The Broken Hearts Honeymoon

by Lucy Dickens

  ‘If you don’t mind us asking,’ Jack jumps in to say, putting a hand on his husband’s knee. Cliff meets his eye and they both smile, their eyes crinkling.

  ‘He didn’t really do anything wrong, apart from have horrible timing, as usual, but I can’t be mad at him for not feeling the same way I do any more. Did.’

  ‘Sure you can!’ says Lucas. ‘I’d be mad as hell at Flo if she changed her mind about me.’

  I laugh and admit, ‘Sometimes I am a little mad.’

  ‘Let’s change the subject for now,’ Jack says, and I feel close to him already. ‘What are we doing this evening, Kaori?’

  ‘Right,’ Kaori starts, perched on the edge of the sofa, all eyes on her. ‘Tonight we go for a delicious dinner, traditional Japanese, you will like it a lot but wear comfortable pants or long skirt because we sit on floor.’ Her eyes dart to my skinny jeans and I feel acutely aware of the builder’s bum I’m currently flashing at the back-rest of the sofa and decide to run back to my room before we leave. ‘Then we go to a kabuki show! Does anyone know what a kabuki show is?’

  ‘I think it’s a traditional Japanese play?’ says Jack.

  ‘Yes,’ Flo clicks her fingers, she looks genuinely delighted. ‘There’s dancing and there’s loads of drama, and aren’t they long?’ She checks her watch.

  Kaori nods. ‘They are four hours long sometimes, but in Tokyo we can buy tickets for single acts, so you can experience kabuki without having, you know, too much.’ We laugh, and then she continues, ‘We need to be at the kabuki theatre for eight o’clock for our act. So shall we leave for dinner soon and then we can all get to know each other a little bit more?’

  As I head back to my room to change, I stifle a yawn. I’m fatigued, but that’s partly because it’s done now, introductions are over, the elephant is out of the room … or whatever. Now I can settle back, relax into having some company and let other people make decisions for me. It’s comforting, like a blanket.

  I may not have a husband, but I do have thirteen courses of food about to be served to me. Granted, Matt was supposed to be here with me, but I’m very happy to comfort eat my way through this kaiseki meal. Kaori has brought us to a traditional Japanese restaurant where the chefs are busy preparing small but perfectly formed dishes for us to wrap our chops around. I’m practically salivating in anticipation.

  Flo, next to me, shifts her bum about on the cushion on top of the tatami mat in front of our table. I’ve just been having a sneaky side-eye at her long, toned limbs and estimating that she must put in at least three hours of yoga a day when she says, ‘I wish I hadn’t just talked about starting yoga for the last year and had got on and done it. I feel like I’m letting the side down among all you floor-sitting pros.’

  Cliff smiles. ‘Honey, we’re just too old to move once we’re in this position.’

  I wonder if anyone’s clocked that I’m actually wearing my pyjama trousers. They’re black and have little stars on, and they don’t look a million miles away from those loose linen trousers people wear during the summer. Especially since I’ve tucked the tassels inside. They’re so comfy and my builder’s bum is nicely hidden, because most importantly they were the only trousers I had in my case that I could wear and be sure that I was not offending the Japanese family enjoying a birthday celebration on the table next to us.

  We’ve already nibbled the starters, and as the mains begin to arrive, Kaori takes us through what’s in front of us.

  ‘So this is a tofu soup; this one is grilled wagyu beef – very tasty; this one is a nimono, which is sweet, boiled fish and bamboo; this is sashimi – my favourite—’

  ‘That’s my favourite too!’ I interject. I love the delicacy of raw sliced fish and the deep pink of the salmon on the dish looks yum. I remember the first time I tried sushi. Marissa had made it during food tech at school, and had been given a high grade for her work (of course), so when she brought it home for the rest of us to try, I knew it would be good. Mum, who looked close to gagging at the idea, forced herself to eat a bite and had to admit the raw fish and seaweed combo was a lot more delish than she gave it credit for beforehand.

  ‘Is that wasabi?’ I point to a green blob but it isn’t the bright green we tend to get in England, it’s more of an olive colour.

  ‘Yes, but it’s quite a hot wasabi so try just a little at first. I have eaten here before and it can …’ She mimes her head exploding.

  Kaori talks us through a few more dishes, including a tempura and some pickles, tells us how to serve ourselves from the bowl of rice and then we tuck in.

  I go straight in for a slice of sashimi with wasabi on top, not realising the whole table is watching me until I’ve stuffed it whole into my gob.

  J E S U S

  I think my nose is dissolving!

  I think my head is going to fall off and roll down the stairs and out into the streets and then I can only hope someone kicks it into a water-filled gutter!

  My eyes water and squint and my nostrils are running and I grimace at everyone and pound the table and then after a few seconds it subsides and I’m panting and exhausted but I’ve made it. ‘Yum,’ I croak, and go in for a second bit.

  ‘What do you do back home, Charlotte?’ Lucas asks, after I’ve stopped sweating.

  ‘Well, I’m not sure,’ I reply, this question always feeling awkward to answer even when you’re not going through a quarter-life crisis. ‘I trained in journalism at university, but for the past couple of years I’ve worked at a local newspaper, copy-editing, but I just left that because my fiancé and I were going to be moving to London together after the wedding and honeymoon. I’m supposed to start an internship at a travel magazine.’

  ‘That sounds exciting,’ says Flo.

  ‘It is … I’m still deciding what to do at the moment.’

  And by deciding, I mean procrastinating, avoiding, burying my head in the sand, and doing everything in my power to not make a decision on it yet. My future was neatly boxed and now it’s spilled wide open. I know I need to clean it up but right now, I’m just going to focus on the sushi. Focus on the sushi!

  I change the subject, moving it back over to them. If I can avoid it, no more talking about myself from now on.

  With full bellies and a little osake – alcohol – in our system, our group takes a slow walk between the restaurant and the kabuki theatre. We’re walking alongside a wide road lined with office blocks, shops and restaurants, the city still bustling at seven thirty at night.

  Flo and Lucas are just ahead of us, holding hands and she’s walking with a lean on him, keeping warm against his bulk. They turn their heads from time to time to check they’re still going in the right direction and we haven’t veered off. Cliff and Jack are behind us, strolling at a slower pace than they look like they’re used to. And I’m walking in the middle next to Kaori who is chatting away and pointing things out to me.

  ‘Ooo, that looks nice,’ I say, pointing at a large picture in the window of a Subway sandwich shop. I’m not sure what I’m pointing at, exactly, but it fills the silence from my side.

  ‘Ah yes,’ she replies. ‘I like those. They’re the subways with sweet red beans.’

  I nod like I know what that is. ‘Do you live in Tokyo, Kaori?’

  ‘I do now, yes, but I was born on Ishigaki, which is an island way down in southern Japan – have you heard of it?’

  ‘No, I don’t think so, I’m afraid I didn’t end up doing a lot of research on the southern islands as it didn’t feel possible to add it on.’

  ‘Oh, it’s very easy to get to Ishigaki now; we have a low-cost airline that takes people there in about three hours from Osaka. It’s very beautiful and tropical, you can do snorkelling and go on a kayak, it’s very very different from Tokyo, and probably London.’

  ‘Do you go back there often?’

  ‘Yes, my parents live there so I go back and say hello to them and to nature a lot. Something for you to do next time you come to Japan?’ She
smiles and touches my arm, before waving at the others that we’ve arrived.

  We’re outside a vast and ornate building that resembles the structure of a temple with the grandiosity of a theatre. Billowing purple curtains hang above the entranceway, while lines of crimson paper lanterns light up the façade.

  I kinda like that it’s standing proudly in front of a whopping glass skyscraper with the stubbornness of somebody who isn’t going to change or move for anyone.

  Inside, the theatre is just as awe-inspiring. We shuffle our way into our seats, just six among nearly 2,000. Drums signal the start of the act and the audience shushes, and what follows for the next hour is spellbinding. Actors, singers and musicians, faces and bodies painted in whites, reds and blacks, take to the stage in delicately embroidered kimonos and other traditional dress. I don’t really know what’s going on, but it’s very dramatic and I can’t take my eyes off it. My favourite bit is when a geisha dressed in swathes of pink and purple dances slowly across the stage in front of a line of musicians playing Japanese ‘shamisen’ guitars. It’s hypnotic, and I forget about all the people around me, including the couples to my right and left.

  When the show is over, Kaori returns us to the Park Hyatt and bids us goodnight.

  ‘Well, I think we’ll go back to that nice bar we met in earlier and catch the jazz singer,’ Cliff says, and Jack nods. ‘You guys want to join us?’

  Flo snuggles in towards Lucas, looking sleepy. ‘Sure, we’ll go for one, then let’s go back to our room.’

  ‘You want to show me a kabuki dance of your own, I bet,’ Lucas jokes.

  ‘Didn’t you see? All the actors were male, even the female parts were played by men. So you have to do a show for me.’

  ‘I never noticed! But if that’s what you want, my love. Charlotte, you coming?’

  I bow out, content to leave them to it and go back to my room. I have a lot to process from today. I set up my phone and sit in front of it to do my first ‘this is me’ for my IGTV, but I need to do a few takes to get the words out.

  Because the undefined edges of Borderless, the cloud-touching hotel and the immersive music this evening have me feeling like I’m on a ledge, on a tipping point, ready to fall or fly. How can I say ‘this is me’ when I’m beginning to wonder who I am?

  Chapter 7

  On top of the world

  I’m searching, searching, searching

  But I can’t see you?

  I’ve been awake for an hour or so, but I’m still surprised when my mobile rings at 5.45am Tokyo time.

  ‘Hi, Benny!’

  ‘Hey, sis, did I wake you up?’

  ‘No, I’m a bit all over the place so I was going to go and make use of the hotel pool again soon. I went yesterday morning and was the only one there so early in the morning.’

  ‘Is the pool amazing?’ he asks. ‘I’ve watched both your Instagram videos at least twice.’

  ‘You did?’ I smile, sitting up in the beige chair from where I’m sitting wrapped in my PJs and my robe, watching the sun rising over the city, a cup of tea in hand.

  ‘Yes, they’re great! I showed all my uni friends. We love the falling off the windowsill bit, and Borderless looked so cool. I watched Lost in Translation this evening and had to call you to see what you were doing.’

  ‘Are you missing me, little brother?’ I ask, realising I’m missing him.

  ‘’Course not,’ he replies, but his voice gives him away, I know him too well. ‘It looks like Japan suits you. Travelling on your own suits you …’

  ‘Well, I’m not on my own any more; I’m with the tour group now.’

  ‘What are they like?’

  ‘All really nice. I feel like an absolute spare wheel but that’s on me, not them. But how are you? How’s the revision going?’

  My little brother pauses. ‘It’s okay …’

  ‘What’s up?’

  ‘I don’t know. I just don’t feel like I have any motivation at the moment.’

  ‘Did something happen?’ Benny is always so sure of himself; he’s not the most confident or outgoing but he knows what he wants. Something seems different in him today.

  ‘No, I’m just … maybe I do just miss you! So what are you doing out there today?’

  I know a change of subject when I see it, so I let it settle for now but I’m going to keep a close eye on him, even from the other side of the world.

  ‘I’ll go for a swim in a minute – I’ll take some footage of the pool just for you – then after breakfast we’re all going on a bit of a Tokyo tour, I believe, visiting the Olympic stadium, going to a museum, or is it a gallery …? And then later on visiting the Tokyo Skytree, one of the tallest buildings in the world!’ I chatter on for a few more minutes, sensing he needs to sit back and listen to something distracting. If it helps, I’m quite happy to be his ‘reality TV’ for a while.

  ‘Do you ever imagine what your home would look like if you were stinking rich but also needed to do a lot of thinking?’ I whisper into the camera on my phone. I’m up at the pool and there isn’t a soul around, but I still don’t want anyone catching me talking to myself. I expect I’m also not supposed to be taking photos in this area if there’s anyone else using the facilities.

  ‘Wouldn’t this be a good setting to rule over your kingdom or write a Jackie Collins-esque thriller?’ I pan the camera off me and onto the huge glass windows beyond the pool that overlook the city.

  Benny is on my mind … it’s weird not having him or my other brother and sisters around, but it’s not the worst thing in the world getting a bit of space.

  I wrap up my video then wrap up myself, and head to breakfast via my room.

  I pay a lot more attention at breakfast today, making sure that I’m not only grabbing the traditional Japanese goodies, but that I note what is supposed to go with what, and you know … it works better.

  I’m on the lookout for the others and when Flo and Lucas walk in, I wave at them to join me.

  ‘Morning!’ I say, standing and hugging Flo before wondering if she would have found that weird, given that I’m still a virtual stranger who last night didn’t want to hang out but is now desperate for company and a safety net. But she hugs me back, or at least pulls me into her boobs, since I’m considerably shorter than her.

  Lucas, keen not to be left out, comes in for a hug too. ‘Charlotte, you missed a great evening at the bar last night. Cliff ended up singing a song with the band!’

  ‘He did?’ I push my plate of breakfast sushi towards them but Flo declines. ‘What did he sing?’

  ‘No idea,’ Flo answers. ‘If I had to guess I’d say it was country, but he’s got a good voice, and Jack is such a smitten kitten around him.’

  Lucas gives Flo the same look now, and then pulls back and looks at me. ‘Sorry, Charlotte, tell us to shut our faces if we get too lovey-dovey.’

  ‘I wouldn’t dream of it!’ I answer, and laugh a little too hard so stuff a massive chunk of mango into my gob. ‘So we’ve got the city tour today.’

  ‘Yes, in thirty minutes.’ Flo checks her watch. ‘We’d better get on and grab some brekkie. You want anything else while we’re up there, Charlotte?’

  I shake my head. ‘I’m good. I’ll leave you to it and see you in the lobby in a bit.’

  ‘Our first stop today,’ Kaori says into an unnecessary microphone at the front of the minibus she’s arranged to take us around Tokyo today, ‘will be the new Tokyo Olympic Stadium.’

  She pauses so we can clap or cheer, I guess, so I start things off with a loud and enthusiastic whoop like I think I’m on the Dallas Cowboys cheer team.

  Kaori continues. ‘Now the stadium is getting a makeover but it was previously used the last time Tokyo hosted the Olympics which was in …?’

  Oh no, it’s going to be a quiz day. I can feel it. I’m shit at quizzes – even if I think I know the answer the words refuse to saunter their way from my brain to my lips quickly enough.

  ‘Was it
the sixties?’ queries Jack and I think, you know damn well it was the sixties, don’t you, you sly fox?

  Kaori claps at him. ‘Yes, it was 1964. You get Olympic gold medal, Jack,’ she laughs and you can see the rest of us sitting up because even though we know it’s only an imaginary medal, Kaori just raised the stakes. ‘Who can tell me what the first sports event played in this new stadium was?’

  ‘… Was it football?’ Jack asks.

  ‘Yes it was, extra gold medals for you! Do you know the name of Japan’s annual football competition?’

  This time I stare over my seat at Jack and watch him pretend to think about the answer. Then when he starts to speak …

  ‘Is it—’ he starts.

  ‘Is it—’ I read his lips and lay my words over his.

  ‘The Em—’

  ‘Emmm’

  ‘—per—’ Jack shoots me a surprised look.

  ‘—prrr—’ That’s right, I’m doing this, even if I do sound slurry and undignified. Well that’s just who I am, Captain Jack.

  ‘—or’s Cup?’

  ‘—coop. Emperor’s Cup!’ Nailed it.

  ‘That’s right, congratulations, um, both of you,’ Kaori smiles at us and sits down, unsure where to go from here.

  I bow my head to Jack. ‘Good game, but I think you got in there first on that one.’

  In no time we pull up to the front of the stadium and I decide to stop being so awkward for the rest of the trip.

  We climb out of the bus and look at the outside of the stadium, vast and dominant, while Kaori explains how this is where the opening and closing ceremonies will be, as well as many of the events. If I think Tokyo’s busy now, I can only imagine what it’ll be like when it’s overflowing with the excitement of the Olympic games …

  28 July 2012

  Saturday evening, 10.55pm

  I had been thinking, maybe I should take up volleyball. Maybe I should take up any sport. But those girls looked so cool out there, and I wondered if I could ever be as athletic as them. I guess I couldn’t have ever been as athletic, because they were Olympians, but …