It Takes a Village: Finding the Right Support System in Addiction Recovery

by Alexandrea Holder

  Learn to recognize the positive and negative influences in your life.

  Recognize the signs of manipulative, supportive, and enabling behavior.

  Determine rather enablers can become potential allies in the recovery process.

  Any addiction recovery specialist will tell you that a vital step in recovering from substance abuse is the removal of enablers and other toxic entities from your life. Though therapy and rehabilitation facilities can teach healthy coping mechanisms and address the underlying causes of addiction, the true test of one’s recovery from substance abuse is in returning to the world outside the safe and hallowed walls. At this point, people in recovery are most susceptible to the manipulations of those around them, particularly those who would tempt them back into the self-destructive behaviors caused by substance abuse disorders.

  The world becomes a different place after rehab; those dedicated to true reformation must play a constant game of avoiding triggers while simultaneously rebuilding their life after addiction. While rehab can be physically, emotionally, and mentally exhausting, the trouble only continues in the real world. Stressors such as employment, family troubles, and other factors can lead to a dangerous spiral into relapse. Yet, with the proper support and coping mechanisms one can remain on the sober, wholesome path.

  One of the most malefic threats to one’s continued recovery is returning to the same noxious environment one inhabited prior to entering treatment. It’s easy to forget the lessons you learn in rehab upon returning to the outside world; in an isolated environment focused on recuperation, learning and practicing new coping mechanisms is simple enough. It’s applying them when you are faced with real challenges that counts. In a rehab setting, one has time to fully examine circumstances and the guidance of therapists to assist in decision-making; real life is rarely so easy. Decisions one had the luxury of talking through and dissecting in therapy are now being made at a moment’s notice. Remember: nothing is worth using again. Recalling the lessons of rehab therapy sessions and life coaching in the moment can be the difference between relapse and sobriety. Meditating or using other advantageous alternatives to relieve stress and anxiety comes with no regrets.

  Why Redefining Your Social Circle is Important to Recovery

  Consider this about drug and alcohol abuse: many people start using them because of the promise of fun. They experiment to enhance the party or to relax in social environments. However, as addiction sets in, use of illicit substances becomes less about pleasure and fun; physical dependence on alcohol or illicit drugs arises, caused by physical changes in the brains chemistry, making quitting on one’s own a nearly impossible task. As addiction progresses further, social circles change and may include unsavory characters. Part of recovery is cutting toxic relationships from your life and surrounding yourself with positive, supportive people. It can also open doors to opportunities you would not have or take advantage of when under the influence. Sobriety has led to business opportunities, travel experiences, and lifelong friendships for millions- don’t let your addiction hold you back any longer.

  One of the first lessons taught in rehabilitation therapy is that in order to move forward into sobriety, you need to release the people and things that bind you to the toxicity in your life. Sometimes lifelong friendships end and people you love have to be renounced in order to preserve your own sobriety. As someone in recovery, you may want to help a friend or loved one still in the throes of addiction. The best way to do so is to help them enter a rehabilitation program- making yourself personally involved in their struggle can be a slippery slope back into your own addictive lifestyle. Prioritizing your own resurgence is not selfish or wrong- what is selfish is asking you to continue exposing yourself to the possibility of relapse.

  A leading cause of relapse is continuing to expose yourself to the people and places you once associated with drinking or drug use. Though using drugs or drinking does not make former associates bad or devious people, the reality is keeping them in your life is a risk you cannot afford to take. People who continue to drink and use drugs in your presence do not have your best interest in mind. Part of your recovery should be surrounding yourself in positivity, including the people you allow in your life. Family and friends must understand what addiction truly is and their roles in your journey of renewal. Being open and honest is key, as is education: most people simply don’t understand what they’ve never experienced.

  Exposure to addictive substances isn’t the only thing that can cause relapse. Addiction is closely tied to the emotional experiences of the sufferer. A recovering addict is more likely to relapse following an emotionally jarring experience such a tragic death, the end of a relationship, or emotionally charged events. Seeking counseling or other support during such times can stave off the temptation to escape into substance abuse. Sometimes simply being open and honest about your feelings and being surrounded by the right people is enough to taper off the urge to relapse. Simply being in the same environment, around the same people, or even in the same mood can quickly send you into a downward spiral that will only end in disappointment and heartache.

  Additionally, peer pressure from those in your friend or family circle who are actively using drugs or alcohol can weaken your resolve. For those still under the influence of substance abuse disorders, illicit drugs become the only source of fun and enjoyment. Drs. Thomas Kosten and Tony George explain in “The Neurobiology of Opioid Dependence: Implications for Treatment” that stimulants such as methamphetamine affect the neuro-receptors in the central nervous system which allow one to experience pleasure (George and Kosten 13), leading to substance dependency as one begins to rely on illicit drugs to produce joy and gratification. Substances which interact with opioid neurotransmitters are often the hardest to relinquish because of the physical changes prolonged use causes to the brain and central nervous system.

  The people in your life whom actively use won’t realize that their attempts to persuade you to “have fun” or “lighten up” are errant if you never speak up. Surely in their minds they mean well, but they essentially are attempting to pressure you into relapse. Through therapy and self-affirmation, we learn to take conscious control of our urges and to rein in impulses. Armed with new knowledge and coping abilities, some people choose to expose themselves to potential triggers in order to preserve relationships, often under the ill-informed belief their newly obtained control and discipline will prevent relapse. What some people in recovery don’t realize is that relapse is a process, not an event; one that begins with a single, sober thought. Though one may be strong enough to resist temptation in the moment, the seed of enticement has been planted. Slowly the idea of submitting to the urges and romanticizing past substance abuse may set in, making maintaining sobriety all the more challenging. The risk simply isn’t worth it, especially in early recovery.

  Someone still in the throes of substance abuse is likely unconcerned with your success obtaining sobriety. Though you may want desperately to believe the contrary, and there are certainly exceptions to this allegation, recognizing that in its most primal state, addiction robs one of the ability to feel and express empathy for others. Physical changes in the brain affect thought processes, expression of emotion, and decision making. It may become difficult to recognize their actions are corruptive to another, especially because the thought patterns of an addicted mind differ from those of a sober mind. Understanding the difference is the key to recognizing the fault lies in the disease, not the sufferer.

  Removing those who invite negativity back into your life can also eliminate temptations. When you are no longer a part of the social circles and environments that once promoted your substance abuse, you begin to remove your temptations and triggers for urges. While ending friendships is never easy, you must make the decision that your future and your betterment are more important that preserving these relationships.

  Not all triggers for potential relapse stem from personal relationships or environment.
However, emotional ties to people, places, or even memories can begin the vicious path toward relapse. Relapse into illicit substance use is often not an instantaneous event. It begins slowly- first with thoughts, then urges and temptation, before ultimately resulting in a breakdown of defenses. This is why it’s so important not to test the boundaries of your strength in recovery. It is more important to be mindful of avoiding triggers and temptation than to attempt to prove one’s strength and endurance.  

           

  Who Stays and Who Goes

  It might seem obvious that one’s status as an active user dictates rather they remain in your to someone who has never struggled with substance abuse. However, what they fail to realize is that relationships formed among circles of people involved in drug abuse and excessive drinking are often powerful and significant; one draws understanding and support from such a relationship. To a mind under the influence of addiction, the only people who truly “get it” are others in similar situations. There is some truth in this mentality- comradery based in common life experiences provide some of our strongest bonds.

  Moreover, if the people with whom one has formed these bonds are not ready to seek reformation themselves, they are not likely to be effective members of a support system throughout the recovery process and beyond. Ultimately one cannot convince someone who is not ready to leave behind a life of addiction, which can lead to tension and stress in the relationship. Though substance abuse does not automatically denote that someone is a bad person, the risks of relapse affiliated with continuing to associate with active substance abusers are not worth maintaining the relationship.

  Addiction is selfish. Substance abuse disorders drive people to place the addictive substance above all else. Though someone suffering under the effects of addiction is often at least marginally conscious of the fact the illicit substance has taken over their lives and disrupted their priorities, the influence of drugs or alcohol on the addicted mind prevent one from correcting the problem. Physical and psychological urges necessitate that all other priorities come second. This includes sustenance, shelter, and even one’s personal safety.  

  Substance abuse and exposure to dangerous activities go hand-in-hand. From seedy locations and shady characters, to potentially deadly means of obtaining money to sustain the habit, the unmistakable hazards of shared needles and unprotected sex- there’s danger at every turn in the subculture of substance abuse. People and places that put your personal safety in jeopardy or that cause anxiety and discomfort are okay to walk away from- in fact, it’s highly encouraged. Don’t put your recovery at risk to prove you are ‘still cool’ or to test your strength of will and determination. Even the briefest encounter with triggering experiences can completely derail one’s sober path.

  If people in your circle of close friends, family members or loved ones consciously and continuously lead you into areas and situations that are disagreeable to your needs, voice your concerns and don’t be afraid to end the relationship. Emotional distress is a leading cause of relapse in early recovery, and thus undue triggers to these feelings put you at unnecessary risk. Though it is impossible to completely avoid stress, people who perpetuate drama and contention in the lives of others may end up impeding your quest for self-improvement.

  Anyone who is verbally, physically, or emotionally abusive has no place in your new life. Belittlement should not be tolerated in any form; past indiscretions do not validate mistreatment. This includes:

  derogatory comments about one’s struggles with addiction

  voicing doubts about the success of one’s redemption

  threats of physical violence or other retribution

  misplaced blame for events not within one’s control

  threats of abandonment as leverage

  Abuse can intensify existing issues with substance abuse as well as catalyze new problems with alcohol, heroin, or other illicit drugs. Belief that mistreatment is somehow deserved or warranted contributes to underlying convictions of worthlessness and burden. Through hard work and faith in the drug and alcohol rehabilitation process, one can revive one’s self-esteem and confidence; do not allow others to destroy that which you have earned.

  Ending toxic relationships will increase your chance of successful recovery. Unfortunately toxic, destructive relationships are often founded on powerful emotional ties rooted in co-dependency or insecurities. Toxic relationships form when fear plants the idea that though a relationship is not necessarily good, it is better than being alone. What looks like love may be nothing more than fear mimicking devotion and passion. This thought leads many to staying in destructive situations much longer than they should; for an unfortunate portion of the population it can lead to deadly consequences.

  People who do not actively support your decision to live a sober life have to go, as well. While they are not fundamentally bad people, the recovery process is deeply personal, leaving you vulnerable and exposed. During the low points in the recovery process, one needs all the support one can get, leaving no room for people not dedicated to assisting in what ways they can. People in the middle ground simply don’t fit the bill. Consider this: if there was a medical emergency, would the person in question be someone you rely on to act in your best interest? With the threat of relapse and overdose ever looming, the reality is one day this could be the case. The people in your support team should be people you trust to pull you back from the edge; people capable of potentially saving your life.