But tonight was all about lace and boob.
I quickly adjusted my lace panties as well, and then grinned. Yes, I was wearing a matching set, and some high heels that I loved. They were the strappy kind so I couldn’t walk out of them like I’d done once at that bar, even though I had been sober.
And this was all I was going to wear. Well, this and the coat. I didn’t actually own a trench coat, and I didn’t want to go too far.
So I was wearing my peacoat with all the extra buttons.
This was my outfit for the night.
I was going to show up at Tobey’s house, show him his new present, and say, “You know what? It’s time we do this thing.”
I could be seductive. I had seduced many a man in my time.
Okay, a few men, and they mostly did the seducing because I wasn’t great at it. But I had been practicing with this mirror long enough that I should be okay.
Tonight was the night I was going to tell my best friend that I loved him. Nothing could go wrong.
Once again, I ignored that little voice in my head that said I was just going to push him to the back of my mind with all my childhood traumas. And then I told myself that was what therapy was for. I should probably work on getting that therapist.
But enough of that. “Okay. Let’s do this.”
I quickly shut off the lights, grabbed my bag, and got into my car. I didn’t live that far from Tobey, and I probably could have walked. But considering that I looked like I was about to go to the street corner and start a new job, I decided to drive. And I was really good about obeying all the laws on the way.
I probably stopped for a little too long at each stop sign, turned on my blinker earlier than needed for each turn, and obeyed all other traffic laws.
But there was no way I was getting pulled over in this getup.
Unease crawled up my spine as I pulled into Tobey’s driveway.
Was I making a mistake?
What would happen if he said no? No…that wasn’t going to happen. We were totally on the same page. We just needed a little kickstart. And the getup that I was wearing, even as it tightened around my chest, would work to do exactly that. Because it had to.
Tobey was my everything. My forever.
And I was tired of waiting.
I wanted him to love me, to tell me so, and I wanted us to start our new phase. I was tired of the questioning glances and having others wonder, will they or won’t they?
Because it was going to happen.
He was my best friend. And falling for your best friend was not only my favorite trope in romance, it was also my life.
I’d had enough downs in my life.
This was the time for the ups. I deserved this. We deserved this.
I let out a shaky breath and turned off my car.
It all started now.
And I was going to be brave enough to do it.
This was not a mistake.
I grabbed my bag and got out of the car, smiling as I tried to walk up the driveway in my heels. I could totally walk in heels, I could probably even run in them, but I was a little nervous. And because I knew I had to drive this way, I hadn’t had a shot of tequila or anything to help me via liquid courage. But that was fine. I didn’t need tequila or any other booze.
Because this was right. It was everything.
This was the choice I needed to make.
I rang the doorbell instead of using my key, and Tobey answered quickly, his eyes wide. He looked so warm, so comfy, so…mine.
“Hey, I didn’t know you were coming over tonight. Aren’t you cold in that dress?” he asked, moving out of the way.
I was a little cold, and I wasn’t wearing a dress, but all the adrenaline running through my system helped. I was fine. I couldn’t really feel anything.
Except my love for the person in front of me.
He had a strong jaw and a little piece of hair that kept falling over his face.
He was so beautiful. So mine.
This would be perfect.
“So, what’s up?” Tobey asked as he looked down at his phone and then stuck it in his back pocket.
He was constantly attached to his cell. But considering that he loved tech, I didn’t blame him.
“I have a few things to say. I probably should’ve written it down and figured exactly what to say first, but I guess I’ll just start.”
His eyes widened for a moment before he frowned.
“Should I be sitting down for this?” he asked, a little bit of laughter mixed in with the wariness in his eyes.
“Maybe. But…okay. I’m going to do this. Because this is right. It’s time.”
“Okay, Amelia. What’s going on? What’s wrong?”
I shook my head. “Nothing’s wrong.” I really should have written everything down.
“Tobey, we’re best friends.”
“Yes, we are.”
“Let me just talk first. Is that okay?”
“Okay. But do you want to sit down?”
“No. It’s fine. Please, let me continue.”
“Okay, babe.”
Babe. See? This is right.
“We’ve been best friends forever. You’re a big part of my world, and I honestly can’t picture my life without you. You’re everything to me. I’ve loved you forever.”
“I love you too, babe.”
Those words wrapped around me, and I couldn’t breathe.
“I really love you, Tobey. I know we’ve been dancing around this forever, so I figured maybe doing something big would push us to that next level. I figured I could do this first.”
I quickly undid the buttons of my coat and let it fall to the floor.
His eyes widened for a minute, his gaze raking down my body. I blushed, knowing this was going to work.
Tobey liked big moves. He was one of those people that did things in flashes, even if he was quiet about it sometimes.
This was going to work.
But when his gaze met mine, something broke inside of me.
My skin pebbled, but not from what I wanted it to.
No, it was the sheer mortification sliding through me. Because he wasn’t moving forward, he wasn’t looking at me with hunger or love in his gaze.
No, there was horror there. Confusion.
And maybe a little pity.
How? How had I misread the situation?
“Babe?”
I quickly reached down and put my coat on.
“Okay, so that was a little fast. Maybe I shouldn’t just show you the goods at first. Forget that happened. But we should talk.”
“Yeah, I think we should. Babe, I love you. But I don’t love you like that.”
I didn’t know the sound of a heart breaking could actually echo in your ears. It sounded like a gunshot, one ricocheting through my body as it shattered my organ into a thousand pieces. Acid pooled in my gut, and my head ached as I tried to comprehend exactly what he’d said.
I don’t love you like that.
Like…that.
Like I loved him.
This was a mistake.
One that I had talked myself out of. Something that I would try to bury in the back of my mind and forget. Because there was no way I could live through this without making another one.
“Babe.”
“Why don’t you stop calling me babe.” I said it softly, my voice wooden.
I had just shown my boobs to my best friend, and he didn’t love me.
He wasn’t even moving towards me. No, his hands were in his pockets, sorrow on his face.
And that damned pity.
“I can do that, Amelia. But there’s something I should tell you.”
“I think you’ve said enough. Well, at least I said enough for both of us.”
I tried to move past him, but he reached out and grabbed my arm. I didn’t mean to flinch. I think the fact that I did shocked both of us. I moved away, tightening my jacket around myself, wishing I could just fall into a hole
and never come out.
“I’m dating someone, Amelia.”
My gaze shot to his. “Dating?” Tobey was dating? We talked every day, and he’d never mentioned it before.
Oh my God. What have I done?
“Yeah. I love her, Amelia. I think I’ve found my forever with her. I didn’t know how to tell you before.”
“You love her. Your forever?”
“Yeah. And one day, I hope you get to meet her. I just…I’m sorry Amelia. I should have told you.”
I looked at him then and raised my chin. I wasn’t going to cry. I couldn’t cry in front of my best friend. Not even when I was breaking inside. I would simply raise my chin even higher. And nod.
“Yeah. You should have.”
And then I ran.
I had just told my best friend that I loved him. And found out that he didn’t love me back.
There was no coming back from that.
Chapter 2
Tucker
“Excuse me, do you think you could help me reach that zucchini?”
I looked over at the woman next to me in the grocery store and nodded, giving her a small smile. Then I got a look at her face.
Picking up women in the grocery store wasn’t something I generally did, and since I had plans that night, I wasn’t going to do much tonight either, but I could still appreciate the woman with the thick curves and plump lips at my side.
I couldn’t help it.
I liked women. And women tended to like me, which I didn’t mind. Not at all.
“Sure, what size are you looking for?”
I held back a mental groan because I hadn’t actually meant to sound like I was thinking about my dick. But from the way she blushed, and the fact that her gaze raked down my body before moving back to my eyes? Yeah, she got the double entendre.
Oops.
“Well, I kind of wanted one a little bigger. Does that work for you?”
Dear God, I was somehow in the middle of a porn movie. And me, without my tripod.
I really needed to stop with the jokes. I wasn’t very good at them.
“I’ll see what I can do for you.” I winked and looked at the zucchini, finding one that didn’t actually look as phallic as the rest. Because what if I was reading the situation wrong? What if she really did just want a nice zucchini for her family? One that was large enough to feed them all.
One that did not remind her of my dick.
But when she pressed closer to me, her breasts tight against my side, I had a feeling she was thinking about dick, too.
Oh, good. I had reached the stage of my life where I could make zucchini dick jokes no matter what I was doing.
Okay, I had to be honest with myself, I could always make a dick joke. It was kind of my thing.
“Here you go.”
“Oh, and it’s so…firm.”
She winked, and I held back a groan.
Really? Really? There were kids all around us, and she was squeezing that zucchini in a way that made me want to cross my legs. Because given how she squeezed, it made me wonder how she’d squeeze my junk.
Her next words broke me out of my thoughts. “Anyway, thank you.”
“You’re welcome. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to go look at that artichoke over there.”
I hurried off, aware that she was watching my ass as I moved away. I hadn’t actually done that on purpose, but whatever. That had been a little too strange for me. When another lady came up to her, and they both started giggling, pointing, and watching me, I had to wonder if I was on some candid camera TV show that I wasn’t aware actually existed anymore.
I knew women were drawn to me. Men, too. And, sometimes, I used it to my advantage. Other times, I ignored it. They liked the way I looked, liked my smile, my muscles. They just liked what they saw.
I could be charming. I had been a charmer when I was younger, after all. That’s how I’d charmed myself from foster home to foster home. I had charmed my way through all of them until I found the perfect one that I could stay at until I was eighteen. One where no one touched me when I didn’t want them to. Where no one hit me or yelled. They were a good family. One that probably thought fondly of me every once in a while but didn’t necessarily remember me.
The perfect foster family.
But I had used my dimples and that smile of mine to get what I wanted. And I hadn’t been ashamed of it. Foster kids had to learn young. It was sort of our thing.
And so, I used that swerve of mine—as the kids today said, at least I thought that was what the kids said these days—to get through life.
Tonight, I had plans with the family of my heart, so picking up a lady in the grocery store who fondled zucchini as if it were the last vegetable she’d ever be able to grope, really wasn’t on my agenda.
I passed the artichokes and left the produce area, headed towards the flower area like I had planned all along. I wanted to bring a bouquet or something sweet for my best friend’s new lady love. Yes, I had lied to the zucchini lady about my need for artichokes, but I hadn’t wanted to walk away without saying something. I probably should have said, “flowers.” Or that I was busy. Maybe I shouldn’t have said anything. But no, instead, I had lied.
And now I felt like an ass.
It didn’t matter, though. I wouldn’t see her again. This wasn’t even my normal grocery store.
I sifted through the flowers until I found a happy bouquet of daisies that had little sprigs of white in them. I had no idea what kind of flowers they were. I usually went with lilies or roses or daisies. Though I knew what tulips were, too.
Devin’s little sister, Amelia, would probably know what these are. As would our other friend, Zoey. Considering that Zoey was a florist, and Amelia was a landscape architect, they should know their flowers.
I froze and looked down at the daisies in my hand. Dear God. If I showed up with grocery store flowers, Zoey would probably kill me.
However, her place was closed, so she would just have to deal with it.
Maybe I would buy her some wine or something to make her feel better. Yes, wine. I quickly perused the selection in the wine aisle, grateful that I could actually buy wine at the grocery store. I had visited a state earlier this month where you couldn’t buy wine at the grocery store. Why would anyone allow that to happen? What kind of horribleness existed in the world?
And now I was losing it. I was working too hard, and I really needed a break. Hanging out with my found family tonight would be exactly what I needed.
I quickly picked a red and a white, knowing they weren’t the best wines out there, but they would be tasty. You could find a really nice twenty-dollar bottle of wine these days.
I paid for my purchases, quickly walking past the zucchini lady, who was also checking out, without saying anything.
It might have made me an ass, but she was still staring at my ass, so…whatever.
I put the wine in the back seat of my SUV and tossed the flowers onto the front seat. I winced, made sure I hadn’t broken any of the petals or stems, and started my engine.
I’d had a long day working at the hospital, and all I really wanted to do was go to bed. I was going to hang out with the Carrs instead.
I had known Devin for years. Since high school. We’d become friends quickly, and had even gone to college together. I’d ended up having to stay in college a bit longer, considering that becoming a diagnostic radiologist meant I needed a little more training than I’d planned on when I started school. But I loved my job.
I loved trying to figure out what made someone hurt. Because I wanted to be able to fix it. Without me, doctors couldn’t do their jobs, and nurses would be strained even more than they already were.
I saw things that broke my heart, but then I also saw the strength of humanity that came from that heartbreak. I saw the connections that came from others as they pulled together when their loved one was fighting or in pain.
I saw that people didn’t always walk away w
hen things got hard. Sometimes, I got to see them when they were healthy. When it was just a checkup.
I got to see the life shine through their eyes. Something I didn’t always get to notice.
And, throughout it all, I noticed the ones with the big families first. Because they were the ones that drew me in. I’d always wanted that. The type of family that would always be there for you no matter what happened. I hadn’t had that as a kid. My final foster family had been wonderful. But we didn’t talk, didn’t chat. They didn’t send birthday cards. They did send emails every once in a while, but we weren’t that close. Plus, they had other kids who came in and out of their lives. They never adopted, but they were always there for kids in need.
And I was fine with that. I didn’t need more because I had Devin and his siblings.
And considering that Devin had gone through his own little version of hell with his parents, it was nice having him. We could lean on each other.
And I liked the fact that we had each other, no matter what.
I pulled in behind Amelia’s car in front of Devin’s house and grinned.
I liked Amelia. She was sweet, a little feisty, and always had an opinion—especially about me. I didn’t mind. If Devin was going to have any kind of little sister, Amelia was the good kind. She had the biggest heart ever. And even when you somehow found yourself covered in dirt and helping her when you didn’t even realize you had agreed to it, it was good.
It was that smile of hers. You simply nodded and followed what she said.
Of course, I sort of did the same things sometimes. According to Amelia, it was my dimples.
I couldn’t help it. As I said, I liked women. And if I were allowed to look at Amelia that way, I probably would have found her hot. Sweet. Would have loved that smile of hers. Those big eyes. The way she filled out her dresses. And even more, the way she filled out her jeans while she was working. Because those legs of hers? Damn. You could tell that she worked with her whole body. Daily.
I turned off my car and cleared my throat, adjusting myself in my pants.
Well, that was interesting. I hadn’t thought about Amelia that way in a while. I wasn’t supposed to. She was my best friend’s little sister. There were rules about that. Books and encyclopedias and instruction manuals written on how not to think that your best friend’s baby sister was hot.
Reckless With You Page 2