Mistress Nell: A Merry Tale of a Merry Time

by George Cochrane Hazelton

  CHAPTER X

  _Arrest him yourself!_

  The King stood at the door, thoughtfully reflecting on the temper of thedeparting Duchess. She was a maid of honour and, more than that, anemissary from his brother Louis of France. Gossip said he loved her, butit was not true, though he liked her company exceeding well when themood suited. He regretted only the evening's incident, with the harsherfeeling it was sure to engender.

  Nell stood by the fireplace, muttering French phrases in humorousimitation of her grace. Observing the King's preoccupation, she tossed a_serviette_ merrily at his head.

  This brought his Majesty to himself again. He turned, and laughed as hesaw her; for his brain and heart delighted in her merry-making. He lovedher.

  "What means this vile French?" she asked, with delicious suggestion ofthe shrug, accent and manner of her vanquished rival.

  "The Duchess means," explained the King, "that she gives a royal ball--"

  "And invites me?" broke in Nell, quickly, placing her elbows upon a caskand looking over it impishly at Charles.

  "And invites you _not_" said the King, "and so outwits you."

  "By her porters' wits and not her own," retorted Nell.

  She threw herself into a chair and became oblivious for the moment ofher surroundings.

  "The French hussy! So she gives a ball?" she thought. "Well, well, I'llbe there! I'll teach her much. Oh, I'll be pretty, too, aye, verypretty. No fear yet of rivalry or harm for England."

  Charles watched her amusedly, earnestly, lovingly. The vixen had fallenunconsciously into imitating again the Duchess's foreign ways, as anaccompaniment even for her thoughts.

  "_Sans doute_, we shall, _madame_" Nell muttered audibly, withmuch gesticulating and a mocking accent. "_A mon bal! Pas adieu, maisau revoir_."

  The King came closer.

  "Are you ill," he asked, "that you do mutter so and wildly act?"

  "I was only thinking that, if I were a man," she said, turning towardhim playfully, "I would love your Duchess to devotion. Her wit is sooriginal, her repartee so sturdy. Your Majesty's taste in horses--andsome women--is excellent."

  She crossed the room gaily and threw herself laughing upon the bench.The King followed her.

  "Heaven help the being, naughty Nell," he said, "who offends thy merrytongue; but I love thee for it." He sat down beside her in earnestadoration, then caught her lovingly in his arms.

  "Love me?" sighed Nell, scarce mindful of the embrace. "Ah, Sire, I ambut a plaything for the King at best, a caprice, a fancy--naught else."

  "Nay, sweet," said Charles, "you have not read this heart."

  "I have read it too deeply," replied Nell, with much meaning in hervoice. "It is this one to-day, that one to-morrow, with King Charles.Ah, Sire, your love for the poor player-girl is summed up in threelittle words: 'I amuse you!'"

  "Amuse me!" exclaimed Charles, thoughtfully. "Hark ye, Nell! States maymarry us; they cannot make us love. Ye Gods, the humblest peasant in myrealm is monarch of a heart of his own choice. Would I were such aking!"

  "What buxom country lass," asked Nell, sadly but wistfully, "teachesyour fancy to follow the plough, my truant master?"

  "You forget: I too," continued Charles, "have been an outcast, likeOrange Nell, seeking a crust and bed."

  He arose and turned away sadly to suppress his emotion. He was not theKing of England now: he was a man who had suffered; he was a man amongmen.

  "Forgive me, Sire," said Nell, tenderly, as a woman only can speak, "ifI recall unhappy times."

  "Unhappy!" echoed Charles, while Fancy toyed with Recollection. "Nell,in those dark days, I learned to read the human heart. God taught methen the distinction 'twixt friend and enemy. When a misled rabble haddethroned my father, girl, and murdered him before our palace gate, andbequeathed the glorious arts and progressive sciences to religiousbigots and fanatics, to trample under foot and burn--when, if a littlebird sang overjoyously, they cut out his tongue for daring to bemerry--in some lonely home by some stranger's hearth, a banished prince,called Charles Stuart, oft found an asylum of plenty and repose; and inyour eyes, my Nell, I read the self-same, loyal, English heart."

  There was all the sadness of great music in his speech. Nell fell uponher knee, and kissed his hand, reverently.

  "My King!" she said; and her voice trembled with passionate love.

  He raised her tenderly and kissed her upon the lips.

  "My queen," he said; and his voice too trembled with passionate love.

  "And Milton says that Paradise is lost," whispered Nell. Her head restedon the King's shoulder. She looked up--the picture of perfecthappiness--into his eyes.

  "Not while Nell loves Charles," he said.

  "And Charles remembers Nell," her voice answered, softly.

  Meanwhile, the rotund landlord had entered unobserved; and a contrast hemade, indeed, to the endearing words of the lovers as at this instant heunceremoniously burst forth in guttural accents with:

  "The bill! The bill for supper, sir!"

  Nell looked at the King and the King looked at Nell; then both looked atthe landlord. The lovers' sense of humour was boundless. That was theirfirst tie; the second, their hearts.

  "The bill!" repeated Nell, smothering a laugh. "Yes, we were justspeaking of the bill."

  "How opportune!" exclaimed Charles, taking the cue. "We feared you wouldforget it, sirrah."

  "See that it is right," ejaculated Nell.

  The King glanced at the bill indifferently, but still could not fail tosee "3 chickens" in unschooled hand. His eyes twinkled and he glanced atthe landlord, but the latter avoided his look with a pretence ofinnocence.

  THE DECEPTION.]"Gad," said Charles, with a swagger, "what are a few extra shillings toParliament? Here, my man." He placed a hand in a pocket, but found itempty. "No; it is in the other pocket." He placed his hand in another,only to find it also empty. Then he went through the remaining pockets,one by one, turning them each out for inspection--his face assuming anair of mirthful hopelessness as he proceeded. He had changed his garbfor a merry lark, but had neglected to change his purse. "Devil on't,I--have--forgotten--Odsfish, where is my treasurer?" he exclaimed atlast.

  "Your treasurer!" shrieked the landlord, who had watched Charles'ssearch, with twitching eyes. "Want your treasurer, do ye? ConstableSwallow'll find him for ye. Constable Swallow! I knew you were a rascal,by your face."

  Charles laughed.

  This exasperated the landlord still further. He began to flutter aboutthe room aimlessly, bill in hand. He presented it to Charles and hepresented it to Nell, who would have none of it; while at intervals hecalled loudly for the constable.

  "Peace, my man," entreated Nell; "be still for mercy's sake."

  "Good lack, my lady," pleaded the landlord, in despair, "good lack, butyou would not see a poor man robbed by a vagabond, would ye? ConstableSwallow!"

  The situation was growing serious indeed. The King was mirthful still,but Nell was fearful.

  "Nell, have you no money to stop this heathen's mouth?" he finallyejaculated, as he caught up his bonnet and tossed it jauntily upon hishead.

  "Not a farthing," replied she, sharply. "I was invited to sup, not paythe bill."

  "If the King knew this rascal," yelled the landlord at the top of hisvoice, pointing to Charles, "he would be behind the bars long ago."

  This was too much for his Majesty, who broke into the merriest oflaughs.

  "Verily, I believe you," he admitted. Then he fell to laughing again,almost rolling off the bench in his glee.

  "Master Constable," wildly repeated the landlord, at the kitchen-door."Let my new wife alone; they are making off with the house."

  Nell was filled with consternation.

  "He'll raise the neighbourhood, Sire," she whispered to Charles. "Haveyou no money to stop this heathen's mouth?"

  "Not even holes in my pockets," calmly replied the Merry Monarch.

  "Odsfish, what company am I got i
nto!" sighed Nell. She ran to thelandlord and seized his arm in her endeavour to quiet him.

  The landlord, however, was beside himself. He stood at the kitchen-doorgesticulating ferociously and still shouting at the top of his voice:"Constable Swallow! Help, help; thieves; Constable Swallow!"

  Swallow staggered into the room with all his dignity aboard. Tankard inhand, he made a dive for the table, and catching it firmly, surveyed thescene.

  Nell turned to her lover for protection.

  "Murder, hic!" ejaculated the constable. "Thieves! What's therow?--Hic!"

  "Arrest this blackguard," commanded the landlord, nervously, "thisperfiler of honest men."

  "Arrest!--You drunken idiot!" indignantly exclaimed Charles; and hissword cut the air before the constable's eyes.

  Nell seized his arm. Her woman's intuition showed her the better course.

  "You will raise a nest of them," she whispered. "You need your wits,Sire; not your sword."

  "Nay; come on, I say," cried Charles, fearlessly. "We'll see what hisMajesty's constables are made of."

  "You rogue--_Posse!_" exclaimed Swallow, starting boldly for theKing, then making a brilliant retreat, calling loudly for help, as therapier tickled him in the ribs.

  "You ruffian--_Posse!_" he continued to call, alternately, first toone and then to the other; for his fear paralyzed all but his tongue."You outlaw--_Posse commi-ti-titous_--hic!"

  Buzzard also now entered from his warm nest in the kitchen, sointoxicated that he vented his enthusiasm in song, which in this caseseemed apt:

  _"The man that is drunk is as great as a king."_

  "Another champion of the King's law!" ejaculated Charles, not without ashadow of contempt in his voice, once more assuming an attitude ofdefence.

  "Oh, Charles!" pleaded Nell, again catching his arm.

  "_Posse_, arrest that vagabond," commanded the constable, from apoint of safety behind the table.

  "Aye, aye, sir," replied the obedient Buzzard. "On what charge--hic?"

  "He's a law-breaker and a robber!" yelled the watchful landlord.

  "He called the law a drunken idiot. Hic--hic!" woefully wailed Swallow."Odsbud, that's treason! Arrest him, _posse_--hic!"

  "Knave, I arrest--hic!" asserted Buzzard.

  The _posse_ started boldly enough for his game, but was suddenlybrought to a stand-still in his reeling course by the sharp point of therapier playing about his legs. He made several indignant efforts toovercome the obstacle. The point of the blade was none too gentle withhim, even as he beat a retreat; and his enthusiasm waned.

  "Arrest him yourself--hic!" he exclaimed.

  Swallow's face grew red with rage. To have his orders disobeyed firedhim with much more indignation of soul than the escape of the ruffian,who was simply defrauding the landlord of a dinner. He turned hotly uponthe insubordinate _posse_, crying:

  "I'll arrest you, you Buzzard--hic!"

  "I'll arrest you, you Swallow--hic!" with equal dignity retortedBuzzard.

  "I'm his Majesty's constable--hic!" hissed Swallow, from lips chargedwith air, bellows-like.

  "I'm his Majesty's _posse_--hic!" hissed Buzzard in reply.

  The two drunken representatives of the law seized each other angrily.The landlord, in despair, endeavoured hopelessly to separate them.

  "A wrangle of the generals," laughed Charles. "Now is our time." Helooked about quickly for an exit.

  "Body o' me! The vagabonds'll escape," shouted the landlord.

  "Fly, fly!" said Nell. "This way, Charles."

  She ran hastily toward the steps leading to the entry-way; the Kingassisted her.

  "Stop, thief! Stop, thief!" screamed the landlord. "The bill! The bill!"

  "Send it to the Duchess!" replied Nell, gaily, as she and the MerryMonarch darted into the night.

  The landlord turned in despair, to find the drunken champions of theKing's law in a struggling heap upon the floor. He raised his foot andtook out vengeance where vengeance could be found.