Ravenous: The Kingsley Brothers Duet

by L. L. Collins

  Emma furrowed her brow. “And?”

  “And I’m definitely not interested in forever. I can’t.”

  “Why not, Raven?”

  I twisted my hands in my lap. “You know why, Em.”

  “I was wrong when I said that. Your past can’t define your future, Raven. It just can’t.”

  “I should do the deal with Porter. I should take the money and not worry about anything else.”

  “But you can’t. Not if the thing holding you back is Breck. At a minimum, you need to get in contact with him again and see if what you felt is still there. It’s not too late, you know. The money isn’t everything. Maybe this is your chance to be happy.”

  I thought about what she said. I wanted to find Breck. I wanted to tell him how sorry I was for not saying goodbye. I wanted to tell him everything and hope he understood.

  But I knew better than to get my hopes up. Chrissy had to be my priority now.

  “Chrissy is fine, you know that. Don’t use her as an excuse.”

  I furrowed my brow, wondering if I had said it aloud, and Emma laughed. “Boy, do I know you or what?” She grabbed my hands. “You know what the right thing is to do. I’m not going to say it because you already know, which is why you didn’t immediately take him up on his offer.” She stood and squeezed my shoulder. “Don’t hold yourself back, Raven.”

  She shut the door with a soft whoosh, leaving me alone to ponder what the right thing was to do here. I picked up my phone before I could chicken out and typed as fast as my fingers could go.

  13

  Brecken

  I stared at my principal, droning on and on about beginning of the year procedures, Open House schedules, and the changes the district made for this school year, but I couldn’t concentrate. It wasn’t one particular thing, but many things. The to-do list I had in my head continued to mount—so many things to prepare for the new school year, and most urgently for Open House at the end of this week.

  The summer had flown by way too fast, and I couldn’t believe I was here, back at work. After spending most of my summer with the kids at The Hangout Zone, I took the last two weeks off to relax and prepare for the new school year to start.

  I even went out on a few dates with a woman named Trinity I ran into at the grocery store, and by ran into, I mean literally. I’d been distracted and backed my Jeep right into the front of her car. Thankfully, both of us and our cars were fine, and she was very forgiving after my many apologies.

  She was a teacher also, but elementary, and was a few years younger than me. Best of all, she looked absolutely nothing like Janie. She was ultra-thin, blonde, and so peppy sometimes all I could do was laugh at her energy. She explained that it had part to do with being an elementary teacher.

  In the few times we’d gone out, I hadn’t even kissed her. I barely held her hand. I knew I was a grown man—not a teenager—and if I liked her, I needed to show it, but something held me back.

  Or someone. I knew it, but I refused to give it life by saying it out loud or allowing myself to think about it. It was ridiculous, first of all. I’d spent one night with the woman, and she escorted men for a living, for crying out loud. I didn’t know what I expected, but I sure learned not to expect much from anyone. Thinking about Janie again only made visions appear in my head, like they did every time I allowed her name to cross my memory. Visions of her peering over her shoulder at me, waiting for me to enter her. Thoughts of her using that ice cube to take me right to the edge with her mouth and then…

  “Breck. Earth to Breck,” Trent whispered next to me. He and Tiffani just found out they were expecting their second baby. With Toby being just over eight months, they would be close together.

  I shook my head, forcing the unhealthy obsession with that night into the back of my mind where it belonged.

  “You okay?”

  “Yeah. Fine. Just thinking of the million things I need to do to prepare for Open House and wishing this meeting would wrap up already.” I would never understand why teachers sat in so many meetings when they had so many things to do the week back from summer break.

  Trent sized me up. I never told him the truth about Janie, just said it didn’t work out. He knew I was seeing Trinity now, but he hadn’t met her. It wasn’t serious enough for me to have her meet my friends yet.

  I wasn’t sure if it ever would be.

  “I hear you,” he said. “I have to clean and sterilize all the PE equipment this week.” He made a face, and I stifled my laughter. “Yeah, sounds like fun, huh?”

  Thankfully, the admin had mercy on us about a half hour later and let us go to work on our rooms. Trent followed me to mine, despite all the equipment he said he had to clean.

  “Are you procrastinating?” I glanced around the blank room, making mental notes of where I wanted the desks to go.

  “Yep.” Trent stepped in front of me and crossed his arms over his chest. “So tell me why you haven’t let us meet your new girl yet.”

  I stepped around him and walked to my desk, needing a moment to make my face blank. “We just started seeing each other. I’ll introduce you sometime soon.”

  Trent made a noise. “Tiffani and I liked Janie.”

  Yeah, I liked Janie, too. Just like that, the image of her eyes closed as she fell over the cliff with an orgasm made me close my eyes, too. The way her mouth opened partially as she moaned my name right before she came made me suck in a tight breath.

  “What happened with her, Breck? We saw you guys that day, remember? It was more than just a casual date.”

  You saw a farce. The truth sat at the tip of my tongue, ready to spill it with him. But I couldn’t. There wasn’t any way I could tell my best friend that Janie had been hired to have chemistry with me, and I paid her more money than we made in a few weeks to spend that day with me. But not the night. She chose to stay. She also chose to leave without a word. I could’ve contacted the escort service to find her. I could’ve hired her again just to find out what had happened. But every time my fingers hovered over the number, I couldn’t make myself press it.

  Janie knew where to find me. She’d been in my bed.

  I turned back to him, pulling the steel shutter over my eyes. “It was just casual, Trent. You read too much into it.”

  He shook his head. “I don’t think so. There was practically smoke between the two of you.”

  “Sexual tension has nothing to do with a relationship,” I argued.

  “I know.” He held up his hands to fend me off. “Okay, I get it. You don’t want to talk about her. We just thought you might’ve found someone who was serious about you, and you about her. I know you’re closed off, man, and for good reason. I just liked the version of you I saw that day.”

  The fake version. The one that was pretending.

  Except I wasn’t pretending that day.

  Janie was.

  “You ready for your new school year?” Porter sat back on my couch and propped his legs on my coffee table. We’d just eaten our weight in pizza and were both nursing our second beers. Porter had a night off, and I was too tired to cook, so it worked out.

  We hadn’t seen each other much over the last month or so. Porter was so busy at work even texts or phone calls were few and far between. I swore I didn’t know how the man did it. It exhausted me just listening to his schedule and all the crazy procedures, surgeries, and research he did.

  My brother amazed me.

  “As ready as I’m getting,” I said. “Open House is tomorrow.”

  He furrowed his brow. “That’s when you meet the kids and parents, right?”

  “Yeah. Mainly freshman parents because the other kids already know where their classes are and stuff. So unless they are a transfer from another school, it’s usually just freshmen. How’s work been for you? Any new girls on the horizon trying to snag the Doctor Porter Kingsley?”

  Porter lay his head back on the couch and sighed. “I’m so exhausted I could sleep for a week. Job securi
ty, I guess, but shit has it been ridiculously busy at the hospital. We’re in the process of hiring two more neuros so I can hopefully take a day or two off sometime.”

  “Must be nice to be in such demand,” I said, teasing.

  “Oh, yeah. It’s nice to get thirty minutes of sleep in three days.”

  “So I guess that doesn’t leave much time for you to tame the beast, then, huh?” I punched his arm playfully.

  “You just want to live vicariously through me, that’s all,” Porter answered back, winking at me. “And despite getting no sleep, I make time to ‘tame the beast,’ as you call it.”

  I lifted an eyebrow at him. The man seriously had issues. “Seriously? You would rather have sex than sleep?”

  Porter leaned over and put the bottle on the table in front of him. “If you would rather sleep than have sex, you’re having sex with the wrong women.”

  Janie lying on the counter, her body bare to me as I used my mouth to take her over the edge popped into my head. The feeling of her wrapped around me, warm, wet, and so responsive…

  “Oh, shit,” Porter said. “Now my baby bro is thinkin’ about sex. Who you had recently that’s got that expression on your face?”

  “No one.” Not since her. The thought of even going that route with Trinity made my stomach churn.

  He sighed. “I want that look on my face, but the one I think would put it there won’t call me and take me up on my very generous offer.”

  I scoffed. “Are you telling me there’s a woman out there who can turn down the Doctor Kingsley charm? I must meet this woman.”

  Porter turned to face me, and my laughter died on my lips. He didn’t have to say a word because I read his mind like it was my own.

  “You fucking saw her.” My gut clenched and swirled, hot anger mixing with sick regret. Of course he saw Janie. That’s just how my life went. He probably hired her and then he fucked her. I couldn’t compare notes with my brother about her. Not this time. We weren’t teenagers anymore, and I couldn’t bear to listen to the way she said his name or the things she did to make him come.

  Dammit, I was stupid. I should’ve gone after her. I should’ve done anything to find her…

  When Porter didn’t answer, I put my bottle on the table as well and shifted my body so I stared directly at him. “Did you fuck her?”

  He flattened his lips into a line and considered me. “No.”

  I steeled my reaction so he didn’t see how much it relieved me. “But you saw her. Did you hire her for a date?”

  He shook his head. “No. Her car broke down, and I stopped. I didn’t even know it was her.”

  Now, wasn’t that just the kind of luck my brother had. “How long ago was this?”

  He rubbed the scruff on his jaw, the kind that matched mine identically. “A few weeks ago, I think. It’s hard to remember because I feel like it’s been a year now, I’ve been working so much.”

  “So you haven’t seen her since then?”

  He glanced away before answering. “I saw her once after her car broke down. I called her and convinced her to have dinner. She came over and then left shortly after we ate. Since then, it’s been radio silence. You know me, man. I’m not the kind to chase after a woman.”

  She left. Sounded familiar. I fought the urge to stand up and whoop. So she didn’t want me, but she didn't want him, either. I simultaneously wanted all the details and yet didn’t want him to utter her name.

  “She’s okay?”

  “Yeah, fine.”

  “Are you interested in her?” I goaded him, but I had to know the truth.

  He shook his head. “Not like you may think. I want her, like what red-blooded male wouldn’t, but it wouldn’t be serious. I’m not in this for a relationship. I think—and you know, so don’t rub it in my face—that she would be a fantastic lay, but that’s all I want. I guess she wasn’t interested.” He shrugged. “Though if one of us could get her to agree, we could have one epic night together.” He wagged his eyebrows at me. “She’s slept with you before. Maybe you need to be the one to convince her she can handle us both.”

  Over my dead fucking body will I share her with you. I loved my brother. He was my other half. But Janie was mine. Even if I never got to see her again, he couldn’t have her. Mainly because he would use her and throw her away like he did to every woman since Amelia, and she was worth way more than that.

  “I’m not into that anymore, Port.” I never was, you just were always the one who ruled the roost, and I did whatever you wanted. “We’re not teenagers.”

  “That’s right, man. We’re better. More experienced.”

  I couldn’t listen to this for one more second. I stood and walked into the kitchen. I leaned over and gripped the counter, frustration turning into boiling rage. At my brother. How dare he be bold, brass-balls Porter Kingsley? He got everything he wanted, and some of the things I wanted. It fell right into his damn lap. Meanwhile, everything I wanted or wished for went by the wayside.

  Now he set his sights on Janie.

  I knew I had no claim on her. Just because I’d slept with her didn’t mean a damn thing.

  But he propositioned her for sex, and she said no.

  Well, she said nothing and didn’t call him.

  That had to mean something.

  I grabbed another slice of pizza, even though I was full. I needed a reason to stay in here for a few more minutes. I took two more beers out of the fridge and walked back into the family room. Porter glanced over at me and smiled, the normal carefree-Porter expression on his face. He never had any reason to stress over women because he never put himself on the line for anyone.

  I wished for the millionth time I could be that way, or that I could help him understand how his nonchalant attitude about it bothered me. Suddenly, I knew that for the first time, I had to stand up for myself and for what I wanted. I had to tell him. For me. For what happened our entire lives. For the cavalier way he talked about her like she was nothing more than a conquest. Because I knew that was exactly what he thought of her, and I didn’t want him to continue thinking my feelings mirrored his.

  I tried to force my anger down and be rational as I settled next to him on the couch. It was my own fault Porter acted this inconsiderate with me, but it was time for me to stand up for what I wanted. Even if Janie never wanted to see me again, I had to do this.

  I took a deep breath and forced myself to speak before I lost my nerve. “We need to talk.”

  Port lifted his eyebrows at me. “About?”

  “Janie. I didn’t tell you the truth, and I need to be real with you right now.”

  Porter peeled the label on his bottle and waited without saying a word.

  “I don’t want you to sleep with her. I don’t like the way you talk about her like she’s nothing more a notch you want on your bedpost. I’m glad you were there to help her, but if you don’t want something more with her, I want you to back off.”

  Porter sat up and his mouth dropped open. “What are you saying, Breck?”

  “I’m saying I know I only had one night with her, and I haven’t seen her since, but I want something more with her. And even if that never happens, I want you to stop pursuing her. Please.”

  Porter whistled. “She has you all knotted up, baby bro. Shit, I had no idea. I thought you were just having fun.”

  “I thought so too, Port. But I can’t stop thinking about her, and not just because we had sex. Ever since the first time I saw her, I knew there was something about her. It was why I paid all that money to take her to the beach party. It was why I wanted her to spend the night with me. It’s also why I’ve thought of her every single day since then, wishing I could see her again. I know it isn’t rational, but it’s there nonetheless.”

  Porter studied me silently for a few moments before nodding. “I’m not sure she’s that kind of girl, Breck. I mean, I hate to see you get all tied up over this chick and her not want what you do. I honestly had no idea how you fel
t about her. I don’t want to see you hurt, though, man. Be careful. I’m not sure she’s the kind who wants forever, if you know what I mean. She’s young and does escort for a living.”

  Hot anger coursed through my veins at his words. “I know all this, Porter. But it doesn’t change anything. Nothing may come of it, and I get that. I just want you to not pursue her. Can you do that?”

  He held up his hands. “I get it. I hear you. Do you want my help in contacting her?”

  “No. I need to do this myself, Port. I hope you understand.”

  Porter shrugged. “Not really, but whatever you say, bro. You let me know if you change your mind.” He settled back on the couch and flipped the sound back on the television, the conversation officially over.

  I’d done it. I stood up to him and told him what I wanted for the first time in my life. Now I had to man up and do something about Janie.

  Porter’s phone buzzed and he lifted it up, checked it briefly, and then put it back on the table.

  A thought came to me.

  Porter had her number in his phone.

  I didn’t want his help, but I would take her number from his phone. If for no other reason than to just talk to her one more time, to put these thoughts about her out of my head once and for all. I had no idea if she would ever want to hear from me again, but I had to try.

  I watched Porter out of the corner of my eye. I envied him sometimes, the way he could switch gears so easily. I just told him not to go after Janie, and he accepted it and moved on like nothing happened. I should have done that years ago. I wanted to believe he would listen to me and take my feelings into consideration, but I also knew how captivating Janie was. If she came to him, I wasn’t sure he would have it in him to say no.

  I knew from experience that three or more beers coupled with little sleep for Port meant passing out soon. I had to wait for that to happen so I could get her phone number from his phone.

  It happened about an hour later as we watched a preseason football game on ESPN. Porter passed out, his mouth open and his hands folded. His phone sat on the table in front of him, and I snatched it and walked to the kitchen with it. If he woke up I would tell him he left it in there all along. He was too tired to remember.