“Okay, we’ll make sure they know. I’ll tell them.”
“So you’re going to tell your brothers that we’ve never had sex. They’re not going to believe you.”
“They’ll know. As will the others. They’ll know that we’ve never had sex.”
“But, like you said, I did see your boobs.”
“Oh, shut up. We’re not talking about that.”
“And you saw me in a towel. And that’s practically naked.”
I pushed those thoughts out of my mind. I would not be thinking about that ever again. Except for in my dreams. No, not even there. God, I had to stop thinking about that. And everything else that came to mind when I thought of Tucker. What was wrong with me?
“Okay. Enough of that. They’ll know, everyone will know. We’re only casual. And that’s totally not a lie. Because it’s what we are. We’ve eaten together. We’re going to family events together. It’s practically the truth.”
“Okay. I’ll make sure that nobody gives you pitying looks. And ensure they think you can make your own choices without making mistakes. Because I know you’re worried about that. And when the time comes, we’ll say you ended it, and that it was completely casual, and I never touched you. How’s that?”
“Sounds like a plan. The perfect plan, right?” I knew my voice was a little high when I asked that last part because it was totally not the right thing to say. But I was already going down this wrong-decision path, I might as well keep going. After all, I had shown my boobs to Tobey, and then to Tucker. Might as well keep piling my bad decisions on top of one another.
“You’re going to be okay,” he said, slowly running his fingers down my cheek. I froze, and he just clucked his tongue.
“Okay, you have to stop doing that.”
“Stop doing what?” I asked, my voice oddly breathy. That wasn’t good.
“Don’t flinch or freeze when I touch you. They’re going to know everything’s a lie, and then they’re going to wonder why you’re lying.”
“Well, how much touching are you going to do in front of my family?” I asked quickly.
“Not that much. But I might want to hold your hand.” He lifted his hand from my cheek, ran it down my arm, and then slid his fingers through mine.
I swallowed hard, but then laughed when he grinned at me, giving my hand a squeeze.
“See? You’re doing fine. You’re getting used to my touch.”
“Not too used to it. Remember, we’re not doing the whole sleeping with each other thing.”
“Oh, I know. Don’t worry.”
He gave my hand one more squeeze, leaned down, and kissed me on the tip of the nose. Then he led the way out of my house.
I had no idea how I had put myself in such a situation, I only knew that if it had to be with anyone, I was glad that it was Tucker. I trusted him. I just hoped he wouldn’t get hurt because of my choices.
By the time we got to the house, we were the last people there. I’d kind of wanted to slide in without anybody noticing, but it wasn’t like we were a huge group. Dimitri and Thea weren’t able to make it because they had a Montgomery family dinner, so that meant it would only be the three Carrs plus Erin and now Tucker. Zoey was coming as well since everybody had wanted it to be even, but I wasn’t going to touch that idea with a ten-foot pole. Plus, Zoey was a friend, so it wasn’t really even. In terms of couples anyway.
“Okay. We can do this. It’s not going to be too hard. We can totally do this.”
“Are you talking to me or yourself?” Tucker asked as I opened the door without knocking. He wasn’t holding my hand but was standing near me. As soon as we walked in, everyone was suddenly there. Caleb and Zoey were glaring at one another in the middle of some conversation, but they turned to look as we walked in. Erin and Devin were whispering in the other corner, nearly kissing, but they paused to look over at us, too.
Oh, good. This wasn’t awkward at all.
“You’re here. Good. Want to come into the kitchen for a minute?” Devin asked, throwing his thumb over his shoulder. “Got a question for you, Tucker.”
“Yep, we’re here. And we brought potato salad.”
I held up the dish I had grabbed on the way out and tried to smile.
“I made it myself. I promise it isn’t store-bought this time.”
“I told you that you didn’t need to bring anything,” Erin said.
She grinned but took the dish from me. “I mean, I already made everything for the sides. Especially since it’s winter and we’re not actually going to barbecue.”
“I will have you know that I can go out there shirtless in jeans right now, woman.” Devin slapped her on the ass, and she glared over her shoulder at him. I rolled my eyes, laughing.
And then Tucker stepped all the way into the house, right up to my side. And the room got quiet again. Good. This wasn’t going to be awkward at all. Why was I doing this again? Oh, yeah, I didn’t actually have a good reason.
“I’m just going to get this out of the way. You hurt her, I’ll kick your ass. I don’t know what’s going on here, but I promised her I would stop getting in the way of her dates a long time ago. That’s why I never filleted Tobey like I wanted to.”
“Devin,” I growled.
“What? Dimitri’s not here. Therefore, I am the eldest, and therefore, I can do this.”
“I’m here, too,” Caleb growled, taking a sip of his beer. “And I really want to see what happens. This is going to be fun, isn’t it?” He gave me a weird look that I couldn’t really decipher, and I winced.
“Let’s just forget it. We’re here to eat and have fun. Tucker’s been to tons of these things. Nothing’s different.”
“Sure. Whatever you say.” Devin stormed off, and I had no idea if he was angry at me, Tucker, or someone else.
“I’m going to go follow him,” Tucker said quickly.
“You don’t have to,” I whispered.
“Yeah, I do. You can come with if you want, Caleb.”
“I think I will,” Caleb said, tipping his beer in Zoey’s direction. She flipped him off. Well, tonight was going to be interesting.
“So, how did that go?” Erin asked, wincing.
“About as bad as it could.”
“No, it could have been worse,” Zoey said. “Tobey could have shown up.” She smiled as she said it, and I knew she was trying to make things a bit more normal, and I was grateful for it.
Because Tobey had been a big part of all of our lives, and he wasn’t here now. I didn’t know what that meant. But Tucker was here. And I was fine. Everything would be fine.
Dinner actually went reasonably well, everybody pretty much ignoring the massive elephant in the room. Whether the elephant was Tucker and me, or Tobey and me, I didn’t know. Maybe it was a herd of elephants, all quietly stampeding around.
By the time we finished dinner and everybody was cleaning up, I found myself alone at the sink with Caleb. “I know you’re lying, baby girl. But I get it. Just don’t get hurt. And don’t hurt him.”
My eyes widened, and I looked over at him.
“What are you talking about?” I asked, my pulse racing.
“I’ve always been able to tell when you’re lying. Mostly to get out of little things when we were younger. Devin and Dimitri weren’t as good as that. But I was more of a hell-raiser than you were. So, I understand. I figure you need some time where nobody’s making you feel bad about Tobey, and that’s okay. Don’t fuck each other over when you’re trying to figure out what you want, though. All right?”
I nodded, swallowing hard as I kept my eyes on my dishes. I didn’t want to hurt Tucker. He was so strong and good at hiding things that sometimes I forgot that he’d been hurt as a kid. I should end this now. Only I didn’t know how.
I shouldn’t have opened my mouth at all with the girls and Jace. I should have told everyone that I was fine. But I had tried that before, and it hadn’t worked.
“I’ll be okay,” I whispered.<
br />
“Good.”
Caleb didn’t say anything else, just helped me dry things until we were done, then I walked back out to the living room. That was where I heard Devin and Tucker talking.
“You hurt my sister, I’ll kill you.”
Tucker nodded before I got a chance to say anything. “Got it. I’m not risking you guys. I’m not risking my family because of this. Okay?”
Jesus Christ, I was a horrible person. We were his family. He had no one else, and I was using him.
I needed to stop this. I needed to be honest and break it off because I refused to hurt him. I should be the one hurting, not him. But then he met my gaze and gave me a slight shake of his head, and I didn’t say anything.
He was so good.
And I was a horrible person.
We said our goodbyes, and I was quiet in the car on the way home, not sure what to say. By the time we reached my house, I could barely swallow, though I tried to be okay. But I really wasn’t.
Tucker walked me to the door and then walked me all the way inside as I tried to sort through my thoughts and feelings.
“Okay, that wasn’t so bad.”
I blinked at him. “It sucked.”
“Maybe.” I shrugged and looked off into the distance as I tried to calm my heart.
“I know my payment,” he said softly.
Payment? “What?”
“My payment. For this. For all of this. I know what it should be.”
“Okay. Do you want money or something? You make more than I do. But I can get you money.”
He smiled. “I don’t want money. Every date? Every lie we tell? I get to kiss you.”
I froze, my throat going dry.
“What?” I asked, but then I couldn’t think at all. Because Tucker lowered his head, and his lips were on mine.
Chapter 10
Tucker
No, I shouldn’t be doing this.
Yes, it was a mistake.
But, damn it.
I wasn’t going to stop.
I couldn’t.
Amelia’s mouth under mine was even better than in my dreams and fantasies.
And I’d had a whole fucking lot of them when it came to this mouth.
I wasn’t going to say this was the best feeling, the best kiss I’d ever had. Because while part of me, a deeply hidden part that would never be looked upon again, might think that, there was no way I could let myself actually believe that in truth.
Because if I did, then this kiss would be something more than it should be.
This was only a deal.
Just a payment.
Nothing more.
But it sure as hell wasn’t anything less.
I had my hands on either side of her face, tilting her head back ever so slightly so I could deepen the kiss. She tasted of coffee and sweetness and a temptation that I damn sure should ignore.
Only I couldn’t.
And I had a feeling that could and would be my downfall.
I pulled away, knowing I should have done it sooner.
“What…what was that?” she asked, her voice breathy.
I didn’t know.
“My payment.”
She looked at me, her brows furrowed. “You kissed me. Why did you kiss me? That wasn’t part of the deal.”
I lowered my head to her face and took a step back. Then I stuffed my hands into my pockets and rocked back on my heels. “No, it wasn’t. But I figure we should try.”
“This can’t change anything, Tucker.”
It didn’t hurt to hear her say that. Because I didn’t want it to change anything either. But I had to kiss her. It might have been wrong for both of us, but I had to do it.
“Of course, it won’t change anything. That’s fine with me.” That wasn’t a lie.
“So, you’re telling me you’re going to kiss me every time, but we have to pretend we’re dating for my family?” she asked, sounding a little incredulous.
“Maybe.” She looked at me, and I sighed. “Amelia, it doesn’t have to mean anything. We’re friends.”
“Friends who kiss.”
“And are fake-dating. I’m your beard, remember?”
“I can’t tell if you’re joking or not.”
“A little. But not really. I wanted to kiss you. I can’t help that. And I figured…why not?”
“Because I’m still not over Tobey.”
I didn’t know why that hurt so much. It shouldn’t. But I’d just have to get over it. Because it wasn’t like I wanted Amelia in that way. Sure, I wanted to kiss her. But I couldn’t let it become anything else. It wasn’t smart for either of us.
“So, you’re going to kiss me whenever we go on a fake date?” she repeated.
“Yeah. Unless you really don’t want that. If that’s true, I’ll never do it again. I’ll never force you into anything, Amelia. I hope you know that.”
She looked at me for so long, I had a feeling it was Amelia who didn’t want to hide or apologize. But then she spoke. “Okay. I can do that.” She blushed so prettily that I wanted to reach out and touch her cheek, but I knew that would be a bad decision for both of us. Instead, I leaned in and kissed the tip of her nose like I always did and smiled. “Until our next fake date.”
“Or until we see each other as friends. Because that’s not going to change, right, Tucker?”
I looked into her eyes and tried to figure out what she was thinking. The fact that I didn’t know what I was thinking probably didn’t help matters. “Yeah. Always.” And then I walked out and hoped like hell I hadn’t made another mistake.
The next morning, I woke up hard again, but I didn’t get myself off. Doing so would likely make me think of Amelia, and I didn’t want to cross that line again.
I couldn’t be that big of an asshole. At least not again.
I showered quickly and got ready for work, then frowned when the doorbell rang.
I wasn’t expecting any deliveries. But for all I knew, I had gotten drunk and Primed again.
I opened the door and cursed.
Of course, the Carr brothers were here.
All three of them. Dimitri, Devin, and Caleb.
“Hey, mind if we come in?” Devin asked, pushing his way in.
Caleb just gave me a smirk, and Dimitri flashed me an apologetic smile.
Well, at least this was going to be an interesting way to start the day.
“So, I figure you need to talk?” I asked, trying to sound casual. I closed the door behind them, keeping the heat in, and turned to face them.
“Yeah. We’d better talk.” Caleb folded his arms over his chest as Dimitri leaned against the wall, and Devin started to pace.
“What the fuck is going on, man?” Devin asked, glaring as he continued pacing.
“Just what we told you. We’re friends.” I couldn’t lie. Not totally. I wasn’t that good at it. I had been better when I was younger, but that had been for survival. But lying to Devin? I really wasn’t good at it. And I shouldn’t be.
“Okay, then. You’re dating.”
“More like seeing each other while still friends.”
Devin shook his head and came straight at me. I stiffened but didn’t move my hands up. If Devin needed to hit me, I probably deserved it. After all, in his mind, I was defiling his baby sister. I deserved whatever I got.
“I couldn’t get involved in her and Tobey’s relationship. I promised her that I would never do anything like that. But she’s my baby sister, and you’re my fucking best friend. So, I’m already in the middle of it.”
Shame crawled through me, and then I remembered that kiss, and the fact that I’d already had dreams about her. The idea that it wasn’t as much of a lie as it should be rankled, but it made it easier for me to face him.
Maybe that’s why I’d kissed Amelia the night before. Because I needed it to be true. Perhaps not only for me, but for the friendship that’d meant the world to me my entire life.
“I’m not going to
hurt her.”
“You know, I really want to believe that,” Devin said. “But I don’t know what to believe anymore. I didn’t even know you and she saw each other that way.”
I ignored the pain that comment caused. “I’m not going to hurt her,” I repeated. “We’re only friends.”
“Friends that seem to be a bit more,” Dimitri said, shaking his head. “Not that I was actually there. It’s just what I heard.”
“We’re friends, dating casually. She needs to be okay and have some fun while she’s getting over Tobey. And I’m that guy, remember? The one you can have fun with.”
Why did that statement sound so weird?
Caleb shook his head, and I had to wonder what the other man was thinking. Caleb usually saw too much, but I didn’t know what he saw now.
“I’m not going to hurt her,” I whispered. It had to be true. Because we were friends. Friends who might want each other sexually, that much was evident, but we weren’t going to let it be anything more.
After all, she was still in love with Tobey.
And I couldn’t love anyone.
She needed me to stand in the way of her family and everyone else so she could have a moment to just be. To think. And I could be that guy for her. I didn’t think I could be anything else.
“You don’t hurt women,” Devin said, his shoulders lowering a fraction. “I know you. You go through them, but not the way everyone thinks. You’re a good man. But you fucking hurt my sister, I’ll kick your ass. Because I couldn’t do that for Tobey, but I can for you.”
I shook my head. “Thanks.” I laughed as I said it, and Caleb rolled his eyes. Dimitri winced.
“Don’t thank me. Just take care of her. Because even though I keep saying ‘don’t hurt her’ and all that shit, I don’t want her to hurt you either. You deserve good things, Tucker. And my sister’s the best. So, I hope it really fucking works out.”
I stood there shocked as Devin reached out, squeezed my shoulder, and then nodded at his brothers. The three of them walked out of the house, leaving me standing there alone, and now probably late to work.
What the fuck just happened? Was that a blessing?
Reckless With You Page 10