Earl of Baxter

by Tammy Andresen

  Penny shook her head. “Oh. I don’t know.”

  He scrubbed his face. He didn’t understand why that would have mattered but then again, she’d specifically mentioned it.

  “What do you want with Clarissa?” Penny asked as her fingers gripped the edge of the desk.

  That was blessedly simple. “To protect her.”

  Penny blinked. “That’s it?”

  He shrugged. “She saved my life. It’s the least I could do.” Then he cleared his throat, sensing a potential ally. “I’d marry her if she’d allow it. In that way, she’d have money and protection forever.” With this blackmail hanging over her, marriage was the easiest and best answer. His money, his title, they’d protect her reputation in a way that even Goldthwaite couldn’t.

  Penny gasped. “Natty was right after all.”

  “Natty?” The little orphan. The way Clarissa held her made him want to tuck Clarissa against his side and keep her there forever.

  “So you want to marry Clarissa? After all this time? Because she cared for you when you were ill?”

  “Well, to be fair, the marriage idea is relatively new.” As in yesterday. “I know she doesn’t need my financial assistance any longer with your match, but I could still care for her. And I could certainly protect her from this.” Mason waved his hand across the open letters. He left out the part where attraction had slammed into him like a bucking horse.

  He scrubbed the back of his neck. But rather than draw her closer, he’d pushed her away yesterday. He supposed he understood Clarissa’s walls. He didn’t really want to explain that she’d been the first person he could remember to touch him with such gentle affection. That he woke in the night aching to feel her touch again.

  Penny nodded. “Thank you for sharing.”

  “Lady Goldthwaite.” He held up a single finger. “Tell me. What does Clarissa see for her own future?” He gave her another easy smile, wanting her to trust him. “Do I even have a chance of swaying her to be my wife?”

  Penny softened, her gaze warm and understanding. “You might. What she wants most is to care for others. Run an orphanage. She talked of being a nurse. Mayhap you should convince her you need her care too.”

  He raised a brow. That was it? That would be so easy. Because she needed him. And, because, he did in fact need her too. Quite badly.

  Clarissa sat looking out at the grey street. She should be teaching the girls their letters. Instead, they chatted with one another as she played her conversation with Penny over in her mind.

  And the events of yesterday. Because she had the nagging feeling she’d handled them both badly.

  She’d lied to Baxter about her identity. When all he’d wanted to do was protect her. It wasn’t his fault she wasn’t to be trusted with his affection.

  And then Penny. Clarissa had pushed her away too.

  She lowered her chin onto her fist.

  Three weeks ago, they’d moved into this house with Logan after ruffians had attempted to burn down their home. Logan had rescued them, then brought them to his safe home. He’d also secured financing for the orphanages they wished to open.

  She drew in a breath. Her whole life she’d tried to help the people around her, but inevitably her sins outweighed her good deeds. Were those ruffians connected to her past? To the letters? She should have told Penny and Logan but she’d been so ashamed. Closing her eyes, she chastised herself for being a fool. Was she hurting them by keeping her secrets? Would she do harm to her friend and the children?

  And the Earl of Baxter. He was better off remembering her as the girl who saved him. He’d only be disappointed by who she’d had to become to escape the horrid priest.

  He was the one person she wanted to remember her as good and right and…someone to be admired, not hated.

  Her fists clenched as Logan’s carriage drove up to the house. Logan stepped out and then handed out Penny. Their heads bent close together as they talked. But the conversation didn’t appear to be one of lovers. Their bodies were tense, their mouths pressed in firm lines.

  Penny looked up at the window and grimaced when she saw Clarissa. Clarissa pushed back, her own body growing tense. What was wrong with Penny?

  After standing, she started for the door. “I’ll be back shortly, girls,” she called as she made her way out the door and then down the hall.

  They entered the house when she was halfway down the stairs and she didn’t bother with greetings. “What’s the matter?”

  Penny stopped too, her frown deepening. “I think we should talk.”

  Clarissa started down the stairs once again. “I agree. Hence why I asked what was wrong.”

  “Let’s step into the sitting room.”

  Clarissa’s stomach twisted. Clearly, whatever Penny needed to say was serious. “All right.”

  She followed Penny into the other room, not bothering to sit but crossing back to the window. Somehow, watching the world made her feel less frightened.

  Penny cleared her throat. “There’s no point in hiding anything from you. I found your letters and I spoke with the Earl of Baxter.”

  The window was forgotten as Clarissa spun back around. Blood rushed in her ears. What had they pieced together? They knew? Both of them? “You did what?”

  “How could you not tell me someone was threatening you?” Penny’s chin notched higher.

  Clarissa curled into herself. “I didn’t want to worry you.”

  Penny shook her friend. “You are my family. I will always help you.”

  Clarissa ducked her head. “I’m not the person you think I am.”

  “You are exactly the person I think you are. Strong and loving. And you deserve the best future you can have.”

  Clarissa’s chin snapped up. “What does that mean?”

  “Did you know he’s quite charming?”

  “I know I don’t give a fig,” she fired back.

  Penny nibbled at her lip. “He says he wants to marry you.”

  Her heart began to pound in her chest, her hands covering it in an attempt to make the organ slow. Had he said that before or after he’d read the notes? The words accusing her, correctly, of being a petty thief. “He doesn’t even know me.” She clenched her hands into the folds of her dress as the world seemed to spin in a dizzying fashion. Because her first reaction had been excitement, not dread. “And what I know of him I don’t like.” Lie. She liked him so much, she ached inside.

  Penny cocked a brow. “Really? He’s handsome and singularly focused on…well…you.”

  Clarissa let out a huff. “That doesn’t concern you?” She took a step toward Penny. “He dove into my carriage. Logan had to pull him bodily out. Or, at least, he tried.”

  “All true.” Penny rubbed her chin. “I did just marry. I’m seeing everything with a romantic flare. But still. He’s an earl. I’m not saying you should agree to marry him just that perhaps, you should get to know him.”

  “No.” The single word cut through the air like a hot knife slicing through butter.

  “Why?”

  Clarissa gave her head a shake. “I’m not like you. Good things don’t come to me. Especially when they’re offered by men. They fall apart in my hands and—” She stopped talking.

  Penny stood. “That isn’t true. I would have never made it through the last six years without you. You’re one of the best things to happen to me.”

  Clarissa shook her head. “Logan is the best. I’ve hardly been able to help at all.” To her dismay, tears pricked at her eyes.

  How could she explain that she’d love nothing more than to accept Baxter’s proposal? But he needed to be protected…from her. From the choices she’d made. How could a thief become a countess?

  Penny crossed the room, wrapping her arms about Clarissa. She tried to resist the touch but as her friend’s warmth wrapped about her, she collapsed into it. “Don’t say that. You’ve been wonderful. All the love you give the children. The help you gave me. I was supposed to rescue you the d
ay I took you from the church, but I sometimes think you saved me. Gave me hope and direction when I had none.”

  Clarissa squeezed her back. The words soothed some of her hurt. “Thank you for saying that. But you don’t understand. So many times I’ve tried to help people and failed. I don’t know if I’m good—”

  Penny shook her head so vigorously that Clarissa pulled away for fear of getting knocked in the chin. “You’re the best, Clarissa.”

  “You don’t know that.”

  “I do,” Penny started.

  “No.” Clarissa bit back. “You don’t. And he doesn’t either. But I can tell him that he needn’t bother pursuing me. Where is he?”

  Penny dropped her arms biting her lip again. “I don’t think—”

  “Tell me,” Clarissa said before her friend could finish. “I need to speak with him. It’s too hard…” She didn’t finish. Because what she might have said was that it was too difficult to be this tempted by a future that included a husband and a man who didn’t hurt her, or leave her, or tell her she was worthless.

  Penny flinched. “You know that building near our old home? The strange one with the red door and the emblem with a W?”

  Clarissa gasped. She knew it exactly. “I’ll be back soon.”

  Penny shook her head. “You can’t go alone. I’ll come with you.”

  “I’ll bring a maid.” She waved her hand. She had no intention of bringing anyone. She and the Earl of Baxter needed to have a private conversation.

  Chapter Six

  Mason paced back and forth, trying to decide how best to proceed. His conversation with Penny had solidified his feelings.

  This was what he’d been working toward. Clarissa.

  He winced, his head dropping into his hands. He’d ruined their first meeting yesterday. Like a fool.

  He heard the door of his office slowly open, the wood giving the faintest creak. Turning he drew in a sharp breath as Clarissa peeked into the room. “Is this a bad time?”

  “No,” he said simply. “How did you get in here—” Then he paused. “Never mind. I already know Keyworth let you in.”

  She stepped into the room, closing the door behind her. Then she drew in a deep breath. He watched the rise and fall of her chest as her hands twisted together. “I suppose I should start with a confession.”

  He took two steps toward her until she held out her hand. He stopped but his fingers itched to touch her. “Confession?”

  “I lied yesterday,” she whispered. “It was me. We met in the church.”

  His chest was so tight he could hardly breathe. “Did you lie because I frightened you?”

  She shook her head. “You don’t frighten me.”

  He couldn’t hold himself back and he took another step. “Then why lie?”

  She drew in a ragged breath. “You know about my father. And now you know that someone is…” She looked at the wall to her right, averting her gaze. “You know where I came from and how I got there and…” She stopped, her chin dropping.

  He couldn’t hold back anymore. Closing the gap between them, he reached up and touched her cheek with the tips of his fingers “Are you worried that I won’t keep your secrets?” As far as secrets went, it wasn’t much of one. His father had said and done far worse. It wasn’t until he’d met Clarissa that he’d been able to let that go.

  She shrugged. “I was. I told myself that if you shared my past, people may pull their funding for our orphanage. Who wants to support a woman whose father gambled away every penny to his name? Who is the victim of extortion?”

  He cupped her cheek. “Those are not your actions. Trust me. I understand.”

  She looked up at him, her eyes sad. It made his gut tighten and his other hand clasped her waist. “You don’t.”

  That surprised him. “Then tell me.”

  She shook her head, her velvet cheek rubbing against his rougher palm. “That’s not what I came here to say.”

  “What did you come to say then?” He settled her body closer and, to his amazement, she didn’t resist. Her curves, so soft and tempting fit against him in a way that made him ache.

  She held his arms, her fingers lightly playing over his muscles. His head dropped closer to hers. She was so still, completely different from yesterday, he didn’t want to spook her in any way.

  She looked up at him, her sweet breath fanning over his cheeks. “Penny told me about your conversation. About how you said that you wished to…”

  “Marry you?” He tried to calm tumbling his thoughts. Normally he excelled at this but not with her. He rushed ahead, so glad to have her in his arms to have this moment. “I do. I will. Just say the word. I can protect you from all of this.”

  But her eyes only widened and then lines of pain formed around her mouth. “I can’t marry you. I can’t even see you again.”

  His heart skipped a beat, but he stayed still. Pain lanced through him but he forced himself to slow down. Breathe deeply. The most important thing that mattered was she was here in his arms where she was safe. “Explain it to me.” He had to get to the bottom of why she rejected him.

  Then he slid his hand onto the small of her back, supporting her upper body with his arm.

  She relaxed further into him. “My father, he left me, all alone.” Her voice caught on the last word. Damn, he wished he could take that hurt away for her.

  “He should have never done that. You were only a girl. You needed him.” His nose brushed the tip of hers. He did all he could do now, give her comfort. And assurances. “I would never leave you like that.”

  Her eyes widened even as her hands tightened their grip on his arms. “That’s not what this is about.”

  “What’s it about then?” He slid a hand into her hair and her head tilted back.

  “I can take care of myself,” she whispered.

  Her actions belied those words. She was like clay in his hands, but he didn’t say so. He’d blustered yesterday. That wasn’t the way. Today, he’d be the calm support Clarissa needed. “You’ve done a good job.”

  She shook her head again. “Penny’s done a good job. I’m exactly what my father said I was.”

  That made a sick lump form in his throat. He knew all about the hurt of a father’s words. “What did the bastard say?”

  He felt her jump in his arms. “Why do you say it like that?”

  “I told you. I know about terrible fathers.” He tensed but forced his muscles to relax. “What he said is not a reflection on you.”

  She shook her head. “Penny said the same…”

  He couldn’t help himself then. He could feel her hurt. The same hurt she’d soothed so many years ago in him. Tilting his chin, he placed the lightest kiss on her lips. She gasped, her fingers clutching him even as her lips melted into his. Gently, he lifted his head to gaze down at her.

  “Clarissa,” he whispered. “Please tell me what he said to you. What troubles you so much. I promise to never repeat it, not even to you if that’s what you wish, but you need to lighten your heart. Let me do that for you.”

  Dear Lord, Clarissa wanted to tell him. The one thing she’d never said to a single soul. But once she confessed, she couldn’t take the words back. They’d be out in the world.

  She made a halfhearted attempt to pull away, but he held firm. She was glad. She hadn’t realized how heavy her burden had been until he’d held part of her weight. “Then you’ll know everything.”

  He kissed her again. Another gentle sweep of his mouth against hers. Desire and pleasure warred with the battle to hold onto her will. When her arms snaked about his neck, she knew she was losing.

  It was just that he felt so good.

  Strong, lean, and hard, he was like an anchor in this moment. She felt a bit of moisture on her eyelashes and realized that her eyes had misted over.

  “It’s all right,” he murmured. “I’ve got you and I’m not going anywhere.”

  She trembled. Somehow he pulled his mouth away and words bega
n to tumble from her lips. “He told me that I was to blame. That I was no good and that I never would be. Don’t you see. Those letters. They only prove it’s true. I bring pain to the people I love.”

  “Blame for what? How can you be anything but good?” he asked. “Whoever sent those. That is the villain. Not you.”

  A door banged in the distance and the laughter of men and women filtered down the hall and into the room.

  The noise reminded her that they were not alone. That the safety she felt was an illusion.

  She backed up a step, or she tried. “I should go.”

  “No,” he said, splaying his hands out on her back. “We’ve barely begun talking. You were going to explain to me why we can never see each other again. Remember? Not many women turn down an earl’s proposal, so I am curious to know why.”

  She cocked a brow. “Proposal?” But she relaxed against him again. He just felt so…right. “As far as I know, you proposed to Penny. Complicated since she’s already married.”

  He chuckled and then placed a light kiss on her neck just below her ear. The tickly brush made her gasp and her eyes fluttered closed.

  “Well, I’d rectify that, but you’ve already sworn the answer will be no.”

  That made her smile. “I did indeed.”

  “Which leads us back to your explanation. What did your father say was wrong with you?”

  She swallowed. She couldn’t. Without realizing it, she shook her head back and forth.

  “My father was the Duke of Devonhall but my mother…” He paused, his thumb sweeping across her lips. “Was not the duchess.”

  “Oh,” she gasped, drawing him closer.

  “My father hated the very sight of me. I was a reminder of his weakness, his lack of perfection.” He began to massage her scalp. “In fact, he told me on more than one occasion the world would have been a better place if I were never born.”

  She choked on her indignation. How could a father be so cruel? Wanting to give him comfort, Clarissa threaded her gloved hands into his hair. She wished she could take them off and feel the texture of his hair. Were the locks as inviting as they looked? “How old were you?”