”
He slides his phone across the island and walks briskly towards the stairs. He takes them two at a time and a couple of minutes later he comes back with a fitted t shirt and socks, his sneakers in his hands and his Lonestars hat backwards on his head.
“Devin John Gavinwood, where the hell are you goin’?”
“He’s a dead man.”
“He’s in San Francisco, sit your ass down. I didn’t come here gearin’ you up for a fight, I came here because I needed my brother.”
I feel my eyes start to water and I grit my teeth, willing the anger to take over and stop the flow of tears.
“Shit Bells,” he says walking over to me.
When I feel his arms envelop me, I lose all my control and I cry. I sob so loud. An ugly, pathetic cry for the man that stole my heart and the sad part is, I don't even want it back.
“Remember when you popped at the town cookout? Mama flipped out on you! I never saw her get so angry!” I laugh taking a swig from my beer pointing
at Devin.
“Yeah she f-ed me up and down, I almost pissed myself. That asshole deserved it though. Talkin’ shit about you and Mama. Everyone knew not to say a damn word about you in that school, yet good old Frankie had to talk shit, right?”
He laughs shaking his head as he takes a swig of his beer.
“What about when we went campin’ sophomore year. Mama heard that noise and grabbed the shotgun,” Devin says laughing.
“Oh my God, how did I forget about that! Her face when she realized she never loaded it! Thank God is wasn't a bear, we would have all been bear food.”
We both laugh and Devin finishes off his beer.
“Want another?”
“Sure.”
Devin comes back outside with another beer, handing it to me.
“I miss this,” I admit.
“I miss it too. Try and keep it between us, but I’m talkin’ to the Cajuns. We’re tryin’ to work out a deal. I might take less money, I just...I miss y’all. This life...with no one to share it with is lonely,” Devin says a sadness in his voice I never heard before.
Damn my mama hit in the head. How does she do that?
“Dev, you have all the women in the world at your feet, how could you possibly be lonely,” I joke.
“It’s not all about that Bells, it’s…at the end of the day everyone always wants somethin’ from you. I want someone I can come home to that doesn’t want a damn thing, except me. If I lost all this shit tomorrow, would they still be there?”
I know exactly how he feels because that was Damon’s fear. Brynn saw his injury as a roadblock in the extravagant life she wanted, and she abandoned him. If his injury was worse and he needed surgery, or God forbid needed to leave the game, she would have never wanted him back.
“Believe me,” I say looking down. “I get it Dev, I really do.”
“Come here,” he says motioning to me.
He moves over in his lounge chair and I walk over, sitting next to him. He wraps an arm around my shoulder, and I lean into his warmth, his protection that only a brother could give.
“You’ll be okay Bells. Any man who can’t see how special you are ain’t worth a second of your time. In my opinion, no one on this earth is good enough for you, but you’ll find someone close. I know you will.”
“Thanks Dev, I think you will too. One day when ya stop fuckin’ around with woman like Monica,” I say mockingly.
Devin laughs and bumps into me making me laugh too.
“I love you Bells, always remember that.”
“Love you too Dev. You remember that too.”
Chapter 24
Damon
I land in Louisiana and run off the plane, not even stopping to get my luggage. It's just a bunch of stupid shit that I could easily buy again.
I hail the first cab I see and give the driver Bella’s address. She hasn't returned any of my calls since that stupid story broke about me and Brynn two days ago.
Being away from her, trying to figure out my life without her just wasn't happening, it isn't happening.
The cab finally pulls up to the front of Bella’s apartment building and I hop out, throwing a bunch of bills to the front.
I take the stairs two at a time and grab the door as someone leaves.
I forgo the elevator, running up the three flights to her floor and sprint down the hall, pounding on her door.
Nico opens the door and I look up at him, his expression hard.
“Hey is Bella in there?” I ask looking over his shoulder.
“No, she's not,” he snaps.
“Where is she? Work? Florida? Come on Nico give me something,” I plead.
“She needs some time man and maybe you do too.”
“What the hell is your problem, huh?” I ask angrily.
“My problem? What's your problem?” He says poking my chest. “That girl loved you and you do her dirty like that? Going back to Brynn, how could you?”
“It's not like that,” I say.
“Baby, who is it?” Lacey asks from behind Nico.
He turns to the side and Lacey’s eyes flick to me and the next thing I know she's lunging at me, her hand fisted in my collar over Nico's shoulder.
“You motherfucker,” Lacey growls. “She is the best person on this earth, and you hurt her!” she yells.
“Easy blondie, take it down a notch,” my brother soothes.
“No! Fuck you Damon. You just let go of the best damn thing that ever happened to you! I hope you know that,” Lacey yells letting go of my collar pushing me back.
My brother still has her held against his body and he slowly lets her go.
“She deserves so much better than you. Only a stupid fool would go back to the same thing that hurt them. Keep puttin’ your hand on top of the stove Damon, no one really gives a shit how many times it burns you,” she seethes.
“Lacey, I'm not with Brynn. This whole thing is a misunderstanding. It was for endorsements and the press and we had to meet for lunch with her publicist. Nothing happened. Please tell me where she is,” I plead.
“You wanna go to her? Apologize? Beg her to take you back? I don't believe a word comin’ out of your mouth, but that's her call to make. If she wanted to talk to you, she would pick up her phone. God knows how many times you've tried to call her.”
“Hundreds. I swear Lacey, I love her. I would never hurt her. We went to lunch with Brynn’s publicist to work out a story about our breakup, nothing happened, I swear to you.”
“He's telling the truth Lace, I know my brother and I know when he's lying. Give him a chance,” he whispers to her kissing her on the forehead. “For me.”
She exhales and closes her eyes and then snaps them open again, staring daggers into me.
“Alright fine, but where she's stayin’, you'll be lucky to get out alive Johnson.”
“What the hell does that mean?”
“You're headed to Texas asshole. Hope ya got good health insurance, you're gonna need it.”
Chapter 25
Bella
I sit at Devin’s kitchen island pushing around my eggs, the thought of eating making me sick. My chest hurts and I’m trying to push through, trying to forget what Damon’s hands feel like roaming my body. The high I felt just being surrounded by him. The woman I was with him: fearless, daring. I want that woman back.
“Fuck this, you wanna go for a run? Come on Bella this sucks. I hate seein’ you like this,” Devin complains getting to his feet.
“I went skydivin’,” I whisper smiling to myself.
“What?” Devin snaps.
“In Mexico, Damon came to visit me, and we went skydivin’. God, Devin it was amazin’, the rush, the feelin’ of fallin’, the panic, but then the rush of relief when that parachute deploys. That’s how he made me feel. So brave like I could jump out of a fuckin’ airplane Devin. I mean I got a tattoo, he took me shootin’, I was livin’ for the first time in such a long time.”
Devin gets off his chair and walks over to me, grabbing my face in his hands.
“That’s you Bella, that ain't him. He may have pushed that side out of you, but I always knew she was there. You just tried to hide behind Connor, or church, or Mama’s rules and all the other bullshit. You’re a powerhouse Bella, an amazin’, unstoppable powerhouse. I mean you tried out for the fuckin’ U.S National team at ninteen and made it! Even started at third base and kicked ass! Don’t give him the credit for this,” he says motioning to myself.
“But I wouldn’t have done those things if he didn’t push me.”
“You wouldn’t have done those things if you didn’t want to either. You’re still a stubborn Gavinwood, Bella June,” he smirks. “You can still be that person, you are that person now. You just needed to shed a few of those layers to get to her.”
“You’re right, you are. I love you, ya know that?”
“Well I hope so! I can’t believe you jumped out of an airplane, you’re crazy. Mama and Daddy are gonna flip out.
”
“Don’t you dare tell them that,” I say quickly.
Ballers with Benefits (Double Play Series Book 3) Page 24