She's the One Who Cares Too Much

by S. R. Cronin

  Votto stirred in my arms and I stood up, thanking him silently for his good timing. “I’m going to go lay him on your bed.”

  When I got back she surprised me by wanting to continue the conversation. This time I leaned against the wall, so I could look her in the eye.

  “What exactly is it your sister has you doing with this Mongol thing?” she asked.

  “What has she told you?”

  “She says you’re good with horses. I suppose you are, you’re great with Nutmeg. She’s got Celestine and other musicians trying to get these animals to do what she wants, and you’re helping out.”

  “That’s kind of true.” I could have left it there. I probably should have. But I didn’t.

  “Do you know what a luski is, Mom?”

  She sucked in her breath. “Some make-believe monster used to scare children.”

  “No, she’s a woman, usually a woman, who can control people with her voice. Sometimes. A little.” I cocked my head to one side. “Do you think luskies are real?”

  “Certainly not.”

  I smiled. “I am one.”

  She stared at me as if I’d grown horns out of the top of my head, like one of the goats in the barn. “That’s ridiculous.” She turned as if to leave the room, not wanting to spend time on such nonsense.

  I didn’t want to demonstrate. I knew, deep down, she’d never forgive me if I did. So I just said “Maybe. Ryalgar thinks I’m one, at any rate, and it’s how she’s using me to help.”

  “Well, putting that sort of nonsense in your head would certainly explain the changes I’ve noticed,” she said looking at me over her shoulder. “I’ll have words with Ryalgar about this.” I supposed she would.

  Votto started to cry, and I ran into the bedroom to scoop him up before it occurred to him to crawl to the edge of the bed. I kissed him on the forehead to thank him for rescuing me.

  “We’d best be going.”

  “Of course. Let me help you gather your things.”

  I’d already said good-bye to Dad; Mom got me packed up in record time. I knew how she worked, though. She’d think more about the luski thing after I was gone. She’d start to remember a few times when, maybe, it could have made sense. She’d ask a few questions. She’d probably confront poor Dad, and he’d confess that he’d known for a while.

  Then she’d be mad at us all because no one had told her sooner. Then she’d figure out why we hadn’t. Then she’d want to talk to me and tell me it was okay and she still loved me no matter what sort of monster I was.

  I hoped we’d get to that point before Kolada.

  Chapter 16. Getting to Know Each Other

  When Chessa and I arrived back at my cottage, a note from her father sat scrunched under the door. “Please bring Chessa home soon.” I read it and looked at her. She knew, in that way kids do.

  “It happened. Didn’t it?”

  “I think so. Your daddy says he needs you. Let’s get you home.”

  She was calm, almost a sleep-walker, as she put her things into her bag. When she thought I wasn’t looking, she pulled one of the small cloth dolls from my parents’ house out from inside her dress and put it with her other things. Had she stolen it and hidden it in her clothes? I considered confronting her, then decided she had enough to deal with. She could keep the toy for now.

  I put some grapes, bread, and smoked meat in a bag so she’d have something for dinner. Then I got us back on Nutmeg, thankful Votto enjoyed riding as much as I did. I hoped he’d never outgrow it.

  When I helped her off my mare outside of her home, Chessa whispered “Can I stay with you again sometime?”

  “Of course you can.”

  “Good. Thank your mother for the doll. Tell her I nursed her when we rode, just like you nurse Votto.”

  Janx saw us dismount and came outside, his face red and his eyes bleary. Family should be around to help under these circumstances. How could I leave this man alone?

  “Your wife?”

  He nodded. “I’ve gotten to know my neighbors better, with the practices we’re having.” He made a sound somewhere between a laugh, a cough, and a sob. “Learning how to capture Mongols is one way to make friends. But … they came to help me. We, we buried her in a beautiful spot. I’ll take Chessa there tomorrow. I wanted her last memories of mother to be …”

  He leaned on his porch rail as though he hadn’t the strength to stand unsupported.

  “I understand. Can I help somehow? I’ve brought food. I could put out a meal for you before I leave.”

  “Please,” Chessa answered. He didn’t say anything but he didn’t have to. As I laid out the food I doubted he’d eat but I hoped she would.

  “I’ll check on you tomorrow if that’s okay.”

  He nodded.

  Then I remembered. With the on-going harvest break, Hana had scheduled another luski practice in the morning and warned us it would probably go all day. She’d been right when she said I didn’t need a charitable project right now. But, what were we fighting for if we couldn’t be bothered to care for each other? I’d find a way to take a break and check in on Chessa.

  Something felt different when I got to the practice the next morning. Votto had needed a last-minute diaper change and I arrived late. An apology formed on my lips when I noticed there were no singers, no farmhands, and no horses.

  The luskies all sat along a bench, at least twenty of them, probably every luski still willing to help. Half had removed their masks. Ewalina had hers off, the better for me to see the worry on her face.

  “Glad you could make it,” Hana said as I walked in. I heard her sarcasm. “I’ve instructed everyone to remove their face coverings. A few hesitate, but I trust they’ll comply. I’m glad to see you didn’t bother to put yours on.”

  I’d left my mask at home in my rush to get out of the door after Votto’s delay, but she didn’t need to know that. When I sat on the end of the bench with the others and didn’t respond, she ignored me and addressed the group.

  “I’ve long suspected you can do more than you let on. I don’t blame you. Nobody wants to frighten their neighbors. However, we must trust each other. Today I want to get to know more about each of you, and I want you all to get to know more about each other. We’re going to share stories. What have you been able to do in the past with your voice? What surprised you? What did you find challenging? I want every member of this group to help the others, so each of you can become the best luski you can be.”

  “As a matter of custom, we don’t share personal information,” Ewalina said. “It helps us maintain our anonymity. Whenever we leave each other, we promise to part as strangers.”

  “Well now, custom doesn’t hold here, does it? We’re about to go to war, ladies and gentleman. The old way of doing things is gone.”

  Several of the people exchanged uncomfortable looks. Those of us on the ends scooted to the edges to give everyone more room.

  “I don’t see why,” an older woman sitting at the other end said. “I was promised we wouldn’t be doing anything involving people, or I’d never have agreed to this.”

  “Me neither,” said the man from Tolo. “She,” he pointed to Ewalina, “she said you needed us to help a bunch of singers get horses to throw their riders. I got no problem doing that. I’ll help you all day. But that’s all I signed up for.”

  “That’s all you thought you signed up for,” Hana said. “In fact, we need you for more. Ilari needs you for more.”

  “Like what?” Several luskies said it.

  “Like, we’re looking into using you to get the Mongols to follow the wrong road. To get them to pause for the night to let their horses graze. To get them to be more docile once we capture them. You luskies have a wealth of uses, a potentially huge part to play in our success. Please. Let’s not be meek. Now is the time to be bold!”

  I knew Ryalgar wasn’t looking into any of these ideas. She and I had talked, and she understood the limits of what I and the others could
do. Also, the limits of what we would do. Controlling crowds of Mongols with our voices was not on either list.

  I raised my hand. “My sister Ryalgar never mentioned any of these ideas.”

  When Hana turned to me I saw anger in her eyes, but her voice stayed calm.

  “Your sister Ryalgar is not in charge of this operation. I am. I say what we are considering and what we are not. Do you understand?”

  I wanted to argue with her, to tell her she mistook my sister’s intentions, but I didn’t know for sure. Maybe Ryalgar had told this woman she could do anything she wanted with the luskies.

  If I disagreed and was wrong, she’d probably kick me out of the group and not let me defend my homeland. Or she’d hate me point forward and make my participation miserable.

  And if I was right? Then Ryalgar would have words with her to reign her in and then she’d either kick me out of the group or hate me point forward. It was pretty much the same outcome either way.

  But if I kept my silence, I could learn more.

  “I understand. Completely.” I said it loud with a heavy dose of encouragement for her to believe me because she wanted to. I knew the other luskies would pick up on my timbre and I counted on them to know it was a signal to do the same. My tone said this woman could be dangerous. Let’s learn more.

  Luskies get plenty of practice hiding who they are and what they think. I saw acquiescent nods around the room and veiled understanding in most eyes.

  “Excellent,” Hana said. She patted the tight little brown bun on her head in satisfaction, making sure it stayed in place. “Let’s start by letting me learn more about each of you.”

  The morning dragged on in discomfort as we all revealed personal details about times we’d used our timbre and how effective it had been. I suspected many lied, at least in part. I know I did. The half-truths made me feel less vulnerable against the eerie intensity with which Hana sought information.

  When we broke for lunch, I told her I had an errand to run. I hoped Janx’s neighbors brought the customary food to his house, even though he wasn’t a man of Vinx. Even if she had food, though, I worried about Chessa. She didn’t know these neighbors, and her father could only spend so much time comforting her.

  “Does this errand involve the child you’ve taken on as a charity?”

  I didn’t argue, although I objected to both her tone and her words.

  “It does.”

  “Then let’s have a short conversation now while the others eat, and you’ll be free to go for the rest of the day. How does that sound?” She said it so pleasantly.

  “Perfect. Thank you.”

  “Oh, don’t thank me yet. Coral. You and I need to reach an understanding today. I can’t have you running back to the Velka, back to your sister or your grandmother, every time I do something you don’t like. War is a serious business. That sort of nonsense gets in the way of our defense. Do you understand?”

  I took a breath. Answer carefully.

  “Of course. I have no intention of doing that.”

  “Excellent. Because if you did, I’d have no choice but to make sure there were consequences, ones severe enough to ensure others don’t cause me similar problems. Discipline is important in a wartime situation. Don’t you agree?”

  “No. Honestly. I don’t.”

  “Coral, one can’t maintain an army without absolute obedience. Now, how do you think your school would react to learning about what you can do with your voice? How do you think your fellow teachers would feel once they heard about how you tried to manipulate them?”

  “I’ve never done such a thing.”

  “What do you mean? You told me two such stories earlier this morning.”

  Oh scump. I’d enhanced a couple of stories that could be construed that way.

  “I don’t think my first move would be to talk to your school, though. I’d go to your husband instead. I bet he doesn’t know you’re a luski, does he? I know Davor. If I asked, he’d keep quiet about you, for my sake and yours. But, I’m positive he’d never want his son raised by a luski. He’s not so fond of powerful women. Perhaps you’ve noticed?”

  “Don’t threaten me.” I put all the timbre I could into the words, but I knew it would have no effect. Hana wanted to threaten me and believed she had every right to do so.

  She smiled, as though she’d saved the best news for last.

  “You do know he’s having an affair with an old friend of mine, don’t you? Ketevan. She’s a lovely lady, so don’t you worry. She’ll do a fine job of raising little Votto. He’d have all the advantages with her, too. Probably miss your milk at first, but hey, he’s old enough to get by on gruel now, isn’t he?”

  My hands went straight to my breasts. I swear, my milk started to flow at the thought of losing my son.

  “You wouldn’t!”

  “I would, because it would be best for Ilari. After that, you’d behave, doing everything I asked. Otherwise, I’d have to involve your school next, and then you’d lose your job as well as your child. That would be unnecessarily harsh.”

  My insides felt like icicles as I came to understand this woman held power over me.

  “Good. I can see on your face that we’ve reached an understanding. See, it didn’t take long. Now, go be nice to whatever poor little child you fancy. Oh, tell me, do you fancy her father, too?”

  “Certainly not! The poor man’s wife just died.”

  She laughed. “Ah, so you’re just the woman providing comfort. I see. Well, either way, I’m sure they wouldn’t be as fond of you if they knew your little secret.

  She handed me a piece of paper, modified from the one she’d given me earlier.

  “Read it over. We’ll be having two sorts of practices from now on. At one set, we’ll work with the singers to achieve our assigned objective. At the other, it’ll be luskies only as we look into ways we can thwart the invasion in unanticipated ways. It never hurts to exceed expectations, right?”

  I managed a numb nod.

  “Good. We’ll look to the future, too, as we contemplate how to make the Velka, and Pilk, and all of Ilari better when this is over.”

  “Better? Or more to your liking?” I let myself say it.

  “You’re right. More to my liking.”

  It concerned me that my question didn’t even bother her.

  I rode Nutmeg slowly as I left, stroking Votto’s hair and inhaling his soft baby smell. I didn’t think I could live without him. That meant I couldn’t ever be the cause of Hana’s receiving direct trouble from the Velka. I couldn’t challenge her in any way. I had to do everything she asked. That or lose my precious son.

  Could I could find a way to warn Ryalgar without Hana knowing the warning came from me? Would she assume any warning had? Maybe. But would she retaliate if she couldn’t be sure? Maybe not. She only had so many ways she could destroy my life; I had to hope she wouldn’t want to waste one.

  Could I convince Davor that being a luski wasn’t a big deal? Or the people at my school? Or Janx and Chessa? Maybe, but I couldn’t afford to count on it.

  Could I find another way to stop Hana? I had no idea how. My life exhausted me. I barely had the energy to wash myself or time to clean my clothes. I’d given up cooking and all the flowers in my yard had finally died from lack of care. I spent most of my time chasing around a half-year-old who seemed to crawl faster than I walked.

  How in the name of all that was sacred could I thwart a blackmailing mastermind determined to control all the luskies in the realm?

  Once home, I laid my sleeping baby in his crib, then patted down Nutmeg and gave her water and an apple. The only good news about today was that I no longer needed to find Olivine to ask her if she agreed that Hana was harmless. Hana had shown she wasn’t.

  Too frustrated to sit, I got up and walked around my dead flower beds, kicking at rocks until my toes hurt, even though I knew the dumb rocks could do nothing to stop Hana.

  Chapter 17. Throwing a Rock in the D
ark

  Between my frustration and my fatigue, I didn’t make it over to Chessa’s house until the next day. I arrived to see Janx chopping wood in the front yard and Chessa playing with the doll she’d gotten from my mother. She talked to it the way I talked to Votto as I went about my chores.

  “What happened to you yesterday? You said you’d come back.”

  “I know. I’m sorry. Things kept me from coming over.”

  “What things?”

  “Complicated grown-up things.”

  She scowled. “I hate complicated grown-up things.”

  I looked outside and saw the vehemence with which Janx swung his ax. I could only guess at the reasons he and his wife had landed so far from home, leaving him without the woman he loved, and with no family and a child to care for.

  “Have you eaten breakfast?” I asked Chessa.

  “Not yet. Daddy told me to eat the things the neighbors brought. Said we had to finish them before they spoiled.”

  “He’s right.” I looked at the food on the counter. “Here. Eat the meat first. It won’t last long. I’ll make you a plate.”

  These two needed help, and they were going to need it for a while. Could I find the time to give it? Votto squirmed in his carrier, reminding me my own life wasn’t without complications.

  Then a thought made me freeze. Would they even accept my help, if they knew the truth about me?

  Ewalina had done a thorough job of making me comfortable with my talents when I first learned of them. I hadn’t realized what a favor she’d done for me. Thanks to her, I understood my limitations and the boundaries I had to set. I knew no one could tell what I was, or what I was doing, except for another luski. I felt safe from the prejudice of others.

  Then Hana upended my sense of security, thinking she could harness my talents to serve her ambitions. Now I was scared. Of everyone, and perhaps most of all of myself.

  What was it Davor had accused me of being when he claimed I was too timid to be his wife? Easily frightened and overly emotional. Was I? Possibly. Sometimes. But to stop Hana from taking away my child, ruining my life, and destroying my homeland, I was pretty sure I could find a way not to be.