How to Kill an Incubus

by Kimber Lee

  “So I heard, Baby Phat.” Temp’s face softened and he sat on the edge of my bed. “You know how weird it is that we’re, you know, related? It’s weirder that even though you’re older than me and we just met, I have this freaky, protective-older-brother vibe going on.”

  God, he was getting all sentimental and I… liked it. I never had anyone looking out for me before—well, except for Renée and Lorenzo. But they didn’t know the truth about me so they didn’t really count. And so it was quite ironic that the two people who were actually looking out for me now just happened to be demons.

  “What are you saying, Temp?” I asked, looking him in the eye.

  “I guess what I’m trying to say is… Bitch, don’t kill my vibe,” was his response. Then his lips tilted into a smile. “Let me be your brother and protect you.”

  “Do you want matching T-shirts now?” I was trying to be sarcastic, but my heart wasn’t in it. Instead, I was mortified to realize that there was a ball wedged deep in my throat. “Fuck you for making me want to bawl like an Oscar-winner,” I added.

  He laughed and I threw my arms around him on impulse. He froze and it was my turn to snigger.

  “Just go with it,” I told him, as I tried to really remember why I’d once tried to shut out the only family I really had. It was an unconventional family, yes. But it was all I had.

  “Did he hurt you?” Temp’s voice was gentle as he stroked my back.

  “Not physically,” I answered candidly, drawing back and finding his brow pinched in confusion. I decided to put him out of his short-lived misery and explain.

  A few minutes later…

  “That sounds like an episode of Days of Our Lives,” Temp remarked when I was done. “Making you jealous? Not very kingly.”

  At that, I finally got off the bed as I replied, “Yeah. We already covered that.”

  Temp was looking at me strangely.

  “What?” I asked, looking down to see if all my private girl parts were perfectly covered. Since I wasn’t flashing him, I was perplexed by the look on Temp’s face.

  “You know I’m not a conformist and Andrei isn’t my king,” he slowly began, “But in all the years I’ve known him, he hasn’t talked about his feelings like a teenage girl and he’s never been monogamous. What fucking sex demon even knows what monogamy means?”

  “Your point is?” I snapped, feeling on the defensive.

  “My point is that if anyone wants to overthrow him, or some such shit, you’re the best way to get to him.”

  Oh! I haven’t thought about that. But then again, I didn’t think much when Andrei was near me. Or over me, or under me, or in me…

  I shook my head. “But he’s immortal. Surely nothing can happen to him.”

  He raised a brow. “Darling, you really need to do your homework. Sure, he can’t be killed, but there are other more painful ways to skin a cat.”

  “Whatever. I need to take a shower before we go sleuthing. That cool with you?”

  Temp didn’t bother to continue a conversation that was threatening to make me want to do my homework. “Be my guest,” he murmured, flopping onto his back on my bed. “I enjoyed this little heart-to-heart, Baby Phat. Maybe next time, we can include The Notebook and a mani-pedi.”

  The fact that the small group of girls were chattering outside Nicolette in the carefree we-don’t-know-a-thing-about-taxes-and-real-life-bullcrap way college students normally did sort of made it hard for me to associate them with demons. They were all gorgeous, stick-thin model types—Megan-Fox clones from Jennifer’s Body, which was ironic.

  “Are you sure?” I asked Temp, who was sitting beside me, casually chugging down a can of Red Bull as if stalking six random possessed chicks was an everyday excursion. “I mean, they kind of look like prostitutes, which isn’t exactly evil. But everyone has to eat, right? Well, not you, obviously.”

  He rolled his eyes at me over the can. “Sure, I don’t have to eat, but I love food. And yeah, I’m sure, Rae.”

  Since we were sitting in my rental car across the street, I wasn’t close enough to get a read on their auras, but Temp obviously was.

  “I’m curious, Baby Phat,” he said after a moment of me staring out the window. “What’s the plan?”

  “Well, I can always call Daniel,” I mused to myself, although I knew that that would be like signing his death warrant. Andrei, after all, openly admitted that he was jealous enough of the guy to actually think of mindlessly killing him.

  Still, if Daniel was the only hunter I knew, what else could I do?

  Maybe get rid of the demons yourself? my conscience suggested.

  Right. Easier said than done. I knew next to nothing about demon-hunting because I’d run away from my so-called destiny and decided to be a private investigator. Putting me up against a gang of demons would be like sending an infant to war.

  “Hey, don’t freak out,” Temp soothed, putting his hand on my shoulder. A wave of calmness instantly washed over me.

  I closed my eyes, opening them again to ask, “How do you do that?”

  “Do what?” He withdrew his hand, clearing his throat.

  “You know, calm me down like that? It’s… weird.”

  He shrugged. “Just happens. Listen, Rae. In my humble opinion, I think you should let Andrei handle this one.” He shot me a sober look. “It was a bad idea for me to bring you here. Whatever these demons are doing, possessing innocent girls… Andrei will deal with it.”

  “Yeah, but they don’t answer to him, do they? Besides, this is probably last on his list of priorities. I mean, he’s hardly a good guy.” And I was completely okay with that now. I was no angel, either.

  “But he is higher up on the food chain than these body hoppers are.”

  “Body hoppers?” I arched a brow.

  Temp sighed. “You really need to do your homework if you’re gonna roll with demons. Body hoppers are scavengers, practically at the bottom of the food chain.” He returned my blank expression with a look of frustration. “You know how you channel surf, trying to find something good on TV? Well, they body surf. Honestly, they’re harmless but if they’re being controlled by somebody, somebody with double their IQ? It can only mean trouble and I don’t know what.”

  “And you couldn’t tell me this sooner because…?” I said through clenched teeth, gripping the steering wheel a little tighter.

  “Sorry, okay? I keep forgetting that you’re a demon-hunter that doesn’t hunt demons,” he replied, shrugging.

  “I’m not a hunter!” I hissed emphatically, but I suddenly wished I was. It sucked being so clueless about something I shouldn’t have been clueless about.

  But then again, what kind of hunter would I be when I’m related to demons and dating another?

  I was like an exterminator that lived in a house filled with roaches and rodents.

  “Okay, okay. You’re not a hunter. You’re a gatherer,” Temp quipped, grinning. His eyes twinkled with mischief. “A gatherer of information about hunting.”

  I laughed. “Okay, that one was kind of funny.”

  I despise homework… always have, always will.

  It was for this very reason that I stopped googling demonology and ended up watching a whole bunch of must-see movie trailers on YouTube—an activity that actually lasted a few hours. Movie trailers always take the good parts of a movie though and make them seem so freaking appealing. But then when you go to the movies, you find out that the trailer is the five-percent of the movie that is not shit. Still, zoning out in front of my laptop watching a clip from The Other Woman certainly beat drowning myself in demon lore.

  All the while, I was absentmindedly twirling Andrei’s ring around my finger... only stopping myself when I realized what I was doing. I couldn't deny the truth, however—I wanted to see him. He was in Vegas today, I knew that. But it didn’t mean that he couldn’t be here in a second. He could, and I wanted him to

  Is this what being a girlfriend is all about? Pining for
a guy… desperately missing him?

  Yeah. This was exactly why I didn’t date. Correction: why I hadn’t dated.

  “Rae, you’re being ridiculous,” I told myself out loud, getting to my feet and stretching. Then, I massaged the crick in my neck and yawned.

  Friday night in Paris, I was in sweats and my hair was in pigtails. The only drink I had in my house was Coke and I barely had any food in my cupboards since I hadn’t done any shopping in… a while.

  But then I heard the knock at my door and excitement sizzled through me. I practically bounded to the door, unlocking and yanking it open without checking the peephole.

  To my dismay, Andrei wasn’t the one standing outside my door, which made total sense because Andrei never knocked, he simply appeared.

  “Rainelle?” the man who was standing outside my door asked, looking me over.

  He looked to be in his late forties, or early fifties, and had the shiniest, whitest head I’d ever laid my eyes on. The thick black eyebrows above watery brown eyes were in contrast to his gleaming bald head, as was the carefully groomed moustache above his thin lips. Just slightly taller than me, he was swathed in a black trench coat and slacks.

  He didn’t look threatening, but then again, they never did.

  “Yes, do I know you?” I demanded to know, sounding more confident than I actually felt, because let’s face it, he could totally take me in a fight.

  “Excuse my manners, Rainelle,” he said apologetically, stretching out a gloved hand. “Uncle Teddy. You might not remember me but I was friends with your father, God rest his soul.”

  I stared at his hand, unable to register that it belonged to a man I didn’t think I’d see again until… well, until never. Teddy Bunting was unable to make it to my father’s funeral but he did offer to pay for it, something that I flatly refused. Now, the only thing I was able to remember about him went back to the night he showed up at our house after Lauren vanished. Oh, and also that his wife, Aunt Josephine, was apparently a witch that freaking attended mass on Sundays. The irony.

  “Rainelle? May I come in?” Teddy asked, and I became conscious of the fact that, at this point, he already dropped his hand and was staring at me expectantly.

  “How’d you find me?” I questioned, but I already knew the answer to that.

  “Danny Lawless gave me your address. And since I had business to attend to in Paris…”

  The rest was pretty much obvious. If Daniel knew my father, then he knew Teddy.

  I stepped aside, allowing him entry into my living room and closing the door behind him. He stood and observed, nodding all the while as if he approved of what he saw.

  “How have you been, girl?” He turned and appraised me once more.

  “Um, good.” I motioned for him to take a seat and he did. Hugging myself, I asked, “How’s Aunt Jo?”

  “Oh, she’s dead. Happened two years ago. You look exactly like your father, Rainelle. It’s uncanny.”

  His legs were stretched out before him, crossed at the ankles, and he commented about my appearance in the same breath as the casual announcement of his wife’s death.

  “What?” I sputtered, a familiar pang of loss hitting me in the chest. “What happened? Was she sick?”

  “A demon got to her,” he said in a quiet voice, and this time, there was some flicker of emotion in his eyes. It disappeared as quickly as it came though. “It was an occupational hazard, Rainelle. We all know the risks of our jobs.”

  I didn’t even remember Aunt Jo that well but I still felt devastated. But her husband was brushing her death off as a freaking occupational hazard? I had to sit down right then. With nothing to do, I went to work undoing my braids. Why did I do them, anyway? They only make my hair curlier and harder to manage and…

  “So you’re a private investigator?” Teddy wanted to know.

  I nodded and my hair fell into my face. “And you’re still… hunting?” I pushed the stray strands behind my ears.

  He smiled. “Yes, Rainelle. And I wanted to tell you about Lauren…”

  “Stop right there,” I broke in, holding a hand up. “I don’t want anything to do with demons, Uncle Teddy. I just want to get on with my life.” However fucked-up it might be.

  “It’s nonsense for you to go around pretending you’re normal,” he surprised me by grumbling. “Not to mention dumb. You’re not normal, Rainelle. Not even close. The sooner you realize that, the safer you’ll be.”

  I narrowed my eyes at him. “Thanks for the concern but I’ve been doing fine pretending thus far. I don’t need you randomly appearing on my doorstep, telling me what to do.”

  He held his hands up in surrender. “I don’t mean to come off too strong but I promised your father that…”

  “Did everybody, and their mothers, make a promise to my dad?” I snarled, suddenly unable to stand this man. How was it that the two worlds I successfully managed to avoid in the past were coming together so instantaneously? Hunters and demons, they were everywhere now.

  “Rainelle, please listen to me,” Teddy implored, taking a deep breath. “The only thing I want is for you to at least know how to defend yourself. Just a simple banishing spell and maybe a little…”

  “I’ve been perfectly fine with Danny getting witches to put up wards in my house behind my back.”

  “But this one isn’t protected. Do you want me to…?”

  “No,” I said quickly. “I don’t want you to get someone to put up a ward.” Because that would keep my boyfriend out and that would suck.

  He quirked a questioning brow. “Why not? Wouldn’t you feel safer?”

  “I just… Magic gives me the creeps, even if it’s supposed to do good.”

  He nodded slowly. “So you won’t let me help you?”

  I regarded him for a long while. “Help me what? Turn into a cold, unfeeling person that doesn’t bat an eyelash when relaying the news of a loved one’s death? No, thanks.”

  His jaw twitched and his eyes hardened. A minute shiver of impending danger skated down my spine. I wasn’t afraid of Teddy, not necessarily. But I was afraid that I’d gone too far and maybe nonchalance was just his way of coping with Josephine’s passing.

  Movement in the doorway that led to the passageway caught my attention… and I was both relieved and anxious that Andrei suddenly appeared. Teddy was sitting with his back to the doorway, which was why he didn’t catch Andrei’s magical appearance.

  “Who’s this?” Andrei asked curtly, his voice dripping with animosity.

  God, is he seriously jealous of a man old enough to be my father?

  Teddy rose to his feet, completely unruffled as he turned to look at Andrei, who strode right into the room. “I didn’t know you have company, Rainelle. I’m Teddy, a family friend.” He held his hand out and Andrei simply looked at it, as if it were diseased.

  I stood. “Teddy was just leaving.”

  “Was I?” Teddy arched a brow. “And who might you be?” His critical eyes were trained on Andrei as he said that and I wanted to sock him. Who the hell does he think he is, my father?

  Andrei’s eyes flickered over to me and I knew he sensed my silent wrath. “Her boyfriend, not that it’s any of your fucking business, friend of the family,” he bit out, keeping his eyes on me.

  Teddy let out a mirthless laugh. “Certainly.” He approached me and placed a soft kiss on my forehead. I tried not to flinch.

  Somewhere behind him, Andrei growled.

  Ignoring him, Teddy reached into the pocket of his coat and pulled out a piece of laminated paper. “Here’s my card. Call me anytime, girl. And take care of yourself.” Then, he glanced over his shoulder, staring long and hard at Andrei before stalking out my house.

  I let out the breath I didn’t even realize I’d been holding as Andrei closed the distance between us and pulled me into his arms.

  “That was a hunter,” I said breathlessly, “and one who’s infinitely better than my father was.”

  “I know of
him,” Andrei commented, rubbing circles in my back. “You don’t have to be worried on my behalf, baby.” He pulled back, cupping my chin and appraising me. “I’ve missed you.”

  We were together the previous night but I absolutely felt the same. The whole day, I was wondering when I’d get to see him again… and be in his arms like this. It was probably the most annoying thing about being official.

  “I’ve missed you, too,” I mirrored, receiving a soft, teasing kiss on the column of my neck when he lowered his head. I moaned, low in my throat, when he sucked on my skin. “God, Andrei, you have no idea how much.”

  He raised his head, a slow smile spreading on his face. “I think I do,” he said huskily, glancing down at the T-shirt I was wearing. My nipples were straining against the cotton, begging for attention.

  “Then what are you going to do about it?” I pouted, pulling him back to me.

  “Well…” He released a groan of longing when I played with my nipples through my shirt. “First, I’m going to feed you.”

  That made me pause. “Feed me?”

  “How does Italian sound?”

  At the mention of food, my mouth started watering. “It sounds like Adele to my ears.”

  “Great! Go get dressed, then.” He turned me around and smacked my ass. “Don’t take too long or I’ll come and get you.”

  And what’s so bad about that?

  “I won’t,” I said softly, ignoring the moisture between my legs. “Are we driving or walking?”

  “Neither,” he replied, and I grinned up at him.

  Oh, I was totally getting used to teleportation as a mode of transport. It meant I could wear my Jimmy Choos with minimal ankle-twisting. And yes, I always try to see the best in everything.

  Andrei let me open my eyes the second we arrived at our destination, which was a little bistro just outside Naples, he quickly explained. I never heard of it before, but judging from the lavish décor, it was obviously an expensive place. Andrei, though, was seriously underdressed in his usual T-shirt and jeans ensemble—which actually didn’t matter since the place was completely empty.